Egress

by Grey Vicar

Chapter 15 - Alone Yet Not

Is this what we've become?

Snow fell outside. Inside the cave, it was bone-chillingly cold. It was as warm as the mountain could be. Snow blanketed the stone outside, an eye-searing white as peaceful as cotton.

Formless and mindless, tucked away and forgotten.

There was no joy, no courage, no desire. Only the snow. Twilight stirred in her cloak, trying to ignore the voices. Coffee. She needed coffee. So, so tired…

How has it come to this?

The light of day shone dully against the snow. Clouds covered the sky. Grey. Lifeless. The glorious sun was nowhere to be seen. The snow had chased it away, brought back the frost and the clawing ice that ate away at her mind. Her hooves trailed ditches in the snow behind her. The cold bit at her through her tattered cloak. Her mane hung heavy with ice. Snow. Snow. Snow. Nothing but snow. And the voices.

You keep us prisoner here, but we are not the ones who are imprisoned.

Darkness below her. The mountain cut abruptly into a sheer-faced cliff plunging far below the fog. She swayed on her hooves. Snowflakes fell gracefully down the abyss, carried on the wind.

Twilight.

The wind whispered around her. She took a step, and fell into the darkness.

We love you.

Twilight jerked upright and gasped. A cave. Cold. The snow outside. She held her head between her hooves and groaned. Had she dozed off? She remembered a cliff and… voices? Everything was blurry. She gathered her things and set her sights outside. The peak was barely visible through the fog. Just a little more and she would be there. Light was shining through. Day. She blinked, her limbs heavy with fatigue. Stars but she needed coffee. The fog came thickly about her, obscuring the way. She knew where she needed to go.

Her hooves trailed ditches in the snow behind her. Bodies made uneven piles against the walls of the mountain trail. Did she know them? She tried making the sun blaze harder, raising it higher so it could burn through the fog, but she wasn’t strong enough.

She never had been. And thus the fog remained.

The blaze that had burned inside her was long gone. In its place, she could only feel the cold presence of the diary inside her saddlebag, and the snow, everywhere around her, pressing against her. The warm hatred that had kept her moving had been replaced by an icy pit in her stomach, like the moment when you realize you broke a priceless vase, or a long-held trust. She had been able to make herself believe she had been going toward her goal with a self-righteous step, a knowledge that her anger had been justified.

Now, fear had strangled that self-righteousness. The snow had come to claim her, and she was walking towards her last blizzard.

“Noble Duty, I need you,” she whispered. “What do I do?”

Her plea went unanswered. She could only stare ahead. A forested path and a long staircase cut into the mountain and leading upward, and above, a large stone structure sitting on the very top of the mountain.

It was time to go.

She could only stare ahead. A forested path and a long staircase cut into the mountain and leading upward, and above, a large stone structure sitting on the very top of the mountain.

Darkness below her. A staircase and a forest. A path.

It was time to go.

She stepped forward. Snow crunched beneath her hooves. Trees around her. A forested path. Ahead, a long staircase cut into the mountain and leading upward, and above…

Above…

It was time to go.

Below her, darkness. Inky. Thick. Everywhere. It seeped through the stone. It dug through her skin. When she breathed, the air was thick with it.

It was time to go.

Faces in the murk. Smiling. Why did they look at her with smiles? It wasn’t right. It wasn’t right. They weren’t there. They couldn’t smile. They couldn’t smile but why were they looking at her smiling? Why?

The diary was ice against her heart. Why did they smile? How dared they? Why were they here? She had banished them, buried them, crushed their memory so she didn’t have to suffer. Why? Why?

Twilight, please don’t go.

It was time to go.

We love you.

Lies.

We love you.

LIES.

Twilight, we love you.

She wanted to hate them. Where was her hate? Why was she so cold?

Fog. The stairs. The darkness pressing in.

It was time to go.

A snowstorm and a path and forests and lakes and suns and moons. The sun rose, the moon rose, the world turned, and Equestria turned and everything was right.

A scared filly, crying and lost. Twilight took a deep breath and didn't look at her. A filly tall as a mountain. A filly strong as the stones. A filly brittle as clay. A filly weeping her loss, surrounded by swirling fog.

Above…

Above…

Twilight…

Blazing and searing and blazing and searing and blazing and searing and gold and white and gold and white and gold and white and gold andwhiteandgoldandwhiteandgoldanddontlookdontlookdontlook

I love you.

It was time to go.