A Scratch for Tavi

by WhirringGears

Chapter One

Vinyl scratch sneezed onto her hoof, sticking out her tongue in slight disgust at its new...coating. Octavia came up behind her and draped her in a blue linen blanket and adjusting her ice cap. “You need to stop all this drinking, Vinyl! It’s draining you of your bits AND your health! Just look at you…I’m actually beginning to get worried.” The gray mare rolled her magenta eyes. “You’ve got a little something on your hoof, Vinyl.”

The white-coated DJ smirked despite her bad health. Speaking in a weak voice, obviously congested, she attempts to brighten Octavia’s face. “Yeah. I’m gonna stop drinking, and then I’m gonna get down on my knees and bow to her good ladyship. You go to your band practice, I’m FINE, Octy. I won’t drink until I start feelin’ better. Pon-3 promise. Cross my wubs, hope to fly, stick a muffin in my eye. Now go!” She managed to get down from the chair on all fours, groaning in protest.

Octavia raised an eyebrow in annoyance. “Vinyl, you’re sick. It’s one practice with my ensemble. I can afford to miss it. You’d spend a day helping me if I were-“

Vinyl opened her mouth to laugh, instead losing her breakfast she had been eating. “Uhh…prollehnohtav…” She staggered over to a couch the same color as Vinyl Scratch’s trademark glasses, a midnight purple color. Vinyl lied down on the couch, groaning.

Octavia couldn’t believe two things. One, she was just told by the very pony she constantly risked her career as a professional cellist for say if Octavia was sick, she would leave her there alone. Two, she had ANOTHER puddle of Vinyl sick to clean up. “Selfish…ungrateful…ugh!” Octavia trotted away, her voluptuous gray tail hanging limp as it always did when she felt miserable.

Why, in the name of Celestia, do I give a damn about Vinyl?! All she does is make fun of ponies, especially me, and blasts music that only CREATURES like her could POSSIBLY enjoy! Octavia rubbed her eyes, realizing they were full of tears. Vinyl was supposed to be Octavia’s friend…if she weren’t, on top of paying half the rent and doing the dishes, Vinyl Scratch would not be living in the same apartment as the refined ash-colored cellist.

Octavia pulled open the broom closet, looking around inside. It was dark, making it incredibly difficult for the young mare to see inside. After a few moments of looking around, she noticed the end of a mop handle sticking out behind an assortment of old amps belonging to Vinyl. The mare hopped up onto a tall bucket, then balanced on an amp that was almost smaller than her back hoof. Pushing a few others to the side, she managed to pull free the mop. Sighing, she adjusted the pink bow on her neck before trotting back into the kitchen. Of all ponies to become roommates with, she let in a drunken DJ…

When Octavia walked through the door, Vinyl was out cold on the couch. Octavia simply rolled her eyes and went to clean up her roommate’s mess. After a few moments of disgusting work, she wiped her brow. “Vinyl, I swear I’m going to kill you…” Octavia threw the mop into the sink behind her before going to take a shower.

* * *

Vinyl awoke with a start. “Huh? Octy? Guess she went to her band practice after all. Sweet…” Her hangover was nearly gone, and she was ready to head out and party again. She rolled off the couch onto her feet. As soon as she stood, her nausea returned and she was nearly forced to the ground. She managed to regain her footing. “Now, where’s that phone…maybe Berry Punch wants to go clubbing.”

Vinyl walked as slow as she could without getting bored with herself. After about 5 minutes of walking, she fell flat on her face, her tinted purple shades getting knocked off her nose. Lying there in pain for a few moments, she searched for her shades with one alabaster hoof blindly. Finally finding them, she slid them on. She groaned, now clutching her temples in agony. “Go away…go…away…” She rocked there for what seemed like forever.

Not too long after Vinyl had curled up in a ball, the buzzing noise in her head she had associated with her terrible hangover ended very abruptly, though not giving the renowned DJ any respite from her pain. Only when Octavia came into the room did she pry one eye open. “Oh sonova…”

Octavia’s charcoal mane hung over her shoulders, weighed down from the water that dripped down her coat and mane. “Oh, um…Vinyl…you’re awake.” The cellist’s amethyst eyes looked around the room for her pink bowtie. She hated being seen without it, especially after showering. Allowing the DJ to see her this way was even worse…Ponies didn’t wear clothes most of the time, but she HAD just gotten out of the shower…

The DJ was curled in her little ball still, having only noticed Octavia was there and not at her band-on somble or whatever she had called it. Oh Celestia, make it end… She felt extreme cold on her head very suddenly, and her aching head was soothed. The last thing she saw before fainting from exhaustion and pain was a streak of amethyst.

* * *

Octavia couldn’t help but smile at the unconscious DJ. Octavia had never experienced a hangover before, but she knew from the few weeks she had spent with Vinyl that they were awful. "Ha, that’s an understatement…" She thought to herself. As soon as the fresh ice pack touched the alabaster mare, she drifted off. It must have been truly painful to knock Vinyl out. "On second thought…maybe she should drink more often." The ash colored mare thought evilly to herself.

Celestia knew she was constantly forming different opinions about her strange roommate. Only this morning after Vinyl’s first…release…she had wanted to—well, being the refined mare she was, she would not allow such evil thoughts to cross her mind again. Now, she felt well enough about Vinyl Scratch to joke about the mare and her habits. "I’m so cruel," she mused.

Comments

[WhirringGears]

This is my first fic. PLEASE give me any advice you have, and if you see something that you don't like, by all means say so. I've always liked these two together so I thought I'd take a swing at it. If the majority of the votes on this story are downvotes, I'll leave it up but won't make an attempt to finish it. Once again, all crit/compliments are welcome. Enjoy

[WhirringGears]

I forgot to mention earlier, I just wrote as I thought. I didn't proofread this. Hell, I don't know where my mind was. It may or may not be confusing to read.

[Lordmomo1919]

I shall watch were this goes

[overlord-flinx]

Let's see what you got.

[Xaidon]

Story so far is good cant wait to read the rest.

[QuickFix]

Seems well done so far, can't wait for the next chapter!

[MetBoy]

You want advice? Okay, I'll GIVE you some advice!

The story description looks good, and I like that you put your author comments in a comment on the chapter: protip: you can edit a comment to add a post script.
Mechanically, the writing is sound. Consistent tenses, stuff is spelled properly, yeah it could use a proofread, but I didn't notice anything glaring.
As for the story structure, this chapter really isn't what I'd call a 'prologue'. A prologue is a bunch of stuff that happens some time before the plot really kicks off. This chapter, on the other hand, is right in the middle of the narrative action.
A true prologue is basically either an optional chapter at the start, or something that keeps the reader from getting to the action. If I were you, I'd not claim to have any prologue, just call this one of the regular chapters.
But about that action... and which chapter this is...
While the rule of thumb is to start the story as close to the narrative action as possible, in this case it feels like you've started at the middle of the story, not at the beginning. You may want to show how Vinyl got kicked out of her apartment, how she convinced Octavia to let her move in, etc, either in a chapter before this one, or in the next one. Don't just tell us that Octavia is Vinyl's friend (even if she's questioning that friendship) but SHOW us that she's the sort of friend that will help you climb your way out of the hole you made yourself.

[Violet CLM]

"Will they stay friends?"
Yes.

"Will living together tear them apart, or bring them closer together than ever before?"
Possibly both, but mostly the latter.

"Could it possibly spark something within them that even they didn't know about?"
Yes.

Come on, this kind of description is so trite and overdone.

[The Lone Shadow]

An Octascratch fic? This I'll keep an eye on.

[WhirringGears]

1228897 THANK YOU!! I may be editing this chapter in the future, and knowing these things you have said will really speed up the process. It took several hours just to think up what kind of fic I'd write, and as I said, this story was written as it was thought up. Anyway, this is what I need from you readers! I will try to get out the 2nd chapter as soon as possible and try my very best to avoid the errors I made in this chapter

[Caffeinated Brony]

Definitely going to see where this one goes. In terms of critique, MetBoy summarises it very succinctly, and says pretty much everything I was thinking. The opening does feel a bit abrupt, I'm guessing in subsequent chapters you'll explain how Vinyl and Octy have become roommates, and where the relationship between the two of them stands at the moment. Good work anyway - as a huge OctaScratch fan, I'll be keeping an eye on this one

[MetBoy]

1231059
The only big change I'd make to this chapter (right now) would be renaming it to "Chapter 2" (Or 3, or 4, depending on how many chapters you want to use to describe Vinyl getting kicked out, and moving in with Octavia) (Minor changes would be 'proofreading' stuff)

What the STORY needs... is more chapters. You show promise, keep it up!

[WhirringGears]

1235805 You had better believe I will...I definitely see that this began far too abruptly, but since I'm still working out how the site mechanics work I'll add it in later in a way other than making this a 2nd/3rd chapter

[Thinkerten]

This is pretty good, because everyone can relate to it, you all know you have that one friend who you wish would die, but you'll still do anything to help them out. Good job representing that aspect.

[WhirringGears]

1244806 Thanks

[WhirringGears]

I am mad at myself. Until now, my computer's refused to turn on. I will have the 2nd (Maybe 3rd?) out by Wednesday!!!