From me to you

by principessaluna

a new start

Luna walked through the halls of Canterlot castle. She was done with the night court. The princess of the night stopped at a window and looked outside.

It was a beautiful dark blue, nearly black sky with tons of stars in it. Luna wanted to add some stars tonight. She‘s been feeling rather down, so she thought stars might brighten up her mood a bit. The moon was shining brighter than ever. It was full moon recently, so the moon will be gone soon.

Luna sighed, despite the fact that she didn‘t want to do it anymore. After a while she moved on too her chambers. She had another few minutes left until her break was over, before she had to go to the dream realm.

The blue pony walked past Celestia's room and peaked in. There was a white alicorn, who was snoring like a champion, sleeping on her bed. Luna smiled and blew out the candle with magic. Celestia must have forgotten to blew it out.

The younger alicorn closed the door and walked to her room. As she arrived in her room, she grabbed with her magic, a feather, some ink, and a piece of paper and lay down on the floor.

Luna stared at the paper for a bit. Like it has already words written on there, all the words she ever wanted to say. But in reality, it's just blank, no words written, no ink drops on it.

The night princess took a deep breath, dipped the feather into the ink, and started writing...

From me to you.

I have no idea who will read this, so I will call you, you. This makes sense, right? I sure hope it does.

I have no one to really talk to, so I'm writing this letter instead. I hope you're okay with me, sharing my thoughts with you. You seem to be the only who listens to me, who cares about me, who doesn't leave.

Lately, everything's been so hard, and I feel lonely. I always find myself alone, in my room, with my thoughts. Celestia has been quite… busy. One day she is in Canterlot, the other day there is something wrong in another city and she'll be gone for days, which leaves me all alone. Day court is cancelled when she's gone. Her reasoning is... I don't know how to express it

"You already have enough on your plate little sister. With the dream realm and night court. The day court will be cancelled as I do not want that you over work yourself."

To me, it sounded more like "You're not capable of running the day court.", thanks for that one, sis.

She always tells me, she's there for me. You know, like any good sister would say. But whenever I want to talk to her, she pushes me away. She'd tell me, later, not right now. A few weeks ago I was having a terrible day, I just wanted to vent... but she ended up saying: "Not right now Luna. I cannot deal with you right now."

Ever since then, I've been spiralling all the way down. I guess you understand that, why I feel like this?

I've been having... bad thoughts lately, like I haven't in a while. To be exact, ever since I turned into my normal self, princess Luna. It feels like I slipped back.. into my old habits. Overthinking every little thing I do, wondering if ponies actually love me... care about me.

When I turned back to normal Luna, I used to self-harm for a while, until Celestia caught me one night. I do not want to go into detail with this one, though after that I stopped. Ever since then I've been clean. I lost track how long it already has been, it seems like forever. But with feeling tense all the time, I do miss it, a bit. Not the regret I get from doing... but the 10 seconds between after doing it and before the regret hits in... It probably doesn't make much sense to you, does it? But I won't do it, because I am stronger than that.

Oh, to be able to feel something else than... that. Sometimes I ask myself if this is all my fault that...

A tear dropped onto the paper and smudged the ink. Luna didn't notice that she was crying while writing the letter. She put the feather away and went on her balcony to take some air.

She watched the stars move. It's one of the things she liked to do. Watch and observe how things, ponies... anything moved. After a while she went back in and started to write again...

I got kind of distracted, didn't I? I didn't notice I was... tearing up. It's kind of a relief, you know? I haven't really talked to anyone about it, let alone tried to understand why I feel like this.

Where was I? Everything is smudged, so I can't read it anymore. Maybe it'll come to my mind again. I recently got an invitation to a sleep over at Twilight's castle. I declined with kind regards.

You probably ask why I did that. I wasn't feeling too well, I didn't want to socialise. I don't trust myself enough to be around other ponies. I mean, why would they want to spend time with me? Twilight has sent me another letter, telling me about her friend... Sunset Shimmer, I think? If I remember clearly, she used to be the student before Celestia.

She struggles with making friends too. At least that's what Twilight mentioned in her letter. She also added that Sunset has made friends, had sleep overs and that she is doing much better now. Sometimes I wish I could talk to Sunset; she'd probably understand me. What do you think?

But then again, I didn't attend for multiply other reasons, the list is endless.. but like..

Look at me. I am weird, I have scars all over my body. I behave different, I talk too fast, too slow.. I'm everything that Celestia isn't. Celestia is everything I wish to be. I mean things have gotten better between us, I think. I'm not as much as in her shadow anymore as I used to be. Sometimes it feels like I still am.

Re-reading all of this makes me realise how messy this is. Nothing is really in order; I jump to one thought to another. You, I hope you're okay with that. I am sorry, I cannot keep my thoughts in order, in a straight line. They are all over the place and pop up whenever they want to. I am all over the place.

My break is nearly over, and I need to get going. I really don't want to, I lack the strength to fight off nightmares. I don't want to. But if I don't, everyone will be disappointed in me. I don't want to disappoint Celestia... again.

Luna gave in, put the feather and ink back on the table, left the letter to dry on the floor. She got up, wiped her tears away and teleported herself to the dream realm.

As she walked through the dreams, it seemed like time would never pass. For her fortune, no one has had a nightmare, yet. The little alicorn hoped it would stay this way.

At some point she walked into her sister’s dream.

“Oh Discord, you’re such a tease!”, the white alicorn said.

“Why, thank you princess!”, Discord took a sip from his tea. Next to him was sitting Sombra… And between Sombra and her was Chrysalis.

Luna was not quite sure if this was a nightmare or if it’s just a normal dream. Though, she stood there for a bit, watched them talk and laugh. After a while she noticed how she’s tearing up again. About to leave to the next dream, all of them disappeared and Celestia stood in front of her little sister, Luna.

“Is everything alright Luna?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I guess.”, Luna mumbled.

Tia snuggled her nose. “You’ve been in this dream quite a while, what’s upsetting you?”, she asked.

“Nothing, I’ll see you at breakfast.”, and with that Luna disappeared back to the real realm. The only thing she heard before she left was another sigh from Celestia.

Blue magic appeared, and Luna was back on her comfortable bed. The clock rung and it was time for Celestia to get up and start the day.

Once again Luna got out on the balcony and lowered the moon, while she felt her sisters presence, rising the sun.

Luna went back inside, locked everything, and went back to writing…

Back I am. It has been an exhausting night; I am glad this is all finally over. For it all to be over. The pain, the thoughts, the feelings; everything.

I don’t think Celestia will ever understand. One day she cares, the other it’s like she’s glad if I go back to the moon. Today she is leaving again to… Manehatten I think? I do not remember; I didn’t pay attention. Which means I will be alone, again, as usual.

I regret a bit going into her dream. I mean it’s not my business, but it seemed like she enjoyed being with them… More than with me. I start to run out of words, my head seems so empty, while before it always seemed so full.

Is that normal, you? Is it normal to feel like this?

You’re not going to leave me, right? You’re not going to leave me behind like everyone else… I am afraid, I am afraid of being alone like I am right now. What if I will end up like that again because I am a burden to everyone?

I don’t have much time left before I have to say goodbye to my sister. I hope no one will ever find this poorly written letter. But these are my thoughts, and this is my only safe space I can let them out.

I wish I could have written more. But thank you for listening anyway, you. This is all still new to me, coping like this. And I know that all my thoughts are not really structured but I hope with practice, my thoughts will be more organised.

I need to get going. I will keep you updated I promise. Wherever you are you, know that I am always thinking of you, that I am always there.

with lots of love from a simple pony

your princess, Luna.

And so, princess Luna put all her things away, unlocked everything, and made her way to say goodbye to her sister.

Author's Note:

Heii, yes I am, as you all can see, still alive.
I haven't felt very inspired to continue on my other story (I will do not worry about that)
I haven't been feeling all too well so I decided to write a story where Luna expresses her feelings.
I will update this from time to time. I know it's not very long but as Luna said, it's all still new to her, so she still needs to structure her thoughts.
I hope you enjoyed it and feedback is always welcomed
xx
(Edited a bit due to some grammar correction, I need to stop writing while I am sleep deprived.)

Comments

[ExplosionMare]

I like this so far, but there a lot of grammar errors at the beginning that make the story a bit harder to understand.

[principessaluna]

10664131
Thank you!! <3

Ahh I‘ll go over it tomorrow and see what needs to be fixed. Thank you for pointing it out!

[ExplosionMare]

10664248
You’re welcome!

Good luck on that and the next chapter!