David Mason was rifleman in the trench's of the great war, after surviving three years of war he must learn to live in equestria while overcoming shellshock with a pony that has regrets to princess Luna.
You desperately need an editor, my dude. The story itself is solid, but the grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors make it so hard to read that it's not fun anymore.
(sorry for my horrible grammar and spelling) Holy crap this is a HUGE chapter! No wonder it took so long to post. When you took a month to post this I freaked out lol. It will make me happy if you make this story long as well :D. Makes me sad that some most great stories are incomplete. Hope I'm not pressuring you, anyways take all the time you need you did a great job making chapter aside from a few grammar mistakes.
Also I have a question, do you plan on making the next chapters as long as this?
Good work on the story so far, it really captures how hard it is for David to cope with what he went through during the Great War. The only issue that I have with the story is the punctuation, I understand that maybe you might be in a rush with the typing and that going back and revising is a hassle. Just don’t worry about the quantity, worry more about the quality in your work. I’m sure that everyone is willing to wait just a little longer for you to go over things. Anyways, just keep up the good work and I look forward to the upcoming chapters as well.
Hmm great chapter can't wait for David to beat up some changelings when he comes to the canterlot wedding. (punctuation man...... but I can deal with it)
10803491 Glad your liking it. Shellshock was always something interesting in war movies to me, some men would go mad, screaming, crying or freezing up, while other men could get through it until they stopped and had nothing to distract them. As for my punctuation I'm dyslexic so that's going to be an on going problem but I'm trying to spot the errors. My last chapter kept me up until half one in the morning as I wanted to get it out. haha
This is gorgeous. I'm loving this story. There's a few grammatical errors but they don't affect the story all that much.
You should be proud of yourself, this has got to be one of the sweetest stories I've read. I feel you've captured PTSD rather well and the first world war was bad, especially for those who returned home.
Really liking the story so far it’s wonderful well paced and some punctuation errors but small enough for my mind to auto correct into what it’s meant to be. Can’t wait to see more!
10854717 War horse is great, it goes from the start of the war and how people reacted too the end of the war, even shows both sides which is pretty rare. As for them being anthro ponies, I thought you would have notice when he was doing Luna's painting.
10855440 Sorry for freaking out like that, its just that I don't like anthro ponies since I like the original mlp but I think I can still continue this story since the story is very interesting. Also I might see war horse since most movies I saw don't show both sides of the war.
10857327 That's alright, glad your liking it enough to keep going. And I would recommend war horse as one of the best world war 1 movies out there, it also shows both sides pretty fairly and how animals were integral to the war at the start.
10857328 Think something like This So they are a little more human looking but not so much that you can't tell they are ponies. As for the no clothes stuff I'm going for them to use it like in the show, bad weather and events are their reasons for wearing them. But fur covers the private parts so no dirty stuff yet... WAIT I FOR GOT THE TRANSFORMATION.
Oh and I'm 6,000 words into the chapter and I'm about 1/3 done so this one is going to be a biggy.
10857537 Another good one too watch is blackadder goes forth. It's the only show to take one of the darkest moments in history and make it funny while being serious.
10870564 Yeah hopefully I don't crash it XD just got to the point where they are in Cantorlot, but I'm still coming up with new chapter ideas, don't want the characters to feel rushed.
10870615 Oooh I can't wait! I don't really mind about the grammar (since I suck at it myself) but some people can't take it... but it is always good to have a well written story. Also im playing battlefield one rn since im getting ww1 vibes
Good chapter can’t wait for the next one
You desperately need an editor, my dude. The story itself is solid, but the grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors make it so hard to read that it's not fun anymore.
You put Lesson instead of listened or a another word entirely, but either way will Luna be able to go through the door now?
10799065
I know I need an editor, I put up a post but no one replied. I'm glad you like the story so far for all my dyslexic mistakes.
10800095
she will at somepoint.
(sorry for my horrible grammar and spelling)
Holy crap this is a HUGE chapter! No wonder it took so long to post. When you took a month to post this I freaked out lol. It will make me happy if you make this story long as well :D. Makes me sad that some most great stories are incomplete. Hope I'm not pressuring you, anyways take all the time you need you did a great job making chapter aside from a few grammar mistakes.
Also I have a question, do you plan on making the next chapters as long as this?
10800495
glad you liked it, and yes the next chapter will be a long one. I know what you mean, their are so many good fanfics that just stop.
10801145
Alright thanks man
Good work on the story so far, it really captures how hard it is for David to cope with what he went through during the Great War. The only issue that I have with the story is the punctuation, I understand that maybe you might be in a rush with the typing and that going back and revising is a hassle. Just don’t worry about the quantity, worry more about the quality in your work. I’m sure that everyone is willing to wait just a little longer for you to go over things. Anyways, just keep up the good work and I look forward to the upcoming chapters as well.
Hmm great chapter can't wait for David to beat up some changelings when he comes to the canterlot wedding.
(punctuation man...... but I can deal with it)
10803491
Glad your liking it. Shellshock was always something interesting in war movies to me, some men would go mad, screaming, crying or freezing up, while other men could get through it until they stopped and had nothing to distract them. As for my punctuation I'm dyslexic so that's going to be an on going problem but I'm trying to spot the errors. My last chapter kept me up until half one in the morning as I wanted to get it out. haha
10804172
working on that, might need to rewatch that episode.
10804172
Yeah don't forget Chrysalis as well. Wonder what would happen to David once twilight goes ham saying that Cadence is evil.
This is gorgeous. I'm loving this story. There's a few grammatical errors but they don't affect the story all that much.
You should be proud of yourself, this has got to be one of the sweetest stories I've read. I feel you've captured PTSD rather well and the first world war was bad, especially for those who returned home.
Good work.
Really liking the story so far it’s wonderful well paced and some punctuation errors but small enough for my mind to auto correct into what it’s meant to be. Can’t wait to see more!
10815155
Thank you, I'm glad your liking it. More sweet bits to come for them especially later on.
Also your grammer is becoming better than it has been. Keep up the good work
10846132
That's good to hear. The next chapter might take a little longer than I wanted but it's going to be long.
10846535
Yup! Take all the time you need.
10846696
I'm going to do a few shorter chapters as well, so hopefully they won't take as long.
10848597
Hopefully... but remember to take all the time you can as you can. quality over quantity.
Also this story reminds be of Battlefield 1
10848682
That's good, the story in battlefrield was great. I'm taking a few hints from War Horse and They shall not grow old.
10850000
They shall not grow old is a GREAT example of ww1 since it shows the horror of the war other movies might not capture.
10853156
1917 is another great one, as well as war horse. They both show the war in different ways but both in great ways.
10854630
How could I forget about 1917? Man they showed that movie to my school. I have never seen war horse before though, must be good.
10854630
Wait hold up why does it say anthro???? I just noticed that..... I dont remember anything anthro here?
10854717
War horse is great, it goes from the start of the war and how people reacted too the end of the war, even shows both sides which is pretty rare. As for them being anthro ponies, I thought you would have notice when he was doing Luna's painting.
10855440
they.... are all anthro?
10855440
Sorry for freaking out like that, its just that I don't like anthro ponies since I like the original mlp but I think I can still continue this story since the story is very interesting. Also I might see war horse since most movies I saw don't show both sides of the war.
10855440
Also quick question, how "anthro" are these ponies? Since I noticed that they don't care about wearing clothes
10857327
That's alright, glad your liking it enough to keep going. And I would recommend war horse as one of the best world war 1 movies out there, it also shows both sides pretty fairly and how animals were integral to the war at the start.
10857328
Think something like This
So they are a little more human looking but not so much that you can't tell they are ponies. As for the no clothes stuff I'm going for them to use it like in the show, bad weather and events are their reasons for wearing them. But fur covers the private parts so no dirty stuff yet... WAIT I FOR GOT THE TRANSFORMATION.
Oh and I'm 6,000 words into the chapter and I'm about 1/3 done so this one is going to be a biggy.
10857445
Ill check it out sometime, seems like a good movie. Getting Lawrence of Arabia vibes here
10857467
Ok thank goodness they arent going around naked thanks for telling me
10857467
That's good keep going mate, sorry if this is getting repetitive but take your time :)
10857537
Another good one too watch is blackadder goes forth. It's the only show to take one of the darkest moments in history and make it funny while being serious.
10865268
You thinkibg of making anyone your editor? (I can't)
10870115
I put up a post in the editor group but no one replied.
10870138
Sad, such a good story, hope you will find an editor someday
10870184
Just downloaded Grammarly so hopefully, that will help.
10870428
Hopefully...
10870564
Yeah hopefully I don't crash it XD just got to the point where they are in Cantorlot, but I'm still coming up with new chapter ideas, don't want the characters to feel rushed.
10870615
Oooh I can't wait! I don't really mind about the grammar (since I suck at it myself) but some people can't take it... but it is always good to have a well written story. Also im playing battlefield one rn since im getting ww1 vibes
10904392
That will be mentioned at some point, along with the Somme 20,000 dead in a single day, 600,000 lives lost in total and only 6 miles won.
Excellent story keep up the good work
Update?