Anon-A-Miss, the famous mystable cyberbully has ruined Sunset's life, and is inspired by a friend to fight back.
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So "James" is Logan/Wolverine in here?
10592709
No It's the son of wolverine James Hudson.
I'm referring to him as James Howlett for now and this sort of takes place after the events of an AU LOGAN(2017).
Except the Son Of Wolverine (James Hudson) is transported somehow(Space Stone) to the human Equestria in 2013.
It’s not my cup of tea to ship Sunset with a non equestrian character, despite that you have something here but it’s a bit rushed and the description made it sound like she meets James and they soon become friends. There’s no built up to their friendship as James starts out already knowing Sunset but also her mom.
10593820
I have to agree with Eternal Sunset here, I like the concept of the story, but it needs more build-up, and could do with more descriptions than using dialogue. Show us how the characters feel/what the characters are doing through their body language. It would be nice to see some background history on how James and Sunset become friends, and like Eternal Sunset also said, with Sunset’s mom
If you struggle with writing descriptions, there are a good few sources on google that would be able to help you, and YouTube is also great for advice/tips too. If you need help with grammar, try Grammarly. I use that, and it helps a bunch. Also, another tip, make sure you proofread your work, or have someone do it for you. Some punction/spelling errors were out of place
10683901
I always do proofread before publishing. And if you mean by my punctuation/spelling was out of place, James has a more southern tone/accent for a voice, so my spelling when he is speaking in the story is southern to show that southern side in him. I.e the spelling is meant to show that.
I know by me writing James in a southern way with certain spelling for certain words is stereotypical but it's meant in a way to help understand his nature.
He fought in a war, and is still traumatized heavily by it. However, he is fighting his inner animal and the trauma constantly. But like his father, never tells anyone the pain he feels, the fear, the anger, the guilt. He hides certain emotions to try and display a tough act. Deep inside himself he is suffering and secretly wants to die, but by being Sunset's friend(at this stage) is a sort of emotional therapy for him as he saw people he considered friends and brothers die in the war he fought in.
He's trying to stay tough and fearless so that Sunset can stay tough and fearless as she should be. He doesn't want her worrying about him or showing him any affection because he doesn't want nor like being shown affection or care as he feels he doesn't deserve it.
Because he had to kill people in the war, he thinks deep down he's a monster, a murderer. He's burdened by it, and doesn't want anyone to think of him in a bad way otherwise he'd practically go insane and try to kill himself which would backfire and only erase his memories. He still has the Adamantine bullet(which he'll use for another reason down the line) so if they figured out or were told what he did he'd try to kill himself with the bullet. He'd become like Logan was at the end of X Men Origins: Wolverine.
He doesn't want to show fear or anger all the time, nor sadness as he doesn't want to feel weak because to him feeling those emotions will make him a coward and a failed soldier.
In my take of his childhood, he had a good life up until 2029, his adoptive parents, Heather and James Hudson Senior, his adoptive parents were killed in a housefire. In that traumatic event, his mutations activated for the first time. Transigen had sneakily somehow found him and used this method to plant all the acts on one of his neighbors to try and make James Hudson Jr angry. Which they did.
He became enraged at the neighbor which caused his claws to be his first mutations to show through. He stabbed his neighbor in the chest and hard, killing him in seconds. That was the animal rage acting out for the first time in his life.
After coming to his senses, everyone had noticed and ran off in fear and disgust at what he was. Feeling alone he became more angry and upset, Transigen managed to kidnap him, and whilst being kept hidden from the world by the said company, they tortured him to create X-24, by combining Logan's, Laura's and his DNA to create the ruthless monster.
Transigen managed to coat his skeleton in pure Adamantine so that the rusting wouldn't take as long as it would with the defective version, Adamantium. Adamantine in this way was flexible and could grow with the bones, once he was at his full genetic/natural height, the metal would thoroughly harden and become indestructible. In order to stop it rusting they placed Nano-Healing Particles inside his body to coat his skeleton in order to stop it rusting and killing him. Allowing them to preserve his body and keep it immortal so they could make him suffer.
Due to having the metal coating his skeleton and claws, he was internally indestructible, as he had thicker bones on his skeleton, requiring more Adamantine.
Due to the metal upgrade he managed to overpower the guards and escaped the building. Somehow the space stone transported him to the Equestria Girls universe before the fall formal so Sunset was a bully at this time.
His body was altered and aged to eighteen, his bones lengthened and his body heightened to that exact height for his new age. His voice also sounded different due to said reason.
the CCPD found him and he was recruited by them, he managed to get a job in the world, made a bank account, and got a place to live. He befriends Sunset after the fall formal and they stay friends up until Anon A Miss starts where their friendship blooms into a relationship. Hence my story starting out as two chapters and a half as their friendship, and the last part of the third chapter as the start of their relationship.
Full stop is out of place after ‘everything’.
Full stop out of place here too after ‘idea’. ‘I’ should always be a capitalism, not ‘i’.
This could be slightly worded better. Have you ever tried to read your work out loud? If you do that, and you need to take a breath before you continue again, that's where a full stop should be.