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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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And then Twi was thrown into the loony bin. I wonder what she's planning to do to/with the nurse. Is it silly if I hope they're just going to a bar together?
2098538 Haha. Hasn't she been in a loony bin already?
2098736 Sure but has she actually been thrown into it??
2098769 Oh, just wait. Juuuuuust wait...
After reading all available chapters of both your stories I feel inclined to write a small review. So, bear with me for a moment
While "Twifly" was just an 'everyday average crossover' in my book, I find its second instalment a rather big improvement over the first story, both in character development and plot wise. Perhaps it's because I simply prefer stories that can surprise me... and in "Twifly's" case I have known what was going to happen from the very start. Despite seeing "The Fly" a long time ago I still remember the more memorable scenes.
Throughout the two stores I have noticed many small grammatical mistakes and some weird word choices sometimes, but thankfully they are not enough to prevent me from understanding anything.
In the sequel you are focusing on the relations between Twilight and the other Elements of Harmony after the incident that happened six months before. Twilight's unexpected resurrection coupled with the psychological trauma that her friends had to go through causes a real turmoil among the former friends. Their reactions are understandable and believable after such a horrendous event, but even Twilight didn't return unscathed from the brief visit to the afterworld and needs some consolation too - seriously, that dream scene was really gruesome, the guys from Tartarus are some cruel dicks to do that to some poor mare whose only mistake was to experiment on herself.
All in all, I like the new direction the story is going; or is it perhaps the same nightmare all over again
I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
I said this before, but I do hope that at some point soon in the story Twilight will realize that she has gone through these changes before, and will at least try to solve things differently from last time (whether her intentions are for better... or worse... ). You would think a pony like her would pick something like that up eventually, especially if she's been through it before.
Also, that new image is fucking win.
2107385 "Twifly" was my first fanfic, and I agree "Twifly II" is superior to its predecessor. I lacked confidence when writing the first one, and I think that was my biggest problem. I didn't trust myself enough to write the other elements, save Twilight. As the story progressed, though, I gradually became more comfortable with writing in general. It sort of became a "I'm allowed to do this? Well, ok then!" type thing. My priorities were a bit backwards when I started it as well, and it wasn't until talking with my pre-reader that I really began to relax and let the story flow. I'm not unhappy with "Twifly" though, because even though its shorter, I think it reflects Twilight's attitude and hubris. Before she even knows what's happening, it's too late, essentially.
As far as typos go, I'm not really concerned about them too much. Not that I don't use spell check, or give my chapters a once over, I do. I still go through and find small mistakes here and there, but what fic doesn't have a few of those here and there? With words, I know that one of my weaknesses is that I have a tendency to repeat myself a lot, so I started really using the thesaurus function to try to change things up. I also never wrote like this before. I don't even read fiction (Other than fanfics, if I pick up a book, its always non-fiction, usually something historical.) I still don't think of myself as a writer. I just had an idea, one that I hadn't really seen being done, and I decided to jump in with both feet. "The Fly" was that one movie I saw when I was very young, and it stayed with me. It was on one night, and I started thinking about how much Dr. Seth Brundle is like Twilight Sparkle. The rest is history.
In this one, I wanted to be more cerebral with it. I'm kind of looking at the first one as a small 2-4 episode block, and this one being a season arc, if we were talking about it in terms of the show. Thanks for the good feedback though, I'm glad you like it, and I hope to continue to meet your expectations!
2107412 Haha, yeah, I saw that image on one of EDQ's Drawfriends, and I knew I needed to e-mail the artist and see if I could get permission to use it for this story. I think it's perfect.
Don't worry about Twilight not realizing what's going on just yet. It's coming very soon at this point. Also, its not as much a matter of intelligence as it is psyche, because you're right, Twilight Sparkle is way too intelligent of a character to not realize what's happening. However, a broken mind has trouble seeing the obvious, and that is what I was going for. Don't worry though, it'll hit her and when it does, things are gonna change.
2098538
She probably wants to ask her what the hell is going on, since she is still in a relatively sane state of mind considering her condition. Keep in mind though, that her sanity is constantly slipping. So in the end, that may not be the only thing that ends up happening...