flight camp
writers note=i am a amateur story writer and i have only writen one story and people at my school said it was great to i am trying this out and i hope you like it.also i have some AMAZING ideas for this story i might make cupcakes and my little dashie connect to this story. and i think it will be awesome.
It was a normal day in flight camp. The group allready did warmups and now they wer going for a short fly to get ready for the day. Evening(the name of my oc) was I little slower then everyone else in the group flying. a mare that was in the front of the group noticed I was going a little slow and she for whatever reason.decided to slow down and join me. Evening was confused why would this beautiful mare want to come talk to me and I am also the slowest in the group?evening and this mare for a minite or 2 befor he decided to say hi.and the mare said hi back .evening asked why did you slow down to fly with me? The mare said .well it was at first I noticed you were going a little slow I would give you a pep talk or something .but when I got a good look at you.the mares cheeks redend and she got a smile on her face then she looked away to hide her face.evening asked what is it?
After moment when the mare wasent shy anymore she said .its nothing don’t worry about it.evening said to be a little funny.im worrying!the mare smiled and hit him in the shoulder softly and gigled.then after that she flew back up to the front of the group.evening started wondering why the mare got so shy.but he didn’t have a long time to think befor the warmup fly was over .
After about two hours and bunch of exersises.evening could tell that the beautifull mare was watching him a little here and there.and the next exersize takes a lot of agility and one at a time the other pegisi crashed into eachother and the obstacles.then when evening got up there he did It quickly and easily and made a few ponys gasp.they desided to cheer for him for a few moments befor they tried to do what he did and when he got to the back of the line he noticed the mare and thought.hey she wasn’t infront of me a minit ago.then while he was thinking she said hello.
He was a little shy.he didn’t know why and he tried to say hello but he got red cheeks and then he thought for a moment.wait waitwait do I have a crush on this girl and then befor he could answer himself she said.hey
I want to compliment you and your amazing agility.he blushed a little then he said.thanks.she could emediatly tell he had a crush in her.then he said.wait a sec can I have your name?she said rainbowdash then she blushed a little and asked for his .he said evening my name is evening.he asked her if she was blushing when they wer flying because she had a crush on him.she had dark red cheeks now and she tried to answere yes but befor she culd he huged her and said.shhh you don’t have to answere that lets just be friends for now.
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So your looking for an editor right? I would suggest the paper clip from word. though i think he would stab himself to death trying to fish out the words in this jumble of letters. I'm sorry, that wasn't nice or constructive. I would be willing to help with editing and plot ideas. Sorry for being a dick earlier
Sweet Celestia, its like reading My Immortal all over again
Due to all this criticism I am giving you a like but you still need an editor
Hooray for spelling mistakes and walls of text!
Uh, I couldn't follow ANY of that, you really need to work on, like, everything. You had no sense of grammar, spelling, punctuation, dialogue, I can't tell what POV it's in! This looks like it was written by a four year old. Seriously, it sucks.
I followed it just fine. Though you do need an editor. I would offer my services, if you'd like.
Cupcakes in THIS story?
Practically nobody likes Cupcakes, and My Little Dashie is way to adorable for this junk.
1. Wall of text
2. Horrid grammar/spelling/etc.
3. Less than 1000 word chapters
4. Self insert
5. OC x Mane 6
6. You don't know what quotation marks are.
Choo Choo.
1197643
1198718 If your terrible, you deserve crisism. That is how reviewing works. You shouldn't get a 'feel sorry for you getting bad cristism' like