Kindness and the Seed of Shadow

by Raven-Flight

Lovers' quarrel, revisited

Dear Diary,

Pinkie and I have just returned from our adventure. It was rougher than I expected, and we went right from the train station to Fluttershy to tell her what we found, so now I am exhausted through and through. Still, I can’t neglect my student. It’s been over a week now since I’ve visited her, and I worry she may be getting lonely. I just needed to collect my thoughts here, and then I will go to her. After a lesson or two, if she’s responsive, then I’ll get some rest. I am determined not to fail Cozy Glow again.

With suddenly infinitely many years of life ahead of me, I feel like my time and effort in every pursuit has been cheapened. How can I make so, so many years worth my time? Worth Equestria’s time? Sometimes, after a week like this one, the only thing that keeps me going day after day after day is the thought of someday redeeming myself by reintroducing Cozy Glow back to society as a changed mare.

No, that’s not entirely true. Cozy Glow’s education isn’t my only motivation. Making the most of what time I have left with my friends is another way I justify my infinitely-extended life. No time spent with friends is ever time wasted, and that’s why I’m especially glad Pinkie Pie was willing to accompany me on my research mission. Her vivacity and utter joy for life is infectious. It’s good for me. Without Pinkie, I might forget to appreciate how so many little things are worth noticing and celebrating. I’m really going to miss her, once she’s gone. Sometimes I miss her even while she’s sitting right next to me. Pinkie, and the others, with their all-too-short lives, they keep me going.

And then there’s Fluttershy’s foal. I would be no friend to Fluttershy if I didn’t stand by her and help her raise her precious offspring when she needs it. Truly, I’m excited to meet the little mystery, and I hope one day he or she will learn to call me “Auntie Twilight”.

Pinkie and I learned a lot about shadow ponies on our expedition, but I suppose the most important thing is that we really don’t know what to expect. As we discovered, Fluttershy’s foal will be only the second born to a shadow pony parent in history. I’ll have to write a book, I think, so the foal can learn something about itself when it gets old enough.

I’d better not start that now, though. Cozy Glow is probably impatient for my return.

---

She woke with a jolt—somecreature was in the room with her! Was it the Shadow King here to steal her away to captivity again? Fluttershy could already feel the burning at the corners of her eyes and her breath caught in her throat.

“Fluttershy, good, you’re awake!” It was not his voice. Fluttershy instantly relaxed.

“Discord! You’re back!”

The draconequus scooped Fluttershy into his arms, lifting her effortlessly as if she weighed nothing at all, and hugged her firmly, but gently.

She didn’t protest, but when Discord didn’t move again except to entwine his lion paw into her mane, Fluttershy grew worried. “Discord, is there, um, something you need to tell me?”

Discord’s shoulders slumped as he continued to hold his pegasus. He pulled his head back to peer into her eyes. “I’m afraid so. Can I take you to a pocket dimension with me?”

Fluttershy shivered. For a moment, she remembered the crystal cave and the pony it imprisoned.

“No, not that one. It’s another one I’ve created to be as peaceful and unlike reality as possible.”

Now Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. Peaceful? Discord?

He sighed. “Yes, peaceful. There are still a few things you don’t know about me, you know. I need the escape. Shall we?”

“Yes.”

Discord snapped, and the pair were suddenly in a wide forest glade. It was night, and there were so many stars overhead, but it wasn’t exactly dark. A little brook burbled a short trot away and there were night flowers swaying in the gentle breeze. Discord set Fluttershy down beneath a broad, stately oak tree and laid himself beside her.

Gazing around in wonder, Fluttershy leaned into him. “It’s… beautiful here.”

But he ignored her observation. He was muttering to himself. “How do I begin to talk about the end?”

Now, despite the overwhelming sense of peace in this dimension, Fluttershy’s heart raced. “The end?”

Discord sighed again. “It’s… hard to explain. I love you—so very much, but...”

“Discord?” Her voice was almost a screech. He didn’t mean…? Fluttershy leapt to her hooves as quickly as she could and moved in front of Discord. She gazed at him, pleading, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“You’re… mortal. I can’t...”

Tears sprang to her eyes. Fluttershy moved forward and clasped her arms around his neck, afraid to let him go. “No, please! Discord, I need you! Don’t leave me now!”

The words startled him. Discord’s ears flicked and he finally looked into Fluttershy’s eyes. “No, no, never! What I mean is, I can’t leave you. And as long as you’re mortal...” His eyes were glistening now too. “...So am I.”

Fluttershy let go of Discord and backed away in shock. “What? Wh-what do you mean? How?”

“It’s true, I’m afraid! Oh, to live for so many millions of years and suddenly to learn I’m to die in just a clawful more!” Discord rolled onto his back and peered up at the stars flickering between the dappling oak leaves, as if beseeching them. “So much left to do, to see! And no time left for any of it!”

Watching him, Fluttershy could only stare in silence. The last she’d known was that he was mourning the idea of living on for an eternity after her death, and now he’s decided he’s just as mortal as she was? With a flash of horror, Fluttershy wondered if Discord was planning to end his own life when she died.

Discord rolled back over and sat up, suddenly collected and stern. “But the solution is just impossible. You told me you don’t want to be immortal, and I couldn’t dream of making that happen against your will.” Discord shifted his gaze off to the distant trees, as if too ashamed of his thoughts to continue looking at Fluttershy. “You would be angry with me forever. Rightfully so! Or, even if you agreed to it, you would have to be a shadow pony. How could I ask that of you? The dark magic would surely turn you into something not yourself.” Now he looked at his paw and claw. “My chaos magic is powerful, but making you immortal is one of very few things that I just… can’t do.”

When he was quiet and still, Fluttershy crept forward and sat in front of him so she could take his hands in her hooves. “Discord, I still don’t understand. You don’t have to die when I do. I mean, I wouldn’t even mind if, once I’m gone, you found another creature to love and help keep you going. You wouldn’t have to be alone forever...”

Discord held Fluttershy’s gaze, but his response was a trembling whisper. “How can you say that? Who could possibly bring me joy after you? And besides,” he croaked, suddenly louder, “it doesn’t work like that. I don’t have a choice in the matter. I won’t be able to survive after you’re gone. Or at least, I can’t in good conscience let myself go on living.” His eyes darkened. “That would be very bad for everycreature,” he gulped, “everywhere.”

Fluttershy released his hands and shook her head. He was hiding something from her! She frowned in determination. “I want to help you. Please explain all this to me so I can figure out what to do.”

Discord shook his head slowly, resigned and despairing. “There’s nothing to be done.”

“If it’s for your own good...” She paused, swallowed, and forced out more words. “You can leave me. I don’t want you to, but—I could forgive you for it. I wouldn’t think any less of you.”

“No, even if it makes me mortal to stay with you, I don’t want to leave you. And I couldn’t, anyway! Remember my episode of twitching and spasms?” He sighed and hung his head. “There’s just nothing to be done.”

Now Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “Are you saying when you lost control of your body, that was because you had been away from me?”

“Yes.” Discord didn’t look up.

“But… How? Why?”

“It’s a long explanation. Part of my magic. There’s no escape.”

Fluttershy let her tears fall freely, but she continued to stare at his drooping form. After a minute, she wiped her eyes, sat down beside him again, and pressed her side into his. “I’ve been thinking more about immortality while you’ve been gone,” she said at length.

He perked up just a little. “...Oh?”

“Twilight pointed out to me that there are have always been a few immortals around Equestria, and as long as they’re responsible, it doesn’t really harm anycreature. She said she thought the best immortals are those who never really wanted to live forever in the first place. And, well, I still don’t like the idea. I’d have to learn to be comfortable saying goodbyes. I wouldn’t know what to do with all that time, but I guess you’ve always found some way to fill it. There could be some good things too! I imagine there will always be new friends to make and new creatures to help. It would also mean I could stay by your side and keep you in line!” She gave Discord a playful nudge.

Discord had been still and silent, transfixed, while Fluttershy spoke. The little stream babbled in the distance as the draconequus studied the mare’s face. There was a glint of hope in his eyes. “…Are you sure?”

“Well, no. I’m just saying that if somecreature found a way to make me immortal without resorting to dark magic, I would consider it. Of course, I would still need to discuss it with my friends first. And my foal, if it’s old enough to understand by then.”

“Okay. I’ll take whatever consolation I can get.” Discord turned and wrapped Fluttershy in a hug, then drew back after a few seconds and met Fluttershy’s eyes again. “I know I’ve been gone a lot recently, but… Would you be upset if I left again to search? You’ve given me some hope, and I have to see if I can find a way.”

Fluttershy looked down “I miss you when you’re gone, but… I don’t want to stop you. Just be back soon, alright? The foal...”

“Yes, of course! I promise I won’t be too long. I’ll start twitching again if I’m not careful anyway.” Discord raised his fingers to snap.

“Wait!”

He lowered his fingers again. “...Yes?”

“Could you please stay and sit with me, just for a little while?”

He softened. “You know, that would be lovely.” When Discord snapped, he didn’t disappear, but instead conjured a plush seat of moss beneath them. He sat and carefully set Fluttershy in his lap so he could hold her. Then he snapped again, and Fluttershy gasped in awe as the stars seemed to rain down from above as little glowing drops of light, though somehow without depleting the dense patchwork of stars from the sky. For a few minutes, watching the sparkling lightshow, Discord and Fluttershy were together again, and at peace, and almost happy.

Comments

[taterforlife]

Bittersweet and full of hope and just so *wonderfully* written. I like that we don't know for sure what way this is going to go in terms of immortality. I like it.

I will say, though, I am wondering if I missed something or if there is a part that has yet to be revealed. What makes it so that Discord disappears because of Fluttershy?

[Raven-Flight]

10283479
Discord deliberately did not explain that. It's a problem for the third installment of the series (which is now fully drafted and in production!). Advance warning: there's a lot of headcanon backstory involved—but you've gotten this far and haven't fled yet from my wild ideas, so maybe that warning isn't necessary.

[Heartstrings1]

Pinkie and I have just returned from our adventure. It was rougher than I expected, and we went right from the train station to Fluttershy to tell her what we found, so now I am exhausted through and through. Still, I can’t neglect my student. It’s been over a week now since I’ve visited her, and I worry she may be getting lonely. I just needed to collect my thoughts here, and then I will go to her. After a lesson or two, if she’s responsive, then I’ll get some rest. I am determined not to fail Cozy Glow again.

COZY GLOW WHAT!?!?!?

With suddenly infinitely many years of life ahead of me, I feel like my time and effort in every pursuit has been cheapened. How can I make so, so many years worth my time? Worth Equestria’s time? Sometimes, after a week like this one, the only thing that keeps me going day after day after day is the thought of someday redeeming myself by reintroducing Cozy Glow back to society as a changed mare.

Thank god

But he ignored her observation. He was muttering to himself. “How do I begin to talk about the end?”

WDYM DIZZY *anime gasp* HE'S nononono I'll save that later

The words startled him. Discord’s ears flicked and he finally looked into Fluttershy’s eyes. “No, no, never! What I mean is, I can’t leave you. And as long as you’re mortal...” His eyes were glistening now too. “...So am I.”

*insert dark Vader saying no here together with me*

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Watching him, Fluttershy could only stare in silence. The last she’d known was that he was mourning the idea of living on for an eternity after her death, and now he’s decided he’s just as mortal as she was? With a flash of horror, Fluttershy wondered if Discord was planning to end his own life when she died.

*anime gasp

Discord rolled back over and sat up, suddenly collected and stern. “But the solution is just impossible. You told me you don’t want to be immortal, and I couldn’t dream of making that happen against your will.” Discord shifted his gaze off to the distant trees, as if too ashamed of his thoughts to continue looking at Fluttershy. “You would be angry with me forever. Rightfully so! Or, even if you agreed to it, you would have to be a shadow pony. How could I ask that of you? The dark magic would surely turn you into something not yourself.” Now he looked at his paw and claw. “My chaos magic is powerful, but making you immortal is one of very few things that I just… can’t do.”

To

Discord shook his head slowly, resigned and despairing. “There’s nothing to be done.”

There're tears in my eyes *sniff*

Fluttershy let her tears fall freely, but she continued to stare at his drooping form. After a minute, she wiped her eyes, sat down beside him again, and pressed her side into his. “I’ve been thinking more about immortality while you’ve been gone,” she said at length.

Yes *sniff* change the subject for me

Discord had been still and silent, transfixed, while Fluttershy spoke. The little stream babbled in the distance as the draconequus studied the mare’s face. There was a glint of hope in his eyes. “…Are you sure?”

Huh?!

He softened. “You know, that would be lovely.” When Discord snapped, he didn’t disappear, but instead conjured a plush seat of moss beneath them. He sat and carefully set Fluttershy in his lap so he could hold her. Then he snapped again, and Fluttershy gasped in awe as the stars seemed to rain down from above as little glowing drops of light, though somehow without depleting the dense patchwork of stars from the sky. For a few minutes, watching the sparkling lightshow, Discord and Fluttershy were together again, and at peace, and almost happy.

Just like me

[GeekCat]

Oh, this was wonderful, as bittersweet as it was. Great to see these two talking, explaining their thoughts and feelings, Discord sort-of but not really explaining what's happened to him...which i am very curious for answers about. But I saw your replay to tater, so I know I'll need to read the next story after this one!

And that ending moment, where things are peaceful and they're almost happy? That was beautiful.