I don't think this worked. Your strength is character chemistry, not raw physicality. Breaking your girls' minds is basically the opposite of that. Maybe try roll play or something?

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I agree with all of this.

It was hot and well written, but just missed the mark to an extent.

~Skeeter The Lurker

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Honestly, I appreciate this. As I said, this was an experiment, and not all experiments produce the results we hope for. But that doesn't mean they failed, per se. It just means we learn something we didn't expect. I'm still finding my niche as a clop writer, so I really am grateful for the constructive criticism.

I think this actually worked pretty solidly throughout, within the context of the fetish... Up until the last 10% or so. There was no need for this to go full-blown Bad End, and little indication it would either. Having this be a situation the characters can adapt to and learn to appreciate or take advantage of? That is a lot more interesting, 99% of the time, than just saddling them with a total mindbreak write-off. Well-written stuff (if somewhat scant in places), a good concept... Just a fumble at the final hurdle that ends up spoiling the entire affair.

its a mouth full, but a tack would be funny to have "i watch'd enough hentai to know where this is going" xD
tentacles's works too of course ^^

Well, somebody's been watching that one scene from the first Evil Dead movie.

This said, the harder/darker stuff isn't my favorite. And going full out 'bad end' is just kinda weird, especially after having Midnight show up and tank all the horny, or something. But I'm a big softie when it comes to my pr0n.