A Third Reflection. . .

by Matthais Unidostres

A Third Reflection. . .

“I’ve just been thinking that... if there are other worlds out there, an infinite number of them, there’d have to be an infinite number of us too.”

“Sure,” said Spike. “So?”

“And, well, if in every world we made different choices...” she said, sitting a little straighter as she sorted her thoughts out. It was getting easier to think about, now that she was putting those thoughts into words. “It stands to reason that we never really made them. We’re just living in the world where we did.”

Spike sat there and thought about that for a moment. He took another cookie from the tray and chewed it slowly. “So?”

She shrank back a little into her bed and blushed sheepishly. Maybe he just didn’t get it yet. “Well, I mean... if that’s the case, then it’d mean nothing we do or did really matters. We’re not better than the Twilight and Spike in the evil world. We just ended up in a better world than them.”

Spike stopped in mid-chew, and he simply stared blankly at the pony in the bed before him. After a long moment of silent staring, Spike finally swallowed and said, "Twilight. . . back when you said that Celestia would send you back to Magic Kindergarten if you didn't send her a letter on time, I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. But. . .what you just said now. . ."

Spike suddenly threw his arms up into the air and raised his voice slightly, "That was the most ridiculous thing I'll ever hear! That's completely. . .crazy! Of course we're better than the Twilight and Spike in the evil world. End of story. Plain and simple."

Twilight shook her head. “No, because, see, the multiverse theory means that there’d have to be a Twilight somewhere who made those choices. It just happened to be—” She shook her head again. “It’s just... It’s not that simple, Spike.”

Spike shrugged, "See. You can't even put it into words cause it's so silly. And deep inside, you know it's silly. You have to know. To be honest, what you said was so ridiculous that I should be laughing like crazy right about now. The only reason I'm not laughing is that you actually seem to believe it. It just makes no sense. Is this some kind of prank Discord cooked up or something?"

Twilight let out a sigh and fell back onto her pillow. "Spike, you just don’t realize it yet, but you will. Someday," she said flatly, "You're still a baby dragon, and you have a long way to go before you'll grow out of it."

Spike's jaw straight up dropped when he heard this, and his utter shock quickly morphed into indignation as the slow burn of Twilight's condescending tone sunk in. The indignation slowly but surely turned into anger, and the little dragon clenched and ground his teeth for a bit before suddenly lunging forward and ripping the covers off of Twilight.

Twilight turned to look at Spike in surprise and said, "Spike? What was tha-?"

"You're the one acting like a baby, Twilight Sparkle!" Spike shouted angrily.

Twilight's eyes widened at this. "I wha-? Spike! You-!"

"STOP!" the little dragon roared.

Twilight froze where she lay as Spike stood panting loudly from his short emotional outburst. The pair waiting in silence, the only sound in the air being Spike's heavy breathing.

When Spike finally caught his breath and reigned in his emotions, he said, "Twilight. . .I'm sorry. . .It's just that. . .that Magic Kindergarten incident I brought up. . .if I had tried harder, maybe done more, stuck closer to you, or just focused on getting through to you; then maybe things wouldn't have gotten so bad, and you would never have cast that Want It Need Spell."

Spike closed his eyes in shame and said, "Sometimes I remember that day, and it feels like. . .I failed you. Sure, I let Princess Celestia know when things got bad, but I should never have let things get as bad as they did."

Spike opened his eyes and stared at the wide eyed Alicorn Princess lying in bed before him. Then, with brand new conviction and resolution, Spike said, "I'm not gonna let that happen again, Twilight. I'm not gonna fail you again. I'm not gonna let these. . . horrible thoughts. . . poison your brain. I'm gonna make sure you see that they're wrong so they don't tear down everything you worked so hard to accomplish."

Twilight blinked her eyes, and she said, "Spike, these are facts. They're not-."

"Stop," Spike said again, although this time he didn't roar. Nevertheless, there was a bit of force in his voice, and he held out his right palm at Twilight, both in frustration and desperation, "Let me talk. Please."

Much to Spike's relief, Twilight heeded his request and silently nodded.

The dragon let out a sigh of relief and said, "Oookay. Here we go. So, you think that since there's like and endless number of universes with an endless number of everycreature, nothing we do matters and we're no better than the other versions of ourselves, even the evil ones. Is that right?"

Twilight nodded again.

Spike nodded affirmatively, and said, "Okay. So, Twilight, you know what I learned- one of the things I learned from hanging around Garble and those other dragons?"

Twilight simply waited with a questioning look, not entirely sure where Spike was going with this.

"That it's easier to do bad things and be evil," Spike said simply.

Twilight's jaw dropped at this, and she was about to interject when Spike cut her off.

"C'mon, Twilight. Think about it! Doing the right thing is always harder than doing the wrong thing. The straight and narrow vs the wide and broad and all that. Like, let's say I wanted a certain comic book, but I didn't have enough bits. I could sell my stuff or get a job to earn the bits, or I could take the easier option and just walk in and steal it when no one's looking. Or maybe somecreature is being mean and bullying me. I could spend a ton of time and effort trying to understand them to make peace with them, or I could just scratch them with my claws and set them on fire. The second option is easier, and would probably feel good too!"

Twilight's mind was reeling from what Spike was saying. She tried to make sense of it, to find some way to reject it, but her brain couldn't seem to find any way to refute Spike's words on a strictly logical level. Emotional and moral levels, certainly, but not in the realm of strict logic.

"And what about you?" Spike said as he stood with his arms folded, "You told me what happened while I was sick in the library when Discord first broke out. Before you beat him, you said that 'friendship may not be easy, but it's worth fighting for.' It would've been easy for us to give up on our friends and let Discord win, and it was hard to go around breaking Discord's mind control. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were pretty hard from what you told me!"

Spike then looked down at the palms of his claws and said, "And then there's me. Sometimes, having a crush on Rarity feels like the hardest thing in the world. Doing all these favors for her, holding it in whenever she talks nice about some other stallion, paying her complements no matter what, digging up gems for her fore hours on end and barely getting enough for a snack in return. . . ."

Spike closed his eyes and said quietly, "Giving her my Fire Ruby. . ."

Spike took a deep breath, and he opened his eyes and continued, "It took so long to make that Fire Ruby. Watching it getting riper and riper every day. Waiting for the day I could finally eat it. And after all that. . .I gave it up. Just to make Rarity happy. I don't really regret it now, but that moment right before I gave it to her, and as I gave it to her. . .it was one of the hardest things I've ever done."

Spike suddenly clenched his fists and looked Twilight dead in the eyes, "But that's the point, isn't it Twilight? That's what doing the right things and being a good person is all about. We don't do things because they're easy. We do things because they're hard. Because doing the right thing is hard! But Evil Spike and Evil Twilight? They lived their lives taking the easy way out! No friendship, no doing the right thing, all they cared about was making themselves comfortable and satisfied. Caring about others is hard, so why care about others! Obeying rules and laws is hard, so why obey them! Do whatever the hay you want, it's easy! They were lazy, stupid, and wrong! They were wrong Twilight! and if you're just gonna lie there and say that we're no better than those lazy, weak, selfish losers, then you're wrong too!"

Spike paused to catch his breath after his tirade, and he took notice that his words were having an effect on Twilight. The Alicorn's eyes revealed a deep sense of conflicted-ness within her mind.

"Well?" Spike pressed slightly, his voice lightly seasoned with a bit of his usual snark.

Twilight broke out of the faraway look in her eyes and stared at Spike. "I. . ." she began slowly, as if trying to form her words ahead of time. Then she said, "But. . .If every choice we can make already exists. . .then our choices. . .they're not our own, Spike. We-."

"It doesn't matter how many versions of us there are, Twilight," Spike interrupted, his eyes rolling in annoyance, "Sure, they can make whatever choices they want, but that doesn't stop you and me from making our own choices. I don't care if Spike Number 2319 made snow cones instead of cookies, or if Spike Number 173 walked in dancing with a lampshade on his head to try and cheer you up. Holy guacamole! For all I know, Spike Number 236 got so fed up that he just burned your wings off!"

A look of alarm spread across Twilight's face as she saw that Spike was leaning forward and looked quite angry as he spoke the last scenario. Spike ignored it and continued his new tirade.

"But none of those other Spike's are important to me. You know why? Because I'm not Spike Number 2319 or 173 or 236 or whatever! I'm ME! ME! And I didn't want to make snow cones. I didn't want to dance with a lampshade on my head. And of course I don't want to hurt you just because you're having another once of your neurotic episodes! I! Made! Choices! You! Made! Choices! Everycreature in those other universes made choice too! That's because even if there are infinite other universes out there, every living creature in those universes is still free to make their own choices. The reason those universes are so different is because different choices were made. I guess it's like a bunch of dominoes or something. Whatever! The point is that just because all of our choices are. . .I dunno, stored in an infinite multiverse doesn't mean that we still aren't free to make whatever choice we want."

Spike had calmed down a bit, but as he stared at Twilight, he found that he still wasn't quite done. "You and I worked hard Twilight. You earned those wings. How could you possibly think that we're no better than a pair of jerks who were too lazy and selfish to do the right thing? How could you even suggest that nothing we ever did or will ever do matters after . . .after all the things we've done for Equestria! What about our friends? Don't they matter?"

Spike's eyes suddenly became big and shiny. "You hatched me. . .doesn't that matter?"

Twilight's breath caught in her throat, and she found herself unable to speak, or even move.

". . .I don't matter to you. . .don't I?" Spike said with a voice filled with grief, "I'm just. . .something that exists. . .is that right?"

Tears streamed down Spike's face as he looked away, "I still remember what I saw in Sombra's door. . .how much it scared me to think that one day you might just send me away. . .but then you hugged me and told me that would never happen. . .and now you're saying that didn't matter. . .I . . .I . . .I thought you cared about me. . .that you loved me. . ."

Spike sniffled a bit, then he wiped the tears from his eyes and looked defiantly back up at Twilight.

"Fine," he said harshly, "That was my mistake. I see the truth now. I don't like seeing it or accepting it, but like I've been saying: the right thing is always hard. This whole conversation was hard, but I did it. Maybe I got through to you, maybe I didn't. But I know how I can find out."

There was a little metallic clang as he picked the tray of cookies up and thumps on the floor as he walked back to the door.

“You think our choices matter? Well, I have a choice for you,” he said with his back to Twilight, “Pinkie sent a card five-something minutes ago. There’s gonna be a picnic down at the meadow and I’m bringing the cookies. You can either come with me and take a good look at the whole world full of creatures exercising their free will and making choices outside, or you can just stay in this room all alone with your stupid thoughts. I think we both know what the easier choice. But listen Twilight, if you make the wrong choice now, then it's only gonna make you follow the hoofsteps of Evil Twilight. And if you do, then maybe 5, 10, 15, or however many years later, I'm gonna have to make a hard choice. . .”

Spike then briefly turned around to look at Twilight and said:

". . .to send you straight to Tartarus."

Silence.

“Suit yourself,” he said bitterly, and he turned the light off behind him as he shut the door, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Briefly, in the dark, Twilight's mind urged her to get up and run after him. Forget the multiverse. Join the picnic. It wasn’t too late. She still could have done it, if she’d wanted to.

But instead, she whimpered and buried herself deeper under the covers of her bed. No, she couldn’t have. She’d made the only choice there was, and she knew it was the only choice because she’d made it. This Twilight Sparkle was always going to have made it. It was the only choice.

There was no salvation for her. The decision had never really been hers in the first place. She could already see it now. She would grow distant from her friends, she would become the villain, and then, just as Spike had said, she would stand before five mares and a dragon as they defeated her and cast her into Tartarus. There was nothing she could do. This was how the universe she was in was destined to play out.

Alea iacta est.

Comments

[B_Munro]

Didn't like the original either, did you?

I suspect it was inspired by Larry Niven's "All the Myriad Ways", which similarly has a very odd idea about choices, as if they are quantum phenomena or the roll of dice. I think your choice of a Julius Caesar quote is fitting, because Julius Caesar, at the bridge, will cross the bridge no matter how many times you replay the last few seconds, because all his previous choices and experiences lead up to his decision at this point. People are neither atoms nor dice: they have reasons for the choices they make.

IMHO, it's certainly true that in an infinite universe there will be Caesars which will not cross the Rubicon (and the river Shmo, because the Rubicon will be called the Shmo in some of those), but they will not be the same identical Caesar, because either differences in experience or differences in personality, or both, will lead to a different choice. "Infinite" universes [1] does not mean all possible scenarios, because some scenarios are not physically or logically possible (there won't be a universe where Caesar both crosses and does not cross the bridge, unless we are talking laws of physics so alien that making a comparison with our world is meaningless anyway).

Secondly, there are more and less likely outcomes. The universes in which Caesar crosses the bridge by all his atoms doing a random quantum jump to the other side of the river are _not_ going to be as common as ones where he rides a horse. If one tries to argue "they're both infinite numbers", then I must call upon Euler, who will explain that there are differently sized infinities (the infinity of whole numbers and the infinity of fractions, for instance). If one argues that there was a teeny tiny chance Caesar would make a different choice even if all things were the same, it does not mean that exactly 50% of all universes have him crossing the bridge and 50% not. Our choices are rooted in who we are and who we have been: we don't randomly decide to either let our cat live or feed it poison like the radiation source in the box with Schrodinger's cat.

Just my 2 and 2/3 (.66666 to infinity) cents.

[TundraStanza]

...
It doesn't look like she was snapped out of the thoughts.

[Xanderfox]

I liked how the TV show Angel put it "If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do." Essentially if there is no greater force assigning meaning to our choices then every choice is equally meaningful.

[Matthais Unidostres]

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I've got a second chapter in the works. I hit complete by mistake. Sorry.