To Cure Insanity Please Insert MORE Ponies

by No One and Nobody

Chapter 13: The Mark of Metallo

Chapter 13: The Mark of Metallo

The sun was just creeping over the horizon and the Metropolis shipping port was swapping over from the night shift to the morning shift.

Few people were walking the docks, and absolutely no one saw the mysterious shadow moving under the water, or the dripping figure emerge behind one of the dock pylons.

Even the burly sailor coming ashore never saw them as they grabbed him from behind and pulled him into a dark corner. Several seconds later the figure emerged wearing the sailor's coat, hat and shoes. They continued towards Metropolis, sticking to the shadows.

As they stepped through a patch of sunlight, the sun shone and flashed as it reflected off of polished metal. The figure stuck it's hands into the coat's pockets and the reflection vanished.

---

Lex sat in his office, making several changes to his financial empire. Something was moving in the air of Metropolis and Lex felt the need to liquidate several of his assets. He wasn't quite sure where he could reinvest them, but he had the distinct feeling an opportunity would present itself soon enough.

"Sir," came Mercy's voice of the intercom, "There's a gentleman here to see you, he says his name's-"

Before Mercy could finish Lex noted a message in his inbox from a scientist he was all too familiar with.

"One minute." He interrupted her, scanning the email. The message had been sent while he had been unavailable the past week, and what it had to say, immediately got his attention.

Professor Fontein was a tectonics researcher who Luthor had positioned in a small facility just south of the Bahamas. Formally, he was there to study a semi-active volcanic remnant, but Luthor had also given him private instructions for something (or rather someone) to look out for and report back any findings on.

They'd found the impression of a human in the hardened lava. But that was all they'd found.

Luthor lightly rested the columella of his nose on his clasped hands considering the development.

He had to get in touch with Superman. Discord hadn't shown his face since dropping him back off in his office the other day, and Superman was currently his only connection with the ponies.

Exhaling, he hit the intercom. "Mercy-" He started to say, but was interrupted.

"I'm sorry Mr. Luthor, but this gentleman is very insistent on seeing you."

Luthor's heart-rate increased. "Who is it?"

"He says his name is John de Lancie?"

Lex considered whether they might be using a false name.

"Has he told you what he wants?"

"Sort of sir. He said something about 'wanting to make it look official rather than snapping his fingers and using a back door'?"

Luthor's face lit up at this as he said, "Show him in Mercy."

The door opened and in walked a tall, slightly older man with gray hair, a red shirt and a charismatic attitude.

"It's good to see you again Lexy," he said, before giving Mercy an odd look.

"You may leave us Mercy," said Luthor, steepling his fingers, "We have business to discuss."

Mercy nodded and left the office as Luthor turned to his guest.

"I assume you are who I think you are?" He said, raising an eyebrow.

"For wealth and power!" Yelled the man, raising one hand in some kind of battle cry before falling flat on his face.

Lex placed both hands over his face in a sort-of double facepalm as he remembered that particular set of rolls and winced at the cursed battle cry.

"I assume, you're here because of the message I received?"

The figure stood up from the floor in a single almost snake-like slithering motion and waved his hand dismissively. "Oh, I delivered the solution to that problem ages ago. I'm here to discuss something entirely different."

Lex sighed in relief and leaned back in his chair. "And that would be?"

"Luthor! I have come to make a Faustian Bargain."

Luthor's relaxed expression darkened as he sat forward in his chair, a worried tone in his voice. "What?"

"A Faustian Bargain. You know, a bargain involving Faust."

The figure snapped his fingers and in a brilliant flash of light a tall, practically glowing white, beautiful Alicorn stood in the middle of the room next to him, her long burgundy hair flowing in a non-existent breeze you could almost feel.

The figure frowned and snapped their fingers again at the new arrival. The pony was replaced by a shorter woman with the same color hair (lacking the flowing though) still clearly recognizable as the same person.

As she looked around the room in mild confusion, "Mr. de Lancie" turned back to Luthor.

"It's really quite simple. She writes the stories, you publish them, we make this 'pony thing' world-wide, and you get rich. Isn't that right Mrs. Faust?"

At the mention of the word 'pony' the woman focused her attention first on him and then on Luthor before speaking.

"Hello, my name is Lauren Faust and I'd like to create a show about six pony friends exploring a fantastic world of magic and mythical creatures while learning lessons about friendship."

There was a muted cough, Mr. de Lancie "accidentally" snapped his fingers and a second person appeared in the room as well. They were tall, with messy, long dark hair and a scraggly beard.

He smiled and gave a nonchalant wave. "Hi! I'm M.A. Larson and I'd like to write for the show as well... Everyone loves me!"

Raising his eyes to look innocently at the ceiling, John de Lancie held a hand to his face. "Oops..."

Leaning forward even more, Luthor smiled at the two and gestured for them to take a seat at his desk. "A pleasure to meet you Mrs. Faust, I would be very interested in hearing more about this idea of yours."

---

The security guard stood in the elevator with the janitor, waiting for his floor.

"How's your wife doing George?" He asked as they passed the 17th floor.

The janitor let out a halfhearted grunt, as though he didn't want to talk about it.

Sam sighed and nodded in understanding. "Yeah, don't worry man. We're all hoping she pulls through."

The door opened and Sam stepped out. He waved to George who had his head lowered and face hidden underneath his hat.

"Poor guy." He muttered as he headed to his post.

Meanwhile, inside the elevator, "George" raised his head slightly, the elevator lights reflecting off of polished metal as the "janitor" smiled.

He exited the elevator one floor below his destination and pushed the cart full of cleaning supplies down the hallway. Pulling the fire alarm, he smashed through the door into the stairwell and bolted up towards the floor Luthor's office was on.

He caught sight of Mercy on the other side of the door as he rammed into it at full speed. The door buckled like tin foil under his shoulder and both door and Mercy smashed into the wall.

"Don't bother announcing me to the boss," said Corben, as he stripped off the hat and jacket to reveal gleaming Metallo and glowing green eyes underneath. "I'll just show myself in."

Mercy groaned and slumped over, unconscious underneath the heavy steel door.

Luthor's office door presented no more difficulty to the Kryptonite-fueled might of Metallo than the stairwell door, and he announced himself to his previous boss with the sound of rending metal as the door slid across the floor.

"Honey, I'm home!" He said, mockingly.

Luthor's chair swiveled around as he turned to looked at him.

"Ahhh, good to see you again Corben. We've been expecting you."

Metallo flashed in the sunlight streaming through the window as his green eyes glanced from side to side to make sure the room was empty. Then his glare focused back on Luthor.

"We? We who? It's just you and me Luthor. And I plan on picking up right where I left off."

"I'm afraid there's going to be a slight... interruption to that," said Luthor, calmly opening a drawer in his desk and pulling out a few small objects from inside.

"Ohh no, this time Superman isn't going to stop me or distract me," continued Corben, stepping forward.

"I wasn't referring to him," said Luthor as he carefully placed three small, pastel-colored figurines on his desk, one by one, facing Corben.

"What is this?!" Metallo pointing angrily at Luthor.

Having positioned the three small toys, Luthor sat back in his chair and indicated each one in turn.

"This is Applebloom, she's part of the Apple Family. As an earth pony, she's quite strong, and good with building or fixing things. She also has a mild interest in dancing. This is Scootaloo, resident thrill seeker and the enthusiasm for the group. While she can't fly... yet, she is quite the little terror on her scooter. And last, but not least, the voice of reason for these three, Sweetie Belle. She also has a marvelous singing voice. Together, these three make up... the Cutie Mark Crusaders!"

As Lex sat there, his hands raised to indicate the three small plastic ponies, Corben's green eyes just looked from him to the desk for several seconds in confusion.

Then, he grinned. "I'm afraid insanity isn't going to help you get out of this one Luthor."

Luthor lowered his hands to the desk and grinned back at him.

"Whoever said I was Luthor?" He asked. Then, lowering his head to the desk, he whispered, loud enough for everyone to hear, "Get 'im girls!"

Metal shutters fell, covering the office windows and door and cutting off the sunlight from outside.

As artificial light illuminated the interior, Corben took a step back in shock at what was before him.

Luthor had been replaced by a tall, strange, mismatched creature who was grinning back at him like a monster from some kind of horror movie.

With a snap of it's fingers, the creature vanished and Metallo was left alone in the room with the three-

They were moving!

He took several more steps back in genuine fear as the three small, plastic figurines hopped off the desk and started trotting towards him.

Turning, he slammed his fists into the metal that sealed the door way, but it was just as tough as he was.

He turned and saw that they were still approaching. Hurriedly, he moved to his right, skirting around the edge of the office until he bumped into a bookshelf. He hefted it over his head and hurled it, end over end, towards the oncoming trio.

The yellow one rolled to one side, out of the way of the incoming literary projectile, the White one blinked out of existence with a fizzling pop, and the orange one's small wings buzzed to life atop a small scooter. She zoomed forwards, and then tipped over, sliding underneath the shelf as it flattened across the floor behind her.

The yellow one continued walking toward him, the orange one was upright again and buzzing across the floor like an RC car... and the white one had vanished altogeth-

"Hello Mr. Metallo," said a high-pitched voice above him and Corben could see a white hoof waving to him in his periphery from the top of his head.

Though he couldn't feel anything with his nerveless artificial Metallo body, he let out a cry of shock and tried to smack the creature off the top of his head.

He couldn't tell if he'd managed to knock her off him before he had to jump out of the way of the buzzing orange one.

He landed on the desk and looked around to note where they each were. The yellow and white ones were headed towards the desk, and the orange one had executed a 180 after he'd jumped out of her way.

Flipping over the desk, he used it like a shield, keeping it between himself and the three small figures.

"What do you want?" He asked, glowing green gaze glaring angrily at them.

The buzzing stopped as the orange one halted with the other two just in front of the desk.

"Well, as Discord was sayin'," said the yellow one in a thick country drawl, "We're the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and we help other ponies find out what their special talent is."

"So they can get their cutie mark!" Shouted the orange one with a raised hoof.

"Or understand what their cutie mark means," added the white one.

Metallo stared at them, his eyes never wavering as he tried to decipher what the heck they were talking about.

"I have no idea what any of that means," he said in a monotone, while still keeping a cautious eye on them.

"Yah see these here marks?" said the yellow one and all three turned to show their flanks. They each had similar pink images resembling shields tattooed just above their hind legs.

Metallo stayed silent.

"When a pony finds out what they're really good at a cutie mark appears-"

"BAM!"

"And that way, they know what they're supposed to do."

Backing slowly up, Corben pulled the desk with him, keeping it between them.

"I'm not a- pony."

"Well duh," said the orange one, rolling her eyes.

"But that didn't stop Gabby."

"Eeyup. You ain't the first none-pony... uh- person we've helped. See, we used to spend our time tryin' to figure out what our cutie marks were gonna be-"

"We tried everything."

"But it wasn't until after we helped Diamond Tiara figure out what her cutie mark really meant that we discovered our true talent was helping other ponies figure out what their cutie marks mean," the white one finished.

"I'm not interested." Stated Metallo, flatly.

The three shared a knowing look.

"Believe it or not, you're not the first we've helped who didn't want to know what their cutie mark was either."

"Eeyup."

"That just makes it a challenge," said the orange one, grinning, "Alright, Sweetie, you go left, I'll go right, Applebloom, you go straight down the middle."

Metallo kept retreating with the desk, until they had backed him into a corner.

With no way out, Metallo pushed off of the wall and floor and leapt over the table to get away from them.

His forward momentum halted as he looked down to see the yellow one's hoof suctioned onto his right big toe like a super powerful tiny magnet, causing him to pivot forward and-

*WHAM*

He impacted the floor and immediately rolled over to continue his escape, but she had him firmly in the grasp of her hoof... somehow.

Lashing out with his other foot, he tried to kick her away, but she dodged and then gave him a raised eyebrow that just screamed, 'Oh no you didn't.'

"Trying to kick an Apple off? You're lucky my big sis weren't here to see that."

With a pop, the white one appeared on his chest, and he instinctively swung at her. She, however, merely popped away and back to the same spot to avoid his wild swing.

Holding his hands out to the side, Metallo rested his head against the floor and tried to calm down. It was difficult without the ability to breath.

"They're just kids. You can't hurt me. I'm Metallo." He muttered to himself.

"We're not trying to hurt you, duh," said the one on the scooter next to him, "We're trying to help."

"I don't need any of your help," he said in a low and steady voice, trying not to look at them.

"Seriously?" He heard the one by his foot say, "You ain't got any problems whatsoever?"

"I'm Metallo, I'm unstoppable, invincible, immortal."

"OK, then why were you trying to hurt the big bald guy?" asked the orange one again.

Metallo felt anger rise up in him again, but he controlled it. "He tricked me into this. He took away my body. I may be immortal but I can't FEEL anything."

"An' hurtin' that there Luther feller'll help you feel again?"

"No, but he deserves it," said Metallo, gritting his teeth, "And revenge will make me feel better."

All three of them rolled their eyes in sync. Metallo blinked at the incongruous sight.

"There goes life being ironic again..." Said the white one, shaking her head.

"Listen mister," said the orange one, leaning forward on her scooter, "We've got experience with revenge too, involving a giant golden pumpkin carriage and mud... lots and lots of mud- Don't ask. And trust me it doesn't work."

"I don't care."

"That's the whole problem!" The white one threw her hooves up in the air in exasperation. It was kind of cute.

"You ain't listened to a word we said."

"Yeah, did you miss the part where we only got our cutie marks AFTER we helped Diamond Tiara with hers."

"So?"

There was a pause before he heard the chagrined tone of the yellow one. "Uh, girls, we might have uh forgot to mention the part about bein' her mortal enemy an all."

"Oooh... right." Their ears drooped in unison and Corben could feel something inside him crack at the sight.

Blinking and shaking his head, Metallo ignored it. "It isn't the same thing. Some kid making fun of you isn't-"

"You mean making fun of what we were?" Said the white one angrily.

"Blank flanks." Said the orange one, imitating an irritating, high-pitched, snooty voice.

"All the time," muttered the one by his foot.

"Ruining our flag-waving routine?"

"Tryin' to get us in all trouble with Princess Twilight?"

"Even pushing us into becoming enemies with the entire town!" The white one's voice almost broke with anger.

"And our families." Added the yellow one.

"The entire town?!"

"Eeyup."

"We were pretty infamous" The orange one almost looked pleased with this, but the other two glared at her.

"Well maybe in Ponyland-"

"Ponyville."

He stared at the white one on his chest who'd corrected him.

"You're serious?"

"Mmmm-hmmm," she nodded and smiled endearingly.

Metallo closed his eyes and tried not to think too much about it.

"Whatever! Maybe where you're from everything works out happily ever after but in THIS world, you actually think, you three can convince ME to leave Luthor alone, after what he's done to me?!"

There was silence for a second before the country one spoke up. "Why not, we've already taken care of the rest of Superman's baddies."

The words vanished as quickly as they were uttered and the moment hung in the empty air of the trashed office as Corben's mind processed what she'd just said.

"What..."

"Yeah, why'd you think Luthor was missing in the first place?" The orange one rolled her eyes and shook her head at him, like it was a dumb question.

"...Including Luthor?!"

"Eeyup. Sure is a shame what with you plannin on revengin on him and all. He might actually have wanted to help you now." The sarcastic tone wasn't lost on Corben.

Then suddenly the reality of the statement and it's consequences began to dawn on him.

Parasite, Luthor, Livewire, Toyman, all of them... reformed by these... whatever they were?

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the white pony, with the pink streaked poofy hair smiling at him and he felt as though a spark of something had wormed its way out of the chunk of kryptonite in his chest as was spreading and warming up his whole body. He tried to fight it, but like the little ponies dodging away from his attacks, the spark seemed unquenchable.

"OK, so, supposing I leave Luthor alone. Then what?" He asked, slowly, watching their reactions.

"Oooh, how about a tea party!" said the white one, lighting up her horn in excitement.

Corben opened his mouth and... turned to look at the orange pony on the scooter who'd let out an ever more bored groan then he had intended.

A normal sized tea-set floated out from behind the desk and into the middle of the group as the pony let go of his foot and let him sit up.

Corben looked from the pink tea-set to the metal shutters that still trapped him here with these annoying furry fuzzbuck-

Why were they bigger now?!

"One sugar to two?" Asked the white one, holding out a cup to him.

"Uhh... I don't drink," he mumbled, before noticing in confusion the cup was empty.

"We're kids," said the yellow one, "We don't have tea parties to drink tea, that's boring grown-up stuff. We do 'em to talk and have fun."

Looking in complete confusion from the cute one, to the tough one, to the down to earth one, Metallo didn't even notice he had accepted the cup of tea Sweetie Belle had given to him.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

"For wealth and power!" Yelled the man, raising one hand in some kind of battle cry before falling flat on his face.

Lex placed both hands over his face in a sort-of double facepalm as he remembered that particular set of rolls and winced at the cursed battle cry.

Pity Lex didnt happen to have a certain picture of Picard on the wall behind him at that moment. And that moment only?

Oh come on comic guys. Loosing feeling because youre metal? Its like you dont even want to know how something with less processing power than a graphing calculator was able to run tens of thousands of channels of real time launch telemetry and a spacecrafts life support system in the early 90s, the processor coming from the late 70s, because it makes a better story? No wonder alien tech gets so junk.

About the only thing they got left is the FTL and thats only cos the lab hasnt got their Alcubierre prototype finished and powered up yet for measurements.

We doing bettre on the Magic side than FTL.

Oh look, locked in unescapable metal box with the CMC. It might be starting with a tea party, but Q does like playing with the holodeck?