World Domination and What Comes Next

by Strawberry Sunrise

Last-Ditch Effort

In no time at all, Martin found himself on the steps of another castle, one even larger than the Castle of Friendship. He climbed the steps and found the doors closed and blocked by two armored guards, stallions, who flanked either side of the entrance. Clearing his throat, he hoped they wouldn’t have heard anything bad about him yet.

The guards looked down and one of them squinted at him. “Are you that gecko from Ponyville who keeps trying to sell everypony ‘car’ insurance?” he asked. Well, there went that hope.

“Oh, yeah, that guy. Like what even is a ‘car’?” the other guard said. They both broke into fits of laughter. “A ‘car’!” the second guard shouted again, and then kept laughing with his friend.

Martin cleared his throat again and they stopped laughing. “Um...well, yes, that’s probably me,” he said. “I’m here to see Princess Celestia. Would it be possible to get an audience with her?”

“For you?” the first guard said. “Why? Are you going to try to sell her ‘car’ insurance?” And they both broke into laughter again.

“Twilight Sparkle sent me here!” he yelled, hoping her name might mean something to them. She did live in a castle, too, after all. He had never asked, but perhaps she was also a princess. Now that he thought about it, he wondered why Princess Celestia was a princess and not a queen...but it didn’t really matter.

The guards stopped laughing again. “Twilight? Really?” One of them said skeptically. They looked at each other and then started whispering in tones too soft to make out. A moment later, the door opened from the inside and a tall black pony with a horn and a flowing blue mane poked her head through the door.

“What’s this commotion out here? Did somepony tell a joke?” she said, her tone rather hopeful, as if she hoped somepony might tell her the joke, too.

The guards stood to attention. “Oh, no, Princess Luna. Sorry to bother you,” one said. “It’s just this gecko right here. He’s the one who’s been trying to sell everypony ‘car’ insurance.” The other guard snickered.

“Would you like to buy some?” Martin said, then looked toward each of the three ponies in turn. He was half-joking now, but at this point he felt like he didn’t have much to lose. Was that a smile on Luna’s face? She’d raised a hoof to her mouth. “You...you could save fifteen percent or more by switching to GEICO.” Okay, now he was sure Luna was snickering, but if that was what would get him in to see Celestia, then so be it.

“He is funny,” she said. “Let him in. He won’t do any harm.”

Not entirely happy about that response, though it was what he’d been going for under the circumstances, Martin followed Luna into the castle. As they walked, she asked him where he came from and how he came to be selling car insurance in Equestria, and he explained his situation. He didn’t quite like that she found him funny, but she seemed friendly enough. Soon they reached the throne room, where a pony who Martin assumed must be Celestia was in fact sitting on a throne.

“Sister, meet Martin,” Luna said. “He’s here to...well, I’ll let him tell you himself.” She smiled, but at least she wasn’t snickering anymore. She took her own seat on a throne next to Celestia’s.

“A pleasure to meet you, Martin,” Celestia said. Martin bowed. “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” He straightened back up.

“The pleasure is mine,” he said, then he hesitated, trying to decide how best to start his spiel in this situation.

“I suppose you’re here to sell me car insurance,” Celestia said.

“Um...well, yes,” Martin said. “That’s what I was hoping for…”

“And you do realize I don’t have a car?” Celestia said.

“Yes, but I can sign you up for a commitment with us now and you’ll get an extra fifteen percent discount if you ever… Wait, you know what a car is?” Martin asked.

“Yes, I know what a car is. It’s a type of self-propelled vehicle from the human world,” Celestia said.

“Okay, good,” Martin said. “I’ve explained that so many times over the last couple days…”

“I can imagine,” Celestia said.

“I’ve just been trying so hard. I mean, I’ve...I’ve just never had this much trouble back in the human world. People know what cars are, they have cars or plan to get them, they see a gecko selling insurance, and they snap it up,” Martin said. He sighed. “I suppose you don’t want it, either.”

“I...don’t,” Celestia said slowly, feeling a bit sorry for him but also feeling that it was best to be honest and upfront.

“Wait, don't make up your mind yet!" Martin said, desperately pulling out Principal Celestia's contract and holding it up. "Look, Principal Celestia took out a policy with us."

Princess Celestia took the contract in her magic and levitated it up to her face. “I see that,” she said.

“And I thought that maybe if you saw that she did, you might be interested, too?” Martin said, now feeling like this might have been too much of a leap of logic. “It worked for Twilight, so…”

“Twilight signed a contract with you?” Celestia asked.

“Yes,” Martin said. “She wasn’t sure about it at first, but when I showed her that Principal Celestia did, she changed her mind.”

Celestia rolled up the contract and levitated it back to Martin. “I’m sorry, but I am not Twilight. And I am not Principal Celestia, either. She is her own pony...uh..human.”

“And her decision doesn’t mean anything to you?” Martin asked.

“She has a car, does she not?” Celestia asked.

“Yes…” Martin said. “But you can just sign a commitment that if you ever…oh, forget it.” He put Principal Celestia’s contract back in his bag. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

He turned to leave and began walking away. “It was nice meeting you!” Luna called after him.

“I wish you luck in your future endeavors,” Celestia called. Martin didn’t turn around.

Remembering the route Luna had taken to lead him to the throne room, Martin retraced those steps in reverse and soon reached the exit. The guards were still there, and they chuckled once again as he left.

“How’d it go?” one asked. Martin didn’t answer, simply climbing back down the steps. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t know how Twilight was supposed to know when to bring him back. Unsure what else to do, he sat in silent dejection at the bottom of the stairs, his head in his hands until Twilight finally appeared a few hours later.