A Growing Shadow

by KorenCZ11

Our Magic

“I have a question, doctor,” I said. It was early in the morning and the doctor was having me run drills with my spell work, when a thought occurred to me.

“Yes? What is it Shadow?”

“What is the difference between classical magic and ‘our’ magic?”

Again, that particularly nasty smile the doctor has crept up his face. From his seat on a barrel on the deck, he started to approach me. “An interesting question. What causes it?”

My journal entry from a few days ago, really. When I went to reread it before I put the encryption on it, I realized that I said ‘classical magic’ as if it were something different than what I know. But when we come to do spell practice, the doctor always makes sure to call something ‘classical’ and ‘ours’ when he teaches me something new. The first spell I ever learned was the shadow spell. The shadow spell is ‘ours.’ Levitation, however, which is what he taught me next, was classical. Curses are always ours, and attacks are ours half the time, and classical the other half. Healing spells are mostly classical, but regeneration spells are all ours. Why is that?

I see the patterns in my head for these spells, when he draws them out for me, but I can never tell the difference between ours and classical. It’s all just magic to me. There’s nothing I can really say that makes something obviously ‘ours’ or ‘classical,’ other than the effort I have to put into it to make it work. Maybe if I had been able to learn when I was younger, I might know, but… why does the doctor make the distinction? I always thought he seemed like the most powerful pony on the ship, but why is that? What would make the viscount agree to give Sunny and Moonlight to me if he intended for me to sully them? Something… just isn’t right.

“I was thinking about it the other day. As far as I can tell, magic is magic. Some of it is harder than others, but I don’t know what makes the difference. I do know that whatever you call ‘ours’ is always easier for me, but I don’t understand why that is…”

He raised a brow, but that smile of his never left his face. “Well now. Truly, I was lucky to have come across you. You are a very bright mind indeed Shadow, very bright. Let’s take a look at some of the core spells you know. Our spell, your spell, the ‘Shadow’ spell, and the classical ‘Levitation’ spell. As you’ve learned by now, most spells grow in complexity, not because their patterns are more complex, but because they consist of more patterns.”

With his magic, he drew in the air. First, the pattern for the shadow spell, then the pattern for the levitation spell. It never occurred to me how different their patterns were before, but seeing them side by side… certainly makes it clearer. The first thing that caught my eye was the way the letters were placed. The levitation spell was plain, simple, easy to read. A simple shape crossed by another simple shape with a few words of power around the circular matrix. Nothing special.

The Shadow spell however, was like another beast entirely. Nothing about it was simple. There were several patterns and geometric shapes that all intersected at seemingly random points and angles. There were words of power along the circle’s edge, the interior matrix, and several of the major shapes that formed it. The strangest thing about it all was that none of it was anything I could read. I didn’t know what the words said, but… I clearly knew what they meant. If I didn’t have the understanding to back the power, I wouldn’t be able to cast it, so why…? Did I not notice this before? That was back before I could even read very well at all… How does it work?

“Yes, Shadow, these spells, in retrospect, are simply magic. The right pattern, the right words, the right amount of energy, anypony can cast a spell, unicorn or otherwise. Magic is, in part, a science. If you understand it, if you meet the parameters, anypony can do it. That is what makes a science.

“The Levitation spell? It is ancient, classical magic. With all classical magic, it can be easily deconstructed, it can be read plainly, and anypony can decipher, translate, and then use the spell, provided they can put power into the matrix, which, almost only unicorns can do. Your little #24 being the example of an inferior pony capable of superior things. Rare, exceedingly so, but not impossible. As much as the unicorns would like to believe it, we are not so different from the lower species.

“The Shadow spell, on the other hoof, is another beast entirely. Our magic, is derived from a deep, natural understanding of the entropic properties of magic. As there is order, there is also chaos. There is no coin with one side, after all. Our magic puts reason to chaos and creates a middle ground in which chaos and order act together to produce… a number of results from one matrix. For example…”

The levitation spell matrix faded away in golden fog, then recomposed itself into… some spiraling mess of circles and triangles. Again, words of power all over it, shapes that were barely recognizable as anything a classical spell could make sense of, but… all the same, I knew it well.

“The regeneration spell?” I asked.

He nodded. “Correct. This is our magic. The regeneration spell, as I’ve titled it, will regenerate flesh when power is applied to it and a target. However, that is not all it does. On its own, were I to apply the regeneration spell to a pony in good health, I could make his hooves grow. I could make his muscles expand. With enough power put into this spell… I could make a corpse, look healthy.”

I felt my ears twitch. “A corpse?”

“A dead body, a deceased creature, a previously living organism. With enough power and a lack of will in the target, the regeneration spell can even… make a corpse dance. Had they let me keep him on the ship, I could’ve shown you using the previous #36, but alas, there is nothing more malignant than a corpse. Even if we were to make him sanitary, I wouldn’t have the power to keep it that way for very long. A shame, really. I do always take joy in watching one of my puppets. But! That’s neither here nor there. Shadow, do you ever wonder why it was so difficult for you to learn basic levitation, but not something as complex as your spell?”

I frowned. “Well, the thought does come to mind.”

“And so it does. As we apply it to chaos, apply reason to the question and see if you can’t come up with something for me, hmm?”

Why does it feel easier to cast our magic? Just to experience it again, I decided to cast my levitation at the nearest untied object, a wooden crate by the starboard rail. I had to concentrate on my breathing, I had to concentrate on the object, I had to concentrate on the spell, and I had to make sure my power output was measured correctly as to not lose grip or crush the crate. I set it back down gently, and again, I found myself short of breath.

I’ve been using it for months now, I know it all well, I understand the feeling, but it just never seems… right, to me. It manifests, so clearly it works, but… why doesn’t it feel right? Then… there’s the shadow spell. Hide the box. Make it invisible. I called the circle, applied power to the pattern, and in an instant, the box was gone. It didn’t feel like I need to do anything more. It was almost like I could feel a thin string tugging on my horn like a hair being pulled, but it wasn’t much of a nuisance. Wait. There’s something there. It doesn’t feel like much of anything. I can just, turn the spell on, and ignore it. So long as there’s a trace amount of power going to it, I don’t even have to think about it.

“Is it because… they don’t require much power?”

The doctor smiled. “Not quite, but you’re on the right track. Let’s look at this in another light, shall we? Magic exists within all things. It’s something that flows through you, something you generate, something living things produce. When we invoke it, we take the power within us, and apply it to a concept to make it manifest in the real. With classical magic, to maintain something in the real, we must constantly apply our power to it.”

Why did he put emphasis on that word? It’s almost as if… our own power isn’t… “But… our power isn’t the only thing we can apply to it, is it?”

“Correct, Shadow. As I said, magic flows through all things. There is an inherent magic simply… floating around in the air. That is what we call entropy. The domain of chaos. Magic that can spontaneously come together without so much as being thought about, and cause something to happen. What, could be anypony’s guess. Our magic takes advantage of that entropy and bends it to our will. We apply our own magic to get the ball rolling of course, but the matrix seeks to gather the power it needs to act from wherever it can obtain it, specifically in the area near its target. You remember the Drain curse?”

Oh, far too well. “I do.”

“That particular curse is possibly the most basic version of our magic there is. All it does is simply collect the magic within an area specified by the matrix, and then return it to us. In healing, it, in effect, is a counter curse, or magic removal tool. It disassembles any magical structure, returns it to raw energy, and sends it back to the caster. Of course, even that aspect of it can be changed by adding parameters to the curse, but that is another concept.

“As with any simple spell, it can be very destructive too. Curses, much like our magic, are done using magic outside of ourselves, but in this case, the magic is applied and when triggered by an effect set by our parameters. Setting a curse is simple, but can only be done by one who understands the feel of our magic. Using magic extensively over time can earn you this feeling, but academics cannot teach it. Much like horns and wings or the lack there of, you can simply be born with or without it and go through life without knowing it was ever a possibility.

“You, Shadow, were born with a particularly exceptional set of traits that all come together in a wonderful mixture that makes you an excellent user of our magic. You have a natural feeling for it, your mind is unclouded by the teachings of classical magic to get in the way of your understanding, and your horn prefers to use magic in bursts rather than in a stream. You have very large, free flowing magic vessels. That of course, makes you an excellent mage regardless of how your horn is attuned, but that allows you to do things like the classical teleportation spell you like so much.

“Of course, now that you can read, you’re also picking things up on your own, like that sharpening spell…”

My teeth found my lip. “Uh… yes, I did… how did you-”

“Know you learned it? Shadow, my dear boy, I’ve already told you that emotion can influence our magic. You’re very good at putting your feelings into spells, and that can be felt by anypony, unicorn or otherwise. The potential in you is like a cup of overflowing water. It springs up seemingly without end, and if harnessed correctly, you could one day change the world. And when you do, I want to be there to see what a world you create…”

I nodded. “Of course… sir.”

“Now then… the others are beginning to wake. We will move on to classical practice. You should be wary of is using our magic around other ponies, Shadow. They may not notice it at first, but when they see our magic at play, they become afraid of it. Nothing creates terror in a pony quite like the unknown, and something they cannot understand, is to them, unknown.” The doctor returned to his barrel, and then pointed to the sea off the starboard rail. “Now, show me your beam spell.”

“Yes sir.”

---

January 31^st, The Year of Our Goddess, 608.

I’m beginning to… wonder about things. What I feel toward Sunny, what I feel toward Moonlight, what I feel toward the doctor. With Sunny, I… it’s not just the lust, but there is… it’s more than just desire. I don’t quite understand it. I would ask the doctor about it, but I’m afraid he’ll do something to ‘lower her value’ again if I tell him. There’s little else that has ever made me as angry as seeing Sunny like that. Maybe… back when I saw father hit mother when I was a child, but… nothing since has ever made me so furious.

That fury… it scares me too. Rage unbridled, a fire burning in my heart threatening to consume me and everything around me. I can feel it when I cast spells, I can feel it when I prepare curses, and I always feel it when I see the viscount. It scares her too. I don’t want Sunny to be afraid of me.

With Moonlight, it’s something similar, but without the desire. I just… want to keep her safe, I think. I don’t understand the feeling. What it is, why it is. But it is intense, and just as consuming as the rage. Maybe more so. Should I be cautious about it? Being… overtaken by these feelings might be disastrous. The doctor says emotion needs to be kept in check. Used when necessary, but caged and chained tightly. Enslaved.

And then, there’s him. I never bothered asking his name. He’s always been ‘the doctor’ just as I became ‘Shadow’ as soon as he started teaching me. He doesn’t care about who I was before. With his scan, he can see what I am with a flick of his horn. He knows I’m impure, a half breed. Nothing about my past matters other than I was a fresh slate for him to carve out into his own image. But who is he?

The doctor is uniquely talented. I’ve asked around about him as of late, but I can’t seem to get a straight answer from anypony. Even the captain, the only pony on this ship that really seems to know who the doctor is, won’t talk about him. He’s a doctor, he can cure any physical injury, and he knows the practice of medicine. That’s all they’ll say.

I did get one clue, and it was when I asked about ‘regeneration’ in regards to his healing magic. One of the crew mates said that regeneration was a dark magic. A cursed, forbidden thing that no pony should practice. Why is that? Is that what our magic is? Dark magic, something evil? Why does the doctor know it? Why is it so easy for me?

The more I learn the more I have questions without answers. What about our magic is evil? If my talents lie there, if learning something ‘evil’ was the gateway to unlocking my ability to use magic at all, then how can it be evil? I don’t understand.

They say that we should see land in a few weeks. Tomorrow is the first day of February, and by the time we reach the new world, spring will come soon. I wonder… if I’ll finally get to see that blue sky? Or maybe, Mother and Blackwood were lying after all. Another white sky and gray land, just as cursed and corrupt as the one I escaped. Only time will tell. And when I find my answer… I’ll make my move.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

A shame, really. I do always take joy in watching one of my puppets.

Yeah, this should be cause for concern right here.

In sany case, you have to feel for Shadow. It says something when he can't even recognize the sensation of love. As for dark magic... Well, at the doctor noted, many fear what they can't understand, and chaos magic isn't exactly intuitive for most ponies... though there could be something he isn't telling his apprentice. We'll see the truth in time.