Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Hooves

by alexmagnet

The End (Pt. II)

Chapter 3: The End (Pt. II)

As Spike hurtled towards the ground, spinning all the while, he caught a glimpse of Rainbow Dash rocketing upwards, almost angelically. Her mane and tail seemed to disappear into the rainbow streak she left in her wake. She soared majestically upwards while Spike fell gracelessly downwards. He clapped his hands together, praying that his death might at least be quick.

Moments before hitting the ground he felt the same suction as before, and the same utter darkness consumed him. Before he could process what had happened he was tumbling out of the wormhole and careening into a pile of books in Twilight's bedroom. He fell headlong into a particularly large stack of books that, when hit, fell on him one-by-one comically. As he rolled over, pushing the books off of himself and moaning, something heavy landed on top of him.

Twilight groaned, rolling over. “What did I land on?” she said, rubbing her back.

“Me,” grumbled Spike, coughing as he heaved himself up. “What happened?”

After dusting herself off Twilight proudly responded, “I saved us.”

“How?” Spike wondered as he massaged his stomach.

“I made another wormhole right before we landed.”

“How'd you make it so fast?”

“I don't really know,” Twilight confessed, shrugging her shoulders. “I guess I just did.”

“Good enough for me,” Spike replied. “Anyways, what the heck happened back there?”

Twilight looked over at where the wormhole had been, shaking her head. “I'm not sure,” she answered. “I think I caused the Sonic Rainboom.”

Spike stared at her, saying, “So, you caused the Sonic Rainboom, and, by extension, your own cutie mark to appear?” Twilight nodded slowly. “Dude, that's deep.” Spike ran a claw across his scales, shaking his head. “So, uh, what do we do now?”

Twilight walked towards the corner where the wormhole had been. “I guess we try again,” she said. Stepping closer to the corner she could see a faint crack in the wall. It was only a few inches long and no wider than a piece of paper. As she examined it closer she noticed that it wasn’t actually in the wall, rather, it was in the air, appearing to be part of the wall due to the fact that it was floating.

She cocked her head to the side, trying to peer into the hole. She couldn't make anything out, it was empty as far as she could tell. “Spike, come look at this,” she said, waving him over. Spike waded his way through the sea of books and planted himself next to Twilight. He craned his neck to look into the crack, unable to see anything besides the same bright white light Twilight saw. “What do you think it is?” she asked.

“Why are you asking me?” Spike replied, putting his claw over his chest. “You're the one who made it.”

“How do you know I made it?” Twilight retorted.

“It wasn't here before, right?” Spike questioned, Twilight reluctantly agreed. “So, that must mean that it was created when you made that wormhole.”

“That's actually a pretty good guess,” Twilight admitted.

“Thanks.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Twilight leaned forward, examining the bizarre crack closer, her brow furrowed. “You know what,” she said suddenly, stepping back from the fissure. “Why don't we just not worry about this now. We've still got to go back and stop Trixie from winning. We can figure out what this,” she motioned to the hole, “is later. Right now we've got some pony-ass to kick,” she said enthusiastically, clapping her front hooves together.

Before Spike even had a chance to respond Twilight's horn was already aglow with magic, and a tiny hole had opened in front of him. Within seconds it had grown large enough for them to enter. Twilight released the magic, allowing herself to relax. “You're getting pretty good at that,” Spike observed. He looked at her seriously, his eyebrows raised. “Are you sure you carried all your zeroes properly this time?”

“Just shut up and get in the damn wormhole.”

Spike chuckled and Twilight shook her head. Sobering up, the two of them looked sidelong at each other. They nodded then charged at the wormhole, diving in at the last second. Blackness and suction where the only things they saw and felt, respectively, for a few seconds. Then they fell out of the wormhole, tumbling into a tall pony.

He looked over his shoulder disdainfully, eyeing the pile of pony and dragon. “Sorry,” Twilight muttered, quickly gathering herself and Spike up, spiriting him away into a corner of the room. Once they had set down safely Spike looked around the room. He recognized it as Pinkie's basement, and it was the night of the fight. Ponies filled the room, they were cheering for the two combatants currently in the cage. Who those combatants were, Spike couldn't tell, there were far too many ponies in the way to see.

“Yes!” Twilight exclaimed, quietly hoof-pumping. “I was right!”

“Right about what?” Spike asked.

“About miscarrying that zero,” she replied.

Spike looked at her, one eyebrow arched. “Really?”

Twilight stared back at him with a deadpan expression. “Yes, really.” “I'll have you know,” she said, raising her hoof in protest, “That that was some extraordinarily difficult math that I—”

“Oh, and Handsome Henry goes down!” Twilight was cut off by the sound of Scootaloo shouting over the microphone. Twilight's eyes widened as realization hit her.

“Oh, crap.” Twilight was looking around furtively, searching the room. Apparently she didn't find what she was looking for because she turned back to Spike and said, “Ready?” Spike gaped at her, entirely not ready. “Good,” she said. He was about to protest when Twilight's horn flashed, momentarily blinding him. When his vision returned he started. Twilight had disappeared.

“Twilight?” he whispered. “Where are you?”

“I'm right here Spike,” she answered. But he could not see her. It sounded like her voice was coming from right in front of him, mere inches away. And yet, he could see nothing, there was no one in front of him. Figuring that by now Spike was most likely wondering where she was, Twilight headed him off. “I turned us invisible, Spike,” she whispered.

Spike looked down at his claws, at least, where is claws should be since he saw only the cold cement of Pinkie's basement. “How?” he asked quietly. “Also, why?”

Twilight sighed. “With an invisibility spell, idiot, and so we wouldn't be seen of course,” she hissed back.

“That... makes sense.”

“Idiot.”

“How come we have to whisper then?” Spike asked, still whispering.

“It's an invisibility spell. No one can see us, but that doesn't mean they can't hear us,” Twilight explained.

“Oh, well how come you don't do that too?” he asked.

“I don't know how to do that!” Twilight whispered angrily. “Come on,” she said, “enough screwing around. Let's find Trixie and get this over with.”

“What are you planning on doing?”

“Oh,” she said slowly. “I'm going to kill her”

“What!” Spike exclaimed, covering his mouth immediately afterwards.

Twilight chuckled, “I'm just kidding, Spike. I'm just going to make sure she loses, that's all. You get so worked up over everything, jeez.”

Spike calmed his beating heart and took a deep breath. “So what's your plan then?”

“When Trixie and past-me have our fight I'm going to knock her out with a spell right when my past-self hits her,” she said. “I think we should be starting any moment,” she added. As if on cue, the microphone crackled on and through the static Scootaloo's voice announced the start of the match.

“Let's get ready to rrrrrrrrrrrrrruuuuummmmbbbbllllleeeeee!”

“We have to get higher,” Twilight whispered.

Before Spike could respond he felt himself being lifted into the air, suspended by Twilight's magic. He now had a clear view of the cage where Trixie and past-Twilight were currently dancing around one another, their faces hard with determination.

“Ugh, does my ass really look that big?” Twilight muttered.

“Is that the most cliché thing you could think of to say?” Spike quipped. “Or do you want to try again?”

“Would you shut up?”

Spike chortled silently to himself before turning his attention back to the fight where Twilight had just taken a swing at Trixie and received a punishing blow in return. He cringed as she crashed into the cage wall. Watching Twilight get beat up was entertaining, but it hurt at the same time.

“Do I really suck that bad?” Twilight whispered.

“I wouldn't say you did well,” Spike whispered back.

“That was rhetorical.”

“I know.”

Twilight rolled her eyes invisibly, returning her attention to the fight. At that moment Trixie had just attempted to uppercut and her past-self had barely managed to avoid being hit. “Here's my chance,” Twilight whispered excitedly. As past-Twilight hooked her hoof into Trixie's side, floating-Twilight lit up her horn, firing a quick bolt of magic at Trixie. Moments before it hit the bolt dissipated, vanishing into thin air. “What—”

The sucking sensation came back suddenly, interrupting Twilight and pulling them into the void. They tumbled aimlessly through the blackness, caught completely unawares. An instant later they were skidding across the floor of Twilight's bedroom, scattering books everywhere and coming to rest against the far wall.

“—the hell?” Twilight finished. She stood up, no longer invisible, and ran back to the rapidly closing wormhole. By the time she reached it the portal had already shrunk to the size of a coin, closing milliseconds later. “No! No, no, no,” Twilight was frantically feeling the air, trying to find some trace of the wormhole. She waved her hooves around blindly, finding nothing. Meanwhile, Spike had managed to heave himself up and ford through the books to Twilight.

“What happened?” he asked, rubbing his head as Twilight tore at the air fruitlessly.

“I don't know!” she yelled, kicking a nearby pile of books in frustration. “The stupid wormhole just sucked us in and brought us back here!”

“Wait. I thought you did that?” Spike said, confused.

“Why would I do that?” Twilight demanded, “Hmm? What possible reason could I have for bringing us back?”

“I don't know I just—”

“How about you just shut up and let me think?” She shouted angrily. Spike sighed and stepped back, crossing his arms.

Twilight paced back and forth, oblivious to the books she was kicking around as she did. Spike watched her, as he did he noticed that behind her the crack from before had grown much larger. Now it was more like a crevice with an infinitesimal pit. It was nearly large enough for him to fit through now, though the white void beyond was frightening. It stretched out before him ominously. He put his arm in front of Twilight, stopping her pacing. She looked down at him, her eyebrows raised. He pointed behind her and she turned around.

“Holy crap...” she said slowly, her eyes widening. She moved closer to it, peering through the crack. She saw only the same white void that Spike saw. Walking around to the other side her head seemed to disappear behind it. She came back to the other side and looked into it again. “You can't see anything on the other side,” she said. “It's like nothing is there.” Her mouth hung open as she stared into the fissure's great maw, completely awestruck. She reached forward to touch it, her hoof extending slowly towards the bizarre anomaly. Spike's claw shot out, grabbing Twilight's hoof and pulling it back.

“Don't touch it!” he cried. “What are you thinking?” He shook his head. “I don't know what this is,” he said motioning towards the hole, “but it's probably dangerous. I think we should—Wait! I got it!” he shouted. Twilight turned to him eagerly.

“You know what this is?” she said, nodding her head at the crack.

“No, I mean I know why we were brought back to the present,” he answered.

“Oh...”

“I read it in a book,” he explained. “The universe kicked us out because we were trying to change the past.”

“Wait,” Twilight said, shaking her head and raising her hoof. “Then how come we didn't get kicked out when I caused the Sonic Rainboom?” she asked.

“Maybe you were supposed to do that,” Spike suggested.

“I knew it!”

“And anyways, I think that's the most likely explanation,” he continued.

“The universe kicked us out. That's the most likely explanation?” Twilight said sarcastically.

“Yeah, think about it,” he said. “What about causality?”

“Causality? What is that? And why should I care?” Twilight said, furrowing her brow.

“Causality is the relationship between two events where one is the cause and the other is the effect,” he explained. “For example, in our case you losing to Trixie would be the cause and then you creating a wormhole would be the effect. If you change history so that you don't lose then you would be creating a paradox where the thing that makes you change the past in the first place never have happened and so you wouldn’t have made a wormhole to change the past, thus making it impossible for you to have gone back in time to stop the thing that made you make the wormhole from happening.” He finished his sentence breathlessly. Stooping over, he inhaled slowly, catching his breath. Twilight's mouth was slightly open as she watched him, her brow arched.

“How do you know all that?” she asked.

“I read a lot of books,” he answered after calming down.

“I thought you said you couldn't read big words,” she said suspiciously.

Spike held up a finger. “I said I couldn't read legal words,” he clarified. “I didn't say I couldn't read scientific words.”

Twilight exhaled slowly, closing her eyes and pursing her lips. “I'm going to hit you now,” she said. Quick as lighting her hoof shot out, catching the left side of Spike's face. He stumbled backwards, his hand over his eye.

“What the hell, Twilight! You just sucker-punched me!” he shouted.

“I warned you.”

“Still!” He moved his hand away, blinking his eye. It had already swollen quite a bit, making it difficult for him to see. “How does it look?” he asked, his eye twitching.

Ignoring him, Twilight returned to her pacing. “The universe won't allow me to beat Trixie, hm? I don't accept that,” she said, stomping her hooves. “I refuse to believe that I'm powerless to change the past.” Her horn began to glow as she stopped pacing and started focusing her magic.

“Twilight! Stop!” Spike cried. “What are you doing?”

“I'm making another wormhole!” she shouted. “The universe won't push me around!”

“Didn't you listen to anything I said?” Spike pleaded.

“I don't give a damn about causality!” Twilight bellowed, the glow around her horn growing larger as she poured more magic into her spell. “I'll rip apart time and space if I have to!” she cried.

“That's exactly what you're doing!” Spike said as he pointed at the crack which was widening further and further. It now consumed the whole corner of the room, it's lines spreading farther the more magic Twilight forced out. She ignored him, her attention focused entirely on the image of Trixie standing over her smirking.

The look of resolve on Twilight's face would have been admirable were it not for the circumstances. The magic shooting out of her horn filled the room, forcing her head down as it ejected from her body. She pushed up, anger filling her eyes as she splayed her legs and increased the flow of magic. Spike stood behind her, watching as the sheer strength of her magic started forcing the fissure, more a valley now, wider and wider still. He knew that he couldn't say anything that would stop Twilight now, so he sat down silently. At least he would be comfortable for the end of the world.

Twilight's eyes were squeezed shut, she had no idea what kind of havoc she was wreaking. If she did, she probably would not have stopped anyways, she was too singularly focused on Trixie's defeat to stop now. With one final surge of magic the crack split wholly, tearing at the edges. It spread across the room and beyond, virtually ripping the air in two. As the white void stretched out before him, filling his vision, Spike took a deep breath and closed his eyes. A ripping sound filled the air as the fabric of space-time was torn asunder. Twilight's magic stopped of its own accord, finally halting when there was nothing left to pour into.

Spike opened his eyes slowly. The only thing he saw was Twilight standing, or floating, a few feet in front of him. Everything else was white, like a blanket of snow had covered the whole world. Only, it wasn't cold. In fact, it wasn't anything. It was just nothingness, the very definition of empty. There was no up or down, no direction at all. Spike didn't even feel like he was floating, he was just there. Twilight turned around, facing Spike. She looked around, seeing only the same void of nothingness that Spike saw. She opened her mouth slowly.

“Did—did I do this?” She asked as she looked around.

“Yep,” replied Spike.

“Where is everything?”

“Nowhere. There is nothing anymore,” Spike said bitterly. “You literally tore the fabric of space-time apart and virtually destroyed the universe.”

“How come we're still here?”

“Because the universe hates us.”

“I don't understand,” Twilight said, shaking her head.

“Neither do I.”

Twilight fell back on her haunches, as well as she could at least given that there was nothing to fall back on. She stared upwards, or downwards. “This is it, huh?”

“What do you mean?” Spike wondered.

“This is it,” Twilight said, pausing. “The end.”

“Yep.”

“This sucks.”

“Yep.”

Comments

[Syrahl696]

Dafuq?
You just effectively murdered everything and everyone in Equestria. And made Spike go out of character. And sentenced Twi (and Spike, who didnt do anything wrong) to eternal floating in the void.
You could have at least made like an apocalypse or something. All that potential, just wasted...

[Swashbucklist]

The whole Sonic Rainboom incident may have been crucial to the causality Spike was explaining to Twilight, but it still felt like a pretty big tangent. I was kinda hoping this would all escalate to an increasingly tense situation capped off with an actual punchline, rather than just Twilight whiting out all of existence. It was at least funny that she acted like a jerk to Spike, yet still pulled him along on all her adventures, abysmal though they were. This ending really deviated from the ludicrous situation that had been established.

He fell headlong into a particularly large stack of books that, when hit, fell on him one-by-one comically.

I came up with something pretty funny that coulda happened there ... I shall share it.

After a short pause, the final book to land on Spike's head is a large, heavy dictionary, which hits him with a loud THUNK. He glares at the dictionary, then recovers and says, "Good job, Sweetie Belle, you've mastered comic timing."

[alexmagnet]

1152448

I came up with something pretty funny that coulda happened there

Damn... why didn't I come up with that?

The whole Sonic Rainboom incident may have been crucial to the causality Spike was explaining to Twilight, but it still felt like a pretty big tangent.

I suppose it did go on a bit too long, especially since I was only using it to, as you said, allow Spike to explain causality.

I was kinda hoping this would all escalate to an increasingly tense situation capped off with an actual punchline, rather than just Twilight whiting out all of existence.

That is basically what I was trying to do, thought it seems I failed. The punchline, apparently, didn't quite work either.

1151654
Hmm, it seems that people are not liking the ending. That is unfortunate. I guess going in a completely different direction from the rest of the story wasn't as funny to everyone else as it was to me.

I'm sorry the people that didn't like the ending feel that way, but I do still appreciate the feedback. Especially if it's to tell me why you didn't like it. Knowing why someone doesn't like something is very helpful and it's much better than just getting a comment saying "This story suckz, your a faget."

So, to that end, I hope that everyone voices their opinion of the ending (and the rest of the story) in the comments. That way I can see what people did and didn't like and learn from my mistakes.

Thanks, to everyone who read this story, even if you didn't like it, and thanks for all the feedback.

[Swashbucklist]

1153322 I think the main problem is that in the finale, the narrative distanced itself from Trixie. The reason that was a problem is: she's the main villain. She was established in the first chapter to be the story's driving conflict, yet in the last one-point-five chapters, the main conflict is Twilight's obsession with making things right. I'm not just saying this because I love Trixie and love how you write Trixie, but when you establish a villain, that villain needs to be the main source of antagonism until the very end.

Perhaps it would have worked better if Past Trixie had seen Twilight and Spike before they turned invisible and made plans based on that twist. Or she could have shown up at the library while Twilight was messing around with wormholes and made the situation worse (or become a hero seeing as Twilight's judgement was impaired). When one has a character-driven narrative, it would probably be best to make use of the prominent characters until they have expended said use. Especially if one is The Great Sexy and Powerful Muscular Trixie.

[Emperor]

It's a good thing Twilight failed to make herself win the fight and ended up whiting out all of reality, because heavens knows if she had succeeded, she would have also started a circlejerk that would have lasted for months at being the one to actually cause the original Sonic Rainboom.

[Prince Leviathan]

Silly Twilight, Space-Time manipulation is not part of your job description.
Leave that to the Doctor.
You know, someone who knows how not to White Out the universe.