The Darkest of The Light

by Moonghost

Chapter 4

Blue Blood had been quiet sense he had come back to the castle, given the letter to Celestia and just gone to his room and locked everyone out, and nopony is sure why.

Blue Blood sat staring at the Ebony black bone like sword that he had found stabbed into the center of his room, just like it had been when he had returned from his talk with *Golden Blade*. He was terrified that somepony could get into his room with such ease, but, what horrified him was the note: \Hey Blue, thanks~ B.\ When Blue Blood had entered his room, he hadn’t even seen The ebon blade stabbed firmly into the center of the floor, and when Blue had noticed the sword, he ran and hid on his bed terrified, and there he is sat shivering, terrified, and afraid.

Comments

[John bostock]

Can't wait for next chapter

[Doomed Soul]

10933699
I think the problem is that the description doesn't give any idea of even the basic idea if what the story is about.
There's nothing to hook a reader's interest.

The description shouldn't spoil the events of the story, but it should give some sort of impression of what kind of story it is and make it sound interesting.

Here's the description of the first book in the Dresden Files as an example.

As a professional wizard, Harry Dresden knows firsthand that the “everyday” world is actually full of strange and magical things—and most of them don’t play well with humans. And those that do enjoy playing with humans far too much. He also knows he’s the best at what he does. Technically, he’s the only at what he does. But even though Harry is the only game in town, business—to put it mildly—stinks.
So when the Chicago P.D. bring him in to consult on a double homicide committed with black magic, Harry's seeing dollar signs. But where there's black magic, there's a black mage behind it. And now that mage knows Harry's name...

It doesn't spoil the plot, but it gives a potential reader an idea of what the story is about in broad terms that try to provoke interest and curiosity about what is going to happen.

Your story might be decent or even great, but the description on the face is just so vague and generic that the first impression makes it sound dull or like you didn't put any effort into it.