Haycartes' Pluperfect Method

by Kris Overstreet

DEATH BRIDLE Chapter 22: She’ll Be Going Down the Mountain

Now, as nice as you might think it could be to have the very personal attention of a fallen angel- and a particularly insane, homicidal fallen angel at that- I hope you’ll understand that, at this particular moment, I found it a bit inconvenient. In another half minute the caboose of the train would leave the platform, and before that happened I needed to be on that train, looking for Long Game, preferably with someone capable of fighting Long Game standing next to me.

That’s not a problem, Twilight thought back at me. I can teleport us on board. The problem is keeping Helpmeet from following us.

We shall have to split our forces, Hornsparker put in. The Knights of the Quill and perhaps Mr. Maddog will slow her down. And if Mr. Respectable’s magical bodyguard is good enough to stop your spirit, she may be-

Got it. “Mighty! Maddog!” Twilight shouted. “Keep her busy! Johnny, Miss Skies, stay close to me!”

Helpmeet waved her blade-hair around herself. “What do you think you’re gonna do, Daresden?” she asked. “I’m between you and the train! You’re only going past me in little pieces!”

Twilight paused to stroke her chin. “Well, that’s technically correct,” she said, “if you follow the work of Heisenburro and Crashing Bore on thaumic indeterminacy, but I always found that theory too distant and spooky for-“

THE TRAIN!

Sorry! “But that’s not important right now!” Twilight said. “What is important is…” She rose up and reached her forelegs around Johnny and Pale Skies, and with a surge of magic and a moment of disorientation as inertia almost took our hooves out from under us, we disappeared from the station platform and reappeared on the roof of the next to last train car.

I wanted to smile and wave goodbye at Helpmeet as the metal-scaled monster spun on her hooves to watch us start down the slope away from Canterlot… which meant I was delighted when Twilight did exactly that, adding a cheerful, “See you later!” followed by a powerful telekinetic swat at the trio of blade-tentacles that lashed out at us before we got out of reach.

We lost sight of the train station as the train left the city walls and began hugging the sides of Mt. Canter, headed for the first tunnel on its way down the mountain. Johnny had to shout as the train began picking up speed. “So what’s the plan?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Twilight said. “Find Long Game and take back the Sketchbook. Because obviously we’ll have to pry it from his cold dead hooves.”

“No objections,” Johnny said grimly. “I was asking how we make that happen.”

“You remember that shadow pony in the corridors under the hotel?”

“That’s him? Didn’t seem like much.”

“Don’t underestimate him. He’s the leader of the whole Order of the True Canon. I don’t think you get that by being Mr. Congeniality!”

“This is true,” Pale Skies said. “Nightshadow is the most powerful. He was the first to rebel. The others followed him, at least at first.”

“And he’s inside a unicorn older than Equestria itself,” Twilight finished. “So even without the Fallen, Long Game would be serious trouble.”

“I thank you for the compliment.” Darkness flowed up from the gap between two train cars, solidifying itself into the shadow pony we’d seen the night before in the cake vault. “I wish I could say I appreciate not being underestimated, but in truth I would much rather you just let me kill you all.”

“And we’d rather you just give us the Sketchbook of Tiveen and go away,” Twilight said back. “Sorry not sorry for the inconvenience.”

“Oh, trust me, Daresden,” Long Game growled, “you won’t be inconvenient for very long at all. You should have accepted my offer when you had the chance.”

There was a flurry of motion I couldn’t really see while not in control of my body, with the senses mostly under Twilight’s control. But I did feel our telekinesis lash out and deflect something, while Pale Skies’ battle-ax again lopped off a tongue of darkness and Johnny Respectable blocked another strike with a blade I didn’t know he’d had until that moment. It rested in the frog of his hoof like it grew there, short but very, very sharp and pointy, and his body language told me he’d had a lot of experience using it.

“This again?” the shadow pony sighed. “This time you haven’t got an explosion conveniently timed for you, have you?”

“No,” Twilight agreed. “But I have something even better.” Magic flowed through my horn- just a trickle- and a little glowing ball of light appeared in front of her.

“Really?” Long Game asked, one glowing eye cocking ironically. “A will-o-wisp spell? That was the second spell every unicorn learned even when I was a foal. What do you expect to do with one of those?”

“Nothing,” Twilight said, “with one.” Then my horn began to pulse, and with every pulse another will-o-wisp flickered into life, each one swinging around to orbit the shadow pony. More and more of them popped out, until they formed what looked like a solid ring of light, a ring that grew brighter and brighter with every will-o-wisp cast.

The shadow pony let out an unearthly howl of pain and collapsed in on itself, the tangible darkness sinking into the skin of the gray, thin unicorn in a gray jacket beneath. “That… no unicorn can cast that many spells at once!” he gasped, staggering with obvious pain.

“No unicorn who didn’t go to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, maybe!” Twilight gloated.

That quip raised a look of confusion on Long Game’s muzzle. “And since when did you attend that institution, Daresden?” he asked.

“Um… correspondence classes!” Twilight said, and she shot a bolt of magic at Long Game to put a stop to any further questions.

Long Game swatted the bolt away with a flash of his own magic. “Well, I admit you have momentarily shut down my companion,” he said, as a long, straight sword floated up in his telekinesis. “But if you thought that would render me helpless, you are gravely mistaken.” Then the sword lunged right at my eyes, and Twilight backed us away just in time for Pale Skies to block it with her axe.

“Mr. Respectable,” she said as she swirled the big blade around, deflecting stab after stab from Long Game, “this will require my full attention. Stay behind us.”

“Understood,” Johnny said. “Fifth wall.”

“Yes, sir.” Without missing a beat the pale pony fired off two of her own spells. One created a light on the roof beneath Long Game’s hooves, adding to Twilight’s ring of light. The other created a light far, far above us, shaped like an fiery red arrow in a stretched bow, ready to slam down on its target.

With a grunt, and without slowing his thrusts, Long Game cast his own spell, creating a curved shield over his head. “I think not,” he said. “And if that’s all you have to offer…” His horn flashed again, and Pale Skies grunted as her axe was knocked out of her own grasp. She grabbed it again an instant later, but Long Game’s sword was already past it, aimed directly at the base of her neck.

When Twilight’s next magic bolt flashed out and struck him in the barrel, both he and the sword got knocked back. The sword tip had a tiny spatter of red on it, matching the scratch it left on Pale Skies’ neck.

And then the axe was back in place, and metal slammed against metal again- never my favorite sound, but right now I liked it-

Cease your blather, Hornsparker muttered alongside me in the depths of my head. We have a problem.

Doesn’t look like it to me, I thought, as Twilight launched another spell past Pale Skies, forcing Long Game to jump over it. Two on one, and he’s lost his trump card, right?

Wrong. That battleaxe is defending us, but it also blocks our attacks. Miss Sparkle can only strike out at him around the axe, while he could strike at us and Miss Skies any time he pleases.

Looks to me like he has his hooves full with the sword.

No. Watch his eyes.

I did so, as well as I could within the narrow scope of not being in control of my body. Most of the time I couldn’t really see Long Game’s eyes, between Twilight swaying around for a shot, Pale Skies blocking a blow with her axe, and the train rocking around one bend and another along the mountainside. But when I saw them…

He’s not looking at her, he’s looking at me. At us.

So I surmised. He is a master swordsman, to the point he no longer has to think about the fight at all. He’s toying with us. Waiting for something.

Waiting? Waiting for- DOWN!

“DOWN!”

Twilight Sparkle, thank goodness, had been paying attention, and she was right up there with us. Long Game had already been diving for the train roof when she shouted.

Even with Twilight running the body, I could feel the ceiling of the tunnel pull at the tail of my longcoat. One instant later and I would have been knocked off the train, and if I was lucky I’d have landed on the tracks a bloody mess. As it was, I was sure my coat tails (and possibly my actual tail) now had a few more tatters to show off.

Not that we were that much better off. There wasn’t enough clearance between train and tunnel for Pale Skies to use her axe as a shield. Long Game, on the other hoof, had his rapier ready and his horn lit. He’d been ready for this moment, and he was ready to finish us both.

Or so we all thought, I think, except for Twilight, who had a simple solution. The front of the train car roof, where Long Game lay, lit up in the color of my magic, and I felt the yank on my horn as her magic ripped the front of the roof up and slapped Long Game into the ceiling.

The rapier fell out of his telekinesis and clattered off the train, gone into the darkness of the tunnel behind us.

A few moments later we came out into the night air again, Luna’s moon almost directly overhead, as the train roared around the curves and down the side of Mt. Canter. We all picked ourselves up off the roof, Long Game no slower than us despite having just had his bell rung pretty hard.

“Well,” he grumbled, “I see I shall have to stop playing.”

His horn lit up, and the train car shook again, but this time it shook like a wet dog. Pale Skies stumbled, and this time when a magic bolt struck her axe, it was gone from sight before she could recapture it. Twilight, though, lost her hooves altogether- lost MY hooves- and we began tumbling backwards towards the gap between train cars and certain death.

I felt my magic- Twilight’s magic- reach out for anything to grab onto to stop the roll.

We grabbed Long Game.

The moment of telekinetic grip did three things. First, it stopped my tumble, giving Twilight a chance to get back on my hooves. Second, it knocked Long Game off his hooves, sending him onto his chin and skidding back towards us. Third, it forced him to drop the shake-the-train spell, giving us a semi-steady surface under us again.

Now Pale Skies let off her own spell, a wave of ice that scythed down onto Long Game’s outstretched neck. He managed to roll through it, tumbling forward just as the spell smashed a huge gouge through the train roof. He sprang to his hooves right in front of Pale Skies, raised a foreleg, and with a word of the ancient tongue gave her a shove of force that sent her sliding back to join us.

That done, the old gray stallion twisted his neck until it popped, then glared at us as Pale Skies leaned against me for balance-

No, pretty sure that’s me leaning against her.

“How long can you keep this up, Miss Daresden?” Long Game asked. “I have been doing this for over two thousand years. I fought the Pegasus phalanx and the Earth Pony Gard back before Equestria was founded! Even in his weakened state, my partner keeps me from tiring! Sooner or later, you shall tire, and then-“

The sentence ended in a little grunt, and Long Game almost buckled to his knees.

Johnny Respectable pulled the little hoof-knife out of Long Game’s side. His other hoof slid into the inside of the old unicorn’s jacket and, with the ease of long experience as a pickpocket, slipped out a large scroll case. “You know what I’m tired of?” the gangster asked. “Your talking.”

Long Game, to our surprise, chuckled, even as he held a hoof over his stab wound. “Not bad, mortal,” he said. “You have the Sketchbook for the moment. You might even make us redo our plan from scratch. But I shall merely retrieve the Sketchbook from your mangled bodies.”

“Oh really?” Johnny asked, carefully stepping around both Long Game and the holes in the train car roof to rejoin us. “How do you plan on that?”

Long Game laughed again, louder. “Did you think I hadn’t planned for all of this?” he asked. “Think about this: who is driving this train?”

Based on the widening eyes on Pale Skies’ and Johnny Respectable’s faces, they got it the same time I did- the increasingly loud wind around us, the gradually growing sway and rattle of the train, all the signs of a steadily increasing speed. We’d been too busy fighting to pay attention until now, but-

“See you at the bottom, foals!”

And with a laugh that implied the stab wound to the side was nothing at all, Long Game leaped backwards, off the train and into the darkness of the half-mile fall to the farmland below.

Not that he’ll get that far, I thought. Now he’s out of Twilight’s light spells, the demon will save him.

Yeah, but who will save us?

I would have blinked at that if I’d had control of the body. What? I thought. You’re the almighty alicorn princess, right? Teleport us off of here!

I already tried! Twilight snapped. Something’s blocking me! Or maybe I’m too worn out! You know, casting a hundred will-o-wisp spells and all the other things weren’t exactly nothing!

“Skies?” Johnny asked, staring off into the darkness after Long Game.

“The shadow of death has been lifted,” the white unicorn said simply. “Though I cannot recommend staying on this train more than three more minutes.”

Johnny nodded. “Break the fifth wall,” he said.

The bow and arrow of ruby light above us burst, turning into a simple white arrow pointing down at us. A few moments later it got blocked by something a bit darker- an airship appearing out of nowhere, running lights illuminating a baby blue envelope.

Ropes dropped out of the airship’s hull, and a moment later three pegasi swooped down to take the ends in their hooves and guide them to us. “Hold still,” one said as he tied one rope around me. “There’s a tunnel forty seconds ahead, and then a hard left curve after that. We need to leave now.”

Then all three of us were secured, and the ropes yanked us off the train, leaving us hanging off in space as the airship pulled hard away from the side of the mountain.

A vibration ran through the rope, and something began hauling us up. And suddenly, I had the sensation of something inside my head being hauled up and away as well, and for one brief moment I was alone in my own mind.

But then I felt the world peel away from around me, like a page turning and leaving me behind…

Author's Note:

I thought about checking Death Masks out of the local library again to hew closer to the original climax, which has Marcone rescue Dresden by lowering the Shroud of Turin like a rope from a helicopter, or somesuch.

And then I thought, "I don't want to wait- I want this OVER."

So I rolled my own for the final fight, and as a result I didn't figure out a way for Johnny Respectable to use the Sketchbook of Tiveen as an ersatz rope.

Now I can move on to the next book- third of what will be five if I ever complete this. And I won't need the library for any of them- I own the third and fifth books, and the fourth is public domain and available to read online.

On to GERBIL PRINCESS: GERTRUDE THE UNSTOPPABLE.

(Yes, I'm going to change the name. Hamster Princess by Ursula Vernon is delightful, by the way. Much recommended.)

Comments

[Eroraf86]

Huzzah, off to a new adventure!

[5thWall]

I would prefer not to be broken actually, thank you.

[Alyarin9000]

Oooh, sooner than expected!

But then I felt the world peel away from around me, like a page turning and leaving me behind…

let's hope Daresden joins them in the next book, otherwise this has disturbing implications...

[mishun]

and a particularly insane, homicidal fallen angel at that

Equicidal!

[River Babble]

Hurray, they won! And now off to gerbil land! Im glad daresden is coming along, even if she isnt 😅I always enjoued Dresden’s narrating, and you do it well.

By the way, are you still planning to have her go through twenty books?