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Introduction

There was brief chatter in the packed room as a man in a smart suit and tie took the stage and stood in front of a microphone, before coughing gently to indicate to the assembled crowd that the presentation was about to begin.

"This is the Canterlot Radio Home Service," he said, in a British accent, before suddenly a coin landed on a pot next to him. "Thank you!" There was a pause before laughter, as the man continued to speak. "We now come to the weekly radio programme that is entirely dedicated to the downfall of Abacus Cinch."

Cheerilee suddenly spoke from the background. "He, of course, refers to the Thursday night interview show on which people are interviewed."

Moments later, strange, funereal music started up, followed by wailing sounds for some undescernible reason that had the crowd in stitches. No, the funny kind, not the medical kind!

"STOP!" Cheerilee called, and the nonsense stopped. "Time for laughing is later, not now. And I wish to say something. Mr Greenslade, may we start the interview?"

"Of course," Mr Greenslade replied, and walked over to Cheerilee whilst seemingly attached to a ball and chain, judging from the strange clinking and clunking sound being emmitted when he was walking. That, or it was just a poorly maintained floor. It wasn't entirely clear which it was.

"My Lords, Ladies, and all other National Assistence Holders," he said gravely, provoking more laughs, "tonight I have on the air, presented in cooperation with the league of Oregon Trombonists, on a show specially wrotten for the wireless type of radio set, a dramatic tale about one woman and her role in catching a most brutal criminal. A merciless criminal. A criminal who knew no boundaries. And this criminal was... the Terror of Canterlot!"

"Or, the dreaded cupcake hurler," Cheerilee stated. "It all began several weeks ago..."

Canterlot, California. The year? October 2014. In amongst the fishing ports and gentle harbour sound, next to a strip of somewhat blue grey water, and the roar and rattle of the trains and streetcars, and the odd electric bus, the town was deserted... except for people. And the people of the town knew peace and prosperity, far removed from chaos and confusion consuming other parts of the state. As the sun descended from the sky and the sky turned from blue to orange, people were out in the streets, or on the road doing other things. And tonight, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were making their way home from an evening 'Crusading' with Scootaloo, who had already gone home as they had passed her home, not too unreasonably.

"Phew!" Apple Bloom said, whiping her brow of sweat. "It's a hot one, no doubt about that. And the breeze is pickin' up some. Ya may wanna hold onta somethin', Sweetie Belle! If ya don't, ya may go flyin' through the air!"

"It's not that windy!" Sweetie Belle replied, as her skirt billowed gently in the breeze. "And the sun's bright, as well as warm. A lovely evening in early Autumn, all told."

"Just a moment," Apple Bloom interrupted, as she fiddled about in her hair. "Sorry, mah bow's a little loose. Ah need ta adjust it some. Ya wouldn't mind holdin' mah lasso?"

"Why did you bring your lasso?" Sweetie Belle asked, confused. "You can't rustle cows here!"

"Why not?" Apple Bloom answered, as she finished tidying her bow up and took the lasso back.

"They're out of season."

"Drat." Apple Bloom looked annoyed at that piece of news. "Looks like it's dried pheasant at Sweet Apple Acres again! So Ah'll lasso a cow that's out of season!"

"You can't!"

"Ah will!"

"You can't!"

"Ah will!"

INTERJECTION FROM MR GREENSLADE

"Readers who are reading will know that Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are talking rubbish. There are no cows to be found in California. They can only be found in Kansas, north of a line drawn in such a way as to make it the shortest distance."

(COIN CLINK IN BACKGROUND)

"Thank you."

THE STORY WILL RESUME MOMENTARILY

"Well," Apple Bloom sighed. "If Ah can't lasso a cow out of season, Ah suppose Ah won't."

A cold chill of chilly air flowed over the two girls and Sweetie Belle shivered. "I'd better be getting home. I don't think Rarity wants me out too late, especially now the light's fading."

"Neither do Ah wanna be out much longer," Apple Bloom admitted. "Mah clothes could do with a wash and-"

Suddenly, there was a strange sound, and the two girls jumped. "Sweetie Belle, did ya hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Hear the sound of a gas oven door slam!"

"How do you know it was a gas oven?"

"Because electric ovens have magnetic locks!" Apple Bloom retorted. "Ah know mah stuff!"

Sweetie Belle shrugged. "Besides, who would be randomly walking around Canterlot with a gas oven?"

"Mr and Mrs Cake?"

"Apart from the obvious!"

There was a moment's pause. "Besides, who would want to be bak-"

Just then, something flew through the air, and there was a tremendous SPLAT! An object flew through the air, and collided with Sweetie Belle. Batter, icing, and decorations dribbled down her face and shirt, and she looked a right mess. She stammered as she tried to process what on earth had just happened. "M- m- m- my shirt!"

"Who?" Apple Bloom asked. "Help! We need some cleanin' paper, stat! Mah friend's made a bit of a mess of her clothes!"

"Don't say it like that!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed. "People will get the wrong impression, they will! The last thing we need is the wrong impression!"

"Says the girl who looks like she just had an accident tryin' ta eat a cupcake and a bowl of ice cream at the same time!" Apple Bloom retorted. "Ah think we may need some professional help. Help! Help! Is there anybody about?"

"I'm about," said Discord, suddenly appearing and disappearing, as he was known to do at regular intervals on certain days of the year.

"There's somebody!" called Sweetie Belle.

Author's Note:

The Goon Show was a BBC comedy series that ran from 1951 to 1960, and was known for its absurd plots, nonsensical dialogue, and incredibly witty use of language, as well as considerable levels of absurdity.

This story aims to try and capture what made the Goons so likeable, and how they trailblazed British comedy.

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