The Sesquiannual Meeting of the League of Evildoing Villains Intending Terrible Yields

by Show Stopper

...We're Just Bad At This

***8 Months Later***

Sugar Belle fidgeted nervously as her fellow villainous masterminds starred her down incredulously.

"Let me get this straight," Tirek said, massaging his temples. "Your plan was to get one of the Element Bearers to fall in love with your beloved, creating a love triangle situation that would lead to anger between her and your beloved's overprotective sister..."

"...but instead," Grogar continued, "you somehow arranged to mary said beloved, as well as said Element Bearer, the sister of another Element Bearer, and the local schoolteacher?"

"To be fair," Cheerilee said, sipping a cup of tea as she sat beside her new sister-wife, "I was already planning to make a move on Macintosh. Fluttershy and Marble getting involved just accelerated my plans a touch."

"And you brought one of them with you!" Tirek shouted. "This meeting is supposed to remain secret!"

"Oh, pipe down you overgrown ape!" Sugar snapped. "I couldn't come up with a good lie to get out of our date night. Besides, Cheery promiced she wouldn't say a word, and my Cheery would never break a promice to me!"

Grogar raised an eyebrow. "'Cheery?'"

Sugar blushed, Cheerilee giggled, and Ditzy just sighed. "Yeah, they've all fallen pretty hard," she said. "On the upside, I've never felt so full in my life. On the downside..."

Sugar looked down and began tracing circles on the stone floor. "I, um, I might need to retire from LEVITY. I just don't think I can keep plotting against Flutt-Flutt."

"...Flutt-Flutt?"

"Ponies are inherently sickeningly sachrine creatures, my apprentice. Doubly so when they're in love."

Ditzy sighed. "Guess we're down to three now."

"Not so fast!" Grubber waddled into the room, a proud grin on his face. "It just so happens that I've concocted a devious, evil plan in the last year and a half. One that is guaranteed to bring Equestria to its knees!"

Grogar raised an eyebrow. "This plan had better hold more weight than those soldiers you lent me. They barely fed my undead hoards for a day."

Grubber scowled. "That's because they were supposed to fight with your forces, not feed them."

"...ah. That would have been more effective."

"Are you sure these are the evil masterminds behind every attack against Equestria?" Cheerilee whispered to Sugar. "They... don't seem to be very good at their jobs."

"Grogar's a litch whose brains are literally rotting out of his skull and Tirek's new" Sugar whispered back. "The only ones to almost succeeded were me, bug-breath, and the hedgehog."

"...didn't one of your plans end with you getting brainwashed and your cutie mark stolen?"

"It's about the art," Sugar explained. "Not personal profit."

"So?" Tirek demanded, crossing his arms and scowling at Grubber. "What is this genius plan of yours?"

"I heard from a certain Draconequus that there are three fillies in Ponyville who are particularly prone to mayhem and destruction."

"If you're going to try to harness the CMC," Ditzy warned, "you should know that they're beyond all control or manipulation. I once took them out on a fishing trip to guage their potential." She flicked her tongue angrily. "It ended with us shipwrecked on a sandbar, covered in tree sap."

"...how did you get covered in-"

"I DON'T KNOW!!! One minute we were fishing and all was fine! Next thing I know it's-"

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS INSERT ACTIVITY HERE! YAY!!!" Cheerilee, Sugar and Ditzy coursed.

"And then it's all just a blur until we crashed," Ditzy finished. "We were nowhere near a forest, and the boat and poles were aluminum. I think those three just produce tree sap spontaneously."

"Gee," Grubber said, rubbing the back of his head. "Guess giving them a lifetime supply of energy drinks will make things pretty crazy, huh?"

Three sets of equine eyes went wide. Ditzy began whimpering as Cheerilee's face paled. "I, um, I don't suppose you could put that plan off until my new family has evacuated Ponyville, could you?" Sugar asked nervously.

Grubber shrugged. "Sorry. Shipped it a couple of days ago. And I shipped the one for Pinkie Pie right before coming here."

*thud*

Grogar and Tirek stared at their comrades' reactions. Ditzy had fainted dead away while the two earth ponies had fled screaming. They looked at each other before turning back to the sheepish Grubber.

"What's wrong with them?" Grogar asked.

Comments

[Ri2]

GRUBBER, WHAT HATH YOU WROUGHT?!