A Doctor, A Zombie, and a River Intro
“ A timelord,a zombie, and a river”
Inside the TARDIS, the Doctor was fiddling away with random levers and buttons. “Derpy, have you ever heard of a Sonic Boom, er, Sonic Rainboom?” asked The Doctor. “Yes, but I’ve never had the chance to see one!” Said Derpy, as the doctor fiddled away on an assortment of levers and buttons he said “Well, do you want to?” “Do I what?” “Do you want to see a Rainboom” “YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES” Buttons were pushed, and levers were flipped that day, and soon, the Doctor and Derpy were transported back in time to the day of the rainboom. the tardis came to a screeching halt in a field near cloudsdale, “Well derpy, how do you feel about watching an old mares tale come true today?” The Doctor said as he opened the TARDIS’s Doors. “Ehm, where are we?” said Derpy. The two have landed in a field of dandelions and grass. “Now, derpy, today is the day single han- er, hoofingly created a Sonic Rainboom. She made the impossible happen, hmm, isnt she your friend to? A miss Rainbow Dash?” “Dash? Oh, yeah. I knew she made a Rainboom, silly! She talks about it ALL the Time! Too bad i was helping my dad deliver letters to everypony in cloudsdale, thats why i never got to see it!” said derpy. “Well, thats too bad.” “Why is that?” “Well, according to the TARDIS, we should have seen it a few seconds ago.” ”Well, we might just not be at a good viewing point, silly!” “No no no, the TARDIS never is wrong, well...except for that time we went to the lava planet of Ragnaros.” said The Doctor. “Oh right” said derpy. “Right well....lets go make sure the timeline is alright.” And with that the doctor and derpy were back into the TARDIS and heading to the present”
(Click here to get the full doctor who experience:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV6bbP1rZ84&feature=youtu.be )
“Would you like a Jelly Filly” Asked the Doctor as they made their landing.”Um, no thanks, do you have any muffins?” The doctor threw a muffin to derpy as he landed the tardis in ponyville. As he walked out of the TARDIS Doors, he was immediately attacked by some creature.The doctor examined the creature, it looked like a pony, stallion, but decayed...almost familiar. “CARAMEL?!?!?!” Shouted Derpy.”DERPY, INTRODUCTIONS LATER, BUT NOW GET IT OFF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” And with that derpy grabbed the nearest thing she could find, her muffin, and proceeded to buck off the creature and throw her muffin at it! The doctor hastily got up and pulled his sonic out and soniced the creature.
“DERPY, stay behind me” the doctor shouted as he galloped in front of derpy. Derpy was shocked at what she was seeing, it was caramel, all bloody and fleshy. and he was trying to kill them. “Ok, done, now lets get him the hell out of my TARDIS before he infects us, Derpy, get my pole from under the deck!” “Why do you have a pole under the deck?” Derpy yelled as she dove off the deck of the TARDIS interior. “JUST DO IT!” Shouted the Doctor as he tried to get a better look at the creature. It was a grotesque, mutant of a being, with scars and pale flesh. Dried blood soaked its lips, and it let out a low moan. “Ooooh you’re a beauty aren't you? Pale, covered in blood, decaying to, oh boy a class A zombie, has somebody been peeking at my christmas list!” “Doctor, here is the pole!” said Derpy, as she threw it at the doctor. the doctor caught it with flying began to push the zombie out of the TARDIS. As The Doctor threw the zombie out he whipped out his sonic and and locked the door tightly. The Doctor ran back to the TARDIS console he yelled out to derpy ”i have a pole under the console because.....shut up ok............. It was a long night.But, anyways, let us get a sca-- what was that?”
The Doctor was interrupted because the TARDIS started to shake and rattle. The hordes of zombie bodies slammed into the TARDIS’s outer wall. “HOLY FISH-FINGERS AND CUSTARD” yelled the doctor. “What the heck is a fish-finger?” “Never mind that, we need to get to Celestia’s castle.” And with that the doctor pulled the Wibbly lever and they were off to the castle. “Derpy, rule number one in a zombie apocalypse is cardio, rule two is grabbed to the twinkies you can handle!!!” “I think we should worry about the zombies doctor, besides, i don't even know what a twinkie is” “Your world doesn't have twinkies, oi, ill make sure that gets invented one time or another, but for now we need to make sure the princess is alright, hopefully she isn’t mad at me for my last visit, that was about....1000 years or so, i blamed princess luna for some.....things that got out of hand. That ol’ Judoon Platoon on the Moon incident.”
Derpy tried to get a word in as they soared (like crap) to the castle, but just couldn’t. this guy was worse then pinkie pie. “Have you seen my fez? i hope that blasted creature didn’t touch it, my last one got shot off by my....wife, long story, big universe saving thingy, very timey whimey, she also killed me afterward but that is all water under the bridge, right we stopped...come on derpy, time to visit the princess” “OH FINALLY, you stopped talking, JEEEEZ you're worse then my friend pinkie pie. huh? doctor you forgot a weapon.” “I have a thing against weapons derpy, so please come on before the zombies go running about with a princess meal in their digestive systems alright?” “Ok” said derpy as she followed him out of the tardis. The room those 2 were in looked remarkably like a throne room, probably because it was a throne room. “Ah, this room brings back memories, then again, this all happened 2 weeks ago from your perspective i guess, wibbly wobbly timey whimey stuff, i never keep track of it myself, i leave that to the museums, I use them to keep score.” The two of them looked at the throne room, to derpy it was “awesome”. it would have been something her friend rainbow dash might say.. RADICAL. “Alright derpy, it seems this place is free of zombies” he said as he smelled the air. “No smell of Death and Decay anywhere, smells more of...spring, 2:30 pm actually. “Hello sweety” said a familiar voice coming from behind the doctor and derpy. “No no no” said the doctor as he looked behind him.....
End of part 1
~To be continued~
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Not sure if purposefully horrible, or in desperate need of a pre-reader. Seriously, I can't read this without getting a migrane. Too many gramatical, punctual, and if I dared to look, probably spelling mistakes, too.
And this makes me sad because I love Doctor Who/MLP crossovers. It makes me very sad indeed.
1013534 It happens to be the need of a pre-reader. We had no access, and this is my friends first fic (My second, technically). We are terribly sorry for your pain suffered through reading this. We truly are. But, also, if you have any ideas to enhance the story writing beyonf that point, feel free to respond.
Well i think what all you need is someone to preread it but other than that its a really good story one for my favorites
1013577
Perfect Comeback.
img.ponibooru.org/_images/f729667851a3abb7bbd6b3e31ac5997a/157%20-%20dexterous_hooves%20food%20Hubble%20macro%20pinkie_pie%20popcorn.jpg
I don't wish to be discouraging, but really ... you might want to take your story down and go through it for formatting and readability. It's incredibly hard to make heads or tails of the story flow with the paragraphs so haphazardly assembled. More to the point, you're using a popular theme (Derpy/Ditzy and the Doctor), which means you're probably going to get judged more harshly than if you were using a new idea or cannon concept.
A suggestion would be to look at some of the more popular fics and see how they formatted their story, or ask on the 'help' groups here, asking for the help of an editor. ( The Editors Omnibus also has a lot helpful tips on making your story more readable.)
Good luck!
1013615
Now, Rainbow, my dear, I cannot express my delight
It's abundantly clear
That somewhere out here
Is the next story that will suit you just right!!!!!!
...
Is that an 11th doctor whooves?
Anyways...
Deploy Moustache of Approval
1013631 I'm sorry, but 'taking down stories to revise and edit' is just not my style. THe next chapter will have been edited and revised, with the origanal the same. THAT! is my style. I could care less if you disliked because of grammar and pacing and such. The story is writen one way, and that way will be writen, and revised. Not taken down and revised. I'm sorry to inform you this, If you disagree.
1013635 You my friend have earned yourself a brohoof.
th03.deviantart.net/fs70/300W/i/2012/207/c/0/rainbow_dash_brohoof__by_names76-d58ndn4.jpg
1013577
Well, lack of a pre-reader's better than the alternative.
Though I do agree with 1013631 over here. Hell, there's a group on this site alone that're made of people who are pre-readers or looking for them. I suggest starting there.
Finally, on the point of making it better beyond the technical difficulties: I'd actually have to read it first. Just sayin'
1013655 Mustache of approval accepted!!! Yes, 11th Doctor is a concept I haven't really seen, and My friend came up with the story like that, so I went along with it.
1013656 you know its against the rules of the site to take down a story and re-upload it under the same name? just in case you didn't know.
1014268 Good to know. No intent to do so.
1013657 I need a new screen......
I've seen worse. But it is a Doctor Story with zombies. Only part I can't figure out is why River Song is there. But
3/5 moustaches.
Right If you just adjust your blocks of texts so they are not blocks of texts then this would be better then some whoofics. The Plots a bit rushed though and there is little room for detail...but Then again I write with TO MUCH detail...
1020652 Well, you'll just have to find out.....
1021252 Thank you for Input!