A Beautiful Night

by MrNumbers

Sunflowers

“Twilight!” Pinkie yelled as she ran through the castle, “Twilight! Twilight! Twilight!?”

Twilight’s voice cracked back from the castle library. “What?!”

You’d think that’d be the first place Pinkie would look, but Twilight had a habit of taking a book from the shelves and just wandering about with it. It wasn’t the safe bet you’d think it’d be. Pinkie bounced after the voice.

“Hey! Hey, Twilight!”

Twilight was sitting at a reading desk, surrounded by stacks of books on either side. Her to-read pile and her have-read pile. Usually when this happened it was because she’d found a reliable lead on something and was trying to cross-reference down to the most reliable book to actually properly spend her time on. It didn’t actually mean she was reading all of those books. That made Pinkie’s head explode the first time she’d learned that.

“Pinkie, I thought you were going out so you wouldn’t disturb me. Running through the castle yelling my name... isn’t that.”

Pinkie winced. “Sorry, do you want me to go away?”

Twilight closed the book she was reading, and let it drop to the table. “No! No, no, I didn’t mean it like that, I just...” Twilight did a thing where she tried not to scream but she screamed a little anyway just very quietly and with her mouth closed, “What is it, Pinkie?”

“Well, I talked to Applejack down at the market, and I got us some fresh leafy greens... though they’re more leafy reds now, these days.”

“It’s the chlorophyll,” Twilight explained, “the stuff in plants that turns sunlight into food for them. It’s adapting to low light conditions.”

“Yeah! Well, I thought you might appreciate some proper healthy food for once.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too,” Pinkie agreed, half shouting from the sheer force of her enthusiasm, “which is why I’m baking them into crisps.”

“Ooh. I’ve never had kale crisps before. That should be... interesting.” Twilight wasn’t being sarcastic, even though the pause could be taken as hesitation. It was just the kind of pause that meant Twilight was trying to think of the exact right word. Pinkie admired the way Twilight actually stopped to think before she said things, it was fascinating.

“But! But, but but!”

“But?”

Pinkie reached into her satchel and dropped the wrapped bouquet of flowers on Twilight’s desk. They crackled like a lit torch in the candlelight, the blues and greens less-visible in here, but the shiny flowers exploding in the glut of light. “I got flowers!”

“Oh my gosh. What even are these?”

“I guess these are just what flowers are like now. Apparently they adapted so bees and stuff would still go looking for them. The blue ones glow a lot more in the dark.”

“But they’re so different. It’s only been two years, adaptations like this should take... well, decades! Several generations at least. Natural selection doesn’t work that fast.”

“Well, the plants have been weird, right?” Pinkie thought out loud, mostly in Twilight’s direction “So they’ve gone through a lot more generations a lot faster. Especially since there’s no more springtime for them to wait for, or winter to make them go away.”

“Everything’s adapted so much faster than I thought it could.” Twilight whispered, poking at the bouquet like it might bite her, or like it had already stung her real bad, “Soon it’ll be like there wasn’t a daytime at all, and ponies will just... forget what it was like to have anything else.”

“I never thought I’d get used to walking through the Everfree, either. But now...” Pinkie shrugged. “I guess if I can get used to that, the flowers can too, right?”

Twilight didn’t have an answer to that, which was weird, because she usually had an answer to everything. She was just thinking really hard.

“So, anyway. Can I put them in your room?”

Twilight jerked out of her thought at that, like Pinkie had actually tugged her head out of the clouds. “My room? Not the kitchen, or in here?”

“Well, I guess I could, but I did get them for you. So I thought they should be your flowers.”

Twilight went super, duper pale at that, and stared back down at her book. “Oh. Uh, yes. That would be nice then, thank you.”

“I mean, if you don’t like them-”

Twilight raised a hoof in protest, but kept staring down at the title of the book, reading it over and over again. “No, Pinkie. I’d like that a lot. Thank you. My bedside table should be fine.”

“Oh. Oh, uh, okay.” Twilight was being super hard to read, and weirder than usual, but at least she seemed really sincere. Which made it more confusing, but still, it seemed like a good thing. “Sure! I’ll go find a vase and go do that then.”

Twilight was silent. Like, Pinkie didn’t think she even heard her breathe until she left the room.

She went to go find a vase to put this in, and think about what just happened. She wasn’t as good at that kind of thinking; Pinkie was cleverer than most ponies thought, but she just either knew something or she didn’t. She wasn’t like Rarity or Twilight or Applejack, who could sit down and figure something out. This was a sit-down-and-puzzle kind of conundrum, which meant she really wanted to ask Twilight.

But Twilight was the problem, and the conundrum, so that probably wouldn’t help this time.
There were vases, or at least very pretty crystal containers, in a wooden hutch of sorts in a corridor. It probably used to hold brandy or something, but it had evaporated sometime in the last thousand years. Pinkie filled it with water and put the flowers in and deemed it good.

Now, Twilight’s bedroom. Or bedchamber. It was a castle, so it was definitely a bedchamber, but that sounded too grandiose most of the time. So bedroom. It was up a corridor, down another corridor, then second door on the right. It was really easy to find, actually, if you traced the groove in the stone from the library.

Twilight’s room was filled with books, and candles, and a tapestry of Celestia, which was how you knew it was Twilight’s room. Her bedside table had a photo of her with her family on it, neat and angled towards the properly-made bed. Pinkie put the vase down beside it, making sure none of the leaves blocked the photo.
There was also a book on the table, which she had to move to put the vase down. It was a lot thinner than most of the books Twilight read, and colourful, so even though Pinkie didn’t like to snoop... she also had to snoop in this case.

With the bright red book mark about two thirds of the way through, Twilight was obviously pretty far into... “So You Have Your Cutie Mark: What Comes Next?” by Nelly Nethers.

Pinkie looked at it very carefully. Poked it with a hoof, it didn’t explode or burst into flames. That was a good start, and a genuine risk of anything in Twilight’s room. She read the ‘blurb’, which is what the description on the back of the book is called, Twilight had told her.

There were a lot of reassurances that weird things were actually normal. It seemed to be a good, helpful book about puberty.

Which had a bookmark in it which meant she was actually reading it.

Pinkie was conflicted by her intense desire both to respect Twilight’s privacy and to snoop even more to see what the bookmark was at.

Her curiosity was losing out against her restraint when she saw what was hidden under the book. A little bowl of white powder, and a glass disc.

She hadn’t seen one of these in ages. It was a little pill making kit! You rolled the powder into a kind of dough pill and let it set with this stuff.

Twilight hadn’t said she was taking any medicine either.

Did it have anything to do with the book?

... weird.

Pinkie carefully put the book back and decided she’d ask about it later, when Twilight wasn’t in such a grump. She didn’t want asking to be taken the wrong way.

The flowers looked super pretty in here though, so that was nice.

Twilight’s clock confirmed it was getting to be time to make dinner, too. That was one of the weird things to adjust to. It was hard to just know what time it was, so you had to base it on how hungry you were. So Pinkie had to learn, at first, that it kept seeming later than it was just because she was always hungry. She’d gotten better at it though.

Maybe the kale chips would put Twilight in a better mood?

---

The thing about cooking things really well is you make them golden brownish.

The thing about cooking kale is that it looks horrible when you golden brown it.

Pinkie must have cooked it excellently, because it looked horrible as she pulled it out of the oven.

“Twilight,” she called hesitantly up at the library, “Dinner?”

“I know,” Twilight said right in her ear, making Pinkie jump halfway out of her own skin. Twilight flinched. “Sorry, didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

“Wow, you’re like a ninja.” How’d she get to be so quiet on the castle stone? The kitchen cobbles echoed really loudly.

Twilight smiled that smile she smiled when she was actually dying inside. “I’m sorry, but it just smelled really good.”

Pinkie sniffed at the air. She’d been cooking it for so long she’d adjusted to the smell of it but... Yeah that actually did smell really good. She poured the tray of crispy bits into two bowls for each of them.

“Just try to remember that and not look too closely at them.”

Twilight grimaced. “Got to be a good girl and eat all my vegetables, I guess.”

“Yeeeeeaaaah.” Pinkie sighed.

They both sighed again, reluctantly staring at their bowl of crispy, crunchy kale chips just like you do when someone tells you not to look down on a bridge ‘cause you gotta know why they’d tell you not to do that. Then you find out.

Twilight was the brave one and took the first bite. It crackled and cracked in her mouth, which made that really nice sound good crunchy chips should. There was a big, relieved smile.

“These are really good!”

“Oh, thank goodness.” Pinkie wiped the sweat from her brow. “I knew Applejack wouldn’t steer me wrong.”

“She really was honest. I’ll give her that.”

Oh. Right. That whole thing with the elements cracking and stuff.

Twilight had been so confident about that, but something just... hadn’t clicked.

She was still really, really hung up and bitter about that because she blamed herself for the whole... world ending apocalypse thing that came after, but it really wasn’t her fault, because she at least tried to do something. Really, it was just Nightmare Moon’s fault.

Pinkie still couldn’t get Twilight to believe that though.

Twilight saw Pinkie’s expression and it must have been bad because she tried to change the subject and forgot to be subtle about it until after she said it, “So! Ice cream should be great with this, right?”, then she winced because she was so obvious.

Wait.

Pinkie totally forgot the ice cream didn’t she.

Twilight was looking at her so hopefully and it was the first time she’d seen her not be mad or grumpy or stressed all day so she was obviously really looking forward to the ice cream and Pinkie had totally forgotten it.

“Sorry!”

Twilight blinked. “Why?”

“I’m sorry, I forgot, I can run down and get some now-” Pinkie turned toward the door to start running out of the kitchenny area, back out to Ponyville. It wasn’t any darker than it had been before, anyway.

But Twilight held Pinkie still with her magic. “Wait, you forgot the ice cream?”

“I’m so sorry!”

Twilight looked sick. Like, the kale chips had been as bad as they looked, not as good as they smelled. “It was a simple mistake. Why are you so upset?”

“I know you were really stressed and looking forward to it, and I forgot, and I really don’t want you to be mad or stressed again.”

Twilight kept holding Pinkie but she stayed really quiet and still and didn’t even breathe.

“Have I really been so cold that this is how you react...?” She finally said, letting Pinkie go.

“I just know I’m supposed to be taking care of you, and I feel like I’ve been really bad at it lately. But I’ve been doing my best, I promise!”

“I know you have,” Twilight sighed, “It’s not your fault. I’ve just been... I’ve been really distracted lately.”

Pinkie asked, “Is that why you’ve been taking those pills?” and regretted it immediately.

Twilight’s eyes flashed, fire reflected off iron, and her jaw set. “What?”

Pinke flinched, the air had chilled so suddenly. “I’m sorry.”

“Look, yes, I’ve been... taking some assistance, but it’s really none of your business.”

“I’m sorry!”

Twilight was getting really, really legitimately angry now. Like, Pinke wanted to imagine it was smoke coming out of her ears, but it might not have been her imagination. “You went through my stuff?”

“I’m so sorry!”

“What gave you that right? And now you judge me for needing... a little help concentrating at the moment?!”

“I was just trying to work out where to put the flowers down!”

Twilight’s breath caught. “The... the flowers.”

“Yeah. It was on your bedside table, which is where I was gonna put the vase... thing.”

“You just... you saw it because you were giving me flowers, and you were just worried about me.”

Pinkie nodded furiously. She had barely moved a muscle, even after Twilight had let go of her. All she’d done is get more and more up onto the tips of her hooves with every anxious apology.

Twilight exhaled, and looked like she was on the verge of tears, and Pinkie was too scared to hug her like she really wanted to.

“I guess this is probably why you reacted the way you did when you realized you forgot the ice cream? That... that makes sense. I guess I’m a lot more... tightly wound than I thought. It was wrong of me to react like that, and I’m sorry.”

Twilight wasn’t a really private person, usually. It would have been hard to be, given how often she thought out loud. So something Pinkie saw must have really rubbed a raw nerve.

The medicine was one thing, apparently. But it seemed to be about more than that, or Twilight would have gotten angry about that first and the snooping second. Maybe the book?

Pinkie was at once even more glad and more curious than ever that she didn’t look.

“I just want you to be okay, okay? I don’t want you to just... not snap at me because you feel bad about snapping at me, I want you to not feel like snapping at all.”

Twilight moved a half step forward, and it looked like she wanted to hug Pinkie too, but she flinched away at the last second, just before closing the distance. Bit her lower lip and looked down at the floor between her feet.

So Pinkie hugged her even harder than she first wanted to because Twilight wasn’t allowed to feel bad about hugs either.

Twilight hugged her back really... firm. Not tight. More like she was locking all her muscles up in panic. Mashed her face into the side of Pinkie’s neck and just sort of held her breath.

Pinkie stroked Twilight’s mane and Twilight relaxed all at once. Melted into the hug, pressed as much as she could against Pinkie, let out a long ragged breath, and Pinkie felt her neck get damp.

Just kept stroking her mane, making calming wordless sounds, as Twilight just seemed to let Pinkie hold everything just for a few seconds, just for now. Just let herself be held.

“Twilight?”

The moment popped like a pin to a balloon. Twilight pushed herself away, rubbing her eyes back and forth on the back of a forearm, sniffling.

“I can’t. Not until I fix things.”

Pinkie pushed herself up behind Twilight and wrapped her up in another hug, this time with her legs draped around Twilight’s neck, resting her head between Twilight’s shoulders. “Can’t what? Everypony needs a hug sometimes.”

Twilight didn’t move, but she was back in her every-muscle-locked-up feeling, which was worrying. “Thank you.”

“So when did you start having trouble focusing? What happened? What changed?”

Still all knotted muscle, but she was at least breathing. Pinkie could feel just from the skin shifting around Twilight’s neck how hard she had winced her eyes shut at that.

“Nothing. Nothing’s changed for two years now.”

“I haven’t. I’m still here, as long as you want me to be.”

Twilight twitched at that. Not relaxing again like she did before, but more like she had to fight back the urge to run away. “You have, though. You’re quieter, and you’re better at being alone. You’re a lot more independent. You’re more patient, too.”

Pinkie thought about that. Before she had always been surrounded by all the ponies she knew, all the time. It was great! She adored that, flitting from pony to pony and helping everyone with their problems and running the bakery and seeing everyone...

With Twilight she didn’t get to do that so often. She was just looking after her, all the time. And while that was a full-time job, it wasn’t all the time. So Pinkie started reading a lot more -- especially poetry, there was a lot of good poetry in the library, she liked to think of music it could be sung to -- which was something she only used to do in long baths or before bed.

She couldn’t just ask whoever she wanted for advice, or help. She was the helper, now, she had to know what to do. She had to wait to figure things out sometime. She had to enjoy her own company a lot more.

Twilight was really good at that, and had been a great example. Well, sort of. Twilight was too good at it, so she still had to bully her into conversation and talking a lot, or else she’d be too isolated. And sometimes the others still visited, but they were a lot less often now.

She’d have to go ask them about that, tomorrow.

Actually that was interesting, wasn’t it? She thought tomorrow rather than right now, when she’d probably have already run off to do that before she knew Twilight.

She hadn’t really noticed that, actually.
All this flashed through Pinkie’s head in just a second or two. It was all stuff she already knew, after all, just hadn’t noticed before. Clicked like a puzzle piece.

“I guess I have,” Pinkie nodded. “I think that’s okay though.”

“Yeah,” Twilight’s voice cracked like a teenage boy’s. That couldn’t be what the book was for though, surely? “And you’re still here.”

“I am! For as long as you need me.”

“What about when this is all over? When we fix everything?” When, not if. Never if.

That was a confusing question though. “Well... would you still need me?” She probably wouldn’t, not when she didn’t need to push herself so hard all the time. She’d finally be able to relax and take her time with things. She shouldn’t need Pinkie anymore.

Twilight didn’t answer that, but she did stiff-panic muscle squeeze Pinkie a lot in an approximation of more hug.

Pinkie broke it this time, looked at Twilight sternly. She used her serious face so rarely that it seemed to stun Twilight out of... whatever she just got stunned out of.

“Well, maybe it’s because you’re overworked. So here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to take a weekend off.”

“A weekend... Pinkie, it’s just reading. It’s studying. That’s what I do on my weekends off anyway.”

“Well, you can still read. But fiction only! Or you can read poetry with me. I don’t know if you like poems or not. I’ll make a big pot of tea, and we’ll sit together on a nice lounge, and we’re going to read together, okay? And we don’t have to talk, we can just relax.”

Twilight closed her eyes and winced really hard, hard, hard enough that the tops of her cheeks were tight, “I can’t. I’d be too distracted to work.”

“Well, yeah,” Pinkie was very confused now, “that’s the point. It’d just be for a weekend though.”

Twilight hugged Pinkie again, close. Was more of a jerking lurch forward than a pounce. Then, before Pinkie could figure out what to do, Twilight was already walking as fast as she could away.

“Not until we save Equestria. Then I can finally allow myself distractions.”

Pinkie watched Twilight go and really wished she’d just remembered the ice cream after all.

But she got so distracted by the flowers, herself.

If she couldn’t talk to Twilight like this... Fluttershy was always way better at this.

Tomorrow morning, as much as ‘morning’ meant anything, she was going to have to ask Fluttershy why she didn’t come visit anymore. She really needed her right now.

Comments

[MillionsBane]

Well this sure is a mix of kind of comedic and kind of melancholy. I like it.

[Darkstarling]

Oh dammit Twilight don't go the Sherlock route. Amphetamines or whatever you're putting yourself on is NOT the solution. If that would be useful and sustainable for ANYTHING it would be for a sprint, and this is a marathon.

Neither is burning out. Which I'm amazed you haven't done yet already.

Admitting how you feel about Pinkie would honestly probably help you with that. The kind of distraction that keeps you functioning.

It's good that she knows she's having problems and just doesn't know what to do about it.

I was wrong about her reaction to the flowers. Or rather, the reason. I thought she'd resent something beautiful coming from the eternal night, not that it was reminding her of her feelings.

Onward!

[flutterboot]

Tomorrow morning, as much as ‘morning’ meant anything, she was going to have to ask Fluttershy why she didn’t come visit anymore. She really needed her right now.

She’s either dead or gone. Welp, let’s take a looksee, shall we?

[Phoenix Kitten]

a book on puberty, pills, a voice crack and temper flares.
I have my own hypothesis here, but I'll see where it goes.

[Falkner]

Twilight smiled that smile she smiled when she was actually dying inside.

Damn, this got dark fast. Not grimdark... just dark.

[The Cynical One]

I can’t pin what I like about this. I’m reading it and this both depressing and uplifting writing just... resonates with me. Also that pausing to look for the right word hit too close to home. Absolutely wonderful on what I’ve read so far! Onwards to more great story!

[Hyper Star]

Twilight smiled that smile she smiled when she was actually dying inside.”

That escalated really fast...