“Calm down... Calm down! I nearly lost all my men and you’re telling me to-“ (Cough) (grown)
Groan
She yanks a spear out of her own fallen comrade without a care in the world. We eventually become face-to-face. The fighting has stopped and odds are they lost.
Come Face-to-Face, the last sentence confused meh.
(Twang) and arrow nearly hit my face and planted itself in a stone pillar! The arrow had to be 20 inches long and was in the wall 5 inches
. Wouldn't it be a Bolt not an arrow? Also Isn't it Penetrating the wall?
Carcass is a dangerous feo but she has no match for you.” He then runs in the temple.
Foe
I finally get to the top in their stance a huge Orc standing at 15 feet tall.
Stands
The orcs or more advance then the goblins I faced over a weeks ago.
are
I surprised everyone by running out before the drawbridge is even a 10th of the way open. I climb up the drawbridge and jump into the crowd of the orcs.
Noice stunt :3
I am now at the gate of the city. The gate opens up and to my shock and relief... their stance Eric.
It's Auto correct isn't it?
---------
That's all I could find noice chapter but the pacing could do better maybe some more details, I couldn't tell if when he first got there if He found a rebellion or if it was a Different Type :P
9063361 I enjoy details cause it helps bring out the character there Morals, how they act, there thoughts on a subject it is a matter of how you show it... Also cause I enjoy the story ^^
mistakes i've found: gravy where it should be gray, this particular was (i am guessing it's suppose to be "way" before the "was"), the ones planesfield ( yeah i think you mean the ones on the field/ on the planes, planesfield isn't a word nor can be both). i will stop here cause i need to go offline for a bit. will be back and comb through this chapter for you if i can. might not get all of them or will sound good on there own.
i'm back, now to continue: after planes/field, Plainfield was not covered in hundreds of , you put "not" where "now" should be.its tips of its ears and tail were red, its weapons were also red., it's tips of...of what. I get( change to got) up out of bed and noticing I was perfectly fine?( don't need question mark, just a period). This did not work and let( replace "let" with "left") the king headless and his army destroyed. I was given my black leather armour, Miami mysteriously made weapons and several magic regeneration potions to make sure I don’t die.... who's miami????? I( replace "I" with "A" disciple has to be kind loyal and generous. (also put "," the commas in between loyal, kind, and generous.
mistakes: “And finally I disciple have more rights than any noble… and you are my first disciple along with many others do I have in mind” the i before disciple needs to be change to "A", and the sentence "with many others do i have in mind", try saying that and ask your self, "does that sounds right, can i say that and not be confuse?" take out do and than say this sentence again. i bet it sounds better. ok, that will be enough for me. this is your baby story and i feel like you should be the one to look for the rest of the mistakes ok?
9063065
Sorry... wait you’re back
9063065
I reread it and it seems normal to me
If possible can you give me an example
9063184
Yeah still need to work on my grammar
9063188
That’s good
Groan
Come Face-to-Face, the last sentence confused meh.
.
Wouldn't it be a Bolt not an arrow? Also Isn't it Penetrating the wall?
Foe
Stands
are
Noice stunt :3
It's Auto correct isn't it?
---------
That's all I could find noice chapter but the pacing could do better maybe some more details, I couldn't tell if when he first got there if He found a rebellion or if it was a Different Type :P
9063358
Dude... how’s the hell are you finding all these by reading at once
9063361
I enjoy details cause it helps bring out the character there Morals, how they act, there thoughts on a subject it is a matter of how you show it... Also cause I enjoy the story ^^
9063368
Alright, Tomorrow I Will fix it up
9063371
Lol I sat up for a good while it's now 1:53 :P
Night?
9063372
It’s nearly 3 o’clock for me
9063374
Ah well night :3 sleep ':|
9063375
Well nights sleep to you as well
9063375
Fixed everything :)
9063613
cool
mistakes i've found: gravy where it should be gray, this particular was (i am guessing it's suppose to be "way" before the "was"), the ones planesfield ( yeah i think you mean the ones on the field/ on the planes, planesfield isn't a word nor can be both). i will stop here cause i need to go offline for a bit. will be back and comb through this chapter for you if i can. might not get all of them or will sound good on there own.
i'm back, now to continue: after planes/field, Plainfield was not covered in hundreds of , you put "not" where "now" should be.its tips of its ears and tail were red, its weapons were also red., it's tips of...of what. I get( change to got) up out of bed and noticing I was perfectly fine?( don't need question mark, just a period). This did not work and let( replace "let" with "left") the king headless and his army destroyed. I was given my black leather armour, Miami mysteriously made weapons and several magic regeneration potions to make sure I don’t die.... who's miami????? I( replace "I" with "A" disciple has to be kind loyal and generous. (also put "," the commas in between loyal, kind, and generous.
mistakes: “And finally I disciple have more rights than any noble… and you are my first disciple along with many others do I have in mind” the i before disciple needs to be change to "A", and the sentence "with many others do i have in mind", try saying that and ask your self, "does that sounds right, can i say that and not be confuse?" take out do and than say this sentence again. i bet it sounds better. ok, that will be enough for me. this is your baby story and i feel like you should be the one to look for the rest of the mistakes ok?
9064401
I’ll get on that
9064588
cool, hope i'm not nagging you, just want to try and help is all.
9067369
No it’s no problem at all