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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Epic man just epic
I don't know if i should down vote for the cliffhanger or up vote for the amazing chapter.
9767639
The cliffhangers my idea me and twinsowrds decided to collab and well It went for a single story into multiple from how big it became with 2 people on it
Not a cliffhanger NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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An interesting concept, starting relationship is not a generic japanese anime, love at first sigh which I admit is what I hate most. However the story took a deep tow with wording and story pacing
1.If you could improve word choosing it would make the story more "imaginable" also I don't think this story should be told using a pony world since it's even harder to imagine how thing works with pony. Therefore the setting is not fitting for fantasy magic type. I suggest you gave more detail to the setting before. I don't know what Manticore Prime city is like is it Las Vagas-ish? Or is it like a dystopia Megacity in judge? ETC.
2.Detail Detail, AND MORE Detail. The story feel like it's rushing. The same feeling I had with MLP the movie, therefore it's even harder to follow the story before I ask myself, wait what? He's the top gun now? It still feel like he was just a goon yesterday. I recommend you read from Spike's Gambit as an example to see how fast you should go with the story writing.
9907976
bit late replying but best way to explain manticore city is like mafia era newyork in the olden days when they had mlre respect and its a mix of magic and tecnology it exsists but is not needed as much as it is in the show oftern being used to enchant items