Ah, I see, it was a dream sequence. That makes more sense now and I'm usually a fan of the dream sequence opening - I find it is a hard one for people to get right.
Watcher's first quest! very excited and wondering where this will go, how it will tie into his big adventure into the wasteland and beyond. Interesting that Mocha is his "banker" and I'm wondering what the story is behind that. I also wonder how the Discordant will tie into the story and what he would think about some of the events in Project Horizons. Hmmm~ possibilities! And we have a new spirit, Generosity and Compassion; interesting as well, so it would seem the spirits aren't limited to helping him in combat, I just hope this won't trivialize the future encounters he has.
Spelling and gramma was better in this one, though I would have liked some more description of the settlement that Longwatch is residing in (but that's mostly because I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff, and I always have to "trim fat" in my editing process because my descriptions are often times too long). Dialogue flowed rather nicely as well, which is greatly appreciated when more than a few other stories have very poor dialogue (and that seems to be seeping in to games and movies in recent years).
Another great chapter! Assuming things stay slow at work, I will probably get to the third chapter today.
Oooh, it's comments like these that make me wish people commented more. Also that I had a full-time editor instead of just some friends I throw it to in order to at least have a second set of eyes look it over.
First, sorry about the SIlver thing. Longshot's had a squadmate named Silver Comet for years. I was tempted to change it after reading about your Silver to avoid confusion but her name was too ingrained. I couldn't pick anything that felt right other than at this point. On the subject of names, did you call him Longwatch by accident or did you think that's his name? How did I manage to make his very name unclear? His name is Longshot, and he is a Watcher, which is to say a member of the Night Watch. Many just refer to him as Watcher, knowing him only through his job.
The Prelude isn't a dream sequence, though it certainly feeds Longshot's dreams.
And finally, Generosity and Compassion aren't spirits. Or, they could potentially be spirits but they aren't allies of Longshot like Wind or Diamond. He's just referring to the Elements of Harmony. I already have a scene in Chapter 3 that addresses this more directly. Guess I need to work on getting that out.
I'm glad to see you're enjoying this. I hope you enjoy Chapter 2! And all the future ones when they come out.
Ah, I see, it was a dream sequence. That makes more sense now and I'm usually a fan of the dream sequence opening - I find it is a hard one for people to get right.
Watcher's first quest! very excited and wondering where this will go, how it will tie into his big adventure into the wasteland and beyond. Interesting that Mocha is his "banker" and I'm wondering what the story is behind that. I also wonder how the Discordant will tie into the story and what he would think about some of the events in Project Horizons. Hmmm~ possibilities! And we have a new spirit, Generosity and Compassion; interesting as well, so it would seem the spirits aren't limited to helping him in combat, I just hope this won't trivialize the future encounters he has.
Spelling and gramma was better in this one, though I would have liked some more description of the settlement that Longwatch is residing in (but that's mostly because I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff, and I always have to "trim fat" in my editing process because my descriptions are often times too long). Dialogue flowed rather nicely as well, which is greatly appreciated when more than a few other stories have very poor dialogue (and that seems to be seeping in to games and movies in recent years).
Another great chapter! Assuming things stay slow at work, I will probably get to the third chapter today.
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Oooh, it's comments like these that make me wish people commented more. Also that I had a full-time editor instead of just some friends I throw it to in order to at least have a second set of eyes look it over.
First, sorry about the SIlver thing. Longshot's had a squadmate named Silver Comet for years. I was tempted to change it after reading about your Silver to avoid confusion but her name was too ingrained. I couldn't pick anything that felt right other than at this point. On the subject of names, did you call him Longwatch by accident or did you think that's his name? How did I manage to make his very name unclear? His name is Longshot, and he is a Watcher, which is to say a member of the Night Watch. Many just refer to him as Watcher, knowing him only through his job.
The Prelude isn't a dream sequence, though it certainly feeds Longshot's dreams.
And finally, Generosity and Compassion aren't spirits. Or, they could potentially be spirits but they aren't allies of Longshot like Wind or Diamond. He's just referring to the Elements of Harmony. I already have a scene in Chapter 3 that addresses this more directly. Guess I need to work on getting that out.
I'm glad to see you're enjoying this. I hope you enjoy Chapter 2! And all the future ones when they come out.