Mind and Matter

by Sixes_And_Sevens

One-Track Mind

Treehugger’s eyes were as wide as saucers. “Duuude,” she said again. “This is Discord’s pad?”

Fluttershy glanced around. They stood in a long hallway that seemed to corkscrew around so that the floor twisted into the wall twisted into the ceiling and back again. It was decorated at irregular intervals with plastic lawn flamingos, and the whole structure appeared to have been made out of cake. “I’m almost certain of it,” she said.

“Righteous.” Treehugger looked down the hall. “So, uh, where’s Discord?”

“I don’t know,” Fluttershy admitted. “This is the first time I’ve been here without them. I don’t even know where we are in their house.”

“Ah. Not righteous,” Treehugger said, rubbing her chin with a hoof.

“And I don’t know how to get us back to my cottage.”

“Deeply un-righteous,” Treehugger said with a nod.

Fluttershy clenched her jaw and hissed out a long breath through her teeth. “Yes," she said after a moment. "That's one way of putting it.”

“Would a map help?”

“...Yes. Yes, Treehugger, it would. Why, do you see one?”

Treehugger pointed down the hall at a large plate of glass affixed to the wall. Fluttershy had mistaken it for some kind of rug at first, but looking closer, she could see a diagram of some kind illustrated there. “Oh, wonderful! Well-spotted, Treehugger!”

She gave the other mare a quick hug, then trotted over to get a closer look at the map. She peered at it, frowning.

Treehugger, who had somehow ended up on the ceiling, craned her neck to look. “What’s it say? Anything helpful?”

“...No,” Fluttershy said, dismayed. “Almost nothing’s labeled. Oh, except for this red dot here!” She squinted at the small writing. “You… are… not here. Well that isn’t veryyyeeeeeee!”

Suddenly, the hall had turned into a chute, and the two ponies were sent tumbling down into its rapacious maw, screaming as they fell.

---

Sunset hesitated at the boundary fence of Sweet Apple Acres. She sniffed the air. “Huh. They must be making baked apples today.”

As she made her way up the path, she couldn’t help but notice the sky growing darker. She picked up the pace a little, hoping to be safe inside before the rain started falling. She’d found that her mane had a somewhat poor reaction to getting wet. Whenever she took a shower, the steam started to seep out under the door.

When she got in sight of the house and saw that Big Macintosh was boarding up a window, her heart sank right down to her hooves, and she broke into an all-out gallop.

“What happened?” she demanded, coming to a halt at Mac’s side. “Is anypony hurt?”

Mac gently placed the nails in her mouth into a hoof before she spoke. “Nope. AJ’s got egg on her face, an’ Bloom ain’t liable to let her forget this in a hurry, but we’re all fine.”

Sunset breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good. Where are they?”

“Ah.” Mac shuffled a hoof. “That’d be th’ bad news.”

---

“C’mon, sis!” Bloom called. “He was headin’ this way!”

“How d’you expect us to catch an alicorn?” Applejack demanded. “Even if he ain’t started flyin’ yet--”

“He’s bound to slow down once he gets distracted,” Bloom said. “We’ll be there t’ corral him when that happens.”

“He’s headin’ straight fer Ponyville!”

“All th’ more reason t’ stop him quick. Where was all this worrywartin’ when you were addin’ ingredients to mah potions?”

“Oh-!” Applejack fumed. “Quit talkin’. We’ll run faster that way.”

---

Sunset rubbed her forehead. “Right. Alright. So Mentiad’s high on cold medicine now. That’s fine, but I don’t think the crown’s gonna cover this particular piece of damage.”

Mac nodded. “Fair ‘nuff. Just so long as we ain’t in trouble or… nothin’...” She trailed off, staring at a spot beyond Sunset with abject horror in her eyes.

Sunset turned around. A tall, white figure was coming up the path, taking slow, measured steps. Her mane seemed much warmer than usual, blues and greens melting into violet and yellow. The pink stripes seemed to glow cherry-red.

“...Get inside. I’ll head her off,” Sunset promised.

Mac needed no further encouragement. She dropped the hammer and nails and bolted. Sunset wished she could do the same. Instead, she straightened up and made her way back down the path to town. “Hi, mom!” she called.

Celestia’s head whipped around to look at her. Her eyes glowed bright magenta. Sunset took a nervous step backward. “Uh, what brings you out to Ponyville?”

Celestia looked her over carefully. “You’re… alright?” she said slowly.

“Uh, yeah. Are you? ‘Cause, you look a little, um, flamey right now.”

“There’s a good reason for that,” Celestia muttered. “Where is Mentiad?”

“Ran off. But, uh, Applejack and Apple Bloom are chasing him! I’m sure he’s fine.”

Celestia's mouth thinned into a fine line. “Oh, I sincerely hope not.”

Sunset looked her mother over carefully. “And why is that, exactly? Mentiad seems pretty harmless to me --”

“He betrayed me," Celestia said simply. "Luna and I... he abandoned us."

"Um." Sunset tried to connect this to her mental picture of the alicorn she'd met earlier. "Okay, did he actually, like, betray you, or did he get distracted, or --"

Celestia looked her dead in the eye. "He chose to abandon us, Sunset. He rejected us and left, and --" she took a long breath in. "And then, Nightmare Moon came."

Sunset blinked. “Wait. What? Hold on, are you saying --”

Celestia was already moving back toward Ponyville. “We’ll head him off at the edge of the orchard. Come on, there’s no time to lose!”

---

Twilight tried desperately to keep up with Screwball, but the goddess of the arts had chaos magic, centuries of experience, and -- quite frankly -- a better exercise regimen than Twilight. She pushed through doors and came out of completely different buildings. She walked up walls, through walls, and occasionally into walls, flowing over the bricks like living graffiti. It was dizzying to watch, but Twilight was willing to go along with it for awhile.

However, she hit her breaking point when she noticed that where Screwball trod, the grass turned greener. Everything she touched grew more saturated, and Screwball herself was turning a shade of magenta that was hard to look at. Enough was enough. Twilight cast a bubble shield around Screwball and hoisted her into the air. The draconequus whipped around to stare at Twilight. Her irises were so wide they swallowed the whites of her eyes. She opened her mouth wide and hissed.

“No,” Twilight said flatly. “Use your words if you want me to let you go.”

Screwball stared at her for a long moment, her irises slowly dilating. Her saturation gradually lessened back to its normal levels. “My friend is missing,” she said, keeping careful control of her words. “I need to find her.”

“I understand,” Twilight said.

“Do you?” Screwball asked. “You would have, once. But now... I wonder.”

Twilight took a step back. “What do you mean by that?”

Screwball took a deep breath in. “I’ve been gone for a millennium,” she said. “Screwloose is one of my last connections to before. Her and parent, anyway, and I suppose Celestia and Luna, too. Mentiad… well.” She glanced away, blinking rapidly. “I had hoped... never mind him, I suppose.”

“You knew Mentiad?” Twilight asked.

Screwball visibly flinched at that. She turned back to Twilight. “You really don’t remember, do you?”

Twilight stared at her blankly. “Do I remember what, exactly?”

“Princess Vespertine. Vespertine, the Bridge." At Twilight's blank stare, Screwball pressed herself against the wall of the bubble. "Come on, I knew you didn't recognize me, but this is ridiculous! The Great Uniter. The Beekeeper. Vespa. Nothing?”

“What are you talking about?” Twilight asked.

Screwball shook her head. “And the other one. Sunset. She doesn’t remember anything about Amity?”

“Who are these ponies?” Twilight demanded. “Why should we know them?”

Screwball sat down in the bubble, looking as though she had just been slapped in the face. “Wow,” she said quietly. “You really don’t -- no. Obviously not. Celestia would never tell you the whole story, would she?”

Twilight brought the shield bubble down to eye-level and glared at Screwball. “Start making sense.”

Screwball glared back, just as hard. “I don't do making sense, remember? I'm some evil, nonsensical, reality-twisting threat, or whatever it is you seem to think of me. Anyway, I have a dog to find. Go ask your precious sun princess. She’s near enough. I can feel her presence from here.”

“You’re not going anywhere until I get some answers --” There was a sudden, sickening shift of perspective, and Twilight realized that her shield was curving entirely the wrong way. She glanced around and found that she was the one stuck inside.

“Goodbye, Twilight,” Screwball said, turning and trotting away. “I hope our next meeting is happier.”

“Wait, no!”

But Screwball was gone before Twilight could even think to drop the shield spell.

---

Cheerilee smiled as her class filed in from recess. “If everypony could take their seats, please, and open your math books to page thirty-four? We’ll be starting on basic algebra today…” she trailed off as she noticed two of her students lingering by the door. “Pound? Crow? Is something the matter?”

Pound Cake looked up at his teacher, his eyes wide. “Scare Crow isn’t feeling good, Miss Cheerilee. She didn’t feel like playing at recess, and now she’s got a tummy ache.”

Cheerilee frowned and trotted toward the two. She felt the tan-coated filly’s forehead. “Hmm. You’re a little warm, but that could be because you just came in from outside. It might just be something you ate. Do you want to leave class for the day?”

“Uhh,” said Scare Crow, spreading her wings nervously. “No, Miss Cheerilee. I’m sure I’ll feel better soon.”

“Alright,” Cheerilee said. “But if you feel any worse, just raise your hoof and tell me so, and somepony will walk you to Ponyville General.”

Scare Crow frowned a little. “At my old school, we had a nurse in the building.”

“Well, unfortunately, our schoolhouse isn’t quite large enough to warrant that kind of attention,” Cheerilee said. “Now, if you’re sure you want to stay, please take your seat.”

Cheerilee trotted back up to her desk. “Now, as I was saying, algebra -- yes, Caramel?”

The earth pony foal put their hoof down. “Miss Cheerilee, what causes stomach aches, exactly?” they asked. “I know that you can get them from eating too much, but why do you get them when you’re sick?”

“My mom says that some foods ‘disagree’ with dad’s stomach,” Pumpkin Cake put in. “How can food disagree with anything? Food doesn’t have opinions.”

Cheerilee put the math book down. She was aware that the class was attempting to put off math for as long as possible, but she was never one to turn down a teachable moment. “Well, let’s see,” she began.

At that moment, one of the walls exploded. Everypony screamed and shielded their eyes from the plaster. Silhouetted in the dust was a tall figure with a frizzy mane and a wild glint in his eyes. “Remarkable questions!” he said, beaming.

Cheerilee recovered herself first. “Who are you?” she demanded. “What are you doing here?”

He looked at her, still grinning. “Another marvelous question! It’s short, I’ll answer that one first. My name is Prince Mentiad! I’m the alicorn of thought and logic and SCIENCE! And today, I will be your guide to the digestive system.”

Cheerilee blinked. “That’s… lovely of you to offer, I suppose, but I think we have everything under control.”

He arched an eyebrow and looked at her levelly. “You were just going to draw things on the blackboard, weren’t you?”

“And what’s wrong with that?” Cheerilee asked hotly. Dimly, she was aware that she was escalating the situation, but it all seemed so surreal, so far away. The only real thing suddenly seemed to be the gaze of the interloper upon her.

“Oh, it’s fine, I suppose,” the alicorn said, skittering through the hole and into the classroom. “But to really get to grips with a subject, you have to get up close and personal. Take chances! Make mistakes! And get messy.”

“Meaning, what, exactly?” Cheerilee asked.

Mentiad gave a huge grin. His horn flashed, and suddenly everypony but Scare Crow was sitting in a massive yellow cart. “It’s time for a field trip!” he crowed.

Pound Cake put his head in his hooves as the cart began to shake. “I knew I should’ve stayed home today…” he groaned.

---

Fluttershy and Tree Hugger were still screaming when they landed in a pool of strawberry jam. Tree Hugger blinked several times. “So, like… I’m either super dead or super high right now.”

“We’re in Discord’s realm,” Fluttershy said, struggling to extricate herself from the pool. “The two aren’t mutually exclusive.”

“Boy. You sure know how to make a mare feel comfortable,” Tree Hugger muttered.

“Ooh… this is going to take forever to clean out of my feathers,” Fluttershy said, examining her wings as she finally hauled herself onto non-sticky land.

“Right. So where are we now?” Tree Hugger asked, looking around as Fluttershy began preening. Tangerine trees waved in the breeze, though they were dwarfed by massive green and yellow translucent flowers. The yellow-orange sky cast strange light through them, illuminating the fields of tulips below. Across the lake of jam, Tree Hugger saw things that looked like ponies, except their legs were fused, front and back, to curving, bony appendages. They seemed unable to walk, but were apparently happy simply gorging themselves on pies full of white fluff.

Fluttershy shook her head. “All I can say for sure is that we aren’t where we were earlier. Probably.”

“Oh. Right.” Treehugger scratched her head. “So, like, do you know where to go from here?”

Fluttershy considered that. “Well… I have one idea.”

“Great, man. Go for it.”

Fluttershy put a still-jammy wing up to her lips and blew a sharp, piercing whistle. Almost immediately, a pile of newspapers sprang up and formed themselves into a taxicab. One of the photos looked at the two mares and said, “Where to?”

Fluttershy opened the door and let Tree Hugger in, sliding after her. “We’d like to find Discord, please,” she said firmly.

The photo whistled through its teeth backward. “Are ya sure about that? The boss ain’t in the best of moods, if ya get my drift.”

“I’m sure,” Fluttershy assured him.

“Alright, but you’re paying up front.”

“That’s fine. What’s the fee?”

The newspapers began to burn and smoke. “YOUR SOULS!” the photo roared, little demon horns and a goatee scribbling themselves over his face.

Tree Hugger gaped. Fluttershy merely raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

The photo sighed and the newspapers all went back to normal. “Seven bits, jeez. Can’t a headline have a little fun for a change?”

Fluttershy counted out the coins and passed them up. An origami hoof reached out and took them from her grasp. “A’ight. Buckle up ladies, ‘cause here we go.”

The taxi backfired twice, then folded itself into an origami swan and took to the skies. Treehugger yelped and clung to Fluttershy’s side. “Oh, man. This is a real bad trip, Shy.”

Fluttershy nodded, patting her friend on the back. “Yes. I don’t think the destination will be much better, either.”

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

Fluttershy really didn't think this through, huh?

A tall, white figure was coming up the path, taking slow, measured steps. Her mane seemed much warmer than usual, blues and greens melting into violet and yellow. The pink stripes seemed to glow cherry-red.

Oh. Oh dear.

Celestia and the historical literacy of her subjects never have had the best relationship with one another. Appropriate that the return of the gods of knowledge comes with such revelations. This will lead to some truly massive ripples. Tsunamis, really.

At that moment, one of the walls exploded. Everypony screamed and shielded their eyes from the plaster. Silhouetted in the dust was a tall figure with a frizzy mane and a wild glint in his eyes. “Remarkable questions!” he said, beaming.

I don't remember this episode of Bill Nye the Science Guy...

But to really get to grips with a subject, you have to get up close and personal. Take chances! Make mistakes! And get messy.

Oh dear. Wrong 90's edutainment series.

I do love a good Beatles reference. Though it looks like we're leaving the happy fun-time portion of the story and heading into heavier drama territory. Pantheons always have the worst family arguments, if only because of the collateral damage. Let's see how this pans out.

[Shilic]

Why do I keep missing this updating...

Mentiad gave a huge grin. His horn flashed, and suddenly everypony but Scare Crow was sitting in a massive yellow cart. “It’s time for a field trip!” he crowed.

No wait stop Mentiad you aren't a teacher what would the board think the parents are gonna kill Cheerilee for this

[Sixes_And_Sevens]

10664286

No wait stop Mentiad you aren't a teacher

He has a degree!
...It's from eleven centuries ago, but he has it.