The Sunlight In Her Eyes

by DigitalPhoenix

Shattered Spirits

Silence blanketed the courtyard of the school. Twilight's heart had dropped the moment she saw Sunset waiting for her outside the portal, and every moment without a word made it sink even lower. Without any idea of what to say, she resigned herself to simply stand right outside the gateway, constantly fidgeting her hands behind her back.

"You couldn't just leave it alone, could you?" Sunset broke the silence, her voice choking on her own fear and anger.

"I... I just wanted to v-visit my counterpart to, you know, try and... learn more... about my magic." Twilight knew from her own tone of voice that Sunset wasn't going to buy her excuse for a second, but she couldn't bring herself to admit that she had betrayed their trust.

Sunset was visibly struggling to not lash out at the meek girl before her. "I told you that it doesn't matter, it's all in the past, and that's where I want to keep it," she stated as she turned away.

Sunset's denial was enough to take Twilight out of her own anxiety, her hands steeling themselves at her sides. "But it's not. I may not know what exactly goes on in your head, but I know that you haven't let it go; you can't let it go." She took a step towards Sunset. "I wanted to know so I could help you, so I could be there for you when those memories are too much for you. You won't let anybody in, and so I had to find another outlet."

Sunset spun to face Twilight again, her fury painted across all of her features. "And you think that the Princess telling you about everything was somehow going to change that?! A history lesson isn't going to help you, me, or anybody else! I don't say anything about because no one here could understand!" Tears had begun to flow from her eyes, her anger intermittent with pain and sorrow. "I lost my family, my home, my future! After the Fall Formal, I resolved to make a new start here, to leave all that behind in Equestria where it belongs! But you're right, I can't do that. You know why? Because you, and every one of our friends can't leave it alone either! When will you guys take the hint that I don't EVER want to talk about it?! None of you could possibly understand how much it hurts!"

"But I..." I want to understand. Her whole body choked on those words, followed by a sharp pain firing through every nerve in her body. She knew what would happen if she uttered those words, and from the looks of things, Sunset knew exactly what she had been thinking. Sunset turned away from her, the only remnants of her outburst being a few forced sobs now and again. A dense fog of silence held over the two girls, now even worse than when Twilight had first returned. Twilight moved to take step towards the crying girl. "Sunset, I... I..."

"So that's all I am to you?"

"...what?"

Sunset glanced over her shoulder. "I know what you were going to say. Exactly what you told me at the Friendship Games." She paused for a moment, struggling with the words she wished weren't true. "That's what you think of me, isn't it? Just a case study? Some... unnatural phenomenon that has to be researched?"

"Sunset, that's not..."

"That's not what, Twilight?!" Sunset shouted, her voice more broken than angry. "I thought that little research project of yours was cute at first, but now I see what it really was. I was never a person to you, I was an enigma; a puzzle that you just had to solve, no matter what. You don't care about me, you only care about your knowledge!" Sunset attempted to hold back more tears, the effort in vain as they slid down her cheeks. "I should've known that yesterday was too good to be true..."

Twilight was left speechless, her back against the statue's frame as she tried to summon the willpower to refute Sunset's accusations. Her want was left unfulfilled, a combination of Sunset's heartbreak along with her own preventing any courage from mustering. She simply sat there, hoping that Sunset would allow her the time to attempt to explain herself.

Her hopes were dashed, however, when Sunset moved to leave the school behind, uttering one last sentiment that would haunt Twilight for hours on end.

"I should've known you hadn't changed."

---

Twilight was not looking forward to tonight's celebration. She had barely gotten any sleep the prior night, Sunset's words echoing in her mind verbatim, a constant beat that would drum at her conscience during her every waking moment. She swore she had never felt more depressed and ashamed in her life. All she wanted to do was help her friend, and not only had she screwed that up, she lost any hope that they could ever be something more.

Was what she had done really as bad as Sunset had made it out to be? Twilight found herself unable to answer that question. It entirely hinged on whether or not her assumptions about Sunset were correct. Was Sunset telling the truth when she said that her only struggle with her past was everyone else's obsession over it? Or was it actually eating away at her, and she was simply in denial?

No, Twilight, stop thinking about this as science. It didn't matter how bad she thought it was, who was right or wrong, or what she knew. She had hurt Sunset. She had betrayed her trust in her blind pursuit for answers. She had thought much too quickly, assuming that Sunset's declaration of her feelings was a license to take more extreme measures without thought of repercussion. Her intentions were good, but that didn't matter either. What mattered was that Sunset was heartbroken because of her, and no matter what she had to try and make things right.

She resolved to go to the party for a brief moment, simply to see if Sunset was there. It was unlikely, but she had to try. If Sunset didn't attend, she would excuse herself from the festivities, citing a family emergency or something other, to buy herself the time to search for Sunset and set things right. She knew Sunset wouldn't likely forgive her, but that wasn't going to stop her from saying her piece on the matter.

She swiftly dressed in her usual attire and made her way to Applejack's barn. It was a slow, painful walk, Twilight's mind alight with all the different possibilities and outcomes of the night. She hoped that things would at least go back to normal, but it was more likely that Sunset simply wouldn't want anything to do with her for a very long time, possibly even bribe her to keep her mouth shut from her other friends. No, that's something the old Sunset would've done, she's not like that anymore...

The train of thought brought her back around to Sunset's last remark the previous afternoon. "I should've known you hadn't changed." Those words stung like a nail driven straight through her chest, not only because of who had said it to her, but because she had to entertain the possibility that the sentiment was true.

Had she really changed since the Games? What about herself had to change? Her mind defaulted to her natural curiosity of everything around her. It was hard to imagine herself putting any form of restraint on her scientific pursuits, but then again she could never have imagined ever in her life that she would deal with the kind of forces she now commanded. Sure, it required a bit of extra care, and she certainly wouldn't be exposing the majority of what Equestria has to offer to the general public, but she had done well in that regard.

Maybe her social skills? True, she didn't socialize very much at Crystal Prep, but that was more down to other students' demeanor than any disinterest on her part. Yes, sometimes her studies took priority, but honestly, when hasn't somebody had their priorities skewed?

It frustrated Twilight more than she cared to admit that she simply couldn't find an answer to her problem. Her rash decisions were made out of a concern for Sunset's well-being. Sunset may not have known that Twilight could feel every intense emotion flowing throughout the fiery-haired girl, but Twilight knew what Sunset was going through. Unless...

The realization crashed into Twilight, making her heart drop from her chest. While she could feel some of Sunset's stronger emotions, she could never tell what was actually going through her head. All of those emotions, waging a war in her mind; it was likely Sunset couldn't discern whose was whose. Her final sentiment was a reflection upon herself, a fear that everybody said was passed. Sunset was afraid she hadn't truly changed, and in the storm of thoughts and emotions plaguing her in that instance, she defaulted to project it onto Twilight. Not only did this theory explain Sunset's own illogical outbursts, it proved to Twilight what she had believed all along.

Sunset isn't over her past. She still lingers on it, regardless of whether or not her friends mention it to her or anyone else. She was quietly suffering; no, she is quietly suffering, perhaps now more than ever, probably expecting that Twilight thinks of her as some sort of monster, either for her actions in Equestria, or for her actions the previous day.

It was in that moment Twilight could feel the heartache call to her; Sunset had to be close. Without further hesitation, she dashed to Sweet Apple Acres. When she arrived at its archway, she spot the familiar fiery hair at the entrance of the barn. It looked as though she was talking with Pinkie Pie and Applejack. Twilight hurried around the corner, staying just out of sight but close enough to hear, the pain in her chest growing with every word spoken.

"So you're not sticking around then?"

"I'm sorry, I've just got a lot on my plate I'm dealing with right now, and I don't think a party atmosphere is going to help me too much. Tell Twilight I said hi."

With that, she waved goodbye, and turned to where her motorcycle was parked. Twilight followed, her nerves slowly returning to her as she mentally prepared herself. Now or never, Twilight.

"Sunset, wait!"

Author's Note:

Sorry this chapter took a bit longer than expected, after the special this past weekend, I wasn't too keen on making Sunset suffer any more. I also wanted to make sure that I did not screw up this chapter, as it is arguably one of the most important in the story.

Also, sorry about the cliffhanger.

Comments

[NaiadSagaIotaOar]

You know, I'm not sure I've seen Sunset being quite that keen on leaving all of her past behind her in other stories before, but I can kinda see where she's coming from. I'm interested to see where all this ends up going

[DigitalPhoenix]

8744522
Part of the inspiration was the Forgotten Friendship special that just aired, showing just how afraid Sunset is of people viewing her that way. I personally think it makes sense that she'd want to leave behind a part of herself that was capable of doing so much worse than her human self, and it also explains why she seems so dedicated to making a life in the alternate world

[ScisetShimmerEvan]

"I... I just wanted to v-visit my counterpart to, you know, try and... learn more... about my magic." Twilight knew from her own tone of voice that Sunset wasn't going to buy her excuse for a second, but she couldn't bring herself to admit that she had betrayed their trust.

You can say that again.

No, Twilight, stop thinking about this as science. It didn't matter how bad she thought it was, who was right or wrong, or what she knew. She had hurt Sunset. She had betrayed her trust in her blind pursuit for answers. She had thought much too quickly, assuming that Sunset's declaration of her feelings was a license to take more extreme measures without thought of repercussion. Her intentions were good, but that didn't matter either. What mattered was that Sunset was heartbroken because of her, and no matter what she had to try and make things right.

Hopefully things will turn out good eventually.

Sunset isn't over her past. She still lingers on it, regardless of whether or not her friends mention it to her or anyone else. She was quietly suffering; no, she is quietly suffering, perhaps now more than ever, probably expecting that Twilight thinks of her as some sort of monster, either for her actions in Equestria, or for her actions the previous day.

Been there, there have been many things in my past I want to forget, some of which I can't for certain reasons.