Chapters Next
Close
Before the madness2,129 words
Begin2,625 words

Before the madness

‘He did not just say that.’

Princess Twilight liked to think she was a smart mare. She knew that she was, to some degrees, as she knew that claiming to be smart wasn’t smart. To be smart you had to know things, to understand things you didn’t know, and to react with logic and composure when new challenges approached. However, for a reason she didn’t understand, she felt like her biggest assets had just crashed into an eight wagons train.

‘No, it's something way too ridiculous to actually happen. I must be wrong. Maybe I misunderstood? Yes, definitely.’ Twilight blinked and shook her head, adjusting herself to sit straight on her throne. As a smart mare, there’s only one thing to do when feeling derailed. ‘Mind, do a summary.’

‘So, I was having a peaceful Sunday in the library,’ she thought. ‘Which means it was only me, Spike, and books. Yes, that sounds right. Now, this lasted until somepony knocked on the front door.’ Twilight checked the little throne on her left. As she remembered, Spike was sitting there with scroll and quill in his claws. She didn’t remember him gaping wordlessly, so that had to be recent. ‘I went to open the door but Spike interjected –he always wants to help me– and he greeted our guest. Said guest wanted to know if it was possible to ask something to the Princess… to me.’ With a hoof, she closed Spike’s mouth before he could drool all over his parchment. ‘I’ve got excited because nopony ever came to my palace asking for a royal consultation before, so I asked him to come to the thrones’ room… damn, I forgot to ask for his name.’

Twilight looked at the earth pony patiently standing in front of her. He had a light brownish coat, with a mane that was short and dark green. His cyan eyes were firm on her, only halfway open. His expression was blank, looking something between thoughtful and bored.

‘So I sat, Spike sat, we put on our best royal faces, I told him to ask whatever he pleased, and he said…’ Twilight failed to recall what he had just said. To say better, she refused to remember him saying what he said. She decided to give this stallion the benefit of doubt and, leaning forward with apprehension, she said, “Excuse me… what?”

If he was annoyed by her informal request, the stallion didn’t show. His answer was simply, “I said, I would really like to fuck you if that’s okay with you.”

‘He did not just say that again,’ thought Twilight in utter disbelief. “…I don't understand.”

“I’m sorry,” said the stallion with a nod of his head. “I would really like to have a sexual intercourse with you if you agree.”

“I...” Twilight lightly massaged her temple. “What?”

This time, he looked up to the ceiling and took a big breath. A moment later, he looked back to her and said, “It is my desire to use your body for the enjoyment of my senses. More precisely, I wish to grab you, taste you, lay you down on a surface, and then repeatedly shove my penis inside out your–”

Twilight bolted up and started screaming, thrashing her hooves in front of her.

“ShutupshutupshutupIknowwhatsexis!” Twilight managed to calm herself down, finally sulking in the reality. “Fuck.”

He nodded. “Precisely.”

SLAP

Twilight facehoofed loudly.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked with a concerned tone. “I didn't mean to cause any distress.”

Twilight searched with her eyes thoughtfully all over him. could have just let him go and let it all end. Easy and done. But as a Princess, it was her duty to be smart. And to care. And to help as many ponies as possible.

Even weirdos.

“Please, wait. I want to understand for good,” she said, her hoof yet on her muzzle. “First of all, what’s your name?”

“Not Important.”

“Not important?” asked Twilight, finally raising her head. “You just asked me–”

“Seriously, that’s my name.”

Twilight frowned. “…Really? Your name is Not Important?”

Not Important(?) remained still with a blank expression for a few seconds before a smile crept and he coughed a laugh. “Nah, just kidding. My actual name is Direct Straight. And no, I have no idea why my parents chose this name, but sexuality isn’t involved.”

Twilight user every ounce of her willpower to not collide hoof and forehead again. She had to remain collected, and dig into the matter ahead of her. “So… you have a crush on me?” she asked.

“Not at all,” Direct replied.

“But you wish…”

“...to fuck you. Yes. ”

‘All right,’ thought Twilight, ‘Now I only have to think about a proper reaction and stay calm.’

Twilight suddenly pointed her left hoof towards him and shouted at full lungs. “You’re under arrest!” Saying that made her feel quite smug. ‘Nailed it.’

In response, Direct barely faltered. “Why?” he calmly asked.

“Sexual harassment. Duh.”

“No, it isn't.”

“You just walked into my house demanding to have sex,” Twilight explained.

“No. It was a request.”

“YOU CAN'T JUST REQUEST THAT!”

“I can't ask a mare for sex?”

Twilight opened her mouth to reply, choked on her words, thought about it, and stuttered, “Buh… wait, no… I–”

“In this case,” Direct flatly said, “according to your logic, any foal in town has parents that are either sexual harassers or rapists. Actually, I could say that to anypony.”

SLAP

There wasn't enough willpower in all Equestria to save Twilight’s forehead this time. “What I meant to say is,” Twilight said, her voice flying through her clenched teeth, “there are proper time and space to do that and this isn’t. I am a serious mare in the middle of my working hours–”

Direct cocked an eyebrow. “You work by hours?”

‘Now that I think about it, I don’t even know if I have a defined job,’ she thought. “The point is,” she continued, putting her hooves down and adopting her typical lecturing tone, “you broke into my workplace as I was doing an important and respectable job. Not only you’re degrading me as an individual and treating me like an object, but you're also compromising a service to the community.”

Direct Straight stayed there, looking at her intensely as she spoke and for a few more seconds, but doing nothing else notable. Then, he raised his hoof and calmly said,

“First: I am not holding you back from doing your job.

Second: I figured that your job included listening to whoever comes to you. Actually, the sign you put on your front door clearly says: ‘open for visitors to whoever seeks knowledge, friendship advice, or a book’.

And third–” a mischievous smile crept over his muzzle “–technically, I am asking for a service.”

Feeling a warm and massive blush incoming, Twilight hid her muzzle behind her wings. ‘Oh, yeah. Good job Princess Twilight. Hide behind your wings like a foal, I’m sure he won’t be there when you come out. Haven’t you learned anything from peekaboo?’

As her integrity fought against her shame, Twilight peaked between the feathers of her wings in order to not lose sight of her regretfully-first assisted. To her surprise, he wasn’t standing still with a blank expression anymore. In fact, he was darting looks all around the place and shifting weight on his hooves.

Twilight was even more surprised by what he said next. “I’m sorry… I didn't mean to embarrass you.”

‘I find that hard to believe,’ thought Twilight. She was fed up with his antics and decided that she’d rather put aside every royal formality than to hold her tongue just a second more. “Well… do you always go and ask for sex first to any new mare you meet?” she asked, pushing with a lot of sarcasm.

Again, every possible effect went unseen. “Only when I find them particularly attractive,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“But you don't even know me.”

“That makes it hotter.”

“I don't feel safe doing something so intimate with a stranger!” yelled Twilight.

“Who do you have sex with, then?”

“...shut up.”

Direct rolled his eyes and took another big breath. “Would you answer my question now, please?”

Twilight couldn’t believe the nerve of that guy. “I WON'T have sex with a complete stranger.”

“So,” he asked, “we will do it if we get to know each other better?”

“It should be obvious,” remarked Twilight.

“Then answer the question.”

To this day, Twilight doesn’t know what held her back from flipping the table. Besides the fact it was like a ton of weight, also being the cutie map.

With an ultimate effort of self-control, Twilight managed to calm herself and specifically answer, “If we get to know each other, spend some time together, and realize that we like each other then maybe–”

“I don't want ‘maybe’,” harshly interrupted Direct, much to her patience. “I want sex.”

Twilight internally felt all her emotions crying out loud and then dying in a matter of seconds, leaving only a dangerous void for her anger. Externally, her left eye twitched. “You want me to guarantee that we’re going to have sex if you take me on a date?” she asked, herself hearing some edginess in her voice.

“Yep,” said Direct, nodding his head. “Why do you even want me to take you on a date?”

Twilight felt the smoke coming out her ears as something pushed inside her. “I don’t. You should want to take me on a date.”

“No, I don’t. I want sex.”

“You can’t skip to sex without some courtship first,” she snarled, a force pulsing behind her eyes. ‘He can’t be this oblivious...’

“Seriously,” he asked, “do you want a date?”

“No!”

“Then what’s the deal?”

Twilight slammed her hooves, getting the sound of a big bell from her throne. “You can't expect me to grant you sex!”

“All you have to do is say yes.”

“I DON'T HAVE TO SAY YES!”

“I know. That's why I'm asking,” pointed out Direct. “And if you could just answer–”

That was the final straw. The last push. Her breaking limit. Without any further adieu, Twilight Sparkle jumped over the table screaming with her mane literally aflame. “AAAAAGH!” She pressed her snout against his and glared inside his eyes with bloodshot fury. She didn’t try to contain her anger anymore. “NO! THE ANSWER IS NO, OK? WHY THE FUCK WOULD I EVER BONE THE FIRST FUCKING GUY WHO WALKS INTO MY FUCKING CASTLE AND SAYS ‘HEY, LET’S FUCK’? NOPONY IN THE FUCKING RIGHT STATE OF MIND DOES SOMETHING SO FUCKING STUPID! NO! JUST… FUCK NO!”

Twilight stood with her heart beating, veins pumping, and heavy breathing as she glared down at him. The fire on her head extinguished, her mane went back to the usual style. Direct didn’t blink, didn’t withdraw, and didn’t utter a sound until her breath returned normal. When it did, he politely smiled and said, “Ok.”

He turned over and headed for the door, then glanced back to do a salute with his head. “Have a nice day.”

His silhouette disappeared over the corner, the sound of his hoofsteps grew softer, and there was the sound of a door closing.

With that, he was gone.

Twilight didn’t move of an inch the entire time. She was astonished, staggered, completely astounded. ‘How can he have done that? How can you ask anypony to have sex just like that? AND HOW COULD THIS BE MY FIRST CONSULTATION WITH A SUBJECT?’

“Spike?” she asked with her eyes still gazing in front of her. “Do you think that counts as our first visit from a subject?” Twilight sniffed some air and wondered where the burnt smell did come from, then she turned around. “…Spike?”

“Uh?” Spike, lost in the effort of writing on his parchment, took a moment to look up from his work “O, yeah,” he answered.

Twilight frowned. “You took notes?”

Spike’s forehead covered in sweat, his eyes darted right and left. “Yeah,” he said, “I… I mean, it’s my job.”

‘Well, it’s on paper: my first subject in need asked to bone me.’ Twilight felt so disappointed she almost didn’t notice Spike walking out the room. “Spike,” she called, “where are you going?”

“O, nowhere. Just paying Rarity a visit,” he casually said, combing the spikes on his head. “Got something to tell her.”

“Why are taking that parchment with you?” she asked narrowing her eyes.

Spike stopped dead on his tracks, turned back, looked at the parchment, then back to Twilight, then back at the parchment, then back to Twilight. Sadly, he resumed walking without saying anything and disappeared as well. Twilight stayed there, dumbfounded, and did the only thing she could think of.

SLAP

1,120 views

Chapters Next

Comments ( 11 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 11
- Newest First
- Oldest First

King of Madness

King of Madness #1 · Feb 10th, 2018 · · ·

...Oh my gosh, this is too good! I'm gonna be tracking this.

Also, Spike, don't do what you're about to do. It won't end well, buddy.

SilverPony98

SilverPony98 #2 · Feb 10th, 2018 · 1 · ·

That's why there's a place called a Brothel. And I'm pretty sure Ponyville has one somewhere... or Twilight could've just given the dude a magical handjob or something.

Sage Probo