The good: I think the length worked well for the content of the chapter. Being in an icy tundra, falling off of cliffs, and the saving grace of the airship. I liked Blue's logic with looting the ship; it reminds me of the Fallout series. After 200 years there's still tons of good shit lying around.

The bad: You've still got a long way to go with painting a better mental picture for your audience. You've definitely got the hang of it for the most part, so with a bit more practice and patience, you stand to improve leagues above your current skillset.

Also, you signed your real name in the comments apparently. Going off that, and when you mentioned that you have horses, it sounds like your some kind of girl that works with horses to some extent?

8783084

Haha, I did indeed sign my name. What a plonker!

Anyway, I'm a farmer by trade. I just have a few horses too. Three right now, though it was four—until one died a few months ago. Poor boy.

Also, Blue and Rip are actually in the Scourge's version of the San Palomino desert right now. Did I mention snow anywhere, because if I did I definitely need to fix that up!

8784184
With how cold you made the scene out to be, I assumed it would've been snowing.

8784438
Nope. Do you know how the temperature can swing when in the desert? At night it can dip staggeringly low to where you might as well be in a tundra.

8784438

Ah, I see. It wasn't quite that cold; the air is fairly frigid since the sun isn't overly strong, but it is the cold wind that was making everything so unpleasant. Plus, Blue had been in a building for the last year, even if not a massively well heated one, so going outside for the first time would've been a shock.

But regardless, I'm glad the length of the chapter was good—I was a little worried it was too short!

When I first looked at this, I was confused as to why all the chapters were not marked as read. I said to myself: "Haven't I read this before?" Then, I read all the chapters, and... My word. This fic's changed since last I saw it. Quite the improvement. I'm not upset that you started from scratch, though I must ask: why?

8894585

Oh dear, you must have missed the blog post! Anyway, I just got to a point where I wasn’t liking where the fic was going. It was getting poor comments and a lot of criticism, and I wanted to fix those things up. Of course the easiest way was just to rewrite it, hopefully with better characters and plot lines.

8896019
Ah. Well, I look forward to how it develops down the line.