A Most Peculiar Teaparty
Chapter Four
<><3<><3<><3
“Pass the salt, will you, please?” Rarity asked, smiling at him across a long, ornately carved wooden table that looked as though Discord himself had arranged it. China teacups lay scattered and shattered everywhere, tea dripping out of them and into saucers or onto plates.
Wait. That wasn’t right. Spike glanced around. They were sitting in the middle of a dense forest, and all the trees had very scary faces and long, gnarled limbs. He had a vague, misplaced sense that Pinkie Pie should be singing about giggling at ghosties, but he didn’t know why.
Rarity was grinning broadly, almost disturbingly, at him from under a very large, very elaborate hat covered in feathers and sparkling jewels and patchwork flaps and other oddities.
Spike looked down. He was wearing a blue dress with a white apron over it, and tiny black shoes.
“Oh, shit.” He said, because it seemed the appropriate thing to say.
“More tea, darling?” Rarity asked, suddenly beside him with a pitcher of cold lemonade, one of her long, lithe arms curling around his shoulders. His heart beat loudly in his chest.
“No, thank you. That’s lemonade.” He pointed out as politely as possible, struggling to form words with her so close.
“Do you like my hat?” She whispered into his ear, her breath warm. “I designed it myself. I made it with you in mind. I know how much you like diamonds.”
“Do I?” Spike asked nervously, thinking, only because you like them.
“Yes, you do.” Rarity assured him. The pitcher of lemonade had vanished. She stood straight up and called into the forest, “Hare! More tea at once!”
Fluttershy appeared in a short white dress, wearing floppy bunny ears and a round fluffy tail. She was carrying a tray full of teacups that looked quite unsteady. “Here you go, oh, I’m so very sorry it took so long.” She said softly.
She set it down on the table and then glanced at her bare wrist, horror on her face. “Oh my!” She squeaked. “I’m late, oh, no, I’m very late for a very important date! Oh, I hope I don’t keep her waiting! She does like to do things fast... I hope she likes my outfit... Do excuse me, please, I apologize!” She hurried off, bounding into the forest.
Rarity took off her hat and dumped one of the teacups into it. She started to sing, but her voice came out a man’s, deep and whining. “’Oh, what the hell,’ she says, ‘I just can’t win for losing.’ And she lays back down! Man, there’s so many times I don’t know what I’m doing! Like I don’t know now!”
Spike recognized that song, and that voice. It was one of his favorites. This was getting stranger by the moment. “What’s going on here?” Spike asked, very confused. By now he was seeing some sort of pattern.
“Well,” said a quiet, calm voice by his ear. “It’s really very simple. I read it in a book.”
He twisted his head and saw, sitting on his shoulder, a fat striped caterpillar in varying shades of blue and purple. It was wearing half-moon glasses and smoking a pipe. He groaned. “Twilight? You’re here too?”
Twilight Sparkle the caterpillar harrumphed. “I needn’t be, if you’re offended by my presence. I was just going to try to explain dream state to you, but very well, you obviously don’t need my help.” Quite offended, she slithered off his shoulder and into a teapot, where she promptly drowned.
“More tea?” Rarity asked brightly, completely undisturbed by this new development. In fact, it seemed she hadn’t even noticed.
“No, thank you.” Spike said firmly. But she looked so crestfallen that he relented a moment later, and let her pour him another cup.
He suddenly heard a loud yawn from the table. He looked down to see a tiny, corn yellow mouse sleeping soundly in a teacup to his left. It was wearing a large pink bow.
“...Apple Bloom?” He ventured hesitantly.
The dormouse’s ears twitched, and she opened her eyes – they were the distinct caramel color he’d noticed only recently – to watch him lazily. He reached out a hand to pet her (she looked very soft). She yawned again and sniffed his hand for a moment before falling asleep again. “Er. Have a nice rest.”
“Ah’m not tardy, am I?” Applejack asked, peering around a tree. She, at least, seemed to be dressed normally, in her cowboy boots and hat.
“Applejaaack!” Rarity exclaimed, looking a bit disappointed. “No, you’re not late.” Under her breath, she muttered, “Not nearly late enough, anyway.” She turned to smile brightly at the cowgirl, though Spike could tell it was forced. “I was just having tea with Alice— Spike! I mean Spike.”
“Horsefeathers!” Applejack cursed, twisting her shirt in her hands. “Ah think Ah’m in the wrong dream, actually... I was lookin’ for Granny Smith, she was s’pposed to be leavin’ me Sweet Apple Acres in her will.”
“Next door on your right.” Rarity said, clearly glad to see her go. AJ tipped her hat and disappeared.
Can this get any weirder? Spike wondered, and then it did, because Opal landed in his lap with the biggest grin he’d ever seen, stretching across her whole face, and proceeded to tear apart his dress.
“Oh, no, that just won’t do!” Rarity clucked her tongue disapprovingly and shooed Opal away from him. She spun his chair around and produced a sewing kit out of nowhere. She took the needle to the bottom of the dress and went to work.
Soon, long, flowing lengths of baby blue fabric were coming from her hands and swirling around them and he couldn’t breath for all the fabric in front of his face, blocking his nose. He gasped for breath and tried to tell her to stop, but she just kept going and the fabric kept coming.
He reached out for Rarity’s hand, trying to save her, trying to save himself, but he was drowning in fabric and there was nothing he could do for either of them...
Spike jolted awake. He looked around in the dark, disoriented for a moment, before his eyes adjusted and he recognized Twilight’s sleeping form across the room. He breathed a sigh of relief.
“Just a dream.” He muttered to himself. “Shouldn’t’ve read those sewing books...” He spotted the offending objects next to his bed, and glared at them. “’S your fault, you damn books.”
They didn’t reply, just sat there in the dark, mockingly.
Spike growled at them, and turned over. But try as he might, he couldn’t sleep. Instead, he took out his headphones and turned on a song that always seemed to fit his mood. He hummed along quietly, trying not to wake Twilight.
“She shuts out the night,
Tries to close her eyes.
If she can find daylight,
Then she’ll be alright, she’ll be alright.
Just not tonight.”
<><3<><3<><3
Around noon, Spike walked over to Rarity’s dress shop.
"Spike!" She exclaimed when she opened the door, sounding absolutely horrified. "Oh, darling, you have shadows under your eyes! Whatever's happened?"
Spike blinked at her, wondering if it was really that visible, and if he looked okay. "I couldn't sleep last night, I guess. No biggie. I can still–" He yawned. "...help you."
"Oh, no, no, no, no!" Rarity said, pulling him inside. "You must get some rest. You're here already, and I can't possibly send you all the way back home! You can use my bedroom."
Sleep in Rarity's bedroom? Spike's heart jumped into his throat. I get to see her bedroom! ...Is it creepy that I'm excited about that? ...Yeeeaaah, that's probably creepy. He forced away his thoughts and followed her up the stairs, trying not to stare at her bum.
She opened the door to her bedroom. It was very purple, Spike noticed, but a lot of things about Rarity were purple: her hair, many of her clothes, the plush carpets in her hallways... He'd decided he liked purple a long time ago.
"Here, you just lay down, and I'll make sure no one disturbs you." Rarity said, plumping the pillows on the bed. Spike felt a little uncomfortable about using her room, but she was being so nice and thoughtful, like always, and he didn't want to reject her kindness.
"Thank you, Rarity, this is very nice of you." He said. The bed did look pretty comfortable, and he was very tired... "Sorry about all this. I can still help you with the dresses later if you want me to."
Rarity smiled and shook her head as he kicked off his shoes and climbed in. "That's quite alright, Spike, you just get some sleep. I'm sure it'll be much quieter here than at Twilight's, with her rushing around with those books. I'll just shut the door behind me, and be back to check on you later."
She left the room, shutting the door as promised, and leaving Spike in her very purple bedroom in her very purple bed, where he was sure he wouldn't get any rest at all, thinking about all the implications this was sure to have. He was in her bed for Celestia's sake! Granted, she wasn't actually in it with him, but that was a technicality.
I can't tell Twilight about this, he thought, and then he fell asleep.
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Dam! So close and yet so far
Down the rabbit hole we go. Though I prefer the looking glass. I hope our young knight here, takes this lovely queen.
Thingss turned out to be... interesting?
Please do makke more :) 11/10 moustache fer ya
974227
Hey, buddy, that's a little too much innuedo right there. You're scaring the kids.
976553 ... FAIL! It was in no way sexual. Through the Looking Glass, is the second book in the Alice in Wonderland series. The book is a chess game. Therefore my reference was to the second book. Queen and knight are chess pieces, taking a piece means to capture it. In other words I want Spike to capture Rarity's heart.
976578
Yes, dear, I knew that. I've read the second book. I was attempting to make a joke, but apparently either I've failed, or you take things too seriously.
976598 I fail to see how using FAIL in all caps is to be taken seriously. See what I did there?
I am the king of double ententes! I just felt the need to explain as many people are unaware that there is even a second book, let alone a third.
Also, dear, really?
976631
Okie dokie Loki, then.
Yeah, I call everyone "dear." My online persona talks like Rarity, for some unknown reason...
976757 *Twilight Zone Theme*
976773
Make that Twilight *SPARKLE* Zone Theme!
(I can't believe I just did that. I also can't believe you didn't see it coming.)
988209 Oh, I saw it comming. I just wanted to see if you'd go for the pun.
I. Love. This. Chapter.
Pinkamena is happy!
Derpy understands!
I can't wait for the next chapter! WRITE WRITE WRITE! 14th chapter, here we come!