For The Pony Who Has Everything

by Tumbleweed

Chapter 1

“Twilight Sparkle is a talentless hack!”

“Trixie!” Starlight Glimmer put a hoof to her mouth, aghast. “You know that's not right.”

“You're right, as usual.” Trixie said with a roll of her eyes. “I should be more accurate. Princess Twilight Sparkle is a talentless hack.”

Starlight Glimmer nervously peeked out the door to her bedroom, hoping nopony was in the hallway to hear Trixie's ranting. Seeing nopony, she sighed in relief and turned back to her wizard-hatted friend. “I know you're mad you didn't get cast as Clover the Clever in this year's Hearth's Warming Eve pageant--”

“I am not mad, Starlight. I am depressed. To think, that a performer such as I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, will not get to grace the stage for the people of Ponyville in one of the most famed roles of our age? It's tragic! What makes it worse is that Princess Twilight Sparkle has abused her royal power to make sure that she and her friends get all the best parts! It's nepotism, plain and simple.”

“Twilight just wants to make sure the pageant is the best it can be-- since she and her friends have done it before, that means they've had a lot of practice.”

“Ha!” Trixie shook her head. “I'm telling you, Starlight, I have more talent in my left hoof than the whole lot of them put together!”

“You really shouldn't talk about our friends like that.” Starlight Glimmer said as she realized she'd be writing a Friendship Report for Twilight far sooner than she'd anticipated this week.

“But it's true! It's true and you know it!” Trixie huffed. “I mean, the next time some giant monster or whatever tries to eat Equestria, I'll be more than happy to let the Princess and her friends do the Elements of Harmony thing and save us all. That's what they're good at. What they are not good at, I should note, is acting. Or directing, for that matter. Would you believe Twilight Sparkle wouldn't even let me add any pyrotechnics? She just kept on going on about the 'fire code' or something. Hmf!”

“Hearth's Warming Eve isn't about who gets the best part in a play. It's about--”

“Friendship and fellowship and being kind to your fellow pony, yes, yes.” Trixie gestured aimlessly with one hoof.

“And part of that is making sure I find the perfect present for Twilight. She's taught me so much-- and ever since she opened my eyes about Hearth's Warming Eve last year, I've been wanting to make this one super special for her. I just ... don't have any idea how to do that. I mean, she's a Princess. She's already got everything she could ever want--”

“Don't worry, Starlight. I, the Thoughtful and Generous Trixie, have got you covered. As I have taken the liberty of getting Twilight Sparkle a gift on your behalf, thus sparing you from the commercialized frenzy of holiday shopping!”

“Really?” Starlight Glimmer said, and a smile graced her face. “That's ... actually really nice of you, Trixie.”

“Would you expect anything less from a pony as magnanimous as I?”

Starlight politely didn't answer the question, and instead went for a different tack. “What did you get Twilight, anyway?”

“I have two words for you: Gift. Basket.”

“What?”

“GIFT BASKET.” Trixie said, louder.

“No, I know what a gift basket is-- but, that just seems a little impersonal, don't you think?”

“As it would happen, I do not think.” Trixie smiled. “A gift basket's only impersonal if you just get one pre-made. The real way assemble a gift basket is to personalize it with stuff you've got laying around. And if you just so happen to find a use for little bits and bobs you haven't got a use for anymore, there you go.”

“Trixie, you're re-gifting Twilight?”

“It's recycling! That's good, right? Besides, after we saved Equestria from those Changelings, you've been flooded with promotional swag. So I grabbed a fruitcake I knew you wouldn't eat because you can't stand raisins, a few bottles of wine I knew you wouldn't drink, since you prefer whites over reds, and topped it all off with that fancy flower you had on top of your bookshelf. Not only have I solved your problem, but I've also shown how well I know you because we're best friends!” Trixie pulled Starlight in for an enthusiastic hug.

Starlight tensed, eyes going wide. “What flower on top of the bookshelf?” She said, eyes flitting to a conspicuously empty stretch of shelving.

“Oh, that blueish-blackish thing in the glass dome.”

“That's what you put in the gift basket?”

“I thought it added a personal touch.” Trixie blinked, and tilted her head in confusion. “That ... wasn't too personal, was it? Like it wasn't the last thing you had to remember some old boyfriend, was it? Because I thought you were over that Sunburst thing.”

“It wasn't 'personal' so much as dangerous.” Starlight Glimmer wriggled out of Trixie's hug, then shut the door to her bedroom, wary.

“The thorns weren't that big.”

“Not the thorns! The rest of it!” Starlight Glimmer rubbed at the bridge of her nose, and lowered her tone so that nopony passing by might overhear her. “That flower was a Mercyblack Rose-- an exceedingly rare specimen from the darkest depths of the Everfree Forest. It's a psychic parasite-- the flower entrances its victims with their deepest dreams, and then feeds on their body as they waste away!”

“And you have one ... why?”

“I used to be kind of evil?” Starlight Glimmer winced. No matter how often she said it, the words were painful to say.

“Yes, yes, but that was just a phase. All the best ponies try to take over the world at some point. I mean, I did,” said Trixie. “It doesn't explain why you have it-- or, well, had it, really – now.”

“I thought I should hang onto the Mercyblack Rose so it wouldn't hurt anypony.”

“Don't you think you should have put it somewhere a little, I don't know, safer?”

“It was in a case! On the top shelf! I wasn't expecting anypony to foist it on the Princess of Friendship!” Starlight Glimmer snapped, then reined herself in, rubbing at her temples. “Sorry, sorry. I'm just a little ... nervous, that's all. But we just need to keep calm, and be rational, and get the Mercyblack Rose back before it kills Twilight. No big deal, right?”

“Right, right.” Trixie mused. “But ... what if Twilight Sparkle got just a little whiff of the flower? Not enough to kill her, but perhaps just enough to incapacitate her so that somepony would have to step up as an understudy in the part of Clover the Clever? The show must go on, you know.”

Starlight Glimmer's jaw dropped. “That is what you're thinking about?”

“I'm just trying to be optimistic!” Trixie said, voice coming dangerously close to a whine. “It's either that or Twilight Sparkle gets herself killed and then we get the blame for it and are exiled to the moon forever.”

“Yeah, that is the more likely scenario.” Starlight Glimmer said, and shook her head. “But that's not going to happen! All we have to do is find that gift basket before Twilight Sparkle opens it up. Easy. Where did you see it last?”

“I left it in that big pile of presents under the tree in the main hall-- but that's where everypony is! They'll notice us stealing a present for sure.”

“Unless ... “ Starlight Glimmer rubbed at her chin. “Unless we go there when everypony else is distracted.”

“You mean--”

“The pageant! See? It's a good thing you didn't get cast.” Starlight Glimmer said, triumphant. “Now come on, Trixie. We've got a lot of work to do if we're going to save Hearth's Warming Eve!”

“And our own tails.” Trixie added on.

“Those too.”

Comments

[FTL]

While I would ordinarily read the description and say "This will probably not end well", after reading this chapter I will revise this to "There is no way this is going to end well for Trixie and Starlight" ;-)

[BoredAuthor817]

Lol! Those two, I swear! Nothing good happens when you put them together.

[titanhades70]

Nothing wrong with Starlight. It's Trixie that is the whole problem.

[DanaO]

I'm almost on board with Trixie's attitude. The way I viewed that episode, Twilight and Friends weren't auditioning and spending months in rehearsal; they were assigned as a guest cast for a pageant with a professional Canterlot theater group used to exactly this situation. (It's a pageant, not a play. It retells a well-known story in general rather than follows a specific script with full direction and blocking.) In other words, the six were asked by Celestia to appear a couple of weeks in advance, spent the time thinking about it and coming up with little things they wanted to do, arrived in Canterlot the day before the performance to communicate these, and the actual professionals were just so experienced as to make the result look like a polished performance instead of an improvised and unrehearsed mess.

Twilight wanting to do a repeat in some form isn't unreasonable. Twilight deciding to direct the Ponyville school pageant for Hearth's Warming isn't unreasonable (and likely more than enough punishment in the end). Twilight deciding she'll be directing a repeat starring all her friends, in an official capacity representing Ponyville? That's distinctly insulting in several ways. ...Not that I'd be eager to have to work with a Trixie cast as Clover, but she's at least as good a choice for the role as Twilight, and I'd trust Trixie more once the curtain goes up.

[Darkstarling]

I know where the Mercyblack Rose came from. It's quite horribly insidious. Perfect for Equestria. I blame Discord.

[Thryring]

“As it would happen, I do not think.” That line! Best in the story