Chapter 10: Those We Leave Behind
Ustiarius roused from his uncomfortable position on the living room sofa, immediately wondering why Starswirl couldn’t have lent him his bed from the tower. Wearily rolling onto his hooves, he climbed up to the kitchen and pulled a mouthful of hay from the larder as memories from yesterday began to seep back into his consciousness. The townsponies had been lovely—almost uncomfortably welcoming considering what he was used to at the palace—yet despite that warmth, alarm bells were going off in his head over this whole situation. It just felt so… permanent. First he runs halfway across Equestria at the drop of a hat, leaving his family and friends at the mercy of this 'Discord' creature, then he moves into a stolen house with a complete stranger, gets called ‘uncle’ by the filly they practically foalnapped, then they have a welcoming party to induct them into the South Sea Post family? This was too much. This was all too much. How could he face the other members of the royal guard again after spending Elysium-knows how long on what was shaping up to be an extended vacation? Starswirl himself said he could be researching how to defeat Discord for years—decades—while they protect the Princesses here. This was not what he signed up for. Defending the members of the royal family was his job, but that did not supersede the safety of the entire nation, and right now other ponies needed him more than these three did. This was a nice town full of nice ponies, so the great and powerful Starswirl would be more than enough to protection them, especially after all the subterfuge that went into getting here.
The thoughts were deafening. This wasn't something he could just go to Starswirl about, not without some clarity first. Despite his short time in this town, there was one pony he had come to trust—one pony he could talk to this about before he confronted the wizard.
With three solid raps, he knocked on the door and waited patiently. He didn't know when the apothecary opened in the morning, but he knew he had woken up early, despite the sun and moon currently orbiting one another in the sky. He shifted awkwardly, wondering if he should come back later just as the latch on the door began to rattle. Meadow Flower peeked around the corner before opening the door completely.
“Goodness, Cestus, is something wrong?”
Right, 'Cestus'. He had to remember that stupid name Starswirl gave him yesterday. Meadow Flower had clearly just woken up, as she was wearing a fluffy olive dressing gown and rollers in her hair.
“I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up! I- I'll come back later.” Flustered, he turned to leave.
“No, you didn't wake me, cher, I was already up—barely. Just getting my mornin' tea. Something must be on your mind to visit this early, non? Come, join me, voir.”
Ustiarius nodded and gingerly followed her inside as she returned to the kitchen. He'd suspected that she lived on the upper floor, given that most shops don't have a full kitchen and china, and this seemed to confirm it. Taking a seat in the now familiar, earthy room of curiosities, his mind began to drift back to home and those he had left behind.
“I know that face, mon amis. Feelin' homesick?”
He hadn't expected her to return so quickly, startling him out of his train of thought. Taking entirely too long to process what she had just said, he could only watch as she placed a tray with two cups down on the table between them.
“Oui, it is a face I know well from my darling Meadowbrook. She wore it for years before she left, starin' out the window in dreamy thought, just as you seemed to be. Lately I even see it in the mirror sometimes, truth be told.” She took a sip, her eyes melancholic.
“I wouldn't call it 'homesickness' per se... More... guilt?” He rubbed his forehead. "I left a lot behind, coming here. Unfinished business. Things unsaid, promises unkept. That kind of thing.”
“I've found homesickness can come from the good and the bad. It's surprisin' the things you can miss; the things you got used to. I never thought I would miss the buzz of the mosquitoes at night, and yet sometimes the nights here can be so quiet.”
“It's not quite that simple. I don't just miss them, I... They need me.”
She chuckled warmly. “Mon cher, I'm sure that your family and friends love you, but I think they'll have survived this short time away, non? Take your time, relax, you deserve it. The weight of the world is not on your back alone.”
That was easy for her to say. He was already pushing his luck with how much he was revealing. Should word of Canterlot reach South Sea Post, it was likely she would put two and two together. However, despite the risk to their cover, this was something he needed to resolve immediately.
“The thing is, I think Stuh—Greymane—is expecting me to stay with them for a while... like, years, to help them settle in. I can't- I know I'm needed back home, probably more than here. The—uh—'taxi business' might do just fine without me, but not being there, I feel like I'm letting everypony down... But I also feel like I'm letting down Greymane and the girls if I leave. I don't know what to do, and I need to make up my mind right now.”
“Well, that certainly explains your urgency this mornin', though I'm surprised you chose to come to me first. Are you not close enough to Greymane to ask him directly?”
“Not so much, no. He's... difficult to get along with.”
She chuckled again. "I would be lying if I said his social skills last night were stellar. Poor bébé; seemed like he would be more at home in a library than at a party.”
“You have no idea.”
“I'm sorry to say our little hamlet has no such amenity.” She took another sip of her tea and sat back.
“Oh don't worry about that, I think you're a lot closer to having one than you expect.” He smirked and leaned forward, taking his cup and saucer from the tray. He paused for a moment, appreciating the tea's subtle aroma before sampling it. While he'd never been a huge fan of tea, this particular blend soothed his nerves the very moment it touched his tongue. “Mm, this is good! What's it called?”
“Ah, bon! Merci beaucoup, mon ami, it is my own blend for mornin's. Calmin' for the nerves, yet energyful for the day ahead. I think the contrast between the dash of turmeric and dried kiwi was what really brought it to life. I don't share this cup with many, so it doesn't have a name as such.”
“Again, I'm really sorry for coming so early.”
“As I said, mon cheri, think nothin' of it. The mornin's and nights have begun to blend together anyway, since the sky began its craqué danse. Canterlot better get its act together soon, or I swear...”
“Right?” Ustiarius laughed nervously, hiding his terrible poker face with a sip of tea.
“But to return to the problem at hoof; for what little it's worth, I believe you need to weigh who needs you more, between your commitments at home and contract with Greymane. Jobs, titles and duties only count for so much. In the end, I believe you have to be true to yourself and your beliefs above anythin' else. If you don't live life as your truest self, you'll be left with nothing but regrets in the end.”
“Like you?”
This question caught Meadow Flower off guard just as she was about to finish her tea, instead pausing and returning it to the saucer on her other hoof. “Pardon?”
“Well, you've been sad about Meadowbrook leaving for some time now, and you've mentioned more than once that you miss your old home. Sounds to me like you've got your fair share of regrets.”
“Elysium above, you paid attention, didn't you?” She rolled her teacup around its saucer as she mulled the question over.
“I- Sorry, I didn't mean to bring anything up...”
“Non, non, you're not wrong, cher. I've just never thought of it so bluntly before. Amazing the things a different point of view can bring to light, non?”
“I just... I thought you might have some insight into my problem, since we're sort of in the same situation.”
“You think I'm in a situation?” She returned her cup and saucer back on the table and folded her hooves, giving Ustiarius her undivided attention.
“Uh, well... I mean, you seem happy enough, but like you just said, you need to live your best life, or you'll end up regretting it.”
“Yes, I did just say that, didn't I? ... Hah!” she scoffed, pausing as her eyes faded into the middle-distance. “So, you come to me for advice, but it is I who will now ask you a question. What do you suggest I do?”
“Me? You're asking me for advice? Uh, well, I don't- Uh... I mean, I just thought that if you were missing your old home, and your daughter happened to be there too... Why not go?” He sipped his tea cautiously, feeling as though he had opened a can of worms he had ought not to.
“Leave South Sea? Goodness, Monsieur Cestus, are you prepositionin' me?”
Ustiarius choked on his tea, managing to spray some out of his nostrils and back into the cup. Meadow Flower laughed heartily as he gingerly returned the cup to the table, hooves shaking and face bright red.
“N-No! No, you'd go back to the bayou and I'd return to, uh, my home.”
The herbalist managed to catch her breath, her cheeks sore from grinning. "You are so easy to tease, mon amis. Forgive this old mare her japes at your expense, but it has become so hard to get a stir out of the ponies here.”
The guardspony wiped tea from his muzzle, hiding an embarrassed smile. “It's okay. You get teased all the time in the corps, so I should be used to it, but I guess the last couple of days have put me on edge. Sorry if I got tea anywhere.”
“'In the corps'? Were you in the army, mon cher?”
“Uh, no. T-Taxi corps... It's, uh, what we call the terminal. For the carts. At my job.”
“Ah, je vois, je vois. Pardonne moi, I have never been a part of big city life, so these terms are lost on a Southern gal like me. Life was oh-so simple on the bayou, much like it is here, but more... more...”
“Familial?”
“Oui! Oh, I love everypony here, each and every one—warts and all—but there's a joy in the bayou that I've never felt anywhere else... A warmth, like you're just... just home.”
“It sounds nice. Have you stayed in contact with anypony there?”
“Non. Visitors are rare enough in these parts, and couriers only come with trade deliveries, so we're lucky to get anything sent out at all. What I would give to trade letters with mon pétit amour..."
“So why not go?”
She gestured around herself. "The shop, mon cher! I cannot simply up and leave; they need me here!”
“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but do they really need you? They want you here for sure, you seem very well loved and a pillar of the community, but like you said, this town was here before you came, and it will be here after you leave...”
“But who will salve their wounds if I am not here? Who will cure their ails, soothe their sleeplessness, and be their shoulder to cry on?”
“Don’t get me wrong, those are all really important things, but do you have to be the one that does them? You might be the best they have at the moment, but it seems unfair to put your life on hold while you put everypony else before you.”
“Such is the life of a healer. You often find yourself being the last thing on your mind. In a way it’s quite freein', to be so unawares of your own needs while tending to others’.” She leaned forward and stroked the leaf of a plant sitting on the coffee table between them. “Botany is my life, and when ponies started relyin' on me for their curatives, my other interests had to fall by the side. Meadowbrook was the only thing I ever gave more priority to than my duties here.” She looked down, furrowing her brow, before raising her eyes to the tribal decorations above. “Before coming to the frontier, my other passion was cultural studies. My ancestors of the bayou were a fascinatin' and enigmatic people, passionate about nature and their place in The Great Carousel of life. They crafted beautiful masks to represent and show respect to the animals around them.” She motioned up towards her ethnic collection.
Ustiarius looked up at the varied tribal objects scattered across the ceiling, from pots to totems, but particularly the large masks in each corner.
“So these are all relics from your people’s past?”
“Oh, non, non. I have one or two originals in my bedroom, but everything here I made with my own hoofs.”
“You made these? They look so… authentic!”
She laughed. “Ah, mon ami, I am grateful, but would you even know if they didn't?” Smiling, she relaxed back in her chair a little, though still wistful. “I must admit, the more I think of those directionless days of passion, the more I miss the freedom I had back then.”
“Kinda sounds like regret to me,” the guardspony mused coyly.
“Just part of growin' up, I’m afraid, mon cher. Being a young thing in your prime, you have yet to learn such lessons. As an older mare, I've learned that there is simply not enough time to do everything that you wish for in a single life.”
“Doesn’t that mean that you should focus on the things that are most important to you, then?”
Meadow Flower’s thoughts seemed to drift off as she stared into the middle-distance, pondering this question.
“If you were thinking of taking a trip back to your homeland,” he continued, “I’d feel a lot better being there to escort you as far as I can. No reason for us to leave in the same direction separately.”
She raised her eyebrows with mock shock. “Mesier, you are propositionin' me!”
“N-No! I’m just- I’m not saying you should leave, but if you do, it would be safer to go together... Sorry, I didn’t mean to make things so personal, I- I should have left it.”
“Don't apologise, mon cheri, I know your heart is in the right place,” she smiled, though it faded quickly. “I admit, this discussion has given me much to think on… When were you thinking of leavin'?”
“Today. As soon as I get the courage to confront Stuhh—Greybeard, really.”
“Surely you completed your contract the moment you arrived? Just what services was he expectin' of you?”
“Well that’s what I thought, but he seemed to think this was a more… long term arrangement. I consider myself a fairly loyal pony, but I cannot stand idly by while others might need me more.”
“Then I shall turn your own question against you, mon amis; do the ponies at the corps really need you as much as you think they do?”
“They don’t need me, but they do need all the help they can get.” He leaned forward, resting his forelegs on his thighs, clearly tense. “There’s nothing special about me—I'm just another set of hooves—and me being there might not make any difference at all... but how can I sleep at night knowing that others are struggling while I do nothing about it? ” He lowered his head into his hooves.
“'Living your life without regrets', hm?” She smiled wistfully, closing her eyes for a moment. “I envy your clarity, for that is what you seem to have. You didn't come to me for an answer, but for reassurance, dear Cestus; for permission.”
He looked up at her, his eyes a mixture of confusion and revelation.
She smiled at him before looking up at her ceiling, “When you get to my age, it's not only your mane that turns grey, but your convictions, too. Things stop seeming as important, as worth fighting for. Oui, we can get stuck in our ways, but only because everything else fades into an indistinct fog.” A wispy, nostalgic smile crept across her face. “If only we could keep that joie de vivre that we have in our youth...” She closed her eyes again, absorbing the moment before turning back to her friend. “So, are you feelin' any braver now, after our little tête-à-tête?”
Ustiarius sighed, craning his neck towards the ceiling, wishing for the answer to fall from above like some divine revelation. Receiving no such blessing, he turned back and ran his hooves down his face, dreading the encounter that was to come.
“No, not braver, but I feel like I have to do it regardless.” He closed his eyes for one last moment of solace before pushing himself onto all-fours. “I’m going to take a walk, try to think how to word what I'll say. I really appreciate you taking the time to listen to me ramble on like that, I really do.”
“Ah, mon amis!” She stood to meet him, as any polite host would. “Do not think about it for a second. My door is always open to those with words on their heart that need speakin'. I'm just glad to have been your ear today, and I fear that our bemoaning has been quite mutual, so take my thanks as well as my apologies.”
He chuckled, warmed through by her kindness. “You’re a good pony, Meadow Flower, one of the best,” he beamed, before making his way to the front door and pausing. “Just don’t forget to be good to yourself, too, okay?”
As the guardspony stepped out the door, the older mare came to the entrance to watch him leave. After taking a few steps, he turned back with unfinished business on his mind.
“Think about my offer, okay? Again, I’m sorry it’s at such short notice, but I don't know if there will be a better opportunity for you to see your daughter again.”
Meadow Flower looked down solemnly, unsure how to answer. Ustiarius nodded, understanding her confliction, before continuing on his way.
“Cestus Hippos? Just...”
The guardspony stopped to look back once more, luckily remembering to respond to that stupid name.
“Don’t leave before seein' me again, d'accord? I’ll have an answer for you then... Thank you for this opportunity.”
He nodded, smiling this time, before retracing the path to the Fizzleberry farm. The apothecary lingered in her shop's doorway for a while, suddenly having far more to deal with today than she could have imagined. She hadn't even had time to take her rollers out... Her rollers! She threw herself inside and slammed the door behind her, hurriedly scrabbling at the dried corn tubes, face aglow. She huffed, her hair now a tousled mess around her face, before leaning back on the door. Could this really be it? Was she really considering leaving her home for these past decades on a whim like this? As... enlightening as Cestus' conversation had been, she needed someone she could talk to who knew her—who knew the town—and was not afraid to mince words, and there was only one pony who met that description...
“Bonzour, mon cher Goldcrest, lé la?” Meadow Flower chirped as she opened the door to the general store, marking her arrival with a soft jingle.
“Meadow Flower. What brings you here? This isn't your typical schedule,” the grumpy purveyor asked from behind his counter, forelegs crossed on the worktop as he reclined on a stool.
“Oh, this and that, that and this.” She waived the question, uncertain about how to breach the subject properly. Wandering mindlessly around, she stared at the basic goods and wares she had already seen a dozen times before.
“If you came to window-shop, you're on the wrong side of the glass,” he grumbled, lowering his hooves from the worktop. “Now what did you really come here for?”
She relinquished a sigh, gracefully stumbling her way towards the counter and planting her face flat on it. “Truth is, I came to bend your ear, mon amis,” she mumbled through the wood.
“You came to talk to me? You must be desperate.”
Meadow Flower chuckled and lifted her head, softening the wooden surface with a foreleg. As carefree as her aura was, Goldcrest Finch could see that something was very different in her eyes today—whatever this was, it was big.
“So what could the town sounding board possibly want with this jaded old fool?” he pressed, equal parts annoyed and worried.
“If you knew—or at least suspected—where Skylark was, would you leave South Sea to get her?”
He scowled at the mention of his estranged daughter, a topic that they both well knew was a sensitive subject for him. “What’s this about?”
“Désolé, mon amis,” she sighed. “It’s just that… I’ve been given an opportunity... One I never considered to be a reality before now. It’s just so sudden I can’t think straight.”
He flexed his wings, addressing the stiffness that had become an issue at his age. “Well if you’ve come to me for advice, you're right about that. What’s this got to do with Skylark?”
“It’s... It's Meadowbrook. Or rather, it could be. Cestus Hippos—the younger unicorn you met last night—will be heading back North later today and... suggested I travel back with him.”
The weathered pegasus raised his eyebrows. “That is short notice. What's that got to do with Meadowbrook, though?”
“Well I got to talkin' and over-sharin', as I'm sometimes want to do, and told him all 'bout mon cher 'tit chou, and how I miss her and the bayou. Since there's a good chance that's where she is, he suggested that going with him now would be the best chance I'll ever have of seein' her again, and... I'm afraid that he's right.” She took a breath. “Mon Elysium, Finch, I've spent all this time doing nothin', feelin' sorry for myself, and never once thought of actually going to find her—of following my heart!”
“You have commitments here; a job, a place in the community. It's not just as simple as up and leaving. Besides, your filly is a mare now, it's only natural she would find her own way.”
“Oh, mon amis, what should I do? If it were you, what would you do? Would you drop everythin' to see her again—your Skylar?”
“Without a doubt,” he answered barring any hesitation, though his eyes closed, as if trying not to see the pain he felt. “But while your future holds a joyful reunion, I see no such resolution in mine. First thing I’d do is give her five feathers across the face so hard she’d forget why she ever joined that Tartarus-cursed gang.”
“Gracious, mon cher, that seems a little drastic. I understand your anger, but fillies are allowed to make mistakes. It's our jobs as parents to forgive 'em.” She reached her hoof forward in consolation, though he remained distant. “But I think deep down we both know it would go much differently in reality.”
He sneered, leaning back again and folding his forelegs. “You’re too charitable. There’s less good in me than you think.”
She smiled sympathetically, retracting her hoof. “You're a bitter old stallion, this is true, but I think you have a father’s love hidden deep inside you, strong enough to break that wall you've put up around you.”
“Tch,” he scoffed, visibly stewing. “When did this become about me? If I want your input, I’ll ask for it, leaf-picker.”
She laughed, raising herself from the counter. “Vrai, vrai. Forgive me, mon cher, I fear I've let my muzzle get the best of me yet again.”
Meadow Flower's smile slowly dimmed as the two sat in silence, brooding over their respective demons.
“Am I needed here, Goldcrest Finch?” Her question was sudden, direct and emotionless, demanding an answer in kind with its tone.
“What do you mean?” He shifted uncomfortably on his stool, not one to express his personal feelings.
“If I left, would I be missed? Non, don’t answer that.” She placed her hooves together in thought before restarting her question. “Would… Would the town survive without me?”
Goldcrest Finch scratched the back of his neck with a wing-tip awkwardly. “I mean, uh... You do... good work here. You’d be missed—as a herbalist, I guess, but…” He looked away, subtly blushing. “Well, I don’t doubt we’d survive if you had to go for… personal reasons.”
She nodded with a melancholic smile. It wasn't what she'd wanted to hear—she was hoping somepony would fall to the floor begging and pleading for her to stay, that the world would fall apart without her here... but it was the answer she expected; the answer that she needed.
“T-That’s not to say that I—that anypony here wants to see you leave. You- You’re an... important member of the community.” He scratched at his neck with his hoof this time, trying not to feel... something? Anything. “I would… miss our talks. Sometimes. When you don't do all the talking yourself”
She smiled again, this time warmly, with tears in her eyes. “Oh, mon cher, I will miss you dearly too.” Her breath shook as she breathed out. “I think I have my answer. Merci beaucoup, mi amour, you have been as invaluable as ever.”
“I… I didn’t do anything.”
“You’ve done more than you know. You’ve released me from my burden. Thank you.”
Meadow Flower placed her hoof on the table, her face still glowing despite the tears, and turned for the door. She made it as far as reaching for the doorknob before stopping and biting her lip, remembering Cestus' words of living without regret. With a flurry of speed she rushed back to the counter and vaulted half over it, wrapping her arms around the stunned pegasus, his wings fully unfurled from the shock. She squeezed him tightly, sniffing and sobbing into his neck, while he could barely bring himself to return the contact. Just as he gingerly began to move his forehooves forward, she released the embrace and hurriedly returned to the entrance. Half crying and half laughing, she looked back through red eyes before opening the door.
“M-Meadow Flower?” he shouted, standing with his fore-hooves on the counter.
“Oui?” She turned, holding the door half open with her hoof.
“T—Take care.”
“And you, mon amis. There will be a happy ending for you too, of this I'm sure. You just have to believe.” She smiled one last time and turned away, wiping the tears from her eyes as she galloped back to her soon-to-be-vacant shop.
Ustiarius stood in front of the door to Starswirl's room, frozen in self-doubt. Nothing about his time with Starswirl would suggest this was going to go smoothly, and he'd had just about enough shouting matches to last him the year already. He looked down at his hooves, telling himself what he was doing this for—who.
“Uncle Oosty?” a small voice asked from beside him, almost sending him onto his side.
“Wh-What?!” he stammered, barely catching his breath. He was already under enough stress without needing a filly-induced heart-attack.
“Why are you standing outside Uncle Starswirl's door? You can go in, he's probably in his tower.”
“Y-Yes, I know, thank you, Your Majesty.” He steadied himself. If he couldn't hold his own against a child, what chance did he have against the old goat?
“So, what are you doing?” She tilted her head, prompting the stallion to face her directly.
“Well,” he began, lowering himself to her level. “I know we've had an exciting couple of days together, and it is my honour to serve Your Royal Majesties, but I feel that we've come to the point where my services are more urgently needed back in Canterlot than here.”
She paused for a moment, absorbing his words. “So you're leaving, Uncle Oosty?”
There was a sadness in her eyes that was far deeper than you would expect to see in any regular foal. This was a sadness with understanding—a feeling of loss that you cannot repeal or question, only accept. Of course; it was only natural that a young filly who had lost her parents would be terrified of abandonment, how did he not think of this sooner?
He sighed, gently placing his hoof on her tiny shoulder. “Dear Princess Celestia... All of this must be so terrifying and painful, even though you put on a brave face. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be a princess, to never show weakness and have so much expected of you, especially at such a young age. But I have you ask you a hard question—a question that would be hard for even the most experienced mare or stallion...” He returned his hoof to the floor and took a meaningful breath, looking the small filly straight in the eyes. “Please ask yourself: would you rather I stay here and protect you and your sister from possible threats in the future, or return to Canterlot and risk myself in the pursuit of saving some of your subjects? As my Princess, I shall do as you command.” He lowered his head in as deep a bow as possible, awaiting her answer.
Princess Celestia was somewhat taken aback by this sudden display of formality, though it certainly impressed a distinct sense of important to his question, one that she was not familiar at dealing with. She mulled over the question in her head for a moment, trying to rationalise her gut instinct, but deciding it needed no justification.
“Rise, please,” she insisted, waiting as he complied. “While I may be a princess in title and blood, without a castle or people to care for, all it is is a word. I've spent my whole life preparing for a future that is now uncertain... I won't pretend to know the details of what happened the day we left, but what I do know is that if I am to one day return to Canterlot and rule it—with my sister—it will be meaningless without its citizens.”
Ustiarius was shocked to hear such noble and eloquent works spoken by such a young foal. This moment in time felt surreal, as though he were staring into the future, at the Queen she was destined to become.
“So you have my blessing,” she continued. “Just promise that you'll remain safe, and tell me of all the adventures you had while protecting everypony.” She smiled. “Just as soon as we're prepared, Luna and I will meet you there and save the day, just like in volume eight: Summer Twinkle and the Castle of Doom!”
There she was; the silly, book-smart filly that he recognised. Still, that had gone better than he had hoped, and it was all off the cuff, too! Even if Starswirl objected to him leaving, he couldn't overrule the Princess's decree, surely? Nodding in thanks to Celestia, with a steeled heart Ustiarius opened the bedroom door, and made his way for the stone stairwell. Reaching the top, he rather unsurprisingly found Starswirl hunched over his small work-desk, illuminated by a thick, flickering candle as the shadows of day and night danced through the stone crenels.
“Uh, Starswirl?”
“Yes?” His voice was distant and disinterested, clearly embroiled in whatever book he was currently reading.
Ustiarius stepped forward, eager to be taken seriously at least once. “We need to talk. It's... quite serious.”
With a sigh, Starswirl looked up from his work and turned to the guardspony with a silent, raised eyebrow. To his surprise, the wizard had not been scouring parchment, but instead... sewing? The confusion on his face must have been apparent, as the elder unicorn addressed it without prompt.
“Yes, before you ask. I felt it wise to educate myself in some of the more... mundane tasks befitting a caregiver. If I am to be looking after two children for some years to come, basic skills such as material repairs, cooking, cleaning, and the like would undoubtedly come into play.” He motioned toward his old bedchambers, where a wooden broom was autonomously brushing the floor. “With a little work, I believe I could automate the entire process, leaving me more time for my studies.”
And just as an unexpected feeling of admiration had crept into the guardspony's mind, it was gone again. He rubbed his forehead with a silent smirk. This old fool would never change.
“Well?” the wizard grunted, keen to not lose a minute of progress.
“Oh, right. Well, uh, you see, I've been thinking…” He cleared his throat, placing a hoof behind his head. “I appreciate you choosing me to accompany you and the Princesses on this journey. It’s an honour to do my duty for the country, of course-”
“If you recall, you were picked because you were the slowest and least experienced.” The wizard smirked, which was met with an awkward chuckle.
“Right. Neither of us chose me for this task, it just happened.”
“Are you saying you regret it?”
“No, no of course not. I have the utmost loyalty to the crown, and saving the Princesses may well be the proudest moment of my life, but...”
“'But'? What is the problem, Ustiarius? Spit it out. I can little afford the time to be your therapist amongst my other duties.”
The young stallion scowled, gritting his teeth, but that was just the push he needed to speak his mind.
“Starswirl, I'm leaving. I've thought about it since yesterday, and I don't want to spend my life in the middle of nowhere, babysitting two foals and a grouchy old stallion while Equestria is under attack.”
“Are you mad?” He lowered his fabric and turned fully towards the younger unicorn. “The Princesses are the single most important ponies in the world right now, and they take precedent over any friends, family, or scullery maids you might be worried about. Make no mistake that regardless of their age, they are your superiors, as am I, and I gave you a direct order to protect them.”
“With all due respect, Court Wizard Starswirl, I carried out your order to the word. I escorted the three of you away from harm, and dare I say it, performed above and beyond the call of duty.” Ustiarius took a breath, calming himself before this turned into another senseless argument. “But this isn’t about me. This is about Equestria and its citizens, and I have received direct authority from Princess Celestia herself to return to the capitol and save anypony I can.” He saw Starswirl shift on his stool in preparation to retaliate, and held out a hoof so he could finish. “I would give my life for the Princesses, without hesitation, but the lives of other ponies are no less important. If you can’t understand that, then I have nothing more left to say.”
Starswirl’s muscles were visibly shaking with anger, though the furiosity of that rage was held at bay for the time being, escaping his mouth as but a growl. “So, you would go behind my back with this, to frighten and manipulate a mere foal into letting you do as you wish? Allowing you to throw your life away for the pure fantasy that you would make even a fraction of a difference?”
The guardspony closed his eyes, endeavouring to remain calm. “I think you're well aware that Celestia is anything but a mere foal, and I swear that I did nothing to influence her decision.” He paused, turning to the currently sunny crenel on his right. “That talk of family yesterday got me thinking of the corps. Flash Magnus, Diamond Aegis... Silver Streak, and even Commander Ironhead. I can't stand idly by while the only ponies I've ever cared about are fighting for their lives. Even if I can't help, even if we're all doomed... I need to know I tried.”
Starswirl seemed to have calmed a little from this sentimentality, but his frustration was no less apparent. Whether its source was internal or external, however, was less clear.
“If Discord wanted to wipe Equestria off the map, he could have done it with a snap of his fingers the moment he stepped through that portal, of that I have no doubt. Your friends back home are in no more peril than the rest of ponykind, near or far.”
“So if he actually wanted the Princesses gone, what's stopping him? What was any of this for?"
Silence hung in the air as strong as their answers were weak. Neither pony had a clue what that creature's intentions actually were, and that was the most terrifying part of this entire situation. How can you possibly plan against something that is by definition unpredictable—chaotic?
Ustiarius continued. "Starswirl, you and I both know that I would make absolutely no difference in a fight against a creature that powerful. You might have a chance with your magic, but I'm little more than a glorified usher with a spear, and I don't even have that anymore. If anypony has a chance to protect these girls, it's you, not me.”
The wizard's face remained dark, though his silence was its own acquiescence. He closed his eyes and turned back to his work. With an understanding nod, the guardspony turned and returned to the stairs. Just out of sight, a small filly ran back down the steps and out the door.
“Ustiarius?” the wizard called, causing him to stop mid-step. “I appreciate the effort you put into fulfilling your task.”
The guardspony smiled, knowing this was as close to a 'thank you' as he was going to get. Just as he began his descent down the stairs, he was brought to a halt once more.
“You are a foolish pony, Ustiarius. Foolish and brave. It is a trait I wish I knew more of.”
“Starswirl... There are still many things left for you to learn. Not everything can be taught in a scroll, but I think these are things the girls will be able to teach you, if you let them.”
The two held their positions, feeling a presence in this moment that they had not shared before. Was this... understanding? For all his shortcomings, the guardspony did respect Starswirl. His motives were noble and he genuinely wants to do good for the best of everypony, he just doesn't seem to be able to see past his own muzzle most of the time. Similarly, the ex-court-wizard did genuinely appreciate the almost unquestioning service of the younger stallion, even if he didn't appreciate the apocalyptic nature of the situation.
Finally, Starswirl broke the silence. “Will you be wanting your armour back?”
Ustiarius snorted and the wizard stood and walked to his enchanted trunk. “Thanks, but no thanks. Wearing that steel sweater one way across Equestria was quite enough, thank you. I have no doubt it would prove useless against Discord anyway. Consider it a memento.”
Starswirl opened his chest and began rummaging around inside with his magic, as though ignoring the stallion's reply. “Then I propose a trade,” he announced, pulling out the guardpony's standard-issue shoes.
Ustiarius turned back from the stairs, raising his eyebrow as the two ponies met at the centre of the room.
“My shoes?”
“Unremarkable for now, but having had time to recuperate my magic pool fully, and foreseeing not immediate need for its full use, I shall enchant these shoes to ease your journey home.”
The elder unicorn lowered the shoes to the floor and took two steps back, which the guardspony mimicked. The familiar glow of the wizard's magic intensified around the hooflets, becoming an almost opaque white, along with his eyes. With a dazzling flash, the scene calmed, and Starswirl fell to his fore-knees. Ustiarius darted forward, lending him a hoof.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, yes, I am fine.” He accepted the aid and was helped onto the nearby stool. “Enchantment spells are a powerful magic, as you must infuse the object with a portion of your own magic-pool, so it retains the charge. That is why magical relics are so sought-after.”
“Are you serious? You didn't need to do something like that for me!”
“It is no concern. My magic shall return just as it did before. You will find these shoes ease your hooffall and increase your stamina. It will not be as effective as the link we shared before, but I think you will find it a welcome boon.”
“Starswirl, I don't know what to say... Thank you.”
“Thanks are unnecessary, as this was a trade. Magic is a transient thing, but your armour may prove useful in the future.”
With an uncomfortable nod, the guardspony walked over to his now subtly shimmering shoes and slipped into them. While the hooflets themselves still felt the same, he could sense that his muscles were moving easier, and even creating less sound than usual on the carpeted floor.
“You never cease to amaze me with your magic.”
“I hear that a lot,” the wizard smirked, turning back to his work-desk.
Ustiarius chuckled to himself, no longer sure whether the old unicorn's pretentiousness was a façade, a defence mechanism, or the awful social skills of a loner. He returned to the top of the staircase and rested his hoof on the wooden divider separating the room and the stone stairwell.
“Oh, one last thing, Ustiarius,” the wizard called yet again.
He sighed, turning back yet again. “Yes?”
“While this may be the least of anypony's worries, I am concerned that your superiors may not believe your reason for not remaining to defend the palace. The last thing I need on my conscience is your discharge from the corps.” Remaining at his desk, Starswirl telekinetically reopened his chest and pulled out a red section of cloth. “If you take this, they will know you were with me.”
Receiving the fabric on an outstretched hoof, the guardspony immediately recognised it. “But this is- This is your magic academy graduation cloak! I can't possibly-”
“I want you to have it,” he interrupted. “I am no longer the wide-eyed and optimistic youth who received that garb, for better or for worse, and I am not one to look back on the past with nostalgia. That robe is a sign of being the top of your class and recipient of the title 'the Scholar', which is a name I have long outgrown. More importantly, as with all graduate capes, it comes imbued with a dampening charm that will help conceal your magical signature from others. For a powerful wizard it will make them appear as a regular unicorn, while a talentless unicorn such as yourself-”
Ustiarius glared at the back of Starswirl's head, conflicted between gratitude and hate.
“-will barely register as a terran. I... hope that it helps keep you safe.”
The guardspony sighed and took a moment to admire the finely sewn stars and constellations peppering the deep-red cloak with gold thread. It might have been quite hard for the old unicorn to make this gesture, given his reclusive nature, despite the hurtful things he says sometimes.
“Thank you, Starswirl, I'll treasure it. I'll treasure both.”
Receiving no reply, the guardspony nodded and returned to the staircase for a third time, though this time interrupting himself.
“I expect to see you and the Princesses again some day, safe and sound, alright?”
Again the older pony did not reply, but instead raised his hoof dismissively. Ustiarius smirked at Starswirl's flippancy for one final time before finally making his way down the stairs.
“Goodbye, Starswirl,” he whispered to himself, carrying the prized cloak down on his back.
“Be safe, Ustiarius,” the ex-courtier also whispered as he returned to his needlework, his hooves slightly shaking. Had he been so obsessed with the safety of the Princesses—what he had thought were the big picture—that he had failed to see the even bigger picture, the ponies of Equestria? No ponies means no kingdom, and then what good is a princess? … No, no, he couldn't start double-guessing himself now. If they had tried to save everypony, they could have lost everything immediately. At least this way they had a chance; at least he had time to figure something out. If anypony was capable of saving as many citizens as possible, it would be the royal guard, so for now he would put his trust in them... in Ustiarius.
The emotionally exhausted guardspony exited Starswirl's bedroom, having fitted the cape around his neck. He looked over at the door between him and the Princess' room, wondering if he should say goodbye properly. Was there any point? What even was he to them, besides their driver? Calling him 'uncle' was just... that was just Celestia being silly, he didn't actually mean anything to her. She's young, she wouldn't even remember him. He sighed and turned away, descending the main staircase and toward to the front door. With one final look back, he exited and closed the door behind him. As he stood outside in the cold, a sense of finality washed over him that he wasn’t expecting; this was it, he was going—going back home, or what was left of it. No more Starswirl, no more Celestia, no more running away. As brief as it was in the grand scheme of things, the last five days had felt like a lifetime, perhaps because of the company, but what a rush of adrenaline and emotions it had been. He smiled at the memories and began his walk down the hill to Meadow Flower’s, fulfilling his promise to return for her answer.
The time he had spent here had been eye-opening in many ways, from the town's communal goodwill to his own sense of duty, which had taken even him by surprise. But perhaps the most surprising thing of all to change was his opinion of foals, thanks to one small, white unicorn. Was that poise and intelligence—when she saw fit to show it—the product of her royal upbringing, or simply who she was? He had always considered foals to be smelly, noisy, and thoroughly unbearable, yet both royal fillies had shown him that wasn’t always the case. Not that he had any interest in settling down, of course; he was still in his prime!
Approaching the herbalist’s abode for the second time today, the guardspony ascended the stone steps and rapped on the door thrice. Soon after he heard the hurried rush of hooves descending a staircase all too quickly, the door swung open with startling vigour.
“Hell-” he began.
“Cestus Hippos! Entrer, entrer! Please, make yourself at home, while I do not! Haha!” She seemed almost delirious—either from joy or stress—while long strands of hair hung loosely from its usual bunch over her head.
“Are- Are you okay?” he stammered, entering her home.
“Oui! Bon, mon amis, bon! I'm just gettin' my things ready for the journey! So little to pack and so much time!” She turned back to the staircase before pivoting again. “Non! Inversez that, s'il vous plait.”
“Oh, so you are coming?” His face lit up, despite the second-hoof anxiety.
“Ah, oui, oui! When exactly were you plannin' to leave, now? Do I have time to pack my clothes? They are optional if not.”
She was radiating a strange, nervous energy that he had not encountered before, as though she were galloping on the spot. Perhaps this is what that fizzy drink did to ponies? Though more realistically, she was just frantic from trying to make her entire life portable within one afternoon.
“You know, if you don't have time to get everything ready tonight, we can always leave tomorrow morning. It would make more sense if we rested up before such a long journey, anyway. I didn't think it would take me all day to speak to—uh—Greymane.”
She took a moment to absorb this information before visibly deflating onto the floor. “Oh thank Elysium. Mon amis, I have been runnin' myself ragged trying to get everythin' in order.”
“I’m so sorry, I never considered just how much work it must be to uproot yourself. All your things… your spices, the masks, all your china…”
“Oui, one does not realise how much they own before they must fit it all into crates. I'm so lucky that Good Harvest was willin' to give me his cart to haul my belongings. Without him, I would barely be able to bring a thing!”
Great, he thought, another long journey and another heavy cart, which he would no doubt end up pulling.
“Can I help you with anything?” he asked aloud. “I’m starting to feel like I’ve brought something terrible down upon you.”
“You're sweet, cher, but only I can choose which things to leave behind.” She climbed onto all-fours, having regained some strength in her extremities. “But don't think of this as a bad thing. On the contrary, it's freein' to remove the excess, like a beautiful nelumbo nucifera unfurling its petals to reveal its golden core. It reminds you of who you really are—who you were beneath the petals of life that formed around you.”
For once Ustiarius felt like he understood what she was saying, Old Ponish aside. Meadow Flower seemed to be a lake of wisdom with unknowable depths; it was a shame that even they would be parting ways soon. Perhaps he could visit her on the bayou one day?
The apothecary focused on the guardspony properly for the first time since he arrived, tilting her head. “You look different. Did you do somethin' with your hair?” she joked.
The unicorn snorted, lifting up part of his new cloak with a hoof. “I must admit, it’s not really my style, but Sta-uh… Greymane wanted me to have it before we part ways. Seems he’s more sentimental than he lets on.”
“Ah, well it is quite a beautiful thing. He must be a great wizard to have a cloak like that.”
Ustiarius burst out in conspicuously nervous laughter, hoping she didn’t know the full history of the gift. To his relief, she joined in the laughter, suggesting it had been a joke to begin with. Luckily for him, most non-unicorns didn't know the ins and outs of the magic academy, especially in backwater spots like this.
As the chuckles faded, the mare grew visibly melancholic again. “I can’t believe I’m really leavin', after all this time.” She wobbled over to her regular, thickly cushioned chair and collapsed into it. “All these ponies, they’ve grown to be family to me. Is it really fair to abandon all of them just for one?”
“She’s your daughter, Meadow Flower, she’s more than just family. Besides, you’re not thinking about yourself again.”
“Ah, caught red-hooved.” She raised her legs wearily with a coy smile, which her companion returned. “One gets into certain patterns with age, non?”
“Well, I should leave you to your work. Don’t feel too rushed, okay? We can afford to wait a little bit longer…” He looked towards the door, wondering how much had already happened in the few short days he had been away from Canterlot. Starswirl had been right; if this Discord creature really was as all-powerful as he described, he could have destroyed Equestria as soon as he arrived, which meant one of two things: either this monster was toying with them, like a cat with its prey, or it had some ulterior motive beyond simply throwing their world into chaos.
“Cestus?” the apothecary interrupted, having already leaned forward without him noticing.
“Y-yes?” He turned back, startled from his thoughts.
She furrowed her brow, leaning back in her chair. “I don’t know the importance of your work, but I can see that it weighs heavily on your mind. I shouldn't be much longer with my packin', but are you sure you wanna wait until the mornin' to leave?” She motioned to the remaining masks on her ceiling. “These things are just that—things. Everythin' can be replaced except ponies, and I fear there is more at stake here than simply your job...”
He sighed, leaning forward to cup his face in his hooves. He appreciated her concern more than she knew, but telling her any more than he already had would put her and others in danger. The last thing he needed on his conscience was a militia forming to take on Discord, only to be... snapped away with whatever magic he uses. No, Starswirl knew what he was talking about, even if it had been for a different reason.
“Having made this journey once already, I know that we need to be at the top of our game to keep a good pace. We won’t save any time by leaving now and collapsing barely a quarter of the way there.”
She nodded slowly, agreeing, yet aware of something being untold.
“By the way, where is the bayou?” he asked, changing the subject.
“Oh, oui, well as with most things, it is North from here, if only because of the uncharted jungle and Badlands to the East. It's in the Haysead Swamp, on the East coast.”
Ustiarius had a pretty good grasp of Equestria's geography, if only because there was a map on the wall next to his barracks bunk, which he ended up staring at every morning and evening. It certainly wasn't the most detailed map available, not like the ones Cloudsdale is known for, but he knew enough to find his way across Equestria, even from a border settlement like this.
“Oh really? I guess we’ll be parting about halfway, then. I'm sorry I won't see it for myself.”
“Oui… I can’t say I’m lookin' forward to that moment, but we must make the most of the time we have left, non?”
He smiled weakly, nodding. He had only just met the vivacious pony, but his life back home was severely lacking such a motherly, caring figure such as her. It was a bittersweet feeling, though, as he knew—or at least seriously hoped—that he had made a significant, positive impact on her life already. He wished that he could witness the maternal reunion himself, but he still had at least two days travel ahead of him and didn’t want to keep Canterlot waiting any longer.
“Try to have a good night’s sleep, okay? I’ll be here first thing in the morning—whatever that means these days—and I’ll help you pack your cart. I might not be the world’s greatest wizard as this cloak suggests, but I can at least help with the heavy lifting.”
“Ah, your kindness knows no bounds, mon amis. Then I shall let you away and get back to my chore.” She stood up, as did her guest, and the two walked to her door. “I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow, then.”
“Oui,” he smiled. “Sweet dreams.”
“And you, cher!” she called after him as he left, turning back to her staircase and the daunting task ahead of her as she closed the door.
Ustiarius made his way back to Stargazer’s commandeered house, but stopped half way up the hill as the building loomed ahead of him. As illegal as their squatting might technically be, this was the first time he'd felt like an intruder since arriving, and it wasn't for Stargazer's sake. He stood there, looking up at the warm glow emanating from Starswirl's loft. It probably wouldn’t be long until he and the girls had dinner, and having already said his goodbyes, the guardspony felt like he needed to stay away, like he was no longer welcome... He signed, scratching at the stubble on his chin and looking around awkwardly, as if wanting somepony to tell him where to go. This was stupid, he thought, looking down at his hooves. He slowly continued his ascent up the hill and reached the house, extending his hoof to open the door, when from the other side he heard voices. He had been right, they were just now coming downstairs to have a communal dinner. His hoof lingered over the door latch, hovering with a slight quiver. The moment had passed. He closed eyes and sighed, turning and slumping down against the adjacent wall. He was alone now, that was the path he had chosen and he didn't deserve a warm send-off. He'd wait until they'd all gone to bed, slip in and onto the couch, then be up and gone before they knew any different. He probably could have slept at Meadow Flower's, but she already had enough to deal with. For now he just had to endure the cold and hope the sun was out more than not.
“Did Uncle Oosti leave already?” he heard a small voice ask from within.
“It seems that way. He was quite eager to return, and in no small part thanks to you, I hear,” came the older unicorn's voice as he rustled around the kitchen. The filly remained silent, so he continued. “What you said... What you did... It was very noble of you. You behaved like a true Princess, and I could not be more pleased to see you taking initiative so early on in your rule.”
There was a pause before the filly replied. “So you're not mad?”
“Of course not. Your training, the lectures, everything that we and your other mentors have been teaching you were all for moments like these. I never could have imagined you would grasp such depth at such a young age.” Another pause. “What you did was selfless, not only for the ponies of Canterlot, but for that guard, too.”
'That guard?' Had that old goat already forgotten his name?!
“You chose to absolve him of his guilt and assume that burden yourself,” he continued. “But do not take such decisions lightly, Celestia. Doing the 'right' thing is rarely the easiest option, and blindly sending those without the proper faculties to enact their heroic fantasies will get ponies killed.”
All present let that statement hang in the air, clawing at Ustiarius' mind the most. He had already covered this; he knew he wasn't special, he knew he might make no difference and simply be fodder... but what effect would that have on others? He had never considered that Celestia was now burdened by his fate. If something happened to him, would she really blame herself?
“Well, maybe I'm too young to understand it properly,” the filly finally spoke. “But to me it seems that the right thing is only hard because not everypony is doing it. I believe that if you really put your heart into something, you'll never fail, because you'll know you tried, and that's the most important thing of all.”
The wizard chuckled. “That's a naïve point of view... but it might just be what saves Equestria. Luckily for you, Ustiarius is a very capable unicorn and a brave member of the royal guard, so I am not concerned for his safety. Ponies like him are better off on the front line anyway, bringing hope to those with wavering resolve.”
A smile crept across the guardpony's face as he slouched against the outer wall, suddenly not feeling quite so cold as he did a moment ago. As a member of the Canterlot Palace Royal Guard he had vowed to protect and serve, and he would give his life fulfilling that promise. For Princess Celestia; for Starswirl; for all the ponies of Equestria.
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Thank you very much! That's encouraging to hear ^^ Don't worry, I'm not stopping any time soon.