Twilight Sparkle is content with her job and has no worries in the world. She then witnesses a meteorite fall from the sky; a gem that grants her special abilities. However, an equally powerful unicorn wants the gem and will do anything to get it...
8333831 Yay! First comment! Also, glad ya like it so far ^_^ I'm actually writing chapter 2 for both now. The condition for having these to versions is I have to update them simultaneously :P
So....first chapter up time to review....pacing is a bit fast and there is a light form of characterization, which would be fine for a comic book which is a visual medium....Not a written medium. That being said where you need characterization you do provide enough to at least allow us to know the characters and world. And that combines for the t-rated version to, though to be fair at this moment having read both I think the T-rated is better atm. The sex is....light for now. For something rated X I expected more. Still this is chapter one I'll hold out on that getting better.
Proceed.......
8333831
Yay! First comment!
Also, glad ya like it so far ^_^ I'm actually writing chapter 2 for both now. The condition for having these to versions is I have to update them simultaneously :P
So....first chapter up time to review....pacing is a bit fast and there is a light form of characterization, which would be fine for a comic book which is a visual medium....Not a written medium. That being said where you need characterization you do provide enough to at least allow us to know the characters and world.
And that combines for the t-rated version to, though to be fair at this moment having read both I think the T-rated is better atm. The sex is....light for now. For something rated X I expected more. Still this is chapter one I'll hold out on that getting better.
6.5/10 with ALOT of room for improvement
Not bad