The Death of an Author

by Nugget

Death to a Creative Author

From the personal journal of Pen Name...

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Hello.

I’m Pen Name.

I’m an author.

I’m bucking sick of this.

I’m sick of my own effort it seems. I think I'm sick of putting thought and meaning into my narratives (stories). You know? That kind of stuff that likes to make you think about what is going on, to make you question the ideas presented within it. The types of stories, I write, that wish to convey morals and help present actions and abstract ideas while mixing in some interesting action. You know? WHAT I THINK A STORY IS MEANT TO DO!?

...sigh.

I think I need to back myself up here for a moment and start from the beginning.

I have been a professional author for about five years, living in the beautiful and bustling city of Canterlot while working for a local publishing firm that helps distribute my short stories to a large mass of ponies (In other words, an audience). I’ve been on this job for about two years and haven’t seen much movement, or popularly, to cause a spike on the stories I’ve written. In return, it has strained relationship between me, my editor, and the publisher itself since my content isn’t exactly selling well with the general audience.

Then their suggestions and criticisms come in.

They keep telling me over-and-over about how I need to change my stories to fit towards what’s currently popular with the crowd. To which, they say my style of writing isn’t something that a new writer should be presenting until after their audience has been built up. All that interesting writing, thoughtful plots, and deep devotion towards making every action meaningful needs to be “scraped towards the side” while I should be focusing on the audience’s current demand.

In short, they want me to become a trend writer.

They want me to become a writer that only seeks to please the audience with whatever genre is popular now. Sadly, it’s erotica. Why sadly? It’s something I don’t like to write about and to state why is to present my own opinion about it that others might find wrong. So… I guess I will stick with it being not my cup of tea.

Same thing goes with being a trend writer as well.

From the beginning, I always knew that I wanted to write certain stories that stay within the confines of what I like to write and what I know would produce a good plot or narrative. However, as time when on and the more I drove myself into the writing community and my job as well, something seemed to creep into my mind and pressure my morals and stance upon the content I wish to write.

Then as the failures came in with each of my stories flopping one-right-after-the-next, those creeping thoughts were piled on top my job demanding change to content of my stories. Thus, now here I sit on my desk, looking out at the park from my window as I question my own self about what the heck I should do.

Should I keep writing stories I like to write about and feel comfortable presenting or should I give into the pressures of the general audience so my works can sell and gain popularity?

It seems to come down to what truly drive me when it comes to story writing. Why? Why do I write stories in the first place? Why do I want to write stories at all? Why am I so driven and devoted to sitting here for hours on end writing, drafting, editing, and then sending stories off for publishing?

Well, I enjoy it… or at least I use to. I used to enjoy being creative with words, mixing them around to make interesting sentences that piece together to form paragraph. To which, it did help me make engaging narratives that tell the stories I want to address to the reader. However, as time went on and as failures started to pile up with each story that flopped, I think I’ve started to feel like the effort wasn’t worth it anymore. Thus, I believe I’ve burned out, lost the drive and motivation to creative with my stories anymore.

Not to mention the job pressure as well.

So, I say again, I’m sick of my effort, but also not willing to just give up as well. Why do I want to write stories at all? Maybe because I just want to, or maybe because of me wanting fame, or maybe because I ultimately just want my stories to gain some sort of attention. I don't know, and I guess I now don’t seem to care anymore.

Ok, maybe the last sentence wasn’t true, otherwise I wouldn’t be typing out these words as I am right now. I believe there is a drive within me to still write and create stories despite what the world says about my work. A sort of bulletproof will that can’t be knocked down even if all the readers out there have their backs against me.

I believe they call it “passion.”

Yet here I am at the crossroads of my passion, standing between wanting to be creative again while the rest of the world seems to demand I change to fulfill my goals. It seems infuriating, a little bit confusing, but overall hard for me to make a choice. I could stay the course I’m on and regain my motivational drive to create and write my own stories, but the expense would be me losing my job while slowly, if at all, gaining or maintaining an audience that might like my unique works.

Meanwhile, on the other hoof, I could change and maintain my job while my audience grows expediently faster than my current rate, but it would cost me my own will write stories that seem genuine to me. Instead of making works I like, I would feel like, even though it wouldn’t be exactly true, a slave to my audience. I must give into their demands, write about what they want to read, and not allow myself to break from the status quo of my stories just because I want to.

So here I am again, standing between a moral dilemma while having no idea where to go. So, in closing, I want to leave you, the reader, with this question; When you are at that moment between giving into the demands of others vs. staying true to yourself, which road would you take in the end?

Author's Note:

To the reader,

Thank you for taking a moment to read this story. I invite you to comment and share your thoughts about it in the comments below. However, if you manage to see any grammar errors within the narrative, I ask you to kindly PM me the corrects than comment about them. I will work swiftly to change them.

Thank you!

- Nugget

Comments

[Speedy Silverstreak]

Fuck the publishers. Go independent. Just be yourself when you write. If they don't like it go find others who will enjoy what you write. Or go independent like I said and publish it yourself. Hell go to Twilight Sparkle with your stories. She'll read them