Upstairs, Sunset Shimmer grew uneasy at the sounds of fighting from downstairs. Adagio paid the noise no mind, faintly hoping Aria didn’t kill anyone on the couch. She didn’t feel like paying for a new upholstery because someone bled on her furniture. Footsteps on the stairs alerted them to the others just before the door flew open and Pinkie Pie leaped in. Applejack followed at a slightly slower pace and the cowgirl’s eyes zeroed in on the pair still sitting on the bed. Sunset watched as sadness crashed around the blonde’s eyes and she instinctively made to shield her arms from view. Adagio lightly tapped her hands away and continued her task.
“You’re breaking, entering, and trespassing,” the yellow siren told them calmly, not even looking up from what she was doing. “I have a mind to call the police.”
“We heard you brought Sunset to your house and wanted to see what it was like!” Pinkie Pie chirped, staring around in wonder.
Applejack moved forward slightly and added, “We also wanted to make sure Sunset was okay. The things we heard from the rest of the school were…” Her gaze fell to the still visible pink markings and her eyes tingled with sorrow. “They were… true. Oh, Sunset…”
“I-I haven’t done it recently!” Sunset exclaimed as she bit her lip. Adagio still refused to allow her to cover herself, so the eyes on her wounds only served to heighten her nerves. “N-not since the Battle of the Bands!”
“Only two weeks?” the blonde inquired quietly, eyes still on the lines. Sunset lowered her head in shame and Adagio’s eyes narrowed at Applejack.
“Now none of that,” the yellow siren ordered, placing a finger under the fire-haired woman’s chin. “I won’t have you feeling ashamed of your past in my house. Those scars are not something to be ashamed of.”
Applejack stared at the fiery-haired siren in confusion, wondering what was going on with her. It wasn’t every day Adagio Dazzle comforted someone out of the kindness of her heart. The woman was rarely even nice. Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, piped in excitedly. “Yeah! They’re just another reminder of what you did!” Adagio’s arm twitched violently as she fought a facepalm. Sunset merely sank deeper in herself.
Shooting Pinkie a glare, Adagio huffed, “In my experience, I’ve found that one’s past is not something to be ashamed of, but to grow from.” Sunset gazed at her in shock at the words. “The person you were yesterday isn’t going to be the same person you are today nor the exact same as the person you will be tomorrow.” Applejack and Pinkie stared, slack-jawed, as Adagio sprouted a pair of pony ears and her hair grew into a ponytail. “Don’t be ashamed of what you’ve done, Sunset Shimmer. Recognize that your actions weren’t productive and learn from the mistakes you’ve made. Always keep going.”
The sound of footsteps penetrated the air once more and Pinkie Pie poked her head out to find Rainbow Dash and Rarity racing for them. “Applejack, Pinkie, you’re not going to believe what just happened!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed hysterically.
“It was highly unnerving!” Rarity agreed.
“What’s wrong?” Applejack turned to them in confusion.
Rainbow Dash caught her breath and explained, “So, you know how the purple one, like, attacked me when we came in?” Applejack nodded. “Well, she threw me into the wall after you left and just started screaming at us. She was going on and on about how we were supposed to be Sunset’s friends and know what’s going on with her and stuff, totally talkin’ down on us and whatever. Real high and mighty, made me wanna punch her again-.”
“But that’s not the odd part!” Rarity broke in. “As she was yelling at Rainbow Dash, Aria ponied up!”
“Sh-she did?” Applejack shared a glance with Pinkie.
“Ears, wings, sparkles, the whole thing!” Dash nodded.
“Huh, that just happened to Adagio!” Pinkie murmured.
“Really?” Rarity gasped.
“Yup!” Pinkie affirmed.
“She ponied up while comforting Sunset,” Applejack told them. “She grew ears and a ponytail while she was talking about the past making Sunset stronger.”
“But why is it happening to them?” Rarity inquired. “We broke their pendants, so they should be regular girls!”
“Maybe they’ve got inherent magic?” Applejack suggested, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. “They’re not from here, so they’ve probably got magic in them, regardless of the pendants’ power.”
“But how do theirs manifest?” Dash asked with a shrug. “We ponied up because of our instruments, but they were just talking.”
“It could be because of our new pendants, too!” a voice chirped. The group turned to see Sonata, sporting ears, ponytail and wings, leading Fluttershy up the stairs. At her words, the group glanced to her neck and spotted a new violet jewel at her throat that they hadn’t seen before.
“Y-you have your jewels back?” Rarity stammered, terrified to be in a house with three dangerous women who had magic without needing music.
“Oh yeah!” Sonata grinned. “Sunset gave them to us.”
“Sunset!” The group turned to where Adagio was just finishing patching up the red-and-yellow-haired woman’s arms. The woman in question turned to her friends in confusion. All of them glared at her accusingly, making her sink all over again. Adagio held her hands to stop her from rubbing her arms and disrupting the bandages there.
“You gave them new pendants?” Rarity demanded furiously.
“After all the trouble we went through to defeat’em?” Applejack growled. “How could you do that?”
“I didn’t give them magical pendants!” Sunset explained, her voice cracking and making both Sonata and Adagio glare at the group in the doorway. “I just gave them little jewels to make them feel better about losing their own.”
“In doing so, she unknowingly used her element of harmony to awaken the magic within us,” Adagio stated.
This caught the cluster’s attention and Rainbow Dash cocked her head in puzzlement. “What do you mean her element? Twilight said it was only the five of us.”
“Princess Twilight is still young,” Adagio told her dismissively and resisting the urge to sigh. She truly was surrounded by idiots. “She still has a lot to learn about her own magic. Sunset Shimmer is the element of forgiveness.”
“That makes sense,” Fluttershy agreed after a moment of thought.
A scoff from the stairs made Rainbow Dash’s ears twitch and she turned to see Aria come into view. “You’d know that if you paid closer attention to her,” the purple siren sniffed, wings flapping contemptuously.
“Well, how do you three know all this?” Dash shot back irritably. She was tired of this woman talking down on her just because she wasn’t attentive to one person. Sunset Shimmer wasn’t her only freaking friend!
“Because we wanna date her, duh!” Sonata giggled, gaining glares from both sisters and stares from Sunset and the rest of the band.
Adagio grabbed the first aid kit and stood from her spot quickly. “Well, Sunset, your arms should heal fine now. The scars should fade within a week. Don’t hesitate to come by and-.”
“You want to date me?” Sunset asked quietly, making Adagio stop and sigh.
“We were going to ask you out next week if someone hadn’t ruined it,” Aria huffed, glaring at her blue-haired sister.
“All three of you?” Rarity inquired, looking between the sisters.
Sonata nodded enthusiastically and Rainbow Dash pouted. “Sunset, you’re so lucky!” she whined. “I’d love to have someone chasing after me, especially if they were three smokin’ hot singers with hips for days.” Adagio and Aria smirked as Sunset’s face burned a bright red.
Applejack cleared her throat and said, “So, y’all have been watching Sunset for a while and figured out her harmony element?”
“Like it was hard,” Aria scoffed. She flapped her wings snidely and rolled her eyes at the group.
“Well, the discovery of Sunset’s element aside,” Rarity broke in, causing Adagio to scowl at the quick dismissal of the revelation. “What do you three plan to do with your magic?”
All five of them immediately turned from Adagio and Aria to Sonata. The blunette blinked at them with her usual easygoing smile in place. When she uttered no words, Rainbow Dash gave a relieved sigh.
“There’s no plan for it, then,” she breathed, wiping her brow.
“Well, of course there isn’t,” Adagio sniffed, primly seating herself back on the bed beside Sunset Shimmer. “The magic is seemingly directly connected to Sunset Shimmer’s. We have no idea how to control it.”
“Have you tried to sing?” Pinkie asked, causing the others to stare at her in horror.
Aria resisted the twitch in her arm to facepalm as she growled, “Our voices kinda suck, remember?”
“But have you tried since getting these new pendants?” Pinkie pointed out. “Maybe they restored your voices!”
“Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed frantically.
“That sounds like a great idea!” Sonata cheered, taking in a deep breath. Before anyone could stop her, she opened her mouth in a melodic note.
Make sense, Forgiveness is a bit weak on the series
Welp, I am enjoying it so far. But I must admit: I was hoping that at least Dagi would be interested in Sunset, but all three Sirens want to date her?!
Danm.
Now I am especially interested in this story.
Nice work.
Can honestly say I hadn't thought about the lack of forgiveness as an element. I can see how you could make a case for it falling in the purview of kindness or generosity, but it does seem like it should be one on its own.
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Yup! And, you know, there are other virtues inside of those other elements, too. Like, technically, generosity should be part of kindness, but it has its own element.
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And that's why it's Dazzling Sunset.
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Empathy encompasses kindness, generosity, and laughter, though. Friendship is inherently empathic, so I didn't want to outshine everything else, but in order to be a good friend, you definitely need to know how to properly forgive others for their mistakes.
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Empathy isn’t wholly required to have friends. You can get by with acknowledging each other’s views/beliefs while understanding that you will never fully empathize with each other. Perhaps you can make a case that it won’t be as true/deep a relationship under those circumstances, but it does work.
Uhhh....Ok?
So, we know Sunset's element. What about the sirens?
PLEASE CONTINUE, YOUR WRITING IS FLAWLESS.
Eeeh. Sorry, you lost me here. The whole story up to this point was mildly unbelievable, but now the girls are Elements of Harmony? And Sunset is the next one? And, like an 80s cartoon, the Sirens suddenly know why the gems worked? Yeah. Definitely not a story for me. I did like Adagio's words to Sunset tho.
(I think I'll write you actual feedback. Posting it in a moment.)
Edit: actual feedback begins:
So, I recently tried to read the whole thing. Went back to the beginning, read the first one, the next and got to Past Scars.
I hate it when people just leave a random comment and don't really follow up, so I figured I wouldn't be one of them.
I think the best thing about your series is that it showed a lot of promise. I don't think it's delivering on it... and if I were to put it down to a cause, it would be that it's... too random and disjointed to really make sense.
Sunset Amulet promises a very interesting premise and a good hook. Why did her gem fix the Sirens? What is her actual relationship to them? Does it go beyond kindness? Something sinister? Something just good? It felt a bit odd with the pacing, but hey, I wanted to read more, even if the ending of that one was a bit abrupt.
But then... this. So Pinkie and Fluttershy knew, but didn't say anything to the others? That's irresponsible beyond friendly duties. And you turned the whole school into a bully-fest? To the extent that they were psychologically torturing others because they thought that made them good? That—that felt very unrealistic. Especially considering that they all know that Sunset's 'cleansing' was from Twilight's spell. They were right there.
The story feels disjointed, like—as if you were asking yourself each chapter: "what now?", rather than following a plan. I've been there. It sucks.
The whole of CH was left as a strawman with a guilt complex. Maybe concentrating that anger and bullying into a couple of students rather than the whole school would have been realistic. It's one thing to make them all angry and resentful, but it's not in everyone's nature to constantly torture others.
The topic you were handling on Past Scars is a monster to tackle, and frankly it takes a lot of courage to really deal with it and touch on all that it implies... but I feel that it lost strength because the rest of the story was filled with sudden!revelations and wish-fulfilling.
Honestly, the school was really hard to believe, but once you got into this out-of-nowhere Seventh Element and such? It really killed the story. That's a head-shot if I've seen any. You had a hell of a concept to explore, but the focus went elsewhere, and with sudden explanations that make no sense at all. Even if it's a fic, it needs to make sense on some level. Hell, that automatically killed my interest in the gems and Sunset's relation to the Sirens.
Sunset self-harming... I could believe. It was a concept that needs real exploration through the characters, but we don't get that. The Siren's reactions to finding out? Good. The girls freaking out about it? Gooooood—to an extent. As mentioned above, Pinks and Flutters knew and did nothing... that's severely OOC and broke my suspension of disbelief like a bat-swing to the face. But, okay. They get to Sunset when she's being treated by Adagio... and then it becomes woo! More Elements! With sub-elements! From Elements that never were!
And that's where I had to quit.
So. Kudos for the self-harm subplot. As said, that takes courage to do.
Good work on Adagio's philosophy on that.
But that's really all I can say. I saw you started a new story in this world of yours... I can only wish you the best of luck on that one.
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Hey! I wanted to say thanks for the feedback. It's really helpful and puts some things into perspective, though, I was drawing on some real life scenarios from my own friends for some of it. I've had some friends who kept their mouths shut about a friend cutting and offered support subtly instead of drawing attention to it. Not the best course of action, I'll definitely agree with you there.
And I probably was trying to put too much in with the sub-elements coming in. It could probably be done better in a later rewrite or in a different fic entirely, so thanks for the perspective on that.
I disagree on the part of the school, though, just because, well, Rainbow Rocks contradicts you. The students glared at, ostracized, and isolated Sunset for who knows how long (Word of God says six months, but time is fickle in the EG universe). It wasn't just "a few students", it was everyone, so I included everyone in the glaring and ignoring, but I made Trixie specifically stand out as a vocal bully, just because she seems the type to taunt someone over their downfall. And we don't know what exactly the students of CHS know, since none of them had ever actually encountered magic before. For all we know, they just saw a giant rainbow laser hit Sunset and that made her afraid of Twilight enough to try being good.
Apart from that, I'll definitely take the feedback into consideration for future fics. Thanks again!
I am liking the sirens more and more.
Word to live by also I'm pretty sure dagi wanted to slap pinkie
Funny, it's been confirmed that sunset is indeed a seventh element, although is not forgiveness, but empathy , which is basically includes forgiving but is not it.
Personnaly, I prefer Sunset being the element of Empathy. Not only does it make sense with the pendant she gain in camp everfree, but it even would work just as good with this story so far.
Fittingly, I imagine Starlight takes her place back in Equestria, what with all the other parallels between them.