Love can be a wonderful but sometimes bewildering journey for those new to it. Not even Twilight Sparkle is exempt from this simple rule of life. She and Shooting Star embark together on a new and exciting adventure called love.
So Shooting Star1234 asked me to leave my feedback under this story after he asked me to read the prolouge.
Well at first I have to say, this is very good written, word choice, how the sentences are build up and the amount of words to explaining the scenes, all fits and make it pleasurable to read. Also the idea for the story seems to fit into an AU of the early days in ponyville.
The characterization of Twilight let me nod in approval for example, the way her routine and thought a descripted fits, in my small opinion, for the season 1 Twilight. Having it start there also let a lot of room for build up some alternative scenario, good choice.
Also the prolouge never gets boring or uninteresting at all. Each scene got enough time to devlop itself and neither is strethced to long either.
All in all everything that is needed for a good start.
On the other hand, there a a few things that lowered the story from good to avarage sadly. For example the backround setting for Rarity, her dialog doesn't always match with how she speaks in season one and her behaviour gets unrealistic a bit. The matchmaker thing is tottaly fine, don't get me wrong but let her having a coltfriend a few years ago with in mind this is season one Rarity seems wrong. Back at that days she was somewhat about 20 or so? So a few years back means she wasn't adult, that together with it was a long distance relationship... Well I think it doesn't make sense, but thats just my opinion. Also that he has a coltfriend now, well nothing wrong with that, but for Rarity in season one, the drama queen herself, that is nothing to handle so lightly. They all hadn't all the friendship lessons and such at this point.
Same goes for the scene with Twilight and the spell, that she kisses him on the cheek, well that along with his behaviour there in the first place, I really have a hard time to believe that would work that way.
Anyway, if one ignore the logic behind the scenes here, they can have a good read and enjoy the story for sure.
So Shooting Star1234 asked me to leave my feedback under this story after he asked me to read the prolouge.
Well at first I have to say, this is very good written, word choice, how the sentences are build up and the amount of words to explaining the scenes, all fits and make it pleasurable to read. Also the idea for the story seems to fit into an AU of the early days in ponyville.
The characterization of Twilight let me nod in approval for example, the way her routine and thought a descripted fits, in my small opinion, for the season 1 Twilight. Having it start there also let a lot of room for build up some alternative scenario, good choice.
Also the prolouge never gets boring or uninteresting at all. Each scene got enough time to devlop itself and neither is strethced to long either.
All in all everything that is needed for a good start.
On the other hand, there a a few things that lowered the story from good to avarage sadly. For example the backround setting for Rarity, her dialog doesn't always match with how she speaks in season one and her behaviour gets unrealistic a bit. The matchmaker thing is tottaly fine, don't get me wrong but let her having a coltfriend a few years ago with in mind this is season one Rarity seems wrong. Back at that days she was somewhat about 20 or so? So a few years back means she wasn't adult, that together with it was a long distance relationship... Well I think it doesn't make sense, but thats just my opinion. Also that he has a coltfriend now, well nothing wrong with that, but for Rarity in season one, the drama queen herself, that is nothing to handle so lightly. They all hadn't all the friendship lessons and such at this point.
Same goes for the scene with Twilight and the spell, that she kisses him on the cheek, well that along with his behaviour there in the first place, I really have a hard time to believe that would work that way.
Anyway, if one ignore the logic behind the scenes here, they can have a good read and enjoy the story for sure.