• Member Since 20th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Shooting Star1234


. Avatar art made by Roy

Comments ( 31 )

Quite interesting. I like this.

Oh, this is cute!

i love it.:twilightsmile:.
i love to here what everyone think about it.

Now, who would downvote this? I demand to *braaap* know!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Another Wendy story, haven't even started to read this and I'm intrested.

Interesting...

You have my curiosity :rainbowwild: 😛

can you please do not down vote with out a comment why.:twilightsmile:

8268801
I have to assume most downvotes are for the egregious sin of waifu theft. Or a general dislike of self-insert (by proxy here) fics. Myself, I'm finding it rather entertaining. The OCs have a bit of a Sueish odor to them, but nothing to make me run screaming.

8268859
thank you for the comment . i did not think of that

:rainbowlaugh:

can you please leave comment when you up vote.

thank you very mouch:twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Shooting Star1234 deleted Jan 28th, 2022

Celestia smiled fondly at her student, motioning to the plate of biscuits on the table. “That is a rather long story, my studen,.” she said, slowly lowering herself down onto a pillow with a sweet smile on her muzzle.

I think you forgot the T

But another great chapter

She looked away and he panicked almost instantly. Had that been too far? Had it been too much? Had he pushed his luck already!? His fears quickly died away as she turned her head to face him. She was blushing so brightly that he for a moment pondered if her face could be used to fry an egg. He giggled, and she chimed in with the soft melody of her own giggles. “You’ve been practising that speech,” she chided.

Did you mean practicing?


Why is there suddenly a strong sent of cheese
(JK it is just joke)

8389529
That is actually the correct British way of spelling it. It is a little bit out dated but it is still acceptable according to the Oxford dictionary.

8389892
It's become very uncommon, unfortunately. But it is still a habit for me.

So Shooting Star1234 asked me to leave my feedback under this story after he asked me to read the prolouge.

Well at first I have to say, this is very good written, word choice, how the sentences are build up and the amount of words to explaining the scenes, all fits and make it pleasurable to read. Also the idea for the story seems to fit into an AU of the early days in ponyville.:twilightsmile:

The characterization of Twilight let me nod in approval for example, the way her routine and thought a descripted fits, in my small opinion, for the season 1 Twilight. Having it start there also let a lot of room for build up some alternative scenario, good choice.:twilightsmile:

Also the prolouge never gets boring or uninteresting at all. Each scene got enough time to devlop itself and neither is strethced to long either.

All in all everything that is needed for a good start.:pinkiesmile:

On the other hand, there a a few things that lowered the story from good to avarage sadly. For example the backround setting for Rarity, her dialog doesn't always match with how she speaks in season one and her behaviour gets unrealistic a bit. The matchmaker thing is tottaly fine, don't get me wrong but let her having a coltfriend a few years ago with in mind this is season one Rarity seems wrong. Back at that days she was somewhat about 20 or so? So a few years back means she wasn't adult, that together with it was a long distance relationship... Well I think it doesn't make sense, but thats just my opinion. Also that he has a coltfriend now, well nothing wrong with that, but for Rarity in season one, the drama queen herself, that is nothing to handle so lightly. They all hadn't all the friendship lessons and such at this point.

Same goes for the scene with Twilight and the spell, that she kisses him on the cheek, well that along with his behaviour there in the first place, I really have a hard time to believe that would work that way.

Anyway, if one ignore the logic behind the scenes here, they can have a good read and enjoy the story for sure.:pinkiesmile:

This probably one of the best ways I have seen to explain why no one knew about Nightmare Moon/Luna a thousand years after her banishment.

I love how INTX Twilight is, and whoo, the ship has set sail

“Well in that case… there is a lovely spot just ten minutes east of the abandoned clock tower at the edge of ponyville.You get the best view of the night sky from there, it’s worth the long walk I swear.”

I see what you did there. I’d say they should go exploring, but I’m guessing your patron isn’t paying for that kind of story.

8995823
there is plenty of time for that to happen in the story.😏😏

8995823
He didn't ask for it but I did feel that it would be fitting to at least make the reference to it. :twilightsmile:

Keep the story going it is good 👍

Its a shame this story is dead. Its enjoyable and very well written.

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