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1 - The Special Day7,213 words
2 - Midnight9,820 words
3 - Reflections in the Rain7,386 words
4 - The Choices Made For Us10,216 words
5 - Identity9,549 words
6 - Acceptance11,688 words
7 - Applejack Cries on the Inside11,249 words
8 - A Royal Challenge8,951 words
9 - For Love of a Princess11,060 words

8 - A Royal Challenge

“I don’t think she’s going to be very happy to see you,” Rarity said.

“I know,” Applejack said. She tapped her hoof impatiently, watching the train in the distance rumble forward. The Friendship Express was taking its sweet time getting to Ponyville, and she could swear that it was actually going slower just to mock her.

Rarity heard Applejack, but she didn’t believe her. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? Twilight can be rather difficult when her mind is made up, and I don’t want--”

Applejack spun to look back at Rarity, answering, “Rares, that’s why I don’t want you there. Twi’s mad at the both of us right now. She’s liable to shut down and quit listenin’ to anything we say, she sees us both there. Even if she weren’t, state she’s in, I don’t want her seein’ you and me together right off the bat. Might just dredge up old issues.”

“I understand,” Rarity admitted. “Still, I’d feel better if you took somepony with you.”

A thought struck Applejack’s mind, causing her to perk up. “How ‘bout Apple Bloom?” she asked. “She and Twi really bonded these last few moons. I bring her, Twi’s sure to come back with us. She wouldn’t break Apple Bloom’s heart like that.”

“That would be emotional blackmail.”

“Oh.” Applejack paused, considering. “And that would--”

“Yes, darling, that would be bad.”

“Well. It’s a good thing I ain’t doin’ that then!” Applejack laughed nervously, looking back at the tracks. She silently wished for the train to come faster or hit her. Whichever got her out of this situation quicker.

What am I gonna say to her?

Not for the first time, Applejack questioned how she even planned to have this conversation. Twilight was certain to be livid when she saw her. She’d fled to Canterlot to get away, after all. How does one even start to talk after that?

Mornin’, Twilight. What? An awful, out-of-the-blue breakup that shattered your heart forever? Nah, never happened. You must have had some bad eggs.

“Right this way, miss,” the guardpony said. He led her down the corridor towards the guest rooms, where she knew Twilight had to be staying. A knot had formed in her stomach since her arrival in Canterlot, and it seemed to grow larger with every step towards the dreaded reunion.

“Thank you kindly,” Applejack said quietly. She wondered if she’d given Twilight enough time to at least be civil. Twilight prided herself on how logical she was, but Applejack knew she was just as prone to wild irrationality and emotional swings as any other pony. Worse, they seemed to hit her harder than the other ponies Applejack knew, possibly because of how emotionally impenetrable she considered herself.

“Have you seen her?” she asked the guard. “How’s she doin’?”

“Princess Twilight hasn’t come out of her guest room since this morning,” the guardpony reported. Applejack felt a mild shiver. It was still weird to hear the words “Princess Twilight”. She supposed she’d have to try and get used to it, especially given the way things were between them now. Princess Twilight had excused her friends from the formality, but Applejack wasn’t certain she still counted.

Then again, if Twilight did still want Applejack to be excused and she opted for the formality, it might just anger her worse. It could further alienate her, making her feel like Applejack didn’t even want to be her friend any longer. Enraging her would be a terrible start to the conversation.

Applejack sighed. This wasn’t getting anywhere. “What’s your name?” she asked the guardpony.

“Polished Steel, miss.” His answer came immediately and with that formal ‘miss’ he’d been tacking onto every statement. He spoke matter-of-factly and with his chin high, as though his voice was just another trained and regimented part of him. It made Applejack uneasy to hear.

“You got a special somepony, Steel?”

“Happily married for twelve years, miss.” Again, Applejack was struck by how emotionless he was as he spoke. He spoke of his family as though delivering a field report. This was Twilight’s world she was walking around in now, and it was one that was so different from everything she was used to. Not like Manehattan, either.

This was a world of strict order. It was a world of honed discipline, where the ponies were as hard as their armor. Workers like Spike and her scurried about in the background, helping to build and maintain this seamless living space for the upper class.

She idly wondered if this was the lens Empty Chalice saw the world through. A nation of halls going uncleaned before her. A population of servants poorly disciplined, unregimented, and not doing their duty to support and uplift her.

Not for the first time, she felt a sting of resentment creep into her heart. It was the same feeling she had when Empty’s eyes had lingered for too long on her sides or forehead. The same feeling she got when Three Point was making her comments. It made her feel sick to think of it. This feeling went against everything she stood for, everything Ponyville stood for.

“Right through here, miss,” Steel said, oblivious to her nausea.

Applejack followed Steel through another door into the guest wing. She knew Twilight would be right around the corner, this corner in the grand castle of Canterlot itself because Applejack’s curse was loving beyond her station in life. As the knot in her stomach began to violently struggle, she realized she’d lost whatever momentum of a plan she’d managed to form in the first place. She--

“Applejack!” Princess Celestia’s voice sang down the hall, caressing Applejack’s ears with its gentle tones. “What a pleasure to see you,” she said, coming down the hall. Applejack was thrilled to see Spike flanking her, though the unease on his face did much less to comfort her than the Princess’s voice.

Applejack gave the princess a customary bow and greeting of, “Your highness.” Internally, she began to panic. This was the last thing she needed!

Princess Celestia approached and looked straight at the guardpony. “Thank you, Steel. I can take her from here. You may return to your duties.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Oh, but before you go,” Princess Celestia added, “I wanted to ask about Mirror Gleam. Is she doing any better?”

“I…” For the first time, Steel’s iron expression seemed to fail him, just for a second, before his discipline snapped back in place. “No, ma’am. Doctor says the sprain could take up to seven weeks before she’s able to come back to work.”

Applejack watched the princess’s features soften at the news. “I’m sorry to hear that,” she said to her soldier. “Tell her I said she can take nine with pay. I want her to be in top condition when she returns. I will try to find time in my schedule to visit her next week.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Applejack could see a smile struggling to take control on Steel’s face, but ultimately his discipline won out. “Thank you, ma’am,” Steel replied. Then he gave the princess a salute and marched back out of the guest wing the way he’d come.

The princess waited for her soldier to depart. “Why did you come here, Applejack?” The question left her snout before she even turned her gaze, and when at last her eyes fell on Applejack, the farm pony felt her body shrinking away.

There was power in the eyes of Equestria’s greatest monarch. No fury, no rage, but a distinct sense of authority that resonated through Applejack’s body. She felt the hairs across her body stand up, felt herself shiver under the sheer force of the princess’s question.

“I need to….” Applejack started, but the Princess cut her off.

“Let me be clear. You have on many occasions performed a great service for Equestria and for that, I and everypony else am indebted to you. More than that, you have helped to teach my student, and she has grown in many ways because of you. None of that has ceased to be true due to recent events. However, under no circumstances will you be permitted to see Princess Twilight.”

Princess. The weight of the title bore down on Applejack, making her feel smaller for even being in the same room that it was spoken in.

Princess Celestia continued. “She will return to Ponyville with time. When she does, the decision of whether to remain friends with you will fall to her. But for now, the best thing you can do for her is to leave.”

In her presence, it was next to impossible to argue. Applejack had always been raised to revere the Princess. She’d been brought up with a profound respect for her own role in Equestria and how it compared to the Princess’s. Even now that there were four, she felt in her heart that to disrespect any Princess was tantamount to blasphemy. And this wasn’t any Princess. This was Princess Celestia, she who raises the sun, telling Applejack to leave.

Her immediate reflex was to apologize and to go. In the face of the Princess’s polite but forceful insistence, who was she to refuse? A worker. A farm pony. Not one of the Element of Harmony, not anymore, but a simple laborer. Not the special somepony of Princess Twilight, but a heartbreaker begging for an audience with the Princess’s personal student.

There was no reason the Princess should acquiesce to her, and it would be impertinent to even ask. She knew this. She knew this. So why weren’t her legs moving?

“I’m sorry,” Applejack said, but the words weren’t followed by the concession she meant them to be. Instead, her lips said, “But I can’t do that.”

“You most certainly can,” Princess Celestia replied. “Don’t make this difficult.”

“I can’t!” Applejack shouted, as shocked at herself as the Princess was. “Please, your highness, I gotta speak with Twilight. Give me two shakes of a lamb’s tail, that’s all I need, and then I’ll go.”

“That is not going to happen,” the Princess said. “Twilight is in a delicate state right now. The last thing she needs is to see you. You need to leave.” The Princess’s voice rose to fill the hall as she spoke, but she seemed to catch herself. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and centered herself. When she opened them, she said quietly, with a voice full of concern, “It would break my heart to have the guard remove you, Applejack. Please don’t make it come to that.”

Applejack looked the Princess straight in the eyes and told her, “Well, I reckon you’ll have to, your highness. I got somethin’ needs sayin’, and I ain’t leavin’ ‘til--”

The princess opened her mouth to answer, but before she could say another word, a new voice called from the doorway behind her. “Applejack?” the voice asked with trembling words.

The Princess turned to see Twilight, who took a few cautious steps down the hall. Princess Celestia seemed confused at first, and then her eyes settled on Spike at Twilight’s side, halfway hidden behind her body. He looked up apologetically at Princess Celestia.

“What are you doing here?” Twilight asked, stepping forward down the hall. She kept to the Princess’s side, concealed somewhat behind her as she approached.

“Twilight, I--”

“No, stop,” Twilight told her, more coldly. She stopped walking and closed her eyes for a few seconds. Her breath hitched in her throat, then she spoke again. Coldly, she asked, “What is this, Applejack? What are you doing here? Is this the part where you say something really cruel and break my heart further, or the part where you apologize and we make up so you can break my heart again? Which is it?”

Applejack felt wounded by Twilight’s verbal assault, but could she really argue with the assertion? “That ain’t fair,” she weakly offered in her defense.

“Isn’t it? You said we can’t be together. You said I had to go. Why can’t you give me the time I need to learn how to stop loving you?” Before Applejack could say any more, Twilight added, “Princess Celestia is right. You need to leave.”

“I will, Twilight,” Applejack assured her. “I give you my word. Soon as I say what I gotta say, I’ll go. Just let me get this out, please. You want me to get down and beg, I’ll do it, just hear me out. Then I’ll leave. You don’t got to do nothin’. That’s the honest truth, sug--Twilight. You know that, ‘cause it came from me.”

“I wish I did,” Twilight said somberly.

Incensed, Applejack demanded, “Twilight Sparkle, I ain’t always done right by you but when have I ever told you a lie?”

In an instant, Twilight answered with, “When you said you loved me.” Her words cut into Applejack like a coring knife, curling around her heart. Twilight’s eyes, previously full of anger, seemed to soften upon the realization of what she’d just said. She put a hoof over her snout and whispered, “I’m sorry.” Then Twilight turned away from Applejack, hiding behind Princess Celestia.

“This is what I was trying to avoid,” the princess admitted, laying out a single wing and wrapping her pupil in it.

Applejack waited patiently for Twilight to recover, though her nerves were shattered by the talk. After several seconds, Twilight finally asked, “What is it? What did you want to say?”

Applejack took a deep breath, then told her, “I want to tell you a story. It’s the story I’ve been keepin’ from you all these moons. It ain’t a story I’m proud of, and you might not like me too much when it’s finished, but it’s one you gotta know. Reckon I owe you that.”

“Why?” Twilight asked. “I’ve been waiting for you to open up since we’ve been together. Why are you doing this now?”

“’Cause it ain’t about me anymore,” Applejack answered. “You let me tell my story and I’ll go. I promise. But when it’s all done, I want you to do somethin’ for me.”

“What?

“Don’t hate Rarity.”

“…what.”

“Twilight, please,” Applejack begged. “She never meant you no harm. You got mixed up in somethin’s been runnin’ a lot of years, but all either of us wanted was you to be happy.” She took a careful step forward, testing the boundary between her and Twilight. “Can I tell you my story?”

Twilight looked up at Princess Celestia for answers, but her mentor answered only with a smile and the words, “This is your decision, Twilight. I can’t make it for you.”

Slowly, Twilight looked back at Applejack. She took a breath, looked Applejack in the eyes, and asked, “You really didn’t come here to ask me to come back?”

The question dug into Applejack like a corkscrew. She knew what she wanted to say, but she also knew what had to be said. Need and want collided in her heart and she struggled with her words. “I don’t….” she started, but then she stopped.

Steeling herself, Applejack answered, “I do want you to come back, Twilight, but I don’t know that it’s right for us. Don’t reckon it’d be right to ask neither, even if it was. Not now.”

Stepping away from Princess Celestia, Twilight asked, “Why do you keep running away from me? You were the one that wanted to be with me in the first place. Why do you hide parts of yourself from me? What are you afraid of?”

“I don’t know, Twilight. Truth told….” Applejack hesitated. The words sat on the tip of her tongue, but she was reluctant to say them. She felt embarrassed of her own feelings and she cast a glance up at Princess Celestia. She felt judgment burning off the monarch and old shames began to surface.

“Do you love me?” Twilight asked, interrupting her train of thought.

The question caught Applejack off-guard. “Course I do,” she said without thinking.

“Then the time to let me in was moons ago. I’ll listen to your story, but I expect to hear everything. No more secrets, Applejack.” Twilight looked up to her mentor, asking, “Would you mind if she and I go back to my room? This should be private.”

“Of course,” Princess Celestia said with a nod. “I’ll be right down the hall if you need anything.”

Seated on her haunches in Twilight’s guest room, Applejack closed her eyes and told her story. Twilight listened in silence, absorbing every word as Applejack told of her early friendship with Rarity and Crystal Chalice. She told of their meeting, of new friends and broken relationships.

Scritch scritch scritch...

Her words stuck in her throat, but Applejack forced herself to talk about coming to terms with her identity. She told Twilight about her own disdain for fillies who liked fillies and the struggle of trying to make peace with herself.

Scritch scritch scritch...

She talked about the way it hurt to lose her friends the way she had. She remembered losing--

Scritch scritch scritch...

Applejack looked up from her story to see Twilight with her nose buried in a sheet of parchment. A quill hovered before her, frantically inscribing marks onto the sheet. Her ears were perked up, both pointed in Applejack’s direction while the quill scrabbled. After a few seconds, Twilight noticed that the story had stopped and looked up from her work.

Raising an eyebrow, Applejack asked, “…Are…are you takin’ notes on my traumatic fillyhood?”

Twilight glanced quickly to the door, then back to Applejack. “…Noooo….” She replied as a deep purple blush spread across her face. “This is…math….”

Despite their hardships, the sight of Twilight’s embarrassment for her parchment brought Applejack to laughter. For several long seconds, she laughed openly and loudly, filling the room with her jubilation.

“What?” Twilight asked, but she was met only with further merriment. “Why are you laughing at me?!”

“I’m sorry,” Applejack struggled to say once she’d started to calm down. “I’m mighty sorry, surely I am, but that’s….”

“It’s what?” Twilight asked defensively. “It’s nerdy? It’s stupid?”

“It’s you,” Applejack finished for her. “Ain’t nothin’ more like you could be happenin’ now. I know it ain’t been but a couple days now, but I miss you, Twilight. I miss the gentle scratch of your quill in the night when you think I ain’t up no more. I miss--”

“Stop,” Twilight scolded her, raising a hoof out in front of her. “You broke up with me. You don’t get to say things like that.”

Applejack closed her eyes and nodded her head in acceptance. “I’m sorry, Twi.”

“So am I,” Twilight said darkly. “You should get back to your story.”

While Applejack spoke, Twilight struggled to quiet the vice grip of her heart. From the moment she’d seen her again, it felt like her heart had stopped beating entirely. It sat motionless in her chest, aching and emanating a cold chill that spread through her being.

She didn’t know how to speak to her, so instead, she did what she knew best. She focused on her notes. One parchment after another filled up with the story of Applejack’s life. Questions were circled and linked to pertinent passages of the tale. Speculation and estimations filled the margins of every page, trying to flesh out details left unspoken.

She said nothing, only listened attentively to the story and captured as many of its details as she could. Applejack spoke of the loss of her parents, and Twilight wrote. The first friend she ever made in Ponyville told her of a history she’d never known, and Twilight wrote. The pony she loved poured her heart out for her, and Twilight wrote.

As she wrote, she digested the history Applejack shared with her. This was everything she’d ever wanted to know, and she only wished it could have come out under more pleasant circumstances. The more she listened, the harder it became to hear. Answers led to questions and questions led to doubts.

“…and that was it,” Applejack said, finishing her tale. “I never saw Crystal again and Rares, well, she lost everything ‘cause of me. Had to start all over without her best friend.”

Finally, Twilight spoke, her eyes still leafing over the pages, skimming everything she’d transcribed. “This is….” She choked on her words. Looking up over the parchment at Applejack, Twilight asked, “Is this what you carry with you?”

Applejack nodded. “What you got on those pages, Twilight, that’s me.”

“I have questions,” Twilight said.

“You got me long as you want, Twi.”

Twilight exhaled slowly, bracing herself. “What happened to Crystal?”

“Don’t rightly know,” Applejack answered.

“You never followed up?”

“She wouldn’t want to see me again anyway,” Applejack said defensively. “Twilight, most ponies don’t see each other again after a breakup.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Twilight said bitterly. Looking back at her notes, she asked, “Your teacher said you’d been a ‘disruptive influence’. What does that mean? Were you starting fights in school or something?”

“I never got a straight answer, but I reckon the school board blame me for what the other colts and fillies were sayin’ ‘bout me.”

“That can’t be right,” Twilight told her.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s terrible!” Twilight shouted, standing up.

Applejack closed her eyes, nodding to Twilight. “You ain’t wrong, but it happens to a pony that’s different. You ain’t run into that?”

Twilight through back over the last year. “I might have,” she admitted. “I am starting to get tired of ponies assuming I’m interested in mares. I keep having to explain myself and it’s more agitating every time I have to do it.”

“Wait, you ain’t interested in mares?” Applejack asked, confused.

“You know that!” Twilight shouted at her.

Quickly, Applejack replied with, “You said you like me rather than just likin’ mares, but I reckoned it was you comin’ to terms with it. I’m still workin’ on copin’ with--” Applejack stopped talking, watching Twilight begin to seethe in front of her.

“No, by all means. Keep digging.”

“Sorry,” Applejack said quickly.

Twilight sighed. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t even know how to react to any of this,” Twilight admitted. “The worst thing that happened to me growing up was when I didn’t get to see my brother for a few years. At least, not very often. But then he got into the Royal Guard and we went out for ice cream to celebrate spending more time together.”

Twilight looked through her sheets, adding, “Losing a parent? Academic expulsion? I don’t think I even have the life experience I’d need to know how to sympathize with you. I don’t….” She drifted off, arranging her pages. With a sigh, she tried again. “I never realized how much about life I still don’t understand until now.”

“You led a charmed life,” Applejack assured her.

“I think I’m starting to realize that.” Twilight leafed through the pages, skimming their contents with her eyes. “I still have so many questions, but I’m terrified of the answers to them. How did you live through this?”

“One day at a time,” Applejack answered with conviction. “Since I was a filly, I had to get good at losin’. I lost my friends. I lost my parents. I lost my chance at the future Mama wanted for me. I lost one Special Somepony after another, but I got good at--”

“How many?” Twilight asked, still looking at the pages. “You stopped at Crystal, but I’m led to believe there were more between her and me.” Pain cut into her heart as she spoke, but she had to know the answer. “How many times did you--how many were there?”

“Countin’ you?” Applejack asked. She looked up, taking the moment to count to herself. It was a sight that filled Twilight with dread. At last, she answered, “Fifteen.”

“Wow,” Twilight said aloud. A familiar sense of emptiness and longing that she now recognized as jealousy crept into her stomach, accompanying the dead ache in her heart. “I was not prepared for that answer,” she admitted. She felt the image of Applejack that she carried in her heart crack from the strain of new information she was gaining.

Disbelieving, Twilight asked, “I knew I wasn’t your first, but I thought I might be the third? Fourth? But fifteen?” She could scarcely believe she’d heard that properly.

“Weren’t all like us,” Applejack clarified. “Most lasted a few weeks. Only a few really stuck. Longest was Octavia Melody. Time was, I thought for sure she was gonna be the one I said my vows to.”

“What happened?” Twilight asked.

“We were comin’ up on two years. Royal orchestra in Canterlot wanted to sign her to this fancy contract. She’d be gone for ten moons. She said she wouldn’t sign ‘cause she didn’t want to be gone from me that long, and it was then I knew what I had to do.”

Twilight swallowed that answer, adding it to the pile of emotions she was feeling. “Why did you hide this from me?”

“It wasn’t about you,” Applejack told her. “This is my hurt, Twilight. Ain’t nopony needs to--”

“That’s not what we agreed to,” Twilight said, cutting her off. “At least, it’s not what I thought we were doing. Ever since our anniversary I thought you were going to ask me to marry you. That’s where I thought we were. I wanted to share everything with you, to…to be as much a part of your life as you already are to mine. Was I wrong?”

Twilight could see the effect her words had on Applejack. Her eyes fell to the floor and she swallowed hard before she spoke. “I was fixin’ to ask,” she admitted. “I wanted to give it more time, though. I wanted to be sure of it.”

“I was sure,” Twilight scolded. “I spent weeks thinking about earth pony naming conventions. I literally stood in front of a mirror and tried out different combinations for what our name would be.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Our name?”

“Yes! Earth ponies share names. That’s how the Cakes do it and how the Riches do it, and I wanted to know what ours would be. I spent hours repeating things like Applesparkle or Sparkapple or--”

“You’d have been an Apple,” Applejack said bluntly.

Twilight blinked. “That’s it? Just ‘Twilight Apple’?”

Applejack shook her head. “Nah, you’d still have been Twilight Sparkle. You’d just be an Apple. That’s how my family does it. You don’t got to have an Apple in your name to be an Apple. My Mama’s name, start to finish, was ‘Buttercup’.”

“Like the flower?”

“Nah, like a cup of butter. Granny says she used to be a fancy chef.”

“Right, you mentioned.”

“There ain’t a single Apple anywhere in her name, but she was an Apple through and through. Family’s more than stickin’ a word in your name. Ain’t that how the Sparkles do it?”

Twilight shook her head. “We’re not ‘The Sparkles’. We never had a family name. Most unicorns don’t.” A few seconds passed in awkward silence. Twilight scratched at the back of her hoof, then admitted, “This seems really basic. We should know each other better than this by now.”

“We weren’t ready,” Applejack said simply.

Twilight shook her head, resigning herself to the truth. “No, we weren’t. If you’d asked me, I would have said yes.” She took a deep breath, pushing down the fresh gush of pain from her heart as she added, “But that would have been a mistake.”

“Surely would have,” Applejack agreed darkly.

“But,” Twilight said, anger flaring up behind her, “that doesn’t excuse breaking my heart the way you did. Maybe we weren’t ready for marriage but I deserved better than to be cast out in the dark like that. You should have let me in a long time ago, Applejack. You should have been honest with me.”

She could see how that word cut into Applejack as she said it, but she was glad it did. She was so angry that her vocabulary had begun to select her words for harm potential. It was another new experience to add to the list of emotions Applejack had shown her.

“You’re right,” Applejack agreed. “I should have. If I had my druthers, we wouldn’t have gone this way, Twi. I knew I should have done it soon as you came back with wings, but I couldn’t. I agonized for weeks over it, but then Apple Bloom was there and I panicked.”

“Why?” Twilight asked, making no effort to hide the bitterness still in her voice.

“I don’t know why. Bein’ with you ain’t exactly been a bed of roses, Twilight, but….” She drifted off, thinking back over the time they’d spent together.

Applejack remembered how she felt that night when Twilight was gussied up to look like Rarity. She’d spent the better part of a day washing dye out of her mane and tail.

“Bein’ with you is a lot of work,” she admitted. “But I like the work. Everything in my life changed the day we met, and you’ve done nothin’ but bring new challenges and adventures. When I’m with you, I feel like I finally found what was missin’ from my life all these years.

“Letting you go was a mistake,” Applejack told Twilight firmly. “It’s been eatin’ at me since that day. It was the wrong choice to make, and I knew that. You were the one goodbye I never wanted to say.”

Twilight considered Applejack’s words. She closed her eyes, absorbing them emotionally as well as intellectually. The chaotic mess of feelings in her heart stubbornly refused to subside, and when she realized Applejack had finished, she asked, “Is that it?”

“Beg pardon?”

“That’s all you have to say to me? Breaking up with me was a mistake because I’m special? Because I’m different somehow? That’s your explanation for adding me to the trail of broken hearts you’ve left in your path?”

Nervously, Applejack started, “Is that not--”

“No, it’s not okay,” Twilight finished for her. “You’re making this about me but I am not the problem here. This isn’t the first time I’ve cried myself to sleep because you went running for the escape hatch. I’m not about to give you another chance if we’re just going to be standing right here a moon from now having this exact same conversation!”

“We won’t,” Applejack assured her.

“Why? Because I’m special? So was Octavia. Where is she now, Applejack?!”

Applejack didn’t answer the question. Of course, she couldn’t. Twilight knew that when she asked. It wasn’t a fair question, but it made her feel better. She took a deep breath to try and center herself but the hurt wouldn’t let her be calm.

“Do you know what I always liked about you?” Twilight asked quietly, her voice quivering as she spoke. Not even waiting for an answer, Twilight finished, “From the moment we met, you’ve been the kind of pony who goes out of her way to make others feel welcome. You took me into your family immediately. It didn’t matter that I was a stranger.”

Twilight looked at Applejack now and she saw the same sense of compassion and selflessness she always had. The taste had soured in her mouth, however. She’d hurt so many ponies for the sake of being selfless. In this, Twilight knew she wasn’t truly special. She was a name on the list of victims claimed by Applejack’s compassion, as filtered through her emotional damages.

And even as a part of her yearned to just let it all go so that she could be with her special somepony again, she didn’t know if she could ever trust her again. This, she knew, was why Applejack had never told her of all of this. It was a secret that truly did change everything about how she looked at her. She would have wanted to believe it wouldn’t, that nothing could shake how strongly she felt for Applejack, but it did.

“You gave me a home,” Twilight said to Applejack. “That meant more to me than you know. I just wish you could have told me that I was only renting the space. The fact is, what you did to me and to those others, that wasn’t noble. You made a choice to give up on us.”

“Twilight,” Applejack whispered, “I had to. My Mama--”

“Your mother loved you!” Twilight shouted. “If she could be here right now, you know that she would be. What happened to her was terrible and I am so sorry for your loss, but you chose to leave me. This isn’t a tragic circumstance, Applejack. It’s not some noble sacrifice. It’s just you.” After a few seconds, she added, “It’s always been you.”

Applejack didn’t seem to have an answer for that. Twilight wondered if she’d actually listen, but she knew that at this point, it didn’t seem to matter much. Her mind was made up. If Applejack couldn’t even understand what she’d done wrong, if she couldn’t even grasp the effect her choices had on the people she’d hurt, then there was nothing left to say.

As much as it tore at her to admit, Twilight couldn’t be in a relationship with somepony who could cause so much pain without even recognizing her fault. She liked to believe the best in other ponies, but this stubborn, almost cruel void of self-awareness was a deal-breaker she couldn’t put behind her.

“I’m sorry,” Applejack said quietly.

“So am I. You should probably leave now.”

Applejack nodded to her, standing up. “Course. I meant what I said before, though. This ain’t Rarity’s fault. If you got to hate me to feel better, I can live with that, but don’t put this on her. She loves you as much as I do.” With those words, she turned and walked to the door, and Twilight thought she could hear the faint sound of Applejack sobbing as she went.

Twilight blinked. She’d forgotten all about that. Applejack’s entire reason for coming down here was to talk about Rarity. “Wait,” she called out. “I never asked about Rarity. Do you know about the--”

“The bettin’ pool?” Applejack asked. “Sure, I know. But I don’t hold that against her and neither should you. Broke her heart, what I did to Crystal. She did what she did ‘cause she was hurtin’ and other ponies joined her ‘cause they were too. I hurt a lot of ponies, Twilight. Hurt you too. I’m still comin’ to terms with that.”

Twilight stood up slowly, listening to Applejack speak. The hollowness in her chest began to subside as she listened. This was what she’d wanted to hear from the beginning.

“I can’t make things right with Crystal or Octavia or any of the other ponies. I can’t even make them right with you.” She sighed. “Reckon I thought if I could bring you home, maybe that’d be a place to start. I already took Crystal away from Rares; I couldn’t bear knowin’ I took you from her too.

“And I came here for you,” Applejack admitted. “Even if we can’t be together, I don’t want you spendin’ your life in a tower, seething at all of us. Rarity, Rainbow, and the others, they made mistakes. So did I. But we made them out of love, and there ain’t nopony’d be happy with you bein’ gone.”

Applejack sighed. “Reckon I said my piece. See you ‘round, sugarcube.”

“Applejack, wait!” Twilight shouted, using her magic to hold the door shut. This changed everything. Internally, Twilight wished Applejack had said this part sooner. “I….” She stopped herself and took a moment to think about what she wanted to say. This didn’t change so much that she’d stopped hurting about what had happened, but now she could see a small spark in Applejack, a tiny glimmer of the future she’d been hoping for before everything happened.

“I want you to stay here tonight,” Twilight told her, her mind rapidly building the scenario. Quickly, she corrected herself, “Not with me. Just…stay. Please.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Not with you?”

“It’s…think of it as an experiment,” Twilight told her.

Applejack’s heart raced at the promise. She never thought she’d be so happy to hear the word ‘experiment’ before. “Whatever I can do to make us right, Twilight.”

Twilight took a deep breath and started to explain. “I want you to spend the next 24 hours here in the castle. The servants will take care of everything you require, and you are not allowed to refuse them. You can’t make your own bed. You can’t cook your own food. You can’t do any of the things you’re used to doing for yourself.”

Applejack blinked. She knew these terms were going to be hard enough on their own, but Twilight continued. “I want you to think of a project that you can work on. That will be your focus. Something you’ve been meaning to do but keep putting off. It can be anything you want, with one exception: it’s not allowed to be something for me. This has to be your project.”

“Will I see you?” Applejack asked.

“No. You can chat with the servants, the royal guard, whoever pops by, but you won’t see me.”

“That don’t make sense,” Applejack admitted. “Why am I doin’ this?”

“Because that’s my life, Applejack. You took me into your home and shared your family with me, and I love you for it. I have never faulted you for your muck. But I don’t think you’ve ever truly understood me. Now you’re going to. I’m not a farmer or a merchant or a business owner. Look around you, Applejack. This is everything that I am. I was born in polished halls and I’m going to die in polished halls. …I mean, I wasn’t actually born here, but--”

Despite herself, Applejack couldn’t help but chuckle at Twilight’s statement. “One of these days, you gotta stop rememberin’ things I say and throwin’ them back at me.”

“I can’t promise that. I’m in love.” Twilight coughed awkwardly, then resumed her explanation. “The point is that what I’m asking you to do isn’t any different from what I do every day. I’m asking you to spend a day being me, and when you’re done, I want you to answer one question: is my life really so unbearable next to yours?”

Nervousness crept down Applejack’s spine as she considered what Twilight was asking her to do. She’d never been one to rely on others, especially not strangers. She prided herself on being self-sufficient. The idea of having to let other ponies pick up after her filled her with dread. But the alternative was worse.

“I got a question,” Applejack said. “End of this, do we get to be together?”

Twilight faltered on an answer. She hesitated a moment, considering her words as carefully as Applejack had in the entry hall. “I can’t promise anything,” she answered. “But let me answer that question with another question: if you can’t stomach being royalty for even a single day, how could you possibly bear to be with me for a lifetime?”

Applejack considered Twilight’s words. “I ain’t never wanted to be royalty, except when I was little,” she admitted. “I kept my head down, did my work to help Equestria. Wearin’ an Element of Harmony was a new way to serve and I was proud to do it, but royalty? Takes a special kind of pony to wear that crown, and I never thought of myself as somepony deserves it.”

The more she thought about it, the more sure she was. “Whatever happens between you and me, I don’t reckon I could ever come ‘round to thinkin’ of myself as a Princess. But a Princess’s special somepony? That’d suit me fine enough. So if that’s what I gotta do to be with you, Twilight, then I’ll do it.”

Applejack’s answer brought a smile to Twilight’s face. “Thank you,” she said.

Of course, the next step was coming up with a project. Applejack had a few ideas for ways she could help Sweet Apple Acres, but they were things that needed to be done at the farm. She was stuck for something she could do here at the castle. “I’ll try to think of somethin’ I can make,” she told Twilight, “but I don’t got much in the way of materials to work with.”

“You’ll have Spike,” Twilight said without missing a beat.

“SPIKE?!” Applejack’s heart flew into panic mode. The last time Spike had tried to help her hadn’t ended very well.

“Yes. He will assist you with everything that you require.”

“That ain’t a great idea, sugarcube,” Applejack told her. “Spike spent the better part of a day helpin’ me once and--”

“I’m aware of that,” Twilight said bitterly. “This will be another chance for you to bond.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow at the short-tempered response. “Wait, are you mad at me over that life-debt?”

“What?” The question caught Twilight off-guard. “No, I….” She took a moment to think about what they’d just talked about, the importance of being straightforward and honest with each other. “Well, actually, yes. It was a small thing, so I never thought it was worth bringing up, but I was very disappointed in how that turned out.”

“You can’t seriously be mad at me. I did what I could, best I knew how, but reinin’ him in was like herdin’ cats. He was messin’ up left and right and--”

“Do you think I don’t know how Spike can get when he’s excited?” Twilight asked. “He’s enthusiastic and he has trouble listening to others, but he means well. He was trying to be helpful.”

“His idea of helpin’ did more harm than good!” Applejack insisted. “Do you know he tried breathin’ for me once?!”

“I am aware,” Twilight said sternly. After a couple of seconds, she admitted, “Well, not of that particular incident, but his general behavior isn’t lost on me. On one occasion, Spike volunteered to taste test my books to make sure they hadn’t been poisoned. He was halfway through the encyclopedias before I convinced him to stop.”

Twilight chuckled to herself from the memory. “Trust me, I’ve been there too. I had my hooves full when Princess Celestia first asked me to be responsible for him. I know exactly how he gets. But you need to understand that he’s part of the package. He’s as much a part of me as your family is for you. When I wake up, he’s there. When I go to bed, he’s there. That’s part of my life.”

Twilight sighed. “I’ve been thinking a lot since we broke up about what ‘married’ actually means. It’s not just a sign that we like each other. It’s about joining two lives together. It means that everything you are becomes part of me, and everything I am becomes part of you. It’s a promise that every facet of our lives will become part of a joint existence. It’s creating one new life out of the lives we’ve both led.”

“I don’t think I’m ready for that,” Applejack admitted.

“Neither am I. It’s a huge decision and one that shouldn’t be rushed into. I meant what I said earlier. Getting married now would have been a mistake. We’re not ready.”

“’Cause of Spike?” Applejack asked.

“In part, yes. Wherever I go, he comes with me. He’s a part of everything I do, and he’s not going anywhere. I need you to understand that.”

“I do.”

“No, you know it. Now you need to understand it. He means to me what Apple Bloom means to you and it is very important to me that you get along with him. This won’t be hard. He already likes you.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “I thought he liked Rarity.”

“No, he has a crush on Rarity and it’s kind of adorable but that’s not what I meant. He likes you, Applejack. He was trying to impress you because he wanted to be part of the family.”

Applejack sighed. “You weren’t there, Twi. He was out of control.”

“So was I. I broke my leg trying to fit into your family, but you stuck with me through it all. Why couldn’t you do the same for him?” Applejack was silent for a few seconds, mulling over Twilight’s words, so she added, “Just give him a chance to be welcome. I think you’ll be surprised. I mean, he already hangs out with your brother so it’s not much of a stretch.”

Applejack nodded at that. “Yeah, that’s weird.”

“It’s not weird,” Twilight insisted. “You family and mine are blending together. That’s exactly what’s supposed to happen, if you’d just quit being so stubborn and let it.”

Applejack had no response to that. She felt weird about relying on Spike. She always had, even when she was with Twilight. It just didn’t feel right having a servant. Twilight called him an assistant, but that’s exactly what she saw: a worker pony who catered to Twilight’s needs, except that he was a dragon instead of a pony.

But at the same time, she felt guilty about making Spike feel unwelcome. She’d never even considered that angle before now. “So now you’re havin’ him spend the day with me so I can give him that chance?” she asked.

“Yes. To be honest, having Spike in my life was an adjustment too. Before I met you and the others, I didn’t see a lot of value in other ponies, and Princess Celestia stuck me with this dragon who was in my life all the time. For the first couple of moons, I hated him. He was a burden who got in the way of my studies, and I couldn’t stand him.”

“But he grew on you?”

“He did. He gave me companionship even when I didn’t think I needed it. Princess Celestia knew exactly what she was doing. She usually does. Being responsible for Spike helped me to learn how to appreciate and respect the presence of other ponies, even if I didn’t realize it at the time. Without him, I might never have been able to accept the friendships offered to me in Ponyville.”

Applejack nodded, thinking about what Twilight had said. “Reckon I never figured on how much he meant to you.”

“But you should have and that’s part of the problem. Spike is my family. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are my family. This castle is a huge part of my life. It always has been, it always will be, and you should have known that from the beginning. So this is where you’re going to start. 24 hours. Servants. Spike. Project. Do this and then we’ll talk again.”

“Are you certain this is what you want?” Princess Celestia asked. She walked with Twilight through the maze of passages that lined the castle. Stained glass windows depicting great moments in the history of Equestria flanked their passage. Starswirl the Bearded framed the Princess from behind as she asked her question, but was soon replaced by Clover the Clever.

“What I want is for none of this to have happened,” Twilight admitted. The emotional roller coaster in her gut still hadn’t resolved, and she was both apprehensive and terrified for how Applejack would take to her experiment. Part of her hoped that Applejack would fail so that she’d have a reason to cut it off now and walk away, but the other part hated even considering the idea.

Twilight confided in her mentor, “I don’t know what to do. It’s like there’s something stuck in my heart and it just won’t come out. I’m angry, but I feel guilty for being angry. I want to keep her from feeling hurt but I also want to hurt her. I want so badly just to put this behind us and be with her, but I don’t want her to hurt me again. I don’t know what the right thing to do is. It’s hard to see past the pain she’s caused me.”

“Oh, Twilight,” the Princess said gently. “Sometimes there isn’t a right answer. You must decide for yourself whether you want to give her another chance. Whatever you choose will be the right answer because it will be the answer that’s yours. No one else can decide this for you.”

Twilight sighed. “That wasn’t as helpful as I’d hoped it would be.”

“Well, let me ask you this. Do you believe in your heart that she will do this to you again?”

“She’s already done it to me twice! She’s done this to so many other ponies. She has a clearly established pattern with more than enough data points to work from. Logic dictates that she’s going to keep doing this, and should be treated as such until…”

“Until what?”

“…until suitable evidence exists that she’s not. But she can’t create data points of that type without more attempts. I just don’t know if I can give them to her.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes, adding, “And then there’s part of me that wants to give her this chance just so that I can pull it away. That part wants her to feel what I had to feel these last few days. It feels like she should have to hurt the way I did.”

“You believe that if you could push the pain you’re feeling back onto her, you’d be free of it.” Even now, Celestia spoke with a voice filled with compassion, free of judgment. She stopped walking, but looked concernedly at Twilight.

Walking next to her, Twilight was embarrassed for her own feelings. “Maybe,” she admitted, finding only love in the Princess’s eyes and feeling ashamed for even entertaining the idea.

“So this is about revenge?” Princess Celestia asked calmly and neutrally, as though asking for breakfast suggestions.

“…Well, when you say it like that, it sounds really bad.” Twilight sighed. “I almost wish she’d never said what she did about Rarity. This would be easier if I could just be angry. I want to be able to hate her and I hate thinking that, but I can’t help it. I feel longing when I see her, but I also feel revulsion. I want to be with her but I want her to hurt. I don’t understand it.”

“That’s love,” the Princess answered. “Love and hate are two sides of a coin, Twilight. Many ponies think of them as polar opposites, but that is a mistake. They’re different shades of the emotional investment you have in another pony’s life. The greater your love, the greater your capacity for hate when those feelings turn sour.”

Princess Celestia looked up, reflecting, “Hatred born of love is the most powerful and devastating feeling in the world. It drives a pony to terrible places. It brings them to do things they would never have been capable of before. Even the best of us can be made to embrace terrible cruelty when our love curdles.”

Princess Celestia reached out her wing, blanketing Twilight with it. “This choice is yours and nopony else’s. Whatever you decide, you will always have my support. Take the time that you need and think carefully about the kind of pony that you want to be.”

With that, the Princess withdrew her wing and began to walk again. Twilight started to take a step, but as the Princess moved away, she stopped. Behind where Princess Celestia had been standing was a stained glass window she knew well. At the top was Nightmare Moon, her heart filled with rage for everything she’d once protected. At the bottom, Twilight stood assembled with her friends and the Elements of Harmony, defending Equestria from Nightmare Moon’s pain.

Twilight shot a glance at the Princess as she walked away. Princess Celestia made no effort to call out to her or urge her to keep up, indicating their conversation was finished. Had she meant to stop here?

Twilight looked back up to the window and the events portrayed within. She tried to walk away, but found she couldn’t. She remembered the cruel glee on Nightmare Moon’s face, the incomprehensible malice she seemed to hold for everypony in Equestria. She thought of the love of her friends and the way she had felt when she came to depend on them. She thought of the savage pain straining against the bounds of her emotions, and she began to cry.

“Good evening, Luna,” Celestia said. She stood on the balcony, looking out at the horizon and watching the last light of day slip away. Her job was complete for today and, as if on cue, her sister had arrived to replace her.

“Sister,” Luna greeted her. “I’m told there was a mild commotion in the guest quarters.”

“Yes, I’m afraid that’s true. Applejack arrived unexpectedly.”

“That can’t have been pleasant.”

Celestia sighed. “I’m uncertain. Twilight is still trying to make sense of her feelings and I’m afraid Applejack may have only made them worse.”

“What are you going to do?” Luna asked.

Celestia whipped around, raising an eye to her sister. “Whoever said I was going to do anything? This is Twilight’s decision and hers alone.”

“Of course,” Luna replied sardonically. “So what are you going to do about her?”

“Nothing, of course. I said this is Twilight’s decision and I meant it. I would never dream of undermining her.” Luna stared flatly at her for a few seconds until, contemplatively, Celestia asked, “No, the question now is what am I going to do about Applejack?”

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