The Thunder Twist Chronicle

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 4 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 4
- Newest First
- Oldest First

-Inactive User-

-Inactive User- #1 · Jul 9th, 2012 · · ·

It's a good base. Now for the mean part. (Sorry.)
You repeat words, and it makes reading... odd. "This is an example." Said Bob. "Is it really?" Said Sue "Yes. It is." Said Bob.
It's something I encounter a lot. Also, i'm not saying it's anything wrong, but I find it much easier/better to write in the past tense. You have potential, and remind me of me, if that makes any sense.

distortedtruth92