Sands of Time

by Amaranthine Thought

Chapter 2

Taking some time to… calm down and breathe has helped immensely. The pain has thankfully faded on its own, and after cleaning myself, I feel far better. I only have minor cuts and bruises from the fall. And the pies that the pink one was throwing were actually very good. I almost regret not having more.

Seeing the gently sleeping Mirage and focusing on her helps my heart and soul to calm down. To help me regain the peace I once had, and silence the urge to hurt and kill those who dare to hurt me and her. Even now, those voices are loud.

I have found a shelter. A massive, ruined castle in the woods. For what reason it is here, I do not know. I have propped the fallen doors up, and the entry is large enough for me several times over. It will do for now.

I also found a thing to eat. Some beast, similar to myself, but with bat wings and an armored tail. It was filling, and the forest outside is oddly dangerous; filled with thorns and more beasts like the one I ate. No pony would enter this place willingly. Which is good.

If that is true, then we might not even have to look farther, and we can simply den here, in this ruined place.

Mirage herself is sleeping next to a pile of berry bushes I found for her. Her peace makes me smile.

So, other than a few lingering pains, I am calm, fed, and happy.

Mirage stirs. I feel eager for her to wake and speak. For the first time, I can speak back to her, the first time I can speak and be understood with a Mirage. My smile widens at the thought of it as I walk to her and wait.

She gives a faint groan, and blinks as she wakes. She stares at the bushes, and then looks around, confused.

Her gaze settles on my nearby paw, and she stares at it for several seconds before she looks up at me very slowly.

Then I am wincing, a sharp pain in my ears. Mirage is very fast. And loud. In a second, she is gone, and my ears are ringing with her scream. I shake my head, and spot her staring at me from some tiny doorway, eyes huge.

“Mirage!” I snap, irritated, making her start. “Why are you screaming?” I ask in her tongue, finding the words cumbersome, but not difficult. A little time and I won’t have any problem.

She does not respond, but her mouth does drop open. Is she hungry?

“…I have found you food.” I say, “Eat, if you desire.”

“…You talk…” she murmurs as if in awe.

I frown. “Yes, I speak. You, your mother, her mother, and her mother, all the way to Mirage the first, your long-ago ancestor, all spent time teaching me your tongue.” It grows easier the more I speak as well. But why is she confused?

“It’s true.” she whispers, soft enough I can barely hear her from so far.

“What is true?” I ask.

She starts a little. She seems to hesitate, uncertain, or even fearful for a few moments. That fades little as she asks me, “Are you… are you Kitty?”

“…I am.” I say, confused at how she is unsure. Maybe she got a little confused from the fall?

She steps toward me, cautiously, worriedly. It is almost as if she doesn’t truly know me, or even fears me. Perhaps she is simply upset and thinking about our flight? She needs comfort.

I lie down, making her jump a little at my action. “We are safe.” I tell her, keeping myself calm, despite her tension. “There is no need for fear.”

She comes up to me, but still has that note of tension. That impression she is ready to dart away at the slightest indication of something. I can see her wings spread slightly, ready to send her back and away.

Is… is she afraid of me? The thought is… a little painful, but perhaps, just perhaps, it is because I have grown so. I might be a little unfamiliar now. It must be that.

It can be nothing else.

I lie down, and remain still, waiting for her. Calm is best for this; just like my Mirage, she needs a little time to grow used to me. She will simply do so faster, surely.

She reaches out and touches at my paw, and I feel her hoof trembling faintly. She flinches at the touch before calming slightly, and truly feeling.

“…It’s… soft.” she murmurs.

“And at last, I can feel you.” I tell her, and see her start, but she doesn’t run.

“…What?”

“For so long, I could do nothing more than see and hear. But now, at last, after so very long, I can feel again.” I tell her, reveling in the feeling of her touch. “I can know your scent, feel your hoof, and live again. A thousand years and more I waited for this, denied for so long, but now… now, I have it once more.”

She blinks at me, as if a touch unsure how to react to that.

I only smile a little more, despite the slight pain of memory. “You should be proud.” I tell her. “Do you know why?”

“…Not really.” she says.

“You are Mirage the 39^th.” I tell her with pride. “The sole daughter of your mother, Mirage the 38^th, who in her own turn, was the sole daughter of her mother, Mirage the 37^th. The newest member of an unbroken lineage. I remember the first day you came to me, brought by your grandmother. The first book you read to me, the first time you came alone.”

My happiness dampens a little at my thoughts, but I persevere. I won’t let her sadness continue.

“I remember the first time you came to me in tears. The first time you screamed about bullies, and anger over authority. The time when your father left you, the time when your mother passed on. I remember every secret you told me, everything that made you sad or upset. I remember every night you came to me, to tell me of your hopes, dreams, pains, and angers. My heart bled when yours did, my anger matched your own, but for so long, I could do nothing. Until now.”

I see her frozen, blushing faintly. “…Everything?” she asks in a near squeak.

“Everything.” I tell her. “I won’t let you be so unhappy ever again. That I swear on the sand in my blood.”

I pause at that. The expression… another oddity. So familiar, and I know the importance of it, but I again fail to know why. All the time in stone, I never felt that sensation which plagued me at the beginning. It seems to be making a return.

Never mind it. I can find out later on, and it matters nothing or near nothing right now anyway.

I look at Mirage and she is… hiding her face. I wonder… I recall.

She often spoke to me of many things. Things which I suspect she never really intended to be heard. Having me hear them and remember them must be…

Wait.

She always knew I could hear. Every Mirage knew that, it was why they spoke to me, read to me. She came to me in confidence, as had her ancestors. She knows I would know those things. There is no cause for sudden embarrassment or concern. Unless… It can’t be, but…

The only possible explanation is if she truly hadn’t meant for those things to be heard, and spoke to me because… because she thought I couldn’t hear them. Which would mean she thought me…

“…Mirage?” I ask, and see her flinch. I have to know… I… I dread the answer, but I must know.

“…Did you… Did you think me… a statue alone?” I ask, and I cannot keep the pain from my tone. Did she?

She glances at me, and says, “Well… kind of.”

If she had taken a spear and thrust it into my heart, it would hurt less. Suddenly, it is all cast in doubt.

How many of them looked at me as nothing more than stone? How many of them only followed tradition, and either didn’t know or didn’t believe the truth of my life?

How many of them thought I was nothing but a statue?

“Kitty?” I hear her ask me.

The name hurts. I… I know it is true.

After Mirage the 7^th, the rest simply did less. She was the last who had ever pondered about me. The last one who had ever considered me. All the rest…

They had just followed tradition. Kept up what their ancestors had begun, and lost the reasons why they had done them.

I have been forgotten. The ages passed, and I was left behind in all but name alone.

“…Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” she asks, I see her. Worried, maybe concerned. I need to know.

“Tell me.”

“…What?”

“Tell me how you know of me. Tell me how you know my name.” I ask of her.

She stares at me for a moment before thinking.

“…Grandmother told me your name.” she says. “And she told me… she told me that, if I ever really needed help, to call for you.”

“Why?” I ask.

“Because…” she says rather slowly, thoughtfully, and I could almost be convinced she suspects my thoughts. She seems unsure as she continues. “Because she said that you were the ‘soul of the family’. And that, if I ever got really upset, I should call your name.”

“Because I would hear you?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “Because you were the symbol of us. The great creation of the first Mirage, the start of a legacy. Grandmother always said I should be proud to be a Mirage, but mom was… you never mattered anything to mom. She always said you were just stone, and that being a Mirage meant nothing more than being a part of a long line of… well, of stupid traditions that never had a point and never did anything for us except give us a name nopony could pronounce...”

That is enough. So, now I know.

How many of them must have thought much the same? I was trapped in stone, and they forgot me. They forgot the reasons why it all began. Why they carried the name, why they came to speak to me.

The only reason I kept myself, the one reason I hadn’t given in to madness was because of the unbroken line of them. Because…

Because I cared for them. Because I thought that if I gave up, I would fail them, hurt them. And it turns out that it wouldn’t have mattered.

Because I did nothing for them. Because I was just a symbol, just the work of some ancestor they knew nothing of and cared nothing for. Because I was a duty that weighed them down.

Mirage the 39^th has revealed that to me. Her surprise, her fear, it all makes sense now.

She never imagined me to be real. She never thought I was actually listening to anything, that I would hear her voice. She didn’t call for me when she was being taken.

She had called for strength from the half-believed tales of her grandmother. She had come in the night looking for that same strength, not because I could hear, but just so she could yell and sob where others wouldn’t see and hear her.

All my reasons, all my pain… All that I endured, all that I have heard and seen and suffered in helplessness…

I must have done so in vain for over eight centuries.

My heart feels… it is agony that has no physical reason. It bites at me, tears at me, rips at me.

Countless memories suddenly sour with the realization. They echo in my head, the knowledge of it all hurts. It… hurts more than I can endure.

I close my eyes, try to resist, but…

Even my pride is not enough. All that I based myself on has been taken from me. The ages of time have proven me a fool.

I cry. Despite trying not to, I feel the tears escaping. I do not even have the strength to lie about it now.

I… I don’t know what to do. What to think, what to imagine.

It is just like when I feared my Mirage leaving me behind, except this time, this time they have. This time, I have gone into the woods, and ripped Mirage the 39^th from her place of choice. Dragged her with me because I thought…

Because I thought that they had cared for me.

I… I think I can hear something, feel something. I listen, and hear Mirage.

…She is on me, holding my head, telling me soothing things. In this pain, I cannot understand her. They are simply soothing sounds…

Just like my Mirage once spoke to me so long ago. In my pain, she tries to sooth me, just as her ancestor once did the same…

Why? Why would she? She cannot be concerned about me. It must be something else…

…

“…Why?” I ask, my voice ragged.

“Why what?” she asks me, rubbing at my head.

“…Why do you try to comfort me?”

“…Because… I… I don’t like seeing you upset. I… I feel as if we are… connected. Even if I never thought you could hear. Even if I never really thought you were alive. You’re… important to me.”

“You ran from me in fear.” I say.

“Because you’re… really big and terrifying. And I was tired and confused, and… look, I’m sorry, alright? Just… please stop crying.”

“…I was forgotten,”

“But now you’re back.” she interrupts. “And I remember you.”

“You do not.”

“I do too. You’re Kitty, the savior of Mirage the first. You got turned to stone by the twin princesses, and placed in front of the library, there to be and watch over us all.”

“…How,”

“Great grandmother believed with all her heart, that’s how. She might have died before I was born, but I once got my hooves on her diary when grandmother wasn’t looking. The day I read you that foal’s book, I thought you were just a statue, and a way to make reading fun. The day I read that diary, I always, always knew that you cared. In some… weird, stony sort of way, but I knew it.”

“…”

“And listen. Mom was wrong. You are important, and even when I thought you were just stone, you were super important to me. You know why?”

“…No.”

“By being there. By listening. By just existing, you made it easier for me to put up with all the garbage I had to put up with. Just the thought of you being there, caring about me, was enough to help me through the worst days of my life. I would have given up a long time ago if you hadn’t been there. So, maybe a lot of us forgot about you. Maybe we all sort of thought that you were a big statue, and that you couldn’t hear and that you weren’t really alive.”

“But you’re free now. I can feel your fur and warmth. I can see your eyes and face move, hear your voice. And maybe you’re terrifying, and maybe you’re a bit too big with way too many sharp teeth and huge claws, but… You’d never hurt me. You care for me. You want me to be happy, hate it when I’m upset.”

“And… I hate it when you’re upset.” she adds in a slightly tight whisper. “So, please, please stop crying. I’m here. I won’t leave you. …There, together, forever… right?”

I listen to her, and I have ceased crying. She does her best, and I can hear her truths. Maybe I was forgotten.

But I was never truly left behind. They all recalled, they all continued. Perhaps never as well as they once had, but not one of them hadn’t gone to speak with me. Not one had ever broken the tradition, none had failed to keep visiting me.

And now her. The last of them.

She has pulled the spear free, and has slowed the flow of blood with her words.

It is as if she is the reincarnation of my Mirage.

“…There. Together. Forever.” I repeat.

She flies from my head, to hover in front of me, and gives me a bright smile. One perhaps a touch forced, but it is there.

I manage to smile back.

“…Thank you.” I tell her.

“Just doing what’s right.” she says, and I see her yawn. “You feeling better?”

“Much. It grows late. I feel tired, and I suspect the same for you. It might not be much of a den here, but by my side, you may find warmth in this ruined place.”

She looks around, and she seems to notice the castle for the first time. She hesitates, and then flies to my back, and I feel her land upon me.

“Soft.” I hear her murmur, settling down.

“Am I?”

“Very. It’s almost weird.”

“Think of it like a little gift.” I tell her, and feel her chuckle. “Sleep. Nothing will come to you when I am here.”

“…Thanks Kitty.”