Messa Little Gungan, Poop Jokes are Magic

by Dez Keiz

A Face Only Lucas Could Love.

Author's Note:

WTF? If you willingly clicked on this fic you must be new to my page. If you have yet to read, "Oh Hia Cutie Mark." Then you have no idea what you are in for. At least read the comments to find out why being here is a mistake. If you have read "Oh Hia Cutie Mark" and are willingly reading this, I would suggest that you seek mental help as no sane person would read that torture method and then continue onto something like this. But hey, your suffering is my pleasure.

The shadow of a Imperial Star Destroy cast it's dark shadow of shadowy darkness over the grasslands and forrest of Naboo. The sound of screaming TIE fighters roared across the lands with the might of a thing that is mighty. Small animals ran for cover as Imperial transport craft landed in the fields. Stormtroopers marched out of the transports and began to search the perimeter for any threats.

An Imperial Shuttle Landed and out stepped a man in an high ranking officer's uniform stepped out. The stormtroopers saluted him as a trooper in commander armor walked up to him.

"Welcome to Naboo Moff Stew Pid-Naim." Spoke the Commander.

The Moff, seemingly unitrested, replied with,"Yes yes, how go the preparations?"

"Very well sir, we have encountered no issues and we have been operating smoothly."

As the commander spoke those words a stormtrooper tripped over a rock and accidentally fired his gun. The blast hit another stormtrooper who let out a wilhelm scream.

Pid-Naim looked at the dead stormtrooper and sighed,"Just begin construction."

Over the next few days a hidden base would be contsructed within the Naboo forrest. It would be heavily gaurded as it was built to hide a dark secret. The native gungans were weary to this but decided not to interfere as they were cowards. Whent the base was complete it was subject to constant guard rotations.

In the middle of the day two stormtroopers stood on top of the gate enterance to the base. These two were JK68 and JK70. This particular legion of stormtroopers has no JK69 designation as the rest of the stormtroopers giggled whenever a surperior would call that designation out.

JK68 looked to JK70 and said,"Hey."

"Yeah." JK70 replied.

"Do you ever wonder why we're here?"

"Because our shift has us stand guard here at this time."

"Oh yeah," JK68 looked down than back to JK70 "wait what are we guarding?"

"I don't know man, something top secret."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, that's why it's a secret."

"Oh, maybe it's a birthday present for the Emperor."

"Yeah, sure."

About ten minutes of silence passes then JK68 feels the need to speak again.

"Man this is borring."

"Yeah well," Yawned JK70, "It's a job man."

"Ya know, my cousin says he is gonna be on some fancy new space station. Says it supposed to be secret but not really."

"If it's secret then why did he tell you?"

"I guess you can't really hide a giant station."

"Good point, but come on, out here in nature, much better than some cramped space station."

"They are going to have a pool."

"So what, Naboo has an entire lake."

"Fuck that, JK34 went swimming last week while on break and contracted some horrible flesh eating bacteria."

"Well, that station still can't beat the open air of na-"

"They have a theatre too."

"Really? Damn our position does suck."

"And the station is probably safer too, I bet something that defended can fight off any rebel attack."

JK70 started laughing, "Ooooh look it me I'm a little X-Wing I think I can take on the Empire."

JK68 made starfighter noises, "Woosh woosh, cover me, Im gonna destory the big sation with just my little fighter."

"Man we need to request a transfer, I bet nothing bad will ever happen to the guys on that thing."

Unknown to the two troopers they were being watched from the trees. A tall and slender Gungan spied on them. He stood up from his perch on a tree branch but quickly fell down and rolled across the bushes and right to the gate. He got up and looked at the stormtroopers.

"Hello," It spoke, "Can yousa let messa in, messa need to use yousa toilet to make icky icky goo."

The two stormtroopers looked at each other.

JK68 pointed his gun at him, "Do we shoot it?"

"I don't know man, I think we take it prisoner." Suggested JK70.

"I want to shoot it."

JK68 fired a shot at the creature, who was standing still, and missed. He fired a few more times continuing to miss. He lowered his gun.

"Fuck it, take him prisoner."

The two escorted him into the base, since they did not know what to do with him they looked for the highest ranking officer, who happened to be the Moff. They somehow ended up getting into a guarded room simply by telling the guards it was a prisoner trasnfer. The room has several computers and power generators in it all hooked up to a circular arch in the center of the room. The two presented the prisoner to the Moff.

The Moff looked at the prisoner and then at the two stormtroopers.

"Why did you bring me this...thing?" The Moff asked?

The Gungan looked at the Moof,"They-sa take me to use yousa toilet."

"And just who are you."

"Oh, Messa Jar Jar Binks."

(I threw up a little after writting that sentence.)

"You two idiots, you should not have brought him here, we are about to experiment."

"What experiment?" asked JK70.

"Since you will likely be executed I see no harm in telling you." Pid-Niam looked at the arch,"We are creating a portal, this will allow the Empire to go to other dimensions to aquire their weapons and technology for ourselves. We won't just be a Galactic Empire, we will be a cross Dimensional Empire. Multiple realities will be ours to control. We will be unstopable and conquer all that oppos-"

In the middle of the speech Jar Jar slipped away and made his icky icky goo all over the arch, power generators, and computers. This somehow caused everythiing to get all fucked up and start exploding. Suddenly a bright light formed in the arch and expanded sucking in all contents of the room as well as a few troopers. The base began to collapse in on itself. Speeder bikes, TIE fighters, walkers, and other equipment was sucked in. Soon the Moff, Jar Jar, JK68 and JK70 were all sucked in. The light exploded leaving only the arch it orignated in.

___________
Pinkie Pie and Apple Jack sat at Sweet Apple Acres watching the clouds. The peace was disturbed by a several flashed of white in the sky. A white rift seemd to tear across the heavens and land somewhere in the Everfree. Other shots of light went into the desert. All the light shots seemed to be coming from a swirling portal in the sky which disappeared.

Pinkie Pie turned to AJ and asked,"Apple Jack, did a portal to another universe just open...again?"

AJ sighed, "It sure did."

"And has our spelling and grammar been severely redueced?"

"Yup."

"Which means."

"Yup, it's another Dez Keiz fanfiction."

"Ah fuck."

Comments

[Rainbow_Blitz246]

I do not know why I treat myself to this........ After a year of therapy I am more sane since the last story. Now I am forcing myself to read this one. Why have I not died or succeeded in taking my life all the other times? Allah, where are you?