Prologe:REVAMP
*Note*:if you'v watched king of the hill youll get this story if you dont get it get the hell out
Note:crude words and stuff.
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"yup"
"yup"
"mmmhmmmm"
"yup"
"so i heard there going to open that new home deepo down near megalo mart"hank said
"why whould they put it near megalo mart won't that caus bad buisnes or something" bill implied
"i heard there going to start sorting places vegas style" dale pointed out
"i tell you what man dang'o vegas man has a liquer store next to a dang'o grocery store next to a dang nail salon"boomhower said in his usuel fast paced voice.
"well thats sound's veary assinyin but thats progres for ya alwas giving a low blow when you least expect it"hank said in a anoyed tone.
then out of no where jhon red corn drives by in his jeep all damadged like it has been attacked or something then he gets out of the jeep with a tromotized look.
"dale i need your help with a pest problem!" jhon said to dale
"wow you look pretty beat up.where you mawed by a bear or somthin?"dale asked jhon
"no this is a bug problem"he said
dale,bill,boomhower,and hank where shocked to here it was bugs that totaled him and probebly his jeep.
"how could bugs do that to you jhon"hank said in shock.
"these things are huge and theye look like ponys for some odd reason"he explained
"theye must be ether the experamental insect creatures from area 51 or radioactive bugs cross mutated with horses"dale told the gang.
"if you need help we can pitch in"hank told jhon.
bill and boomhower agreed with fear and excitement and the possibility of free beer.
so then they all when't to jhon redcorns new age healing center in dales bug'a'bego to chek on the problem.
when they got there the place was coverd in a weird dark green weeb and there the giant insects where patrolling the area.
they fit the discreption that jhon gave eairler.
"my god!"hank whisperd in the bug a bego that was hidin behind a shack on the othere side of the road.
"ok every one grab a spray wand and a bat and we will charge in there like hell"dale whisperd to the others
"i don't know if it's a good idea.shouldent we call the army or somthing of the sort's"hank wispered
dale looked at hank with disgust on his face as if he took an insult."like hell im letting the goverment take an exterminators job"dale yelled
then in near seconds the bug a bego was surrounded by the insects.
"dale you jiblet head!"hank yelled as if he didn't care eny more.
"get out of the wagon!" the insect yelled
they all got out of the bug a bego with there hands up.
the insects took them deeper into the forest that was next to jhon redcorns place as if they where taken hostage.
then a suprising sight be held them when theye saw there queen apered out of a minecraft like portal made of glass.
the qween was a taller version of the insects with long hair a misshaped horn with holes in it's wings and legs.
"so you are the tresspasers"the queen yelled
"tresspassers?! your on my land!"jhon yelled twords the queen
"well your land belongs to the changling empire now"she said in pride.
"what?"hank sead in confusion.
"of cours you have not heard of us for we are not from this world"the qween replied.
"i knew it your all aliens!!!"dale scremed.
"shut up dale!"hank replied in anoyenced.
"enough!"the qween yelled then comanded the insects to kill them but then the portal started to glow in a spectrum form then the gang got sucked into it and theye all scremed in fear as theye got sucked in.
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it was a peacfull day in ponyville the sun has rissin and dew drops droped from the plants and trees
twilight sparkle has finally finished every book in her libary.
"well i could go to sweet apple acres to help out apple jack!"she sead confidently.
but when she got there all the work was finished and apple jack was bored to.
so they went to shuger cube corner to bake with pinky pie but to see that all the supplies where used up during today's sales so pinky was bored as well.
theye wen't to raitys shop only to find it has been a veary slow day for her and it was closing time so she was planing on passing time to.
they wen't to fluttershys cottadge only to find that her cottadge was getting fumegated of fire ants,termited,bedbugs,and espestus.so she joined the others and all of them decited to visite rainbow dashes hose and whould you know it she was bored as well but also excited that she finally perfected the sonic rainboom.
theye all where at her house thinking on what to do next.
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"agh dammit"hank said as he woke up
"dale,boomhower,bill,jhon where are you?"he mumbled to himself as he looked around
he saw trees all arowned him as he wiped his eyes with his...hoof?
he ran to the nearest puddle and he was shocked to see his reflection.he had been turned into a pony
and then he let out his signature.
"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
the sound echode all over ponyville.
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"what the hay was that?"pinky pie yelled as she herd hank's bwaa
"was that an animal in pain?"twilight said
"oh i hope it's ok."fluttershy whisperd
"we should chek it out."rainbow dash implied.
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earlyer befor the bwaa dale,bill,boomhower,and jhon r started to wake up.
"ugh.is everyone allright?"dale asked as his eyes where closed.
"my head hurt's"bill moaned with his eyes closed as well.
"did enybody get the licence plate on that truck?"jhon said with his eyes closed.
"dang ol.ow"boomhower said with HIS eyes closed as well.
the 4 opend there eyes and the guy's where all shocked at looking at each other and themselvs as theye had turned into pony's.
"my god"bill said as he looked at them as well as him self.
bill was a red earth pony with a black mane and a cutie mark with two scissors crossing each other.
dale was a grey pegusi with a brown mane whereing his sun glasses and signiture hat with a cutie mark that bared the image with a cigeret duck taped to a police pistol.
boomhower was a tan unicorn with a blond mane baring a cutie mark of a eight ball.
jhon red corn was a burgendy earth pony with a cutie mark of a buffalo surounded in healing erbs.
then they heard hank's bwaa near them.
"damn hillbilly redneck here too?!"said a voice near them
the 4 turned there heads to see a dark grey pegusi with a green mane with a cutie mark of a martiny glass.
"khan?"dale,bill,boomhower,and jhon sead to the pegusis.
"ya it's me."he said then looked around and then asked"where redneck ring leader?"
The spelling errors makes it hard to enjoy this.
Normally I would just point out all your errors but HOT DAMN. There're more snafus here than at the Bay of Pigs.
Oh, wow.
871327 Oh, playing that card I see, good work.
871355 Usually I can come up with at least ONE piece of advice. But here...it's just a big mess.
The plot's unoriginal, the grammar and spelling is BEYOND atrocious (although good work with the dialogue double spacing) to the point where I can barely read it. And there's barely any flow or pacing or descriptions.
Dufaq did I just read? 871371 Mornin'.
871538 Mornin'. And I honestly don't know. This is a first for me.
871553 I think one of us should do a ranting lecture on the crossover genre. I've been checking out the crossover page, and it seems like crossovers bomb more than anything else besides HiEs and self inserts.
871560 I'll do it later, right now is sleepy sleep time.
871571 Alrighty then, if my brain can sort itself out by noon I'll start hittin' the books for material.
*TRIES to read this...*
*Puts gun up to head*
I've got nothing to say, so this is what I think the author is doing:
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSJOMjAxMi8wNy8wNy8wNV8wOF8zOF8yMDJfMzUxMTNfX3NhZmVfcmFpbmJvd19kYXNoX2ZsdXR0ZXJzaHlfYW5pbWF0ZWRfZmFpYwY6BkVU/35113__safe_rainbow-dash_fluttershy_animated_creepy_nightmare-fuel_rape-face_faic.gif
871713 god that scared me, troll artists ;3
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/21250194.jpg
871312
I throw my hooves up in the air sometimes,
Saying ai-yo,
Gotta let go,
I wanna celebrate and live my life,
Saying ai-yo,
Baby let's go...
Overall impression of the story:
seems like something out of Half-Life: Full-Life Consequences
This feels like a satire of bad fanfiction writing like the writer wrote all the gwammer probms and missplls unpearlfess LOL
omg i didn't think id get this much comments!!
im not that good at spelling but at least theres more than 1koth mlp fan fic
871371 i apreciate the critisisum but there was only one koth mlp fan fic so i couldent resist makeing dis
These were my thoughts when i read the title:
These were my thoughts as I read the beging:
These were my thoughts when i scrolled through sentences of mis-pelling:
This is what happened when I finished:
875449 ya im not that good at spelling but did you like the story part.
beacous im trying to improov.
and this is the only other koth mlp fanfic i know of in this website.
Oh yah. I love the way your goin with the storyline. It's just that you need a better way to provoke it...in a more "readable" way. But anyways, lovin the storyline. Peace out my fellow brony.
875608 well the 2nd chapter is hopefully going better now that im not half asselp becaus i was on the first chapter.
so sorry the spelling sucked.
875615 I know how you feel. (im tired like a mothur fuqer) Im making a first person documentary about rainbow dash!
Not sure if serious or trollfic
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSI5MjAxMi8wNy8wMy8xM180NV8wMV8xM18yOTg2Nl9fc2FmZV9hbmltYXRlZF9tYWNyb19ubwY6BkVU/29866__safe_animated_lyra_bon-bon_minuette_image-macro_golden-harvest_cherry-berry_the-super-speedy-cider-squeezy-6000_lucky_merry-may_no_comet-tail.gif