Don't. Just... Don't
Part 5
Don't. Just... Don't
The Doctor hummed as he attached a few more wires to the empty Cyberpony helmet, a few mumbled lyrics about show ponies working their way in. He plugged his jury-rigged scanner into the TARDIS control and tapped a few more buttons. “Okay! We should be able to follow the teleport stuff right to its source now. Shouldn't we, Old Girl?” He patted the console, which spouted a gout of smoke right in his face. “Oh, don't be like that. We'll go where you want to go next time.” The Doctor laughed as he exited the TARDIS, where Derpy, Wordsmith, Shining Armor, and Princess Celestia waited.
“All right, girls! Time to go. Don't worry your pretty young head, Little Tia.” Celestia bit her lip to keep a laugh at bay. “We'll be back with that statue before you even know it. Hopefully literally.” When his companions didn't move, his brow furrowed. “Come along, girls. We really are actually pressed for time, strange as that sounds.”
Wordsmith stepped forward with a sad smile on her face. “Actually, Doctor. I don't think I'll be coming along on this one.”
“What?”
“I told you in Ponyville. I've gotten old, by normal Equestrian standards at least. I just don't have it in me to go gallivanting around time and space and who knows what else running for my life anymore.”
The Doctor gazed at Wordsmith for a moment. “Are you sure about that, Wordsmith?”
She nodded even as her smile twitched. “I think so. You don't really need me, anyway. You have Derpy. Doesn't he, Derpy?”
“You betcha!”
The Doctor considered this for a moment more, then nodded. “If you say so,” he agreed. “Come along then, Derpy.”
Derpy smiled broadly and skipped into the TARDIS. The Doctor turned to Celestia, who smiled. “Good luck, Doctor,” she said.
“Hmph. Since when have I needed luck?” The Doctor grinned. Celestia raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Yes, well I can still pretend, can't I?” The Doctor turned to enter the blue barn, then stopped and looked back at Wordsmith for a moment. Suddenly, she found herself enveloped in a very tight, very brown hug. “Goodbye, my Wordsmith,” the Doctor said. “Now that you know where I've put down stakes, as I believe the saying goes, be sure to drop by for a visit. No need to announce yourself ahead of time. If I'm not home, just give me five minutes.”
The Doctor disengaged the hug and, with a wide, manic smile, trotted into the TARDIS, leaving an absolutely astonished Wordsmith staring at a disappearing blue barn. “He... he said goodbye. Properly!” the stunned mare sputtered.
Celestia's smile was warm, with a bit of mirth. “And, moreover, he invited you to visit.”
“He has a place to visit!” Wordsmith turned to Celestia, a quizzical expression on her face. “Is she really that special?”
“Oh, my dear Wordsmith. All my little ponies are special. But she's certainly something special to him.” Celestia chuckled. “Sometimes my ponies surprise even me, though none more than the Doctor.”
Wordsmith stayed rooted where she was for a moment, and the Princess did not seem particularly inclined to move yet either. They were both waiting to see if the TARDIS would appear within the next few seconds, mission completed. We should start a betting pool on how far he'll miss this time, a mischievous portion of Wordsmith's brain thought. Out loud she said, “Ah, Princess? I've been meaning to ask... have you and he ever...?”
“Yes, we traveled for a time, along with Luna. It was around 1,500 years ago now, and shortly after he separated with you.”
“Should I be concerned that I know exactly how that works?”
Celestia couldn't help but smirk. “Probably.”
~DrW~
“Now, here's the thing, Derpy. Gallopfreyan telepads are able to send a pony across both space and time, not entirely unlike a TARDIS. Yes, dear, I'm getting to that.” The Doctor couldn't keep his glee hidden even if he wanted to. There was simply nothing quite like charging blindly into the unknown, no matter what the circumstances. “The big issue with them is that your destination is absolutely fixed before you leave, and unless you have a return bracelet you are basically stuck upon arrival. Not a bad means of conveyance if you just want to take a two week long vacation during the First Golden Age of Equestria, or if mummy's gotten sick and you need to see her fast, but absolutely rubbish for traveling.”
“So we could be going anywhere and anywhen?” Derpy asked, trying to stay situated on the Doctor's sofa.
“That's the basic gist of it. We won't know where the teleport stuff is leading us until we get a bit closer to the source. But it isn't that big a deal because we should land practically on top of it.” The Doctor cast a quick glance at a suddenly flashing readout. “Well, within about two weeks and a hundred square kilometers. Wait. Are you sure you can't narrow the margin just a bit? Don't get like that with me, I took plenty of... No, it did not occur to me to... Hey! Where do you get off insulting my age?”
Derpy smiled as she felt the prickles of mildly amused annoyance buzzing in the back of her head. “Yeah, he's a stupid-face,” she agreed.
“Oi,” was the Doctor's annoyed response. “I don't need the two of you ganging up on me right now. This operation is very...” A sudden shake nearly shook the Doctor loose from the console, and successfully knocked Derpy to the floor. “...Delicate,” he finished lamely. “Derpy, it looks like I'm going to need an extra pair of hooves. Can you hold the shaky lever thingie down for me?”
“Sure thing!” Derpy responded as she got up off the floor and held down the indicated lever.
“Perfect!” That mad smile was plastered on the Doctor's face again. “Here we go. Second star to the right, straight on 'till morning, onwards and upwards, and my personal favorite even though I've already said it once today, allons-y!”
~DrW~
“Where are we, Doctor?” Derpy asked when the shaking finally stopped.
“Hmmm, looks like a planet called... Anthrax? Someone has a strange sense of humor,” the Doctor replied. “We're actually only a few light years away from the edge of the universe, and about three thousand years in the future.” The Doctor almost, almost, squee'ed. “I've honestly never been here before, isn't that fantastic? Let's go see what's out there.”
The Doctor's enthusiasm dropped instantly when he stepped outside. “Oh look. Rocks.”
“Oh, come on, Doctor,” Derpy laughed. “We're probably just parked in a cave or something to hide the TARDIS is all. Now come along.”
“Oi! You don't tell me to come along. I tell you to come along,” the Doctor protested as he matched pace with his excitable companion.
It only took the two ponies a couple of minutes to exit out of the cavern and into daylight. They stopped short less than four steps out, their eyes almost bugging out of their heads. It was, quite literally, a battlefield. A small group of ponies, armed with weaponry that the Doctor recognized as being about two hundred years out of date by universal standards, battling what seemed to be an entire contingent of Cyberponies. To be more accurate, the ponies were being slaughtered by the Cyberponies. The Doctor and Derpy slowly met eyes, then wordlessly crept back into the cave.
~DrW~
Another scream, another pony down. Sole Survivor swore as he blasted the head off the Cyber responsible, before taking to the air with a beat of his ash gray wings, taking after another target. He was no fool. He knew the outcome of this battle. They were just too outnumbered and too outgunned. But he would be damn sure to take as many of the metal devils out as possible before he went. He weaved and dove, avoiding red bolts of searing energy with a practiced ease. He brought another Cyber into the sights of his rifle and with a quick pull of his hoof, another enemy was removed from the board.
A searing pain tore through Sole Survivor's left wing, sending him hurtling to the ground. Looking up, a Cyber was standing immediately above his head, aiming its shoulder mounted blaster between his eyes. Here we go. Last one, Sole Survivor thought as he brought his rifle to bear.
“Hey! You lot!”
The sudden, booming voice was the first surprise. The second was that every Cyber in the area immediately turned and trained their weapons on the source. Sole Survivor stumbled to his hooves and turned his head in the direction the sound came from. Then came the third surprise. Why the hay would a single brown earth pony in a trench coat cause the entire Cyber contingent to—for lack of a better word—panic?
The strange pony had situated himself on the top of the highest hill in the field, with a megaphone perched atop a tripod in front of him. “Okay,” the strange pony said, a smile evident in his voice even if he was too far to see clearly. “Looks like that got your attention.” The stranger turned behind him and gestured, and a gray mare stepped into view, black goggles covering her eyes, strange black cylinders strapped to her sides like saddlebags. He turned back to the megaphone. “I'd advise all organic ponies to hold their breath for just a moment.”
The strange pony turned and pulled something on the mare's pack, the “saddlebags” erupting in a burst of smoke and flame. The pair of projectiles the two ponies launched flew into the air above the battlefield before exploding into a dull yellow cloud with hints of sparkles flashing throughout.
As the cloud descended upon the field, Sole Survivor obediently held his breath. The cloud was a fine metallic dust that didn't seem to be especially harmful, so what could the point behind it possibly be? Then he heard the popping. All around him the Cybers began twitching and spazzing, sparks erupting from shoulders, knees, and necks. Sole Survivor's eyes widened as every Cyber on the field fell over, useless pieces of scrap metal.
Between his injuries and the distance between himself and the hill, Sole Survivor was the last of the surviving ponies to reach the stranger. He nodded in approval when he saw that his crew had the pair stopped at gunpoint; a years-long war with the Cybers made Anthrax's surviving ponies more than a little paranoid. He was somewhat surprised by the pair's reaction to having weapons trained upon them. They had obediently planted their flanks and had their forehooves in the air, but the stallion had an annoyed look on his face, and the mare was outright smiling.
“Now why is it that every new place we go, the locals' first reaction is to point guns at us?” the stallion asked.
The mare looked at her companion—at least, Sole Survivor figured that's where she was looking, it was difficult to tell with those eyes—and responded, “It's probably because you're so weird, Doctor.”
“Look who's talking, Miss Googly Eyes.”
“My eyes aren't weird, they're cute. Ask anypony.”
Sole Survivor actually felt an eye begin to twitch. Who acted this way when surrounded and threatened? The mare seemed to be mentally deficient somehow, so that might explain her, but the stallion?
“I know what you're thinking,” the stallion interrupted Survivor's thoughts, looking him dead in the eye. “And I'll have you know it's not very charitable.”
Sole Survivor cocked his head. “Oh, and what am I thinking?”
“Well, obviously you're thinking I'm mad and my companion here is, to use the crude language of the layman, retarded.” The strange stallion actually tsk'ed at him. “To be fair, you're completely right about me, but to assume mental deficiency based off a childlike enthusiasm and an ocular disorder? Shame on you.”
“Yeah, shame on you, you big jerk,” the mare responded, her smile just as wide as before.
“What makes you so sure that's what I was thinking?” Survivor asked.
“Simple,” the stallion responded. “That's what everyone who meets us thinks!” He actually wiggled his eyebrows at that. “I'm beginning to think we don't make a very good first impression.”
Sole Survivor had to massage his temples for a second. “Do you know what your current situation is?”
“Well, of course I do. Why would you think otherwise? I mean, look! Hooves in the air and everything.” Suddenly the stallion's expression turned cool. “I should remind you, though, that we just single-hoofedly stopped an entire regiment of Cyberponies dead, without doing any harm to you and yours. Do you really think I wouldn't be able to get out of this if I so chose?”
The two stallions held each others' gazes for a moment, then Sole Survivor motioned to his ponies to lower their weapons. “Now, who are you?” he asked.
The coated stallion smiled broadly, suddenly all hyperkinetic energy. “I'm the Doctor, and this is my companion Derpy. Now, if you would...”
“Don't you say it,” the mare called Derpy muttered.
“Aw, you never let me say it,” the Doctor responded.
“Because it's silly and never gets us anywhere good.”
“Yeah, I'm pulling an executive veto on you.”
“I didn't vote for you.”
“Your country is a principality that's been ruled by the same princess for over a thousand years. You don't vote.”
Sole Survivor coughed into his hoof.
“Oh, so sorry,” the Doctor said, an irritatingly happy smile on his face. “As I was saying before being so rudely interrupted, 'take us to your leader.'”
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I love the way Derpy and the Doctor interact. Their chemistry is wonderful.
amazing
I am, for lack of an awesomer word, Loving this
Anthrax?
As in, the disease?
Fantastic as always, but I can't help thinking that might be a hole in my DW knowledge...
1297336
Yes, Anthrax as in the disease. Hence the line about "someone having a strange sense of humor." There's no Dr. Who hole in your knowledge. I made it up
i say, jolly good show old boy, this is one splendid work of literature
kudos to you, kudos
also...were you watching monty python and the holy grail when you named that planet?
the planet anthrax
the castle anthrax
gawd damn it Doctor... that was corny is over 20 different languages... and about 2 universes worth... I think even the cyberponies felt pity from that comment.
1298345
Filled with nothing but blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half?
951947 ba-da-ba-ba-ba~
'Take us to your leader.'
Leave it to the Doctor to make a brilliant comeback and then... ruin it with that. Bravo good sir you have captured the Doctor perfectly!
She's at least 600 years older than him, given the times you have provided for us.
I can shake the feeling that you are referencing Fallout with the Sole Survivor,
are you?