1. The Dream Team
Another evening fell upon Ponyville, as the princess of the night, Luna, dreamed of simple happiness on an amusement park ride. “We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon. But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales and sing a whaling tune!”
Princess Luna clopped her hooves in excitement. “Splendid singing, once more, once more!”
As the animatronic whalers kept on singing, Princess Luna started to feel a bit nauseous. All of a sudden, the singing stopped and the amusement park ride disappeared, leaving Luna in a dark void.
“No… no, not again, we thought we got rid of it!”
Shadows around her started zooming by, forming into the shape of a familiar foe.
“Art thou… our Tantabus!?”
The booming figure did nothing but stare intently at the frightened princess. Silence lasted for what seemed like forever before an unknown voice echoed through. “You really think the magic of a single town will stop this misty beast?”
Princess Luna gasped with confusion before replying. “Who art thou, and why do you know about our Tantabus!?”
The voice whooped a chuckle that gave the princess a chill up her royal spine. “Sweetheart, do ya really think it is gonna matter if you know who I am? In the end, neither you or your fellow princesses will have the power to defeat me. I’m a force of destruction in the demon form, and everyone will follow suit into my, how you say, buck-box. I’m gonna rule your universe, and then, the multiverse…”
Luna had enough of the voice’s antics. “Stop dodging our questions and show thyself to us you fiend!”
The voice chuckled once more. “I won’t show myself to you, but I will give you a title. I am a demon god, but not the demon god you’re thinking of. Just remember, if we do meet in person, I’m going to sick this beast onto you and send you straight to the dumpster.”
The voice’s manic laughter grew so loud that it woke the princess up from her slumber. “We can’t believe it… we need help. But if Ponyville itself can’t stop the Tantabus this time, who shall we need our help from?” Luna pulled up the Ultimate Book of Addresses to find someone who might help her out. “Princess Cadence? No, probably has her own problems to deal with at the moment. Prince Rutherford? Nah, he’ll probably start another needless war. Discord? Not at all, he’ll just make things worse for us in general. Baron Zeppeli? No, hamon probably doesn’t work on dreamscape creatures.”
After a few minutes of searching, Princess Luna found the address she was looking for. “The Order of Harmony Corps - Time Patrol Division, Iguana Street, Conton City. Maybe they might have a way to help.”
~~~
“Alright, maybe if this machine works, Garter will see me like the great father I am.”
Trunks’ partner stared awkwardly at him. “You seriously need some counseling.”
Just as the ingenious Saiyan and Zebra duo worked on their machine, a burst of light filled the lab. “Jeez, any brighter and you could’ve blinded the entire ci-OH! Your highness, what do you entail?” said the Zebra.
“We don’t think we’ve met, and art thou?”
“Oh yes, I’m Eventide Mario Zeppeli, I’m pretty sure you know my mother. I’m working with Trunks Briefs on a new project.”
The machine was a huge mechanical beauty, a giant capsule connected to a huge, movie theater-esque monitor. “Yes, just as Agent Eventide said, this machine is a new vast project we’ve been working on. Anyone who sleeps in this capsule will have their dreams monitored on this here screen, and in turn we can communicate with the dreamer themselves!”
Princess Luna became awestruck by the convenience of the Time Patrol’s new device. “Hark, thou be mighty helpful to us today, for you see we have been struck by the Tantabus once more!”
Eventide gasped at the thought while Trunks became confused as usual. “I remember my mother telling me about this event, I heard it was tough for all of Ponyville to tame that monstrosity!” exclaimed Eventide.
Trunks silently thought to himself before asking Princess Luna something. “So something you’ve defeated has returned, how do you think it came back to life?”
“Well, when we were attacked by the Tantabus, a mysterious voice started talking to us. They had a gravely voice, almost similar to the human actor Danny Devito. They said something about being a demon god.”
Trunks’ confusion became overridden by a sudden burst of shock. “Impossible, I only know of one demon god, but his voice wasn’t gravely at all, his was as smooth as butter. There can’t be… can there be someone stronger than Demigra?”
Eventide proposed an idea to the princess. “Your highness, what if you could use our new machine to enhance your dream-walking abilities? With a few modifications, we can make sure our dream machine will protect you from an oncoming Tantabus attack. In the meanwhile, Trunks and I will be communicating with you and helping you out.”
The princess looked at the machine with a nervous look. “Have thou tested thy machinery out beforehand?”
Trunks and Eventide looked at each other before looking back at Luna. “Well, no, we just barely finished the machine, but with your Alicorn abilities, I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
Princess Luna sighed and agreed to the mission. Trunks strapped Luna inside the capsule and readied the machine. “Remember, even if this machine won’t protect you, we can always instantly bring you back just before you’re attacked by the Tantabus.” Luna nodded before going to sleep in the capsule.
The monitor flickered on and showed the princess in her dreamscape, a hallway of infinite doorways that lead to everyone’s dreams. The princess started her search for answers by opening the first door.
~~~
The first dream Princess Luna entered seemed to be a world of nothing but bubbles. “Hmm, this seems to be a dream of Derpy’s. Let’s see if we can find her.”
Immediately something unexpected happened, an odd yet familiar looking creature appeared.
“Luna, what the heck is… that?” exclaimed the disgusted Trunks.
“My word, it’s hair is rocks and… why does it have tentacles instead of hooves!?” yelled Eventide.
“Oh, well then. This wasn’t Derpy’s dreamscape at all, it belonged to this alien. Hello creature from another world, how art thou?”
The alien tilted its head before replying to the princess. “Eoi, lyrcjuhy ox Kippe Ksuyk, zo eoi spog jvy gvylycboijk ox jvy opy spogp ck Burr?”
Trunks and Eventide looked at each other confused by the odd language, but Princess Luna was able to understand the alien’s word. “We don’t believe we’ve seen a Bill anywhere, but I am trying to look for a demon god. Would he be one?”
The alien shook their head. “Po, Burr uk c nogylxir zyqop, bij uk po woz. Vy ypkrchyz oil lcay cpz qczy ik uphczy eoil nrcpyj, bij c wloin ox nyonry xloq cpojvyl ipuhylky vck kjonnyz vuq U byruyhy. Oil nyonry kjurr xyyr vuk nlykypay jvoiwv, ko by aclyxir. Ux Burr gyly jo jycq in gujv jvy zyqop woz eoi spog, uj aoirz qycp jvy ypz ox jvy qirjuhylky.”
“We see. We’ll be on the look out for Bill as well then. You contact us if you see the Tantabus anywhere nearby. It looks like a large, mist-like figure of darkness. If that’s near, so is the demon god.”
The alien shivered at the description. “Ov zcqp, pog oil nyonry vchy jo zycr gujv 3 nogylxir ypjujuyk. U gurr aopjcaj bcas ux U kyy cpejvupw. Ov, crko jyrr eoil jgo xluypzk U acp kyy jvyq gujv qe kinyl-jyryncjve.”
Princess Luna nodded at the alien. “Trunks, Eventide, the alien said he can see you two. He should be helpful when the time comes to defeat the Tantabus.”
Eventide and Trunks shook with fright as they noticed the alien somehow staring back at them through the monitor.
“We shall take our leave, the next dreamscape awaits, and so does that dreaded demon god. Carry on with your dream, we shall meet again soon.”
Princess Luna flew back to the hallway to search for another doorway and another dream.
Loud, brassy music and a roaring audience assaulted Luna’s ears, while garish colors and bright lights assaulted her vision. Luna shook her head and ignored the physical details of the dream, gazing instead at the underlying archetype: this dream was a contest of skills and knowledge.
“Here it comes!” a disembodied male voice proclaimed. “From Bark Bobber Studio in Applewood, it’s Equestria’s most exciting half-hour of fantastic prizes! Prepare your bodies for … Who Wants to Test Your Match Wheel of Link Squares Is Right!” The theme music and audience’s cheers crescendoed, then went quiet.
Princess Luna was on the set of a game show. Judging by the podium she was seated behind, she was supposed to be one of the contestants. To her right was the dreamer, playing the role of another contestant: a dark blue pegasus with a white mane. She was one of the ponies who had helped overthrow Starlight Glimmer. And on her other side was the last contestant: a white cloud, the size of a pony.
Luna leaned over and said to the dreamer, “Hail, fair Night Glider.”
“Um, hi?” Night Glider answered in a whisper.
“Art thou—I mean, are you having pleasant dreams this evening? Have you, perchance, been vexed by a creature of blue smoke?”
“What are you doing?” Night Glider continued whispering while pointedly not looking at Luna. “They’ll think we’re cheating and kick us off!”
The white cloud bobbed up and down, as if nodding.
On the opposite side of the stage, the game show host took his place behind another podium. He was a white stallion—Double Diamond, one of Night Glider’s friends and co-revolutionaries. “Thank you all for being here tonight,” he said, with a big, dumb grin on his face. “Since I’m sure everypony and everycloud already knows the rules, let’s jump right in! The trivia categories for the first round are: Brushy Brushy … Haunches from History … Have You Seen This Chicken? … Thanks, M.A. Larson! …”
“Luna,” Eventide Zeppeli said. Luna glanced back at the viewscreen displaying the waking world, and the two Order of Harmony agents assisting her there. This time, at least, nopony in the dream could see them. “We’ve scanned the dream. No sign of the Tantabus here at all.”
“Very well.” Luna said. “Thank you.” She turned back, glancing between Double Diamond and Night Glider.
Double Diamond, meanwhile, was still rattling off categories: “… Potent Portables … Portentous Potables … Potential Portals … Portions of Potions …”
Trunks chimed in, “Luna, aren’t you going to search another dream?”
“Nay. I have an intuition that something important will happen, here. Can you two scan adjacent dreams while I search here?”
Double Diamond was wrapping up: “… Yes Or No Questions … Incorrect Answers … and Princesses Whose Names Begin with ‘Twilight’.” He looked at the white cloud. “Cloudy McCloudface, since you’re the returning champion … Night Glider gets to choose the first category!”
“Military History, for 400,” she said.
“Very good. For 400 points: ‘Commander Easyglider.’”
How is that even a question? Luna wondered.
Night Glider buzzed in. “Which Wonderbolts choreographer invented the Icarian Sun Salute?”
“Correct!” Double Diamond smiled at the audience. “And for the record, we also would have accepted ‘Who was the Wonderbolts’ first choreographer?’ or ‘Which Wonderbolts choreographer had the hottest flanks?’ Night Glider, you pick the next category.”
The pegasus furrowed her brows and said nothing.
“Ah!” Double Diamond said, “Excerpts from John Cage’s 4.33. Excellent choice! For 200 points, can you tell me …” He trailed off.
Silence filled the studio, broken by a Buzz! from the cloud’s podium, then more silence as the cloud said absolutely nothing.
“That’s correct!” Double Diamond proclaimed.
Night Glider slapped her podium. “Darn it!”
Double Diamond ignored her. “And Cloudy McCloudface picked Excerpts from John Cage’s 4.33, for 600 points … which just so happens to be this round’s Daily Double!”
“Uh oh.” Night Glider slapped a scuba goggles and a snorkel over her face. Just in time, too: Double Diamond slapped a big, red button on his podium, and trap doors opened beneath all three contestants. Luna, Night Glider, and the cloud fell down a set of twisting, turning slides, only to splash into a vat of green slime.
“Double the slime, double the fun!” Double Diamond proclaimed.
Lord Dumplin floated amorphously in the void between dreams—a dark blue blob against a color that no mortal mind could conceive. All around him, in directions that didn’t conform to mortal notions of “up” or “down” or “left” or “right”, great iridescent globes bobbed lazily, like rubber duckies on the surface of a pond. Each of them was a pony’s dream.
If Lord Dumplin still had his own face, he would have sneered. Instead, wearing the smoky skin of Princess Luna’s nightmare monster, he had to settle for writhing contemptuously. In fact, he wasn’t entirely sure that it was possible to convey contempt by writhing, but he was certainly going to try.
Ponies, he thought, writhing once more for good measure. Ponies were so weak, so easily scared—yet time and again they had foiled his colleagues’ plans. If it were just ponykind’s brightest and best—their princesses, the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, that crazy archeologist—handing out defeat like candy, the shame would be bearable. But the latest batch of spectacular failures had come courtesy of a succession of complete nobodies: a cello player, a tea shop owner, a pair of spoiled rich fillies, a rock farmer.
It was so frustrating, he was half tempted to throw caution to the wind and start infecting pony dreams right now—twisting them into nightmares, drawing power from the ponies’ fear until he was powerful enough to enter the waking world and make it a …
If he had eyes, he would have blinked. Where had that train of thought come from? The Tantabus wanted to turn Equestria into a waking nightmare. Even if, for the sake of this operation, he had taken the form of the Tantabus he was still … still Lord Dumplin, not some blue smoke monster! Right? He was here to break the mind and spirit of Princess Luna! And then, and then … he was going to do something after getting revenge on Luna, but he couldn’t remember it now. He writhed once more, in lieu of shaking his non-existent head.
Movement below caught his attention. It was a pony, crossing the void. Stranger still, it was not the Princess of Dreams, but a mortal—a grey pegasus. She perched atop one of the dream bubbles, and pushed her head through its metaphysical membrane.
The Tantabus writhed, a predatory gleam flashing across his surface. Yes, this would be an excellent place to begin infecting pony dreams. He drew his smoky pseudopods into his body and dove towards the pegasus.
“Spin! Spin! Spin!” Night Glider, Double Diamond, and the entire audience chanted as Luna grabbed the oversized wheel and gave it a strong yank, setting it a-spinning. “Spin! Spin! Spin!”
Luna, however, ignored the spinning and scanned her surroundings. If something important was going to happen, it would have to happen soon—but Luna still hadn’t the foggiest notion what that something was.
The wheel came dangerously close to stopping on “Bankrupt”—but instead landed on “Tilapia”. A fish landed at Luna’s hooves, and she picked it up.
“Well, Luna, that’s better than nothing,” Double Diamond said, “but you’re going to be at a severe disadvantage in the final event: the Fish Slap Fight!”
Night Glider smirked and waved a swordfish menacingly.
Double Diamond continued, “Would you like to trade your tilapia for whatever’s behind … door number 2?”
“It will not be necessary.” Luna dropped her fish and faced the dreamer. “Night Glider, I concede this round to you. Well met.”
Double Diamond gave an exaggerated gasp. “What a shocking development! There’s only one way this could be a bigger twist …”
Night Glider dropped her own fish. “No. You wouldn’t!”
“This was a Bizarro Round!” Double Diamond proclaimed. Trombones just off-stage played a sad fanfare. “Luna, by forfeiting, you won the round!”
Luna blinked. “What.”
“Darn it!” Night Glider stomped, nearly hard enough to punch through the stage.
Double Diamond continued, “That brings your total score to 413,000, making you our new champion!”
Balloons and confetti poured down from above as he stepped forward to shake Princess Luna’s hoof. Meanwhile, a pink unicorn mare pulled a cart onto the stage, with a sheet obscuring what was in it.
“Tell Luna what she’s won, Sugar Belle!”
The pink mare, Sugar Belle, yanked away the sheet. “We have: muffins …” And the cart was indeed piled high with precisely 413,000 muffins.
“And, of course,” Double Diamond said, “you have to eat them all right now.”
Luna massaged her temple with one hoof. “Oh brother. Not another one of these dreams.” She trotted over to where the other contestant sat, sulking, and draped a wing over her shoulder. “Night Glider, would it make you feel any better if—”
“Did somepony say muffins?!” The source of this new voice was a gray pegasus with a blonde mane. Her head was poking through the stage wall—no, through the wall of the dream itself. She was not a figure of Night Glider’s subconscious, but another dreamer, somehow interloping.
This, Luna realized, was what her intuition had told her to wait for.
“Oh, hi, Princess Luna!” The mare looked at Luna, and Luna stared right back, gazing deep into her golden, misaligned eyes. This was a pegasus of many names: Ditzy Doo. Bubblecup. Stoneface. Party Filly. Bubbly Mare. Background Pegasus #23.
But deep in her innermost heart, the name she called herself … was Reginald P. Worcestershire III.
Or Derpy Hooves. Either was okay.
(Meanwhile, a lake had appeared next to the stage. Having already forgotten the game show, Night Glider zipped over the water’s surface, back and forth. She held a rope, towing Double Diamond behind her—who was using the swordfish as a water ski.)
“Luna!” Trunks called. “We’re picking up some crazy readings from that dream! What the HFIL is going on in there?!”
“’Tis the Ponyville mailmare,” Luna answered. “It seems she has an inborn talent for dreamwalking.” In fact, in retrospect it was obvious that Derpy’s cutie mark was not an emblem of ordinary bubbles, but dreambubbles.
“That’s great,” Eventide said, “but how does that help us find the Tantabus?”
And at that moment, because the universe just loves irony, dark blue smoke washed over Derpy. Her eyes went black, with lights like distant stars inside them. “Hello, Princess Luna,” she said, not in Derpy’s voice at all.
“Have at thee, you blackguard!” Luna dove, tackling the Tantabus-possessed pony.
Both of them slipped out of the dreambubble, then tumbled end-over-end through the void between dreams as they grappled. The possessed Derpy beat her wings and kicked with her hooves, but the Princess of Dreams held her tight. In spite of Luna’s reluctance to hurt her own subject—who was obviously not in control of her own disembodied psyche—she still held a distinct advantage of size and strength.
“Release Derpy, you monster!”
The Tantabus snarled and bit Luna’s foreleg.
The two reached another dreambubble and tumbled through its membrane, sliding into another mortal pony’s dream.
Rain fell on Luna and the Tantabus-possessed Derpy as they tumbled through the air, still fighting to untangle. A clap of thunder shook the ponies apart and they stabilized in the air.
Derpy’s eyes flashed red as the Tantabus spoke. “Wait. Time out for a minute. Where are we?” It asked.
In response, Luna glanced around and all she could see was clouds and water. In the distance, she could see what sort of looked like what might possibly be a city. Probably. Other than that, it was just rough water and enormous waves. If nothing else, this was quite an impressive storm. “I… am not sure.” Luna suddenly remembered that the Tantabus was staring her in the face and charged at the creature again.
“You wouldn’t do that to poor Dippy would you?” Not-Derpy taunted.
Luna paused in midair. It was right, Luna could try to remove the possession but the Tantabus wouldn’t allow itself to sit still long enough for her to charge up the spell. If she could distract it for a few seconds, “‘Tis Derpy.” Luna corrected.
“What?” The Tantabus cocked its head.
“The pony whom you have possessed. Her name is Derpy.”
“Wait, really? Who names their foal Derpy? Did they hate her?”
“I think it is a fine name. You are not one to judge.”
“I just think that-” Its sentence was cut short as a flash of light emanated from Luna’s horn, gripped Derpy and attempted to wrench the shadow beast from her mind. A primal scream of contempt roared out of the Tantabus as it grew farther and farther apart from its thrall.
A wave reached up to crash over the duo, sending the two under several feet of water. Lord Dumplin quickly took over Derpy again. He needed to remain disguised as the Tantabus just a little longer though he needed a new vessel. This one was rapidly becoming useless. Dumplin remained underwater as he searched for the princess and saw some movement in the distance. As Dumplin swam closer to the object he could make out what it was. Not-Derpy smirked, “Oh yes. That will do nicely.”
Luna struggled to maintain her head above the current. Her wings were wet and thus, fairly useless and her magic was drained from trying to separate the Tantabus from Derpy. She could vaguely make out a grey shape in the darkness, tossing about in the waves. “Derpy!” Putting aside how swimming with hoofs is incredibly inefficient, Luna swam towards the collapsed mailmare. When she finally got to her, Luna quickly turned Derpy over so she could breathe. Derpy was unconscious but as far as Luna could tell, there was no sign of Tantabus possession. Luna would have breathed a sigh of relief if the salty sea air wasn’t stinging her lungs. She could do nothing but sigh, Luna was extremely limited while carrying Derpy, there was no sign of rescue, and she had apparently lost contact with Trunks and Eventide. A rumble startled Luna into trying to fly again to no avail. A wave washed over the two as Luna tried to shield Derpy.
“Wait. Princess Luna?” An echoey voice rang out. Luna opened her eyes. She and Derpy were now being elevated by a large metal plate. Yellow light shone down on the duo.
“Oh my gosh, what are you doing here?” A different voice spoke. Luna could not see who it was through the bright light but it sounded oddly familiar… “Here. We’ll bring you in.”
The platform rose and Luna could get a better look at where they were: The palm of a giant metal robot in the form of what Twilight described as “humans” and they were being brought to its head. A hatch on the side of the head opened and out stepped a pony that was the source of the familiar voice: One of Celestia’s secret agents, Sweetie Drops AKA Bon Bon. “Why are you all the way out here? And is that Derpy?”
Luna nodded weakly. Bon Bon helped Luna carry Derpy into the behemoth. The inside of the robot was dark, but there was a clear first-aid station and table for Derpy to rest. Luna also saw the source of the other voice: a pony she recognized as Lyra Heartstrings. Lyra was in a white suit and hooked up to metal devices extending all the way into the ceiling. Notably, she was also standing on just her hind legs. The view of the outside world flashed onto one of the screens in the robot.
“-una, Princess Luna!” Eventide Zeppeli’s voice rang out and Luna could see her and Trunks on the screen. The two Order of Harmony agents breathed a sigh of relief.
“We finally found you. For some reason, you weren’t showing up on our scanners.” Trunks said.
“Princess, what are you looking at?” Lyra asked.
Luna shook her head, “‘Tis nothing. What is this?”
“It’s a Jaeger. We heard reports of a Kaiju out in this sector.” Bon Bon replied as she laid Derpy on a table. Luna decided not to question it.
The Jaeger began to shake. “Bon Bon get hooked up! It’s time!” Bon Bon rushed over and connected herself to the metal joints in the same manner as Lyra. Both ponies put on a helmet and a viewport to the outside appeared. A giant creature that looked almost fish-like stared at them. Luna noted that it had the same red eyes as the Tantabus
Well that’s one mystery solved she thought to herself. Lyra and Bon Bon both smirked and they put their forehooves up.
The robot put its fists up. Lord Dumplin grinned, then roared. He’d gotten rid of Dippy and now he could finally let loose. A fist came out and he ducked under to grab the robot at the waist. The creature lifted the robot up but it broke out of the grapple and followed down with a kick to the head. Dumplin’ recovered and started to launch a blast from the creature’s mouth. Another fist blocked his mouth and an elbow came down to send the creature into the water. This isn’t working as well as I’d hoped. Time to cheat.
“Let’s finish it off.” Lyra pressed something on her holographic display and a sword grew out of the Jaeger’s arm and shivved the monster. The red light from its eyes disappeared. “Whoo! How do you like that!?” Bon Bon and Lyra hugged each other which made the Jaeger almost fall over.
“Uhh, Luna? You might want to tell those two to check behind them.” Trunks sounded concerned.
“Lyra? Bon Bon? There may be something of note behind us.” They turned the Jaeger around and a collective gasp filled the room. Stretching far into the distance were monsters and creatures the likes of which Luna had never seen even in dreams.
The one in front, a human shaped beast with inside-out skin had the Tantabus’ red eyes and spoke. “Now you see Luna. I. Will. Break you.”
“We finally get to use it.” Bon Bon laughed as she and Lyra looked at each other and grinned wide. They pressed several different buttons on their displays.
Lyra shouted, “Anime mode activate!” The Jaeger grew wings and took off across the water. Missiles flew out of its shins, blowing up monsters left and right. It landed and grabbed a piece of metal from its leg, ignited to form a laser beam, and cut down any survivors. Luna again decided not to question it.
----
“I have no idea what’s going on anymore.” Eventide sighed, “Whose dream is this anyway?”
Trunks checked the screen, “Lyra’s.”
----
Dumplin’ watched the carnage from a distance as his army fell one by one to the surprisingly graceful robot. “As long as I can possess the dreamer, I’ll be-”
“Hey!”
Dumplin’ turned his monster around and faced the robot. It put its hands to its chest and made an arc with them. The hands slowly moved back as if it were charging something.
Lyra and Bon Bon spoke at the same time. “Ka…. Me….”
Dumplin’s eyes widened, “Oh no.” He turned around and started running.
“Ha…. Me….”
Luna raised an eyebrow. Curious.
Lyra and Bon Bon thrust their hooves out, “HA!” A beam of pure energy launched out of the Jaeger, forming an arc of water that travelled along with the beam straight to the Tantabus. It turned around and put its hands in the air.
Welp. Dumplin thought.
The Tantabus-possessed monster was impaled by the beam, sending it across the water before the beam dissipated and left the monster with a gaping hole in its stomach. The Jaeger continued to slaughter the giant monsters.
“Hmm.” Derpy began to wake up. Diverting Luna’s attention from the carnage going on outside. “Princess Luna?” The mailmare blinked a few times to get her bearings. “Where am I?”
Luna helped her to stand up, “Inside of a robot. In a dream.”
Derpy nodded, “Awesome!”
Luna cocked her head in confusion. She began to open her mouth to ask something but was interrupted by Lyra. “Princess! You may want to see this.”
A monster with wings was flying away. That was obviously the Tantabus and she must pursue. But first… “Young Derpy. You have the ability to travel through the dreams of other ponies. Your ability must be refined and I am the only one who can help you; however, I am chasing the Tantabus and ‘Tis very dangerous. Thus, I give you two options: You can wake up or you can come with me.” Under normal circumstances, Luna would not even consider bringing Derpy along but if she would continue to traverse others’ dreams whenever she slept she would become a continuous and easy target for the Tantabus. It would be much safer by her side.
“Oh I’ll go with you Princess.” Derpy happily proclaimed.
“Art thou sure?”
Derpy nodded exuberantly.
“Then we must pursue the Tantabus. Come Derpy!”
“Oh Princess, one question.” Derpy stopped.
“Yes?”
“How could I be knocked unconscious if I’m already asleep? Wouldn’t that wake me up?”
“You see… that is because…” Luna stared at the ground, “Just come with me.”
Lord Dumplin continued into the next dream. He had failed to break Luna’s mind and spirit but he had nothing but time. He hated disguising as the Tantabus but he had no real options anymore. That was what Luna was looking for. He smiled to himself, or at least he would if the monster he was possessing had a mouth.
“Farewell Lyra. And you Bon Bon.” They didn’t hear. The two were still busy blowing up monsters. Luna decided to leave them alone. They seemed to have things well in hand. Derpy followed the Princess of Dreams as they flew away from the Jaeger and out to the sky to enter the next pony’s dream bubble.
———
“Hold firm, Colts!” The red-coated unicorn stallion perched imperiously over the battlement as the undead horde surged towards the deeping-wall. The soldiers at his command shivered where they stood. “Take heart! Squizzard will not win this night!” The soldiers expressions turned grim, and they took up pikes in their mouths to prepare to repulse the undead as they began to climb the walls, but they no longer wavered in their bodies or their hearts. Across the valley, sitting atop a mighty siege machine made of bones, Squizzard himself leered back at his foe.
“Your defiance matters not, McBiggen!” the giant squid screeched into the night. “No matter how many of my Bonies you slay, the Lady remains under my power!”
A cage of bones stood just behind him, where a beautiful mare with a grey coat and a darker grey mane, clad in a periwinkle gown that shimmered even in the dark and stormy night. She cowered in the cage, but McBiggen could swear, even above the din of the battle, that he could hear a soft prayer: “Stay strong, Sir McBiggen.” McBiggen’s horn glowed, and his broadsword was hefted overhead.
The fearsome assault of Squizzard’s skeletal goons crashed upon the wall like a wave against a tidal wall, but the wall held firm, not the least for the valiant efforts of the soldiers and their leader, Sir McBiggen, Knight of Pohan, who cast his Greatsword about with wild abandon and turned many an enemy back into piles of bones. He was bound to save the Marble Lady, and the kingdom.
There was a great flash of lightning, followed swiftly by a clap of thunder, bright and loud enough to rend the sky and bring a pause to the melee. The few remaining Bonies on the wall were scattered, but Squizzard seemed disturbed by something else, looking doubtfully at the sky.
“Your army cannot win!” McBiggen called out across the chasm, ignoring Squizzard’s doubt.
Now here’s a scenario I can sink my teeth into, Lord Dumplin thought. Let’s see how I can subvert it.
“Your…” Squizzard began haltingly, still disturbed by the foreign powers he had sensed in the sky. “…er, I am not scared of you! Your fortress will fall, and your Lady will be…”
There was a roar and a flash of fire. When the red light dimmed, Squizzard was gone, a pile of breaded, deep-fried calamari rings sat in his place atop the siege machine. Lady Marble smiled smugly from within her cage, a trace of fire still burning close to her fore-hoof.
“Lady Marble!” McBiggen shouted, a broad smile appearing on his face. He took a flying leap, and jumped over the battlefield below, landing on the siege machine. “What manner of wondrous sorcery is this?”
“I was hungry,” Lady Marble said simply. “Want some calamari?”
McBiggen looked curiously at her, and Lord Dumplin realized he was out of character.
“Magic is my legacy, sir knight,” Lady Marble said, now looking shyly at her knight in shining armor. “To control my magic is why Squizzard craved me so. Seeing your plight allowed the power to burst forth.”
“’Twas wondrous, Lady Marble!” Princess Luna said. She flew down out of the maelstrom, and Derpy followed clumsily behind her. “You slew the evil Wizard. Pray tell, did either of you see a shadow depart from him when he was rendered into calamari?”
“The only Shadow I see here is thou, Nightmare Moon,” Lady Marble said, pointing accusingly at her from within her cage. Lord Dumplin smiled in his thought, now seeing exactly how his subversion would play out. “Sir McBiggen!” she pleaded. “I have never told you, but Nightmare Moon is the dark one who gave Squizzard his twisted power. Now she comes to claim me herself!”
“Nu-uh!” Derpy said. She was already eating some of the calamari. “I’ve been with her half the night, and she hasn’t cooked up anything this good yet.”
“Derpy speaketh truth,” Luna said. “I have been in the dreams of other ponies, pursuing the wicked Tantabus. It is somewhere in your dream now, Big Macintosh, and I believe that I know where,” she said, glaring at the still-caged Lady Marble. “Begone from the Lady, vile fiend!”
Sir McBiggen leapt between them. His Colts appeared around him, a phalanx of knights now between Luna and the target of her pursuit. Derpy continued munching on calamari contentedly.
“I will see you destroyed, Nightmare Moon,” Lady Marble said, “so that evil might be banished from this land forever!”
“Listen not to her, Big Macintosh!” Luna said.
“Her claims are news to me,” McBiggen said. “But,” he added, leveling his levitating sword towards the Princess of the Night, “she is my Lady. I am sworn to her.”
“A knight’s oath is a noble thing,” Luna said. Her horn glowed, and the fallen Bonies in the valley reassembled themselves, grabbing up their weapons. “But I too have an oath to fulfill.” The Bonies leapt up the siege tower while the colt-soldiers leapt down, but being disposable goons in a fantasy scenario, they were not especially effective. McBiggen himself did not even need to leap down into the fray, and continued to stand between Luna and Lady Marble, while a handful of his remaining knights advanced upon her.
“Derpy?” Luna gave a sidelong look to the mailmare, who was still feasting on delicious calamari. “I could use a distraction.”
“There are an awful lot of knights here.”
“Just think of something!” Luna hissed. “I shall need my strength for the Tantabus.”
“Ooo-kay.” Derpy thought for a moment, and then her body started to change. She grew huge, as large as the
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To anyone wondering about the alien's gibberish: it's a cryptogram.