Brains and Brawlers

by Hopeful_Ink_Hoof

Gilda's Personal Hell

Gilda pressed her lips tight as she glared at the phone. Why was she going to do this? Why had she even thought of this? This was not her. This was not something she normally did. This was something she had never done. Yes, she had flaws, some of them were even major, and she need to work on them, but she liked herself for the most part. She was not going to change for anyone. No one was worth changing who she was. Not even Twilight. Not even if it was to make a good impression on her parents.

And she -- they -- were absolutely not worth what Gilda was certain she would have to go through if she did what she was thinking. Why was she considering? Why was she thinking about putting herself through that hell?

Why was she considering? Hell, why had she even agreed to meet Twilight's parents? She knew what would happen. The best case scenario was that they would be nice to her face, but consider the whole thing a "phase" and try to talk Twilight out of it when Gilda was not around. Worst case was that they would dislike her fast, throw her out the first excuse they got, and forbid Twilight from ever seeing her again.

Well... the real worst case scenario included Twilight, a conversion camp, where she would be emotionally and abused and tortured to make her "straight," leading her into depression and self-loathing, which would in turn lead her to suicide...

Really, the best choices were to either avoid Twilight's family and let their relationship run its course, or end things herself before letting things get even more serious. This was not going to be a "happily ever after" for them anyways. Twilight Sparkle would head off to college some day, become a big scientist, and Gilda would stay in Canterlot, working in a garage. It was never going to work out between them. There was no reason for Gilda to torture herself.

But... what if she was wrong? What if, somehow, things were able to work out between them? What if they were able to have an effective relationship? What if, by some miracle, the two of them were able to end up "happily ever after?"

Besides, she honestly did not want to be the one to ruin things. This was Twilight's first romantic relationship, same sex or not. The girl may have been a genius, but damn was she innocent and naive. Gilda wanted to keep her happy as long as possible.

Even if no one had ever done the same for her.

With a sigh of frustration and resignation, Gilda dialed.

After the second ring, the phone was answered.

"G?" a scratchy, but feminine, voice said.

"Yeah," Gilda sighed out. "It's me." She took a deep breath, and said something she never had to say in her entire life. "I need your help."

"What?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Did... did you just say you need help? Did you just say you need my help? Hold on a second."

There was the noise of the phone being moved.

"Hey, Fluttershy!" Gilda could hear being shouted. "Can I use your phone to see if Hell's frozen over?"

Gilda sighed and rolled her eyes, giving a shake of her head. Rainbow could go pretty far when it came to her stupid jokes.

"Oh, ha ha!" she nearly shouted in the phone, hoping Rainbow Dash could hear her. "Come on, Dash. I'm serious here."

"I'm just busting your balls, G. What do ya need?"

Closing her eyes, Gilda took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts and working up the courage.

"I'm meeting Twilight's parents Saturday. It's really important to her, and I want to do my best to make a good impression."

"Well I don't know how much I can help you. I've met Twilight's family, and they seem pretty okay, but I don't really know enough to tell you some secret to winning them over or anything."

"Thanks, but that's not why I'm calling. I was hoping you knew someone who knew about --" she sighed and rubbed her eyes "-- make-up and clothes? To make sure I look my best for the dinner?"

"Someone who knows clothes and make-up?" Rainbow Dash asked. "I thi--"

The speaker was suddenly filled with the sound of a high pitched squeal, then came shouts and the sound of struggling. It also sounded like Rainbow Dash was shouting a name, but Gilda could not quite make it out.

"I'll be there as soon as I can!" a voice Gilda did not recognize called out before the phone hung up.

Ending the call on her end, Gilda lean back and let out a groan.

The fuck have I gotten myself into?

*****

The knock on the door sent a sense of dread through Gilda. She did not know exactly what was on the other side, but she knew it was for her, and she knew it was going to lead to her going through something she was going to hate.

Opening the door, she found a girl standing there, which Rainbow's text had called Rarity. The words that came to Gilda's mind at the sight of her were "prissy" and "snob." Rarity was on the dainty side, looking almost delicate, like she could break easily. Her purple hair had a curl to it, running past her shoulders. It had to take a lot of care to keep it properly maintained. There was a hint of eyeshadow, and Gilda was pretty sure that the lashes were too long and perfectly curled to be natural.

Gilda thought she recognized her from when Rainbow Dash brought Twilight and her friends to the fight club, but could not actually recall.

She could also feel herself being judged as Rarity gave her a quick look over.

"Before we get started, show me your room," Rarity ordered. "I need to know what you already have before I can figure out what precisely you need."

Reaching Gilda's room led to Rarity looking through everything. She opened every drawer, looked at every pair of panties, every bra, and pair of pants. She opened the closet and looked at every shirt hanging in it. Every search was marked by a thoughtful -- and (to Gilda) disapproving -- hum before silently moving on.

While this was happening, Gilda stood in the doorway, arms folded across her chest. One hand gripped at her upper arm, fingers digging into the skin and muscle as she clenched, squeezing tightly. It had not even been five minutes, and Gilda already found herself frustrated and annoyed with the girl. She was sorely tempted to tell her off and throw her out. Maybe make sure to tear some clothes, or get her to break a nail.

"Well, I must say, this is rather exciting," Rarity said, turning to Gilda with a grin on her face. "I have always wanted to work with a 'blank slate,' as it were." Walking to Gilda, Rarity took a hold of her arm and started for the door.

For such a delicate looking girl, she had a pretty strong grip.

"We have much to do: hair and nails; lipstick, blush, eyeshadow; stockings; skirts; blouses."

She turned to face Gilda, a wide grin on her face.

"A full make-over and a day of shopping!" she squealed. "Won't it just be fabulous?"

Gilda considered how long it would take to gnaw her arm off.

*****

The first level of Hell turned out to be a beauty salon. As soon as the door opened, the air was filled with chemicals and gossip. The smell of something or other burned Gilda's nostrils, making her nose twitch. As she was pulled deeper into the pit, she caught bits of conversations. Here, a woman getting her nails painted bragged about her "new diet" which did not sound healthy, or sustainable. There, a "stylist" seemed more interested in talking about how a newly married couple would get divorced in mere weeks than actually cutting or styling the hair of the woman in her chair.

"Rarity!" a pink skinned woman called out from behind the counter. "How wonderful to see you again." She stopped, tilting her head. "Although, it is not one of your regular appointments."

Reaching the counter, Rarity leaned forward and made air kisses at the other woman's cheeks.

"It's lovely to see you as well, Aloe. I'm actually not here for myself." Turning, she motioned toward Gilda. "I'm here for a new friend of mine. She has a ver--"

A gasp escaped Aloe as she suddenly appeared in front of Gilda. Well-maintained hands reached up to grab at her short, white hair, yanking at it. Letting go, Aloe took a hold of Gilda's face, giving a squeeze and pulling close until their noses were almost touching. She then let go again, grabbing a hold of Gilda's hands and holding them up to look at closely.

Whatever Aloe said, Gilda was pretty sure it had some profanity in it.

"This is most certainly an emergency. Come on. There is much to do. Starting with a wash and treatment for that hair."

For the second time, Gilda found herself being dragged around by someone who was stronger than she looked. She was shoved into a chair and forced to lean back. There, her hair was rinsed, lathered, rinsed again, coated in some sort of oil, left to set for who knew how long, then rinsed again. Once that was done, it was combed, trimmed, dried, and styled.

Most annoyingly, Gilda was not given a say in the matter. It was Rarity and Aloe that were deciding how her hair should look. She was not even allowed to see it, so she could be surprised by the final product.

Next came a mani-pedi. Her hands and feet were soaked in water, with something flowery added to them. Gilda was not entirely sure what happened after that. She mostly remember feelings of her fingers and toes being poked, prodded, tugged, scraped, and squeezed.

Then came paints. Dark purples with a bright pink on the middle fingers and big toes. "To go with Twilight's hair."

At least it meant this part of her torture was nearly over.

"Perhaps we should perform a waxing as well."

CRAP!

*****

"Oh, come now," Rarity said as she drove along. "It wasn't that bad."

Gilda sat in the passenger seat, arms crossed. She continued to glare at Rarity, face as red as her poor, poor thighs.

"Really, I have seen you fight others, and be beaten bloody, darling. Surely that is for more unpleasant and painful than having your legs waxed." Tilting her head, Rarity raised an eyebrow. "You have shaved your legs before, right?"

As she sat there, glaring, Gilda considered not answering the question. It was none of Rarity's business what Gilda did or did not do. Rarity had just shown up at her door and started bossing her around. They were not even friends.

...Except...

Except Rarity was friends with Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle. As such, she should probably not go off too much on her. Plus, Gilda had been looking for help getting ready for meeting Twilight's parents, and Rarity had volunteered. As annoying as it had been so far, Rarity did seem like the kind of girl parents would want to see their son with, and she had probably met Twilight's parents as well. While she may not like the girl, Gilda should probably be at least civil to her until they finished their business for the day.

Then -- Powers willing -- she will never have to spend any one on one time with the girl ever again. Just a friend of a friend that they some times hang out with in groups. No direct interaction.

"Yeah," she admitted. "Usually in summer before I go swimming."

"Ah," Rarity said with a glint of a smile. "I see. An opportunity to show off. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, seeing as you wooed Twilight with a flex of your bicep."

A smile tugged at Gilda's mouth at the memory. How the geeky little Twilight was staring at her, eyes wide and practically drooling. How a pose, flex, and offer to let her touch, had nearly left Twilight weak in the knees and ready to faint. A normally smart, shy girl, now finding herself all hot and bothered by a lean, muscular, bad girl. Admittedly, it had mainly been intended as flirting at the time, but Gilda found Twilight so cute, she could not help but give her a chance. Which meant her making the first move.

"Well, you may find you like the results of waxing," Rarity continued. "Less likely to cut yourself, the hair takes longer to grow back, and tends to be finer when it finally does."

That did sound nice. Gilda did not know how many times she had cut herself. Especially along the curve of her calf or around her knee. Although, that was not necessarily enough to change her mind. Simply to consider the possibility.

The rest of the drive was in silence, only interrupted by some hit pop music from the radio. The next stop was some place that called itself a "boutique." Simply being a clothes store must not have been fancy enough for them or something.

"Personally," Rarity said as she pulled into the parking lot, "I would much prefer to make a fully custom outfit for you myself. However, I don't really have enough time to do such and have it properly made, and I shall not have my name associated with an inferior outfit." She grinned. "Fortunately, I know all of the best clothing shops in town, including which ones are... of questionable value... and which ones have the best quality per price ratios. This --" she motioned at the building "-- is one of my favorites. Wide variety, decent quality, and reasonable prices."

*****

After an eternity (which was in real time twenty minutes) of trying on clothes -- and one conversation as to why Gilda should wear stockings or pantyhose despite having shaved her legs -- the two finally managed to come up with an outfit the two of them could agree on: black stockings; black, knee-length skirt, and a "wine" colored blouse. Rarity said it looked "smashing," and while Gilda would have preferred slacks to the skirt, she did like the look over all.

Only one horrible torture remained: make-up. Which did not sound too bad on its own, except Rarity had decided it needed to be a "make-over!"

"Really," Rarity said as she drove, "haven't you ever worn make-up before?"

"Once," Gilda answered with a shrug. "When I tried to hide a black eye. Didn't really work."

"Come on. You must have worn some for a school dance."

"Never went."

"Or... played in your mother's when--"

"She died when I was born," Gilda cut in, looking out the window. There were normally two reactions when she told people that. One -- the one she was hoping for -- was awkward silence as the person felt embarrassed about bringing it up, leaving her alone. The other was...

"Oh," Rarity sighed out, shifting to focus on her driving more. "I'm sorry."

Gilda let out a grunt, continuing to stare out the window. She really did not know how to react to it. It was sympathy for a loss that Gilda did not remember. An apology for losing someone she had never really gotten to known. How could she possibly grieve over and miss someone she had never known? Gilda had no memories of her own when it came to her mother. Only stories from Grandpa and Dad.

At least the rest of the drive was in silence.

When they arrived at their next stop, Gilda stopped and did a double take as she looked at the counter. For a split second, she thought that she saw Aloe from the salon. Getting a better look, Gilda realized that while the girl had very similar hair and features, she had pink hair and blue skin instead of the other way around.

"Rarity," the girl called out as she stepped from behind the counter. "How lovely to see you again."

"You too, Lotus," Rarity said as she moved to give the other woman a hug. "I could use your skills and talent." She turned toward Gilda. "You see, my friend here has a rather important event coming up, and has no experience with make-up. I was thinking that we could give her a make-over and you could give her some tips and advice."

For the second time, Gilda found herself with a person standing too close and grabbing a hold of her to get a better look. This time, it seemed to all be focused on her face. It got especially weird when her head was tilted back and Lotus was looking up her nose.

"Hmm," Lotus said as she pulled back. "With such a lovely golden brown skin tone, I do not think there is much for me to do beyond the most basic of concepts." Her eyes narrowed. "However, that being said, there is certainly some work ahead of us. You, my lovely girl, need some severe exfoliation and deep pore cleansing. We best get started."

What came next was like nothing that Gilda had never been through before. Once again, she was pushed into a chair and tilted back. Something was rubbed onto her face that looked like mud, felt like sand, and smelled like fruit. It seemed less like a "beauty treatment" and more like a childish prank. It actually made Gilda think of like a street fight. One where she had her face shoved into the dirt.

As if that was not enough, Lotus pulled out a scrub brush. Something that looked more like it should be used on pots and pans with tough food stuff stuck to them than on human flesh.

By the time it was finished, Gilda felt like her face had been run over by a belt sander. Repeatedly. With a heavy grit. Run by a sadist. She was quite honestly surprised that she was not bleeding.

Fortunately, that was the worst of it physically. Once it was done, they three went over choices in make-ups: foundations; concealers; blushes; lipsticks and lip liners; and eyeshadows. Next was tips on how to properly apply it all, emphasizing the idea of subtlety and having the make-up be almost unnoticeable. Finally, they discussed the importance of having a properly clean face both before applying make-up and when removing it, keeping the skin healthy and free from clogs which could lead to pimples.

Finally, it was finished. The make-up and accessories were paid for, and the two of them left, Rarity saying goodbye to Lotus and promising to come back soon. Gilda just silently made her way out of the shop and to the car, ready to go home.

As they were heading back to her house, something overcame Gilda, and she did something she had not been planning.

"...thanks..." she mumbled to the window.

"Did you say something?" Rarity asked, turning the radio down as she looked at Gilda from the corner of her eye.

With a groan, Gilda turned to face her.

"I said, 'thanks.' As much as I've hated today -- and believe me, I did -- you took time out of schedule to help me get ready so I can at least try to make a good impression on Twilight's family. So, thanks."

Rarity shifted to look at her more, giving a smile.

"You are quite welcome, darling," she said. "And if I may, you have nothing to worry about. Twilight's parent are wonderful people, and I am certain that they shall simply adore you."

Gilda gave a nod, but turned her attention to the window. As nice as the thought was, she was still skeptical. After all, why would the parents that could have a cute little nerdy good girl possibly like someone like her? To say nothing of "adore."

When they reached her driveway, Gilda got out and headed toward her house, giving a quick wave before heading inside. Right now, all she wanted to do was go to her room and forget this whole day.

Comments

[livinthelife]

Poor Gilda. She's so convinced that she's not worth the trouble. Sad. Hope Twi and Co. can convince her otherwise.

[ShadowLDrago]

Well... the real worst case scenario included Twilight, a conversion camp, where she would be emotionally and abused and tortured to make her "straight," leading her into depression and self-loathing, which would in turn lead her to suicide...

It sickens me that those are a thing.

"Hey, Fluttershy!" Gilda could hear being shouted. "Can use your phone to see if Hell's frozen over?"

Ha ha...

The fuck have I gotten myself into?

Don't look at me, I'm not the author.

"A full make-over and a day of shopping!" she squealed. "Won't it just be fabulous?"
Gilda considered how long it would take to gnaw her arm off.

You wanted this.

"She died when I was born," Gilda cut in, looking out the window.

Oh. My condolences.

Gilda gave a nod, but turned her attention to the window. As nice as the thought was, she was still skeptical. After all, why would the parents that could have a cute little nerdy good girl possibly like someone like her? To say nothing of "adore."

Because they trust Twilight's judgement.

[Seether00]

I have a feeling that Twi's parent will love her and will do what most good parents do: troll their children in front of their friends. I'm crossing my fingers for dad jokes.

[Knight N Gale]

7824612 really!? I thought those things were outlawed in the US?

[forbloodysummer]

"Someone who knows clothes and make-up?" Rainbow Dash asked. "I thi--"

The speaker was suddenly filled with the sound of a high pitched squeal, then came shouts and the sound of struggling. It also sounded like Rainbow Dash was shouting a name, but Gilda could not quite make it out.

"I'll be there as soon as I can!" a voice Gilda did not recognize called out before the phone hung up.

Amazing!

[CrossoverFanficReader]

Gilda considered how long it would take to gnaw her arm off.

A salute for the courageous warrior. May the Gods have mercy on your soul.