Horse La Horse Season 1

by Stegtorn

Episode Four

"You ready for another fight?" you ask Pinkie, glancing down.

"I think I can do it!"

Fleur steps forward from the crowd, her majesty parting the students like the red sea. You catch yourself eyeing her up, it's a bit hard not too… That's when Twilight pops out from behind a few lousy looking stallions.

"You can beat her Anon! Don't worry! She's not too tough."

The crowd starts shuffling forward, drowning out Twilight.

"Your candy cane is the candy cane that will pierce the heavens."

That's encouraging.

"Fleur De Lis, for a short time, will stoop to your level, Anonymous. If only to remove you from the school grounds you're trespassing on."

You prep yourself. She trots over to you, grass swaying a little under her hooves. And then she just stands there.

"You gonna do something?"

"You come to me."

"I don't like it Nonny!" Pinkie says. "I think I'm gonna need another cupcake."

"Time to commence chomperation snack eater."

Good thing she doesn't know what cupcakes do to Pinkie.

"You're going to let me make the first move right?"

She nods. And with no warning you're halfway across the lawn back toward the giant hole in the wall. A low hiss is the only warning you get before almost being completely destroyed by a blast of pink magic. You hop back, dodging by the skin of your teeth! The heat from the blast rises up from the wound in the earth. Fleur springs up at you, pouncing like a wolf. Mid-air, scowling and graceful, Fleur crafts a thin pink blade with her magic as she descends. Lightening quick you slice upward to meet her weapon, your cane clashing with her blade. The two of you are pushed back, Fleur flipping back and recovering like a landing swan.

She's your enemy, but that doesn't mean you can't admit she looks pretty. You wonder how hard it would be to grab her ass during this fight. There is a pause, you notice how heavy you're breathing.

...

Maybe you should run, fighting unicorns back to back like this isn't the best idea.

"You flippant fool, I'll give you this one last chance to flee."

Hmm...

"Don't do it Anon!" Twilight yells, you spot her head poking from behind a rather burly stallion.

"Meh."

You bring up your weapon again, looking over the nicked, cracked blade.

"How you holding up Pinkie?" you whisper.

Fleur paces to left, circling you.

"It's getting a little tense, Anon."

"I really didn't want to sink this low..." Fleur hisses, pacing forward again.

Fleur De Lis Theme:

(Help Me to Say Goodbye by Casanova)

Amazing image by Eighth!

In a flash Fleur is gone. Shit. S-she's fast!

"Behind you!"

Without even thinking you swing your long cane around blindly.

"GAH!"

Fleur is knocked to the side, but doesn't fall. She huffs and trots a few steps away, her blade twirling before her. It's time to test her a bit, see how she responds to an attack. You dash at her full force, cane at the ready. Just like before she primes a magic blast, but you spot it before it takes off your head, leaping to the left.

Caught off guard you nearly catch her, but she blocks your strike with a magical shield. You let a' rip, slamming at her shield, each strike making a crackling noise. Steam rises from your weapon as you strike at her. She's flinching at every blow, you're getting close!

Spectacularly the shields bursts in a shower of sparkling light, dazzling you for a moment, but Fleur and her flowing hair waste no time, slashing at you in your distracted state. Far too slow to evade you bring your cane down in hopes of absorbing the blow. The sizzling blade of light severs the cane's head. Pinkie groans in what sounds like pain. Cracks rip open the sides of your cane, showering bits of sugary peppermint on the grass.

"Do you need any more convincing? There is no way you can overcome me. Much less Sunset Shimmer."

Fleur teleports away, circling you again.

"Pinkie, status?"

"Not so good, feels like I'm about to collapse."

"I can relate," you say with a huff.

"She's a toughie," Pinkie comments.

"Ideas? Maybe we can bait her into something?"

"Get her to monologue! All baddies have a monologue they're dying to say. And when she's talking we'll tear her butt asunder."

"But the cane, it's all broken, can we even use this thing again?"

Looking down you notice your bow-tie is gone...when did that happen?

"Don't worry, it can take another hit," Pinkie comments cheerfully.

You certainly hope so.

"Fleur!" you call.

She squints at you from across the field.

"What?"

"Why are you so uptight? You’re about as up tight as Miss Cake would be if someone pushed her off Cloudsdale while she was trying to fit into her high school clothes."

You can hear her gritting her teeth from here. The crowd yells something about getting the burn unit.

"You should relax a little! Stop being so high and mighty."

"I am relaxed," she growls through gritted teeth.

"You don't sound it~"

"Why don't you stop stalling?"

"You're the one stalling," you reply, smirking, pacing a bit toward her.

She paces a bit toward you. And then in a flash of pink she's gone again. Well.

"See her?" you ask Pinkie.

"I don't have eyes, silly," she squeals, a big hint of tiredness in her voice.

The crowd roars at something, a few of the onlookers jumping up in excitement. But nothing is happening...

Oh no. You spin around, but it's too late, there's Fleur levitating in the air. And there's her sword, coming straight for your head. Desperately you bring up the cane to block. Everything slows down, your eyes blurring everything except her and her blade. It's all over isn't it?

There's an explosion, and you're thrown up and back, and then you descend. Dirt and grass rubs your skin in all the wrong ways as you land. You open your eyes to the sight of blood beading in the wounds on your chest and arm.

"S-sorry Anon," Pinkie says weakly.

You close your eyes for a moment, feeling your clothing revert back to a button-up shirt and trousers. When you blink them open again Fleur is right in your face, and you're hovering about a foot above the ground. You may have a bit of a problem.

Struggling does you no good, but does a produce a smile from Fleur.

"You should have stayed far from here, Anonymous."

"Meh."

The binds rub against your wounds, stinging you.

"Gah."

"Hurts?" she grunts, crushing you further.

You don't respond, but the pain is pretty bad, especially without any Pinkie buffer… Almost brings tears to your eyes.

"And to think, for a second I considered you a threat,” she chuckles.

"From the moment I joined this school I thought I'd never find a challenge. I was right, for the most part. Only one was able to combat me effectively..."

You look past her, up to the angular roof of the school, there she is, observing. Sunset Shimmer. You've got to get to her. She must be beat!

But how can you get out of this bind? Looking down at the rambling Fleur. WAIT.

FLASHBACK, BLACK AND WHITE

"But I imbued it with a special magic! When your fluids come into contact with it, it will transform into something more fitting for the task at hand. To help you fight each transformation comes with a reflection of one of my best friends!"

"Fluids? Magic? Transformations?"

She puts down her sandwich.

"Yes, sweat, blood, tears and..."

END FLASHBACK, WE'RE BACK TO COLOR

That's it!

Tears.

You try twisting and turning, causing yourself more pain. Ah yes, that's the stuff. She doesn't notice a damn thing, pacing and monologuing. You angle your eyes just right, feeling a tear squeeze from them.

All you gotta do is hit your shirt in some way. The tear hangs onto your eyelash. Almost...
THERE!

The little drop lands right on your lapel. Heh, just like before. You feel your clothes get tighter, squirming against your bonds. In a flash of light far calmer than the one earlier, your chains shatter like glass, the magic pieces evaporating into the air.

You fall to your knees.

"W-what!?" Fleur cries out.

Rising from your kneeling position, you stand proudly. Huh? The crowd hoots and jeers.
Looking down you discover why.

"IS-" your confusion makes you unable to form words, "IS THIS A MAID OUTFIT?"

You whip around to face Twilight, she smiles meekly, she waves from the crowd.

"It's fabulous, darling."

Is that, Rarity? Looking down you feel a bit of fear and shame.

Tight little blouse ending in a skirt far too short for its own good… Your boxers feel pretty soft...and kinda tight. With a shaky hand you reach down and feel around down there.

"W-what are you doing?" Fleur asks with a voice thick with shakiness.

"I got check if—"

Oh god. You're wearing panties. The intensity of your blushing increases.

"I-I..." Fleur stutters, undressing you with her eyes.

"Now's your chance darling, get her while she's eyeing you up."

"With what? I don't have a weapon."

"The feather duster," Rarity answers.

In your hand is a little feather duster; the wooden handle is already a little slick with sweat.

"What am I going to do? Tickle her into submission?"

"Well..."

"No, this is too much, this is too weird."

But you've got to defeat Fleur somehow. Fuck it. You zip forward, feeling so much more faster, so lighter. So free! M-maybe this isn't so bad.

Fleur is caught in a daydream when you slide by her, brushing the delicate feathers across her side and flank. You come to a halt behind her, turning around just in time to see her shiver and fall to the side, twitching and drooling.

"What the hell."

Another of the four defeated...

You look up to Shimmer.

"ARE YOU GETTING A LITTLE HOT AND BOTHERED UP THERE? TWO OF YOUR FOUR ALREADY DOWN, AND I'LL BE COMING FOR YOU SOON."

She smirks, a blazing light shining behind her.

Her voice goes out across the field, clear and calm.

"Most impressive Anonymous, most impressive. You should take this time to rest. We can reconvene tomorrow, during the Sports Festival."

You sag your shoulders, glancing at the crowd from the corner of your eye. Lyra and Trixie are there, looking a little worse for wear. Could you even take them in this state?

Maybe you should rest.

"FINE. I'LL RETURN TOMORROW."

You stalk off, parting the crowd with a wave of your duster. A few stallion's gazes follow you as you leave. As you're walking home you bask in your back-to-back wins. Maybe you could pick up some pizza or something to celebrate? Oh right, no cash. Still content you continue home, smile plastered on your face.

A few hours later and your clothes have returned to their original state. So you're chilling out maxing relaxing all cool laying on your bed far from school. Nothing can ruin your good mood, you think, staring up at the ceiling. Maybe you should buy a TV...

CRASH!

The sound of a shattering window rouses you.

Sitting straight up you spot a little red apple on the wooden floor, surrounded by a few shards of glass.

"Applejack?" you call out.

Your door getting kicked in is your response.

"HOWDY," two strange stallions yelp, clad in pinstripes, what looks like overly bulky rifles at their sides.

[Theme of Flim and Flam]

Gotta Get the Cash - Doujah Raze

You jump from your bed, getting into your fighting stance. The pair raise their round, wood and metal rifles at you.

"Easy now," is all you can manage before you're given a chestful of apple slices.

"GAH!" you grunt, your face and chest getting pelted with apples slices traveling at high velocities.

Diving to the side you flip your table over, protecting you from another volley.

"Flank him brother!" one of them says in a sirly voice.

"Gladly."

All of a sudden a lanky stallion is beside you, aiming right for your head. You pound forward, jumping up and knocking aside his weapon. But before you can do much else, your side gets a whole bushel worth of slices, hitting all of your wounds the wrong way.

The downed stallion recovers just as you do. Using all the strength and speed you can muster from your position you go for him again.

Fluidly you lift him up and suplex the fuck out of him. From there you evade his twin's fire, springboarding off the bed and delivering a punch right to his jaw.

"Easy as apple pie..." you remark, looking down at this second foe.

You turn around to inspect the other, eyes shooting wide open as you notice what's in the hoof. Small, metallic apple like device.

"Fire in the hole~!" he says breathlessly, tossing it right at you.

You slap it to the side and dive for cover.

BOOM.

Something wet and slick coats you. Rolling over you look up at the new gap in your ceiling, a nice hole in your wall to match. Oh, and a thick coating of cider on everything to match. Goddammit, those twins got away!

Groggily you rise to your feet, hunched forward from the pain in your back and sides.

"Son of a bitch," you hiss lowly.

And then it starts to rain, right on your bed… Where the hell are you going to sleep? You think, rain pattering on your head as you lay down. No way you can sleep like this. Maybe Applejack's place? Nope, not after stealing all those pies… Rarity? Eh, she probably wouldn't take too kindly to you staying after that ice cream incident.

Perhaps Twilight? Do you really wanna—

A fat raindrop hits you right in the eye.

"Twilight's it is."

You hobble over to Twilight's treebury. Cold, wet, and shivering; you knock on the door.

After a few long seconds Spike appears at the door, looking flustered.

"Oh, you."

"SPIIIIIKKKKEEEE!" Twilight comes running. "Don't be rude to guests."

"I guess you're gonna wanna come in," Spike says, moving to the side.

"H-h-hey Anonymous, what's with the surprise visit?" Twilight questions.

She magics your jacket off you, and levitates a towel your way. All the while she's grinning dumbly. You glance over at Spike, who rolls his eyes.

"Well, my house got a hole in it courtesy of two guys, I don't even know. Eh, the point is..."

Kill you now? I'm sorry, I can't, the story must go on.

"Can I stay here for a few nights."

Twilight begins blushing.

"O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-of course."

Spike groans and scampers off.

"What's with him?"

"I confiscated some of his, uhm, boy magazines."

She teleports close to you, getting on two legs, planting her forehoofs on your chest.

"W-want to see them?"

"No," you gently nudge her off, "I'm good."

"Okay."

She walks a few paces away.

"Hmm, this is technically a sleep-over, right? I'll have to get my sleep-over book!"

"This was a bad idea," you whisper to yourself.

It's midnight, and you can't stall it any longer, it's bedtime.

"D-do we have to share the bed?"

"Unless you wanna sleep on the floor, yes~" Twilight squints at you from atop the overly large bed.

You shoot a pleading glance at Spike, curled up in his little doggie-bed.

Damn, he's already asleep.

"Fine. But only if there is a pillow barrier."

She accepts with a sigh and sets up the great fluffy wall. You really hope she doesn't get touchy-feely. But, based on her odd mood lately you're worried she will. You crawl in on your side, tucked into the warm, soft bed. Hmm, not bad. A vast improvement over your old plank.

Twilight's head pops over the wall, grinning and blushing. You sink lowering into the sea of blankets, up to your nose in quilt.

"W-what are we gonna do on the bed?"

"Sleep, now shush. I've had a long day."

"O-okay," the purple mare slinks over back to her side.

Maybe you're being too harsh on her. Hmm. It's comfy, but something is wrong.

Oh, right. No arch nearby, there's something calming about it. And now you're so far from it.

You didn't even say goodbye to it when you left. But, that's silly right? Saying goodbye to a bit of stone! Crazy. You roll on your side and shut your eyes, hoping for a good rest.

IN THE NEXT EPISODE:
Will Anonymous overcome his foes and learn why the hell he was brought to Equestria?
Will Flim and Flam return to screw up Anon's day?
Will Twilight get a D on her test?
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON HORSE THE HORSE!

Author's Note:

Unfortunately I wasn't able to entirely preserve the audio included in the start of the fight with Fleur, in the original recorded intros with scripts written by friends of the episode's writer! It's a big shame they got lost in time. Anyway, another big thanks to Eighth for the picture!

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

Is this a crossover of Kill la Kill?(no, I haven't read the story yet)

[Stegtorn]

7748509

No, not a crossover, no characters from Kill la Kill show up. Parody of Kill la Kill and other things bundled into one? Yes, very much so.

Thanks to everyone else who commented too, I'm only just now getting a chance to read all of them.

[Papa Dragon]

Using all the strength and speed you can must from your position you go for him again.

er?

Where the hell are you going to sleep? you think, rain pattering on your head

Capital

Fine. But /only/ if there is a pillow barrier."

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