The Misadventures of Doctor Whooves: Dilemmas with Doppelgangers

by IndigoMoon

The Effects of Polka, Booze, and a Cannon

“Now we need a distraction to draw out the Zygons,” the Doctor was saying. “Pinkie?”

“Don’t worry, Doctor,” said Pinkie with a sly grin. “I know exactly what to do.”

The Doctor smiled “Why do I get the feeling I’m gonna want to see this?”

Pinkie’s grin widened, “Oh, trust me. You do.” Pinkie trotted off to her bedroom to prepare. They had stopped in Pinkie’s room at Sugarcube Corner so Pinkie could grab some things. She had come back in with a cardboard box on her back which she immediately took into her room. Needless to say, everypony else was extremely anxious to find out what was in the box. The Doctor turned to Starlight,

“You’ll keep them wrangled in one location, right?”

Starlight nodded absent-mindedly, as she was thinking how she was going to accomplish her task.

“What am I supposed to do?” asked Berry.

The Doctor smiled and said, “You’re going to keep the Zygons from organizing themselves.”

“And how do I do that?”

“Get drunk and angry,” replied the Doctor with a grin.

Berry smiled slyly. “Get me into a room with a barrel of cider and my sister, and you’re good to go.”

The Doctor nodded and turned to the console. He punched in the coordinates for Berry’s house.

{-----}

After dropping off Berry to get into a drunken rage, the Doctor parked the TARDIS in the middle of town square.

“Pinkie, you’re on!!” called the Doctor.

Pinkie walked into the room wearing a dozen instrument. The Doctor noticed a tuba, an accordion, and a banjo.

“What are you wearing?” asked the Doctor, completely aghast.

“My instrument suit,” replied Pinkie matter-of-factly. “I used it when we had that Parasprite infestation, and later when we had to trick Trixie. In fact, I’ll be using the music I used on the Parasprites to draw out the Zygons.” Pinkie proceeded to walk out the doors, playing all 10 instruments at once. The Doctor, still baffled, decided he would try and figure out Pinkie’s newest shenanigan later as he turned to Starlight.

“Got a plan, Starlight?” asked the Doctor.

“Yep,” replied Starlight. “When all the Zygons are gathered, I will cast a spell creating a shield that will allow any creature through, except Zygons. This is so any ponies who aren’t Zygons can leave, not to mention all the different insects and things.”

A cry came from outside, “Starlight? ANY TIME NOW!!”

Starlight bolted out the door and began her spell.

The Doctor punched in the coordinates for Berry’s house, and upon arriving was met with a horde of banging on the door with Berry screaming at the top of her lungs,

“YOU KNOCKED OVER MY BEER YOU JERK!!!!!”

The Doctor sighed and pushed a button to open the door. Berry came tearing in with a fire in her eyes followed by who the Doctor could only assume was Berry Punch’s sister.

“Nice box,” said the filly.

“Thank you?”

“Any time,” replied the small pink pony.

The Doctor stared at the filly for a moment before asking, “Who are you and why are you in here? Not to sound confrontational, but I am curious.”

“My name is Piña Colada, Berry’s sister. The reason I’m here is to calm her down. I’m the only one who can restrain her whilst she’s in one of her drunken rages.”

The Doctor stared at the filly, who was surprisingly calm, considering who her sister was practically fuming behind her. But the more surprising thing was she almost looked bored. The Doctor shook himself out of his stupor and pulled the switch labelled “Fast-Return”. When
they arrived, The Doctor looked at the furious drunken horse and her bored-looking sister and said, “Ready?”

The small filly nodded, and with a small smile climbed onto her sister’s back. “Ready,” she said.

The Doctor leaned over and pushed the button to open the door. As soon as the door opened, the three TARDIS occupants saw a horde of ponies staring at them, while forming a ring around them. Pinkie was still at it with her polka, looking nervous while Starlight strained to maintain the spell. The Doctor looked on in a terrified awe as the small filly, perched upon Berry’s back noticed one of the ponies who had slipped into the ring, crawling towards Pinkie. She pointed at him and shouted, “He prefers white wine over a hard bottle of cider!” Berry’s rage became directed at the poor stallion that Piña had called out. Berry bolted for him and while at first the stallion laughed mockingly as if to say, “Oh, I’m sooo scared," but quickly came to realise just how dangerous that statement was.

“BONZAI!!!!!!!!!!!!” Berry dived onto the stallion,her hooves swinging, with Piña still on Berry’s back the entire time, whacking the stallion every once in awhile with a frying pan she’d pulled out out of somewhere. Pinkie bounced her way over to the Doctor, who had walked out. She paused her polka to lean over to the Doctor and say,

“I’ll be right back.” She then pulled out a phonograph, and as soon as she set it down it began playing the polka Pinkie had been playing just a moment ago. The pink pony then walked inside and closed the door. He surveyed the horde of Zygons and noticed, with some amusement that Berry had begun chasing the stallion she had tackled earlier through the crowd as she shoved ponies out of the way to get to him. The stallion had taken such a beating he wasn’t even wearing his disguise anymore. The rubbery, sucker-covered pony was currently trying to hide from Berry to no avail. Meanwhile, Starlight was trying to maintain the spell, but the Doctor could tell it wasn’t going to last long. Then suddenly, a loud bang mixed with party noisemakers exploded from the direction of the TARDIS. Everyone stopped and turned to see that Pinkie was leaning on a cannon while examining her hoof. She put her hoof down, seemingly satisfied and said,

“Alright, Zygons. Listen up! You’re all going to sit down and let the Doctor speak, or else.”

A blue stallion spoke up with a snide tone.

“Or what?

Pinkie began pushing her cannon over to the smirking stallion. When she got there, she shoved him into the cannon head-first, so his rump was sticking out the end. She swiveled the cannon around and aimed at a giant target that had appeared out of nowhere. She fired the cannon and, with a bunch of confetti, the stallion went flying out of the cannon, snout smoking, and hit the bullseye. He broke through the target and ended up stuck halfway through. Pinkie turned around to look back at the crowd who had gained a newfound fear-induced respect of the party pony. Pinkie leaned forward a bit, pointed at the stallion stuck in the target,

“That.”

Everypony immediately sat down and looked towards the Doctor.

“Now, when the Doctor asks you a question, you will raise you hoof and wait to be called on.” Pinkie smiled and bounced over to the Doctor. The Doctor and Berry stared at Pinkie. Even Piña seemed slightly surprised. Starlight dropped her shield and looked over, confused.

“Why are they all sitting like little schoolfillies?” asked Starlight.

“I’ll tell you later,” said the Doctor.

The Doctor walked over to stand in front of the zygons.

“One, you can drop your disguises… actually, on second thought, don’t. It’ll be easier to point you out.”

The Doctor paused, and looked around.

“Ok! Question one: why are you here? To invade and replace? To conquer?”

A pale brown mare with a yellow mane raised her hoof.

“You there,” the Doctor said as he pointed.

“Because we need a planet, and this has the perfect environment,” she said.

“What happened to your old planet?”

A light green stallion with a two-color mane of dark green on the top and brown on the bottom raised his hoof.

The Doctor pointed at him, and much to the Doctor’s surprise, began speaking with what sounded almost like an Irish accent,

“Because our planet is gone,” he stated.

“What do you mean ‘gone’?” asked the Doctor.

“It’s gone,” the stallion replied. “Vanished.”

“Are you sure you went looking in the right place?”

“Yep. I’m the ship’s pilot. I’m positive we were exactly where we should’ve been, but it wasn’t there, so we decided to come and live here. We slowly integrated into the town, and have been living here ever since.”

“How long ago was it when you first came here?”

“About 6 years ago,” replied the stallion.

Berry gasped.

“What?” asked the Doctor.

“6 years ago… that’s when Ponyville had the big population boom, when Twilight first came here, and when all these villains and stuff began really popping up.”

“The population boom must have been us,” said the green unicorn.

“So you just wanted to live here peacefully?” asked the Doctor.

“Yep,” replied the unicorn.

“So why all the sudden hostility?” asked the Doctor. “I mean, you blew up Zecora’s hut.”

“Who did?!” cried out a voice.

The Doctor scanned the crowd until he found the owner of the voice. It was a tan mare with a pink and blue mane.

“Bon Bon?” asked Berry.

“That’s not my actual name,” said ‘Bon Bon’, “but if it makes things easier, you can call me that. I don’t mind.”

“Okay,” said the Doctor, “back to the point. You know about the explosion?”

Bon Bon nodded, “Yes. It was a group of Zygons who were trying to get you to leave. The sudden hostility was because we thought you were going to make us leave. They probably got a little carried away.”

Starlight suddenly spoke up, irritated, “If they got ‘a little carried away’ then why’d they try to kill us with a cupcake bomb!?!?”

“It was a smoke bomb with compressed helium. If you had been outside in the gas, your voice would’ve been squeaky.”

“Oh.” Starlight looked a little embarrassed at her outburst.

“Well then, I have to come to a decision…” the Doctor began.

Everypony leaned forward waiting with with baited breath.

“They can stay. The only reason they were hostile is because they were afraid that we were going to force them to leave their home. I see no reason to make them leave. Besides, I bet they help with the economy. Um… who’s in charge here?”

Bon Bon raised her hoof. “Me.”

“Well then, if you’d be so kind as to follow me, we can get this all sorted out.”

The Doctor walked into the TARDIS, followed by Bon Bon. He stuck his head back out and said,

“Starlight, Pinkie, Berry? I’ll be right back.”

Author's Note:

Sorry about the wait! I've been really busy with work lately. Hopefully I'll be able to get the next chapter out soon, but I won't make any promises. I hoping the latest it'll be is New Year's.