Chapter 3
Twilight had never been in the ocean. In fact never out of Equestria. So her knowledge of it was very low. So when the fog came in, they almost got lost.
"I can't see a thing," said Rainbowdash. "We've been traveling for hours. Nearly a day! I think."
"We just have to sell straight," said Twilight.
"But can't Discord just teleport us there?," asked Rainbowdash.
"I can't do it if I don't even know where we're heading," said Discord.
"The best option for us is like I said," said Twilight. "To just sail straight."
Then, she saw something. It was a-.
"Land ho!," Pinkie Pie yelled.
"Wait wha-," started Twilight.
Suddenly, the boat crashed and they were washed away.
"Ow my head," said Twilight as she as she rose, rubbing her head. She then regained consciousness and realized they were standing, or at least her, on a beach. In front of her was the fogged ocean, and ahead, layed her dying home. She then stood up, and called for her friends.
"Applejack! Rainbowdash! Pinkie Pie! Can you guys hear me! Where are you?!" Her ears perked up to a call for her name. "Applejack?," she asked. She ran to were she heard the noise come from. Applejack was on a tree branch, her tail caught in it.
"I might need some help here," she said.
"Hold on I got you," said Twilight, using her magic to untangle the cowgirl. She jumped down, as Twilight said, "Help me find the others."
The friends looked everywhere to find the rest of the group. They found Rarity under a branch of a tree, stuck in tree sap. "Uggh I'm ruined," she whined. "Now I'll never get the mud out of my mane."
"At least y'all still alive," said Applejack. "You didn't expect to not get dirty."
"No just, not this messed up," said Rarity.
Applejack rolled her eyes. They found Pinkie Pie buried under the sand, and Rainbowdash covered with crabs. "This is totally not painful," she said, hiding the pain.
"I'm on it," said Applejack, walking towards her. "You three find the rest."
They nodded and kept seeking. Spike was stuck on a tree so Rarity got him down. Twilight counted six of them. "Where's Fluttershy and-," she stopped when she heard leaves rustled.
"Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch," said Discord as he fell from branch to branch, then finally, hit the ground. Fluttershy fell afterwards, dizzy.
"That answer your question," said Applejack.
"Guess so," said Twilight.
"Ouch!," shrieked Rainbowdash. "Hey watch it! I would like to keep my wings thank- youch!"
"Stay still," said Applejack. "Just one more to go."
"You don't tell me to ouch!," shrieked Rainbowdash once more.
"There," said Applejack, spitting the crab out. Rainbowdash shook dry, then they all turned to Twilight. "What now?," asked Rainbowdash.
"I think we uh, enter the forest," said Twilight, unsure. She didn't even know where they were. The group stared at her. But as unsure as they were, they just walked into the forest.
"Uggh I can't take this heat," whined Rarity. "I feel my mane literally sticking to my neck."
"Well ya didn't expect a novelty trip did ya Rarity?," asked Applejack.
"Well you wouldn't know since the farm life has gotten you used to it," said Rarity. "It's not like you would understand."
"Are you implying that I'm dumb?," said Applejack eyeing Rarity.
"No. Just inexperienced," said Rarity.
"I think I know when it's hot Rarity," said Applejack annoyed. "Just cause I'm a farmer doesn't make me dumber than you. Just cause you have class."
"Oh you don't even know what you're talking about," said Rarity. "Not everyone was made in a city and taught matters."
"Say what now!," yelled Applejack. "You take that back Ms. Drama Queen!"
"Oh I'm not the one yelling!," declared Rarity.
"Stop it! Both of you," said Twilight. "Arguing won't make any difference."
"Well maybe it wouldn't be happening if the Spirit of Disharmony weren't here," said Rainbowdash.
"Oh it's my fault now," said Discord. "And why would that be?"
"Because everywhere you go there's trouble," said Rainbowdash.
"Ohh super argument center," said Pinkie Pie. "This calls for a-."
"Can it Pinkie!," said everyone except Fluttershy.
"Well at least I'm trying to help!," said Pinkie Pie.
"Why would a party be helpful?," asked Applejack annoyed.
"Because it brings happiness and smiles!," yelled Pinkie Pie.
"Well it won't work now!," yelled Rainbowdash.
The ponies kept on arguing and arguing. "Should we interfere?," asked Spike.
"I really don't know," said Twilight. "But we're wasting time and we need-."
Before she could finish her thoughts she heard a branch snap. The group all quieted down, perking their ears up (except for Spike who apparently didn't have ears that perked up). Soon their eyes fell on Discord.
"What are you guys all staring at?," asked Discord confused. But they kept their eyes on him. "Okay what's with the awkward silence. Seriously you're creeping me out." Then something tackled Discord to the ground. The group was suddenly surrounded.
"What in Equestria!," yelled Twilight. A, -pony?-walked towards her. She removed her mask and eyed the young alicorn. She had mahogany eyes, a light tan coat. But what was so shocking about her were her wings. They were completely lot up by fire!
"Well hello there," she said. "Exuse us for the disturbance and, rough first impression. I'm Commander Torrid, but you can call me Torrid. As I said, please forgive us for our roughness. Just that your pet dracunaquus alarmed us."
"Pet!," yelled Discord. "Who are you calling a pet you little-." He launched towards her but was held back by some type of magic proof ropes.
"Ha!," laughed Torrid. "Try getting out of those anti-dracunaquus ropes. Magic proofed made by the King himself."
"You can let him go," said Fluttershy. "He's not really evil once you get to know him. He won't be a threat."
"Sorry Rose but I only talk to leaders," said Torrid. "So Lavender, what's your name, whatha doing here, and is your pet safe around here."
Hmm. The plot thickens, and apparently the Out Lands are unlike any place the ponies have ever seen. It also sounds like the inhabitants they’ve just met know enough about Discord to recognize his species (hinting that perhaps they’ve seen others of his kind, or perhaps have heard legends about him in particular). This could lead to some interesting world-building.
Notes:
-If Twilight has never gone sailing before, and they’re out on the ocean for days without any sense of direction, these ponies are not “almost lost.” They are lost.
-The transition from the ponies crashing their boat to getting washed up on the shores is kind of rushed. My suggestion would be to slow down and give us more details about how these things each happened. For example, perhaps they couldn’t see anything in the mist—except for Pinkie—but did the impact completely destroy the boat? Did it evaporate, perhaps? And did something knock Twilight on the head, so that when she regained consciousness she found they had all been shipwrecked?
-A pony with flame wings. Cool.
-Once again, the dialogue was great. I laughed when the ponies were bickering, and then of course they had made up by the end. So that was nice as well.
I’m looking forward to Chapter 4!
7498471
Hey thanks for the feedback. And honestly, this is set like right after season 4 but before season 5. Also yes all will be explained on how the Flower of Life has died but with time. I really love that you're giving me pointers and would love it if you could help me edit the next few chapters just tell me how to send my next chapters to you so you could edit them cause I am brand new to this site. Also all will be explained later on as to why Twilight blamed Discord well, obviously I got the idea from the premiere of season 4 Princess Twilight Sparkle where she immediately just blames Discord just because it's what's the word, oh yeah. Chaotic.
7498764 You're welcome! And of course I'd be glad to help you edit the next few chapters, when you have them available. The best way to reach me, with chapters you haven't posted yet, is probably by PM (the personal mail system on Fimfiction.net.
Do you see the line of items near your icon, which list things such as how many stories you've written and how many followers you have? One of those is a mail icon, which someone who visited your page could use to send you a PM. If you wanted to send me a PM, you could go to my homepage and click on the mail icon there. And the message would go directly to me.
I can also send you a note to establish our message stream (like how we would exchange emails, pretty much). You should be able to copy-and-paste each chapter into the body of the message, since I'm not aware of being able to attach the Microsoft Word files.
7499672
Thank you!!! When I'm done with the next chapter I will send it to you!!
7499744 Wonderful! I read and just sent you the comments on it. ;3
P.S. Thanks for the watch as well!
I LOVE IT! If you need any help on the story, just let me know. :)
7504176
Well yes I do need your help when the melancholy and torture filled chapters come up kay? I'll tell you when they do and I'll send them to you so you could help me.
7504429
Great. :) Thanks. :)
7504549
Want me to send it to you now? See cause I already posted most of this fanfic on Google+ but, want to see those chapters now?
7504560
That will be great. :)
7504176
Also I was wondering, if you made your own cover how do you add it to your story?
7515850
Can you be specific?
7515955
Example I have this cover for my fanfic "Visions", how do upload it?
7516008
Go to edit mode. The when you find Cover Art, you can see the button to insert your image.
7516092
I tried but it didn't work.
7516108
That's odd. I can't think of any other ideas at the moment unfortunately.
7516189
That's okay. You tried
Will Fluttershy and Discord be badass in this story?
7517070
Nah. I don't really think so. I was going to ship them but, then decided not to do it. The events of that would be bizzare. So no, they won't.