The rest of Time Turner’s day passed by less eventfully. He managed to get a team of pegasi movers to retrieve his couch and that was basically it. Surprisingly, considering the types of things he worked on, his home and lab had escaped most of the side effects Discord’s magic caused across town. That said, he did get visited by an officer with a few more questions about the children he found.
Time Turner couldn’t help but be curious about them. Zebras were rare. Aside from Zecora, he didn’t think there were many others in Equestria. As for Diamond Dogs, the less said about them the better. Nopony knew much about them. The only ones he knew of were the pack lurking not that far from the outskirts of town in the Gem Fields.
The next day he paid another visit to the hospital. Nurse Sweetheart was on duty again, the cream coated Nursery Rhyme with her, but Time Turner waited until they were finished with a patchy coated stallion before going up to them.
“Time Turner, just because we aren’t as busy today doesn’t give you free rein to hurt yourself,” Sweetheart groaned when she noticed him.
“No, no, no! Heavens no,” Time Turner insisted, waving his hoof in denial. “Perfectly healthy and fit as a horse, as the saying goes. I just came to see how the foals I found are. Couldn’t stop thinking about them last night.” He sighed, but looked up moments later. “I’m not that bad, am I?”
Nursery Rhyme couldn't help but let out a little chuckle at that. “You're our second most frequent patient aside from Rainbow Dash and that's saying something. And about the children you found? They're stable but to be utterly honest, I couldn’t answer that for you. Been up to my ears dealing with the mountain of paperwork Discord has caused. However, Doctor Stable is making his rounds right now but he should be back soon enough. Perhaps you can wait till he comes back?”
“If you don’t mind,” Time Turner said easily. “Should I sit somewhere or...?”
Nursery Rhyme just nodded, “Yes, take a seat in the waiting room if you'd like. I’ll tell the Doctor you want to see him when he comes back.”
“Right-o!” Time Turner found a seat in the corner and took one of the magazines to pass the time with. It was almost half an hour before Dr. Stable was available, by which Time Turner was dozing off while reading.
Dr. Stable cleared his throat with a snort, jolting Time Turner awake. Dr. Stable shook his head with a slight smile. “Dr. Hooves, Nursery Rhyme told me you were here. And aren’t even hurt yourself this time.”
“Fit as a fiddle, as they say,” Time Turner said confidently. He looked at the magazine and his ears flicked back momentarily. “I was… engrossed in the… latest advances in hoof treatments?” He tossed the magazine aside. “But enough of that. How fare the foals I brought in?”
“Walk with me,” Dr. Stable said reluctantly after hesitating. He led them down one of the corridors, pausing only to pick up a folder. Only when they were a fair distance from the more public areas did he start talking again. “You certainly found us an interesting pair, Turner.”
“How so?” Time Turner asked.
“It’s only been a day, but so far we’ve found no records of missing or absent foals,” Dr. Stable said, directing Time Turner into an office. They both took seats and the weariness made itself clear on Dr. Stable’s face. “No records of a zebra foal around his presumed age anywhere in Equestria either. Zecora was called in, but she doesn’t know him either, and cannot think of any reason for a foal his age to be here in Equestria without parents or guardians. As for the other one, there are barely any diamond dogs in Equestria’s system, and the closest group to town only has males, none fitting his coat patterns anyway. They seem to have appeared out of nowhere. We will need a few more days to confirm, but for now, we have them down as Wards of the State.
“As for their conditions…” Dr. Stable sighed. He set the folder on the table, his magic fading away. “I’m only telling you this since you were the one to bring them in. It’s a good thing you found them when you did. The zebra was somehow suffering from acute alcohol intoxication. His Blood Alcohol Content levels were high, even for an adult, much less a foal.”
“He was drinking? As his age?” Time Turner couldn’t help but blurt it out in surprise.
“Or was forced to. Seems to be the only explanation,” Dr. Stable rubbed the bridge of his nose. “And a lot of it. I’m surprised he could take in the amount of fluids required to have levels that high. We nearly pulled a pint out of his stomach, Turner. Zecora is working on a potion she says will help his body recover.”
“And… the other one?”
“It was… difficult working with him as we don’t know much about Diamond Dog physiology, but… Pervasive soft tissue and internal organ damage. Almost like blunt force trauma, but the damage patterns and lack of any external marks make it just as much of a mystery as the zebra’s BAC levels. That’s Blood Alcohol Content by the way,” Dr. Stable added, explaining the acronym. He tapped the folder with his hoof. “Not to mention the circulatory shock both were suffering from.
“Both also had alarmingly low blood sugar levels, irregular inflammation in various tissues and organs, among other things. At the moment, we have them in an induced coma. Not the best option for foals their age, but with the conflicting and baffling injuries, it was the best way to treat them.”
“Whickering Stallions, I didn’t realize it was that bad!” Time Turner said quietly, still shocked. He thought about how rashly he had picked them up and carried them. “Did I cause them more injuries getting them here?”
“To be honest, yes,” Dr. Stable said. He raised a hoof when he saw the look on Time Turner’s face. “However, it would have been worse if you didn’t. Given more time, they might have died if you hadn’t found them and brought them in.”
Both stallions were silent for a while. Time Turner broke it. “So what comes next for them, my friend?”
“We aren’t really sure,” Dr. Stable admitted. “We will keep them here for as long as it takes to treat their injuries. Meanwhile, the police and social services will continue trying to discover anything about their family. It looks like a possible case for foal abuse, neglect and abandonment. Even if they cannot find their parents or guardians by then, they’ll be put in the system from what Social Services tells us. You are only partially involved since your name is down as the one that found and admitted them. Bureaucracy and all that.”
Time Turner’s expression took a cynical tint at the mention of bureaucracy, but it passed quickly. “I suppose some families are worse than others,” he murmured.
“Turner?” Dr. Stable asked gently, knowing his friend.
Time Turner brightened and gave the unicorn a smile. “Would it be okay if I saw them?”
“Saw them?” Dr. Stable was thrown by the sudden change of topic.
“I really am worried about them,” Time Turner said. “Even more so now that you’ve told me all that. Of course, I’m not saying you and your team are incapable, but it would go a long way to calming my concerns. After all, it was my couch that found them.”
“Of course,” Dr. Stable said, his small smile returning. He left Time Turner across the hospital to the pediatric care department. A few of the foals cheerfully called out greetings to them as they passed. Some did anyway.
“Doc! When can I leave!” an orange earth pony called the moment she noticed Dr. Stable.
“Ah gotta get back to Scootaloo an’ Sweetie Bell soon Doc,” Apple Bloom cried out in annoyance, pouting as she stared out at him with big puppy dog eyes, a cast around her left foreleg. “Can’t ya take this cast off now?”
“In a few more days, Apple Bloom,” Dr. Stable said, waving at her. “We have to make sure it sets right.”
“well… poohie…,” she pouted, glumly staring down at her confined limb. “Last time, we try that for our cutie marks,” she muttered to herself as Time Turner and Dr. Stable were getting out of earshot.
Time Turner shook his head slowly, but didn’t linger any longer than Dr. Stable did. Eventually he was brought to a room and stopped for one last word. “It’s not the... happiest sight. I did tell you they were not the best off.”
The room was quiet and still except for the steady beeping of a pair of heart monitors, with only the two young ones inside. The zebra was the closest to the door, the diamond dog on the other side. Both were hooked up to IVs and oxygen masks. The diamond dog had bandages in a few places over his chest and limbs as well. The two stallions stood in the door, not actually going in.
“How long do you think they will be here for?” Time Turner asked softly.
“One or two weeks,” Dr. Stable replied. “The zebra might be recovered enough in a few days. We don’t know how long a diamond dog needs to recover unfortunately. Either way, we’ll keep them under for a few days and see where it takes us.”
Time Turner nodded thoughtfully and backed out of the room. Dr. Stable took it for what it was and followed, closing the door behind them. “Now Stable, I don’t suppose it would be an issue if I came to visit them a few times? Just to check on the progress of their recovery. Ah, it wouldn’t be fair of me to just have disinterest in the foals my own couch helped locate, now would it? Perhaps until we find out more about them and what happened? Only if it wouldn’t be a bother, of course.”
“Of course not, Turner,” Dr. Stable said easily. “I’ll let the staff know you’re likely to pop in a few times. Outside of your regular visits.” He laughed at the indignant expression on Time Turner’s face before trotting off. “Between you, Rainbow Dash and now the crusaders, we’ve been considering a frequent visitor pass.”
Behold, I have come to secure an early post.
7425700
Congratulations, you get....
But platonic hugs
Is there a reason chapter 2 and 3 are the same?....but i like the story so far kudos
7425741
CRAP! Second chapter is fixed now
7425830
Yeah, we decided to do something different than just Discord did it in fact, accidentally pissing off an old god was an idea we had before but never implemented
Hmmm, kay, reading further, and I'm still interested. That's good. The odd ideas are rather refreshing. I have to admit, I'm curious about the fact that you kept them unconscious for another chapter. It does help make a certain pause to develop equestrians a bit more.
Also, I have to say, I lowkey love that you had this alcohol poisoning thing. Not necessarily for the possible questioning of child abuse I sense coming, but for the fact that you made a distinction between a person's body and the substances they ate/drank. Bagage in a transformation is one of those rare things and it's quite fun to see it here.
Next comes the test: human reactions. Good luck, it is always needed for that milestone.
7425750 Nice...Got thumbs up from me...looking forward to more,if this goes a certain way it will be the kind of story i love to early to tell yet.
7425875 The whole alcohol poisoning literally came to me just randomly and when i told Greycait he called me a horrible horrible person
And aside from the alcohol poisoning, the poor puppy loosing a fight with a tree
There is going to be a few more little odder ideas weve had and plan on implementing but that is spoilers my dear sir
The zebra is actually waking up next chapter and to put it bluntly, there'll be some screaming, squinting, and flailing of forehooves at first of course
EDIT: it totally skipped my mind but them being on death's doorstep is another side effect of the transformation. It needed energy and they were the only source of it.
7425880
Youll see in due time
Ok, I'm sold on this story start. The writing is clever and slightly silly, while still being serious when it needs to be. The premise alone is fairly interesting as we've seen quite a few foals in Ponyville stories, yet this would be a much rarer 'of another race' variety.
So... will the Zebra colt be forced to speak only in rhyme and have to stop himself, but revert back when surprised or embarrassed? Heh, cursing or mumbling in rhyme... How about the Diamond Dog pup?
7427963
I... thats actually kinda funny... why didn't we think of that
Oh im bad at the limmrick gimmick
7428094
Thank you fir pointing that out
To be honest I came here not expecting much, and yet I'm pleasantly surprised.
Nice writing, distinctive voices, good new ideas and fun rehearsal of old tropes, this looks indeed promising. You got certainly another regular reader.
7428906
Just wait till they wake up genre-savyness (ill admit that James is a mild brony) from one mixed with ADD and child-like enthusiasm of the other
I sense a clusterfuck in the near future.
7429305
Or just horrible improvisational lying and a lot of crying :P
7429417 same thing.
7428715
Hey, being bad at rhyming, that is, it sounding bad, could be part of the fun. It'd be like being compelled to sing while being bad at it. Obviously something that a normal Zebra would get good at if for no other reason than peer pressure, an entire life of practice and examples from their elders.
But hey, it could be an embarrassing phase all zebra go through, even Zecora once upon a time.
7429757
And after a bit, he might break out of it
There are a bunch of little things that could be edited in this story but I'm going to wait a couple more chapters before I dive in with recommendations.
I am not the best for editing 'grammar and such' so I will try to skip making any recommendations in that regard. If this story truly catches my attention, and you decide you want the help, I can probably rope my roommate into helping fix any glaring problems. He is an english major who loves crushing 'poorly written' stories beneath his mighty thesaurus, so I would have to act as a go-between if you wanted his help.
Here are a couple little 'mistakes':
“Doc! When can I leave!” an orange earth pony called the moment she noticed Dr. Stable.
“Ah gotta get back to Scootaloo an’ Sweetie Bell soon Doc,” Apple Bloom cried out in annoyance from another, pouting as she stared out at him with big puppy dog eyes, a cast around her left foreleg. “Can’t ya take this cast off now?”
(Note: Applebloom is a YELLOW earth pony, not orange. Scootaloo is the orange member of the CMC.)
(Note: I assume you meant to describe the two doctors wondering past beds or rooms and that is where this line comes from. Unfortunately you forgot to put that bit of description in and it leaves the reading wondering "From another" what?)
“In a few more days, Apple Bloom,” Dr. Stable said, waving at her. “We have to make sure it sets right.”
---
For me, this second one falls as a logic mistake.
They don't keep people in the hospital with broken bones once they have been treated (especially if the hospital is as busy as you describe it).
Unless it was a fracture* which required surgery, they would just put it in a cast and send her home. Her friends and family would be more than capable of keeping an eye on her until she had to come back to have it removed.
At most they would keep her overnight for observation if they thought there were other injuries (like a head injury for example).
If her being there is essential to the story (and I assume you intend to tie-in the CMC with this at some point) they might have her come back regularly to check the progress of her healing. They may also want to have her come back for physical therapy after the cast is removed.
OK, those bits aside, this is actually an interesting start.
You skirted around the 'Everfree monster battle' decently and took the logical step of having them taken to the hospital rather than the 'quick! To the unlicensed animal caretaker!' route.
I actually have a bit of a soft spot for interesting HiE stories.
The best ones tend to be those with main characters that have limitations in their forms and/or cultural misunderstandings. Examples include; age regression, gender/species change, introduction as minority species, physical disability, and/or communication issues (either can't speak the native language or is simply mute).
They make for great 'overcoming obstacles' stories with actual relatable interest rather than relying on a shoehorn villain who has come to oppress the masses.
If you want some examples of these types of stories, I can send you a short list.
Personally I would much rather read a slow-paced story where the main character is a human turned mute-albino-gryphon-cub that just wants to go home than a fast-paced action-packed story about a guy who seems to forget everything about his old life during the first paragraph in Equestria. That second example also tends to go on to fight the 27th rise of The Nightmare while building his harem of main characters (since he is the epic-powered chosen-one that all the mares lust after).
* If you are interested in how bone fractures are treated, here is a bit of info on the subject http://www.healthline.com/health/bone-fracture-repair .
Again, hoping this story goes well.
Will be keeping an eye on it.
7431932
Good to know and i van send you a pm if youd like to know more
7431932 I take full responsibility for the coat colour issue. We switched which Crusader it would be and I didn't edit that line. Shared blame for the duration though. Bluey picked broken leg, but I didn't look into how long they keep patients in a hospital for that one.
7433659
Andie originally but after conferring with grey, its andy now