As is per traditions I must let you guys know that I do not own My Little Pony or any of the characters that appear in this story.
And so without further ado, please sit back and enjoy.
For Her
It was a beautiful winters morning, the sun was just beginning its journey across the clear sky. But it didn’t seem like anyone was actually enjoying it, there were no birds to be heard chirping merrily away. No animals roaming about looking for a early breakfast. In fact one could say that it was in all definitions of the word, deserted. Which is rather interesting seeing as we are speaking from the perspective of a quaint little village in the great expanses of equestrian’s massive tracts of land. As the popular tale goes not a soul stirred, not even a mouse.
But this wasn’t the case for long, as some ponies had a stringent routine that they actually kept to. If you were to walk down the main street of ponyville at that very moment you would see the flipping of a closed board in sweets shop, and hear the shouting of an angry neighbor shouting across the lawn to the adjacent house insisting that that insufferable bass be toned down. It was all according to the routine that every pony had fallen into, which was dangerous. So fate had a different plan for today.
According to many reference books that a certain purple dragon kept hidden, the waking time of another certain unicorn would not for a few more hours. This was measured by the amount of books that lay open around her, 12 of them to be exact. And half of them were more than 500 pages long which meant he had until 12 o’clock until she rose from her slumber. And he intended to take advantage of that time, every last second of it . You see; the life of a library assistant to a unicorn who’s idea of fun was learning the properties of light was not at all, well fun. And it was only thanks to the many years of struggling and his will of steel that he had managed to obtain the required tolerance to the desire for sleep, when faced with a two hour long lecture about probability and its application in teleportation. And to start his day off, the purple dragon thought it appropriate that he mix up a batch or ruby muffins, as he was lacking in the diamond section. Two hours later and with the disappearance of a dozen muffins he was satisfied, but his morning wasn't over yet. He was expecting the daily mail in a half an hour then he was free to go visit he favorite pony. Until half past eleven, this was because the relationship was rather on the down low, as both parties felt it was not necessary to let every pony know just yet. The day was going all according to routine, well for the time being that is.
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Now not all of you may know but it is quite common among the more powerful unicorns to have dreams in which they involuntarily use magic. In fact many disasters were set in motion because a unlucky dreaming unicorn got too excited fighting off a imaginary manticore. A prime example was the great fire in Fillydelphia, to which the unicorn said in his defense, that it was a rather intimidating manitcore was attacking him. Fortunately for the library which was situated within a tree, which we all know are quite prone to fires held a unicorn who was very adept at controlling her magic (with only a few mishaps). But she was very skilled in the art of teleportation. This meant that what she thought she was doing to get away from the menacing manticore, actually placed her several feet above the ground, and with a loud THUD ended her dream rather abruptly. The unicorn bolted upright on her forelegs and spun around a few times quite hilariously as she frantically checked for the manticore. And she then settled down knowing that she was indeed, safe. But she was awake three hours early, which caused a rather loud crash as the purple dragon brought a pan of fresh ruby muffins out into the main room.
“Oh wow, Spike you’ve really outdone yourself this time.” He said nonchalantly still unaware of the conscious unicorn.
“Up already spike?" She remarked before spotting the ruby muffins. "Hey are those the rubies I bought from Rarity? The ones i said you were not to eat them until you cleaned up that mess downstairs?”
“AAAHHHH!!” And the aforementioned loud crash ensued. “Twilight! What are you doing awake this early?! I mean no! These are rubies i...er.. found yesterday! Yea not the ones you said I couldn’t eat! No not those!” A wide fake smile appearing rather quickly on his face while he hurriedly attempted to pick up the scattered foodstuffs.
“Awake early? What time is it anyway?”
“Half past nine, I’ve never seen you awake this early after you pull an all nighter.” He grumbled to himself now realizing that he wasn’t going to be able to attend his rendezvous.
“Oh wow, you're right I am quite early. Oh well, as they say: "the early bird gets the worm.”
“Yea, but there are no birds.” Spike said under his breath, and then he had an idea. “So now that you’re awake; what do you plan to do this early in the morning?”
“Well I’m quite hungry, so I’m guessing breakfast at sweet apple acres.” yes, yes all according to plan....
“But the daily mail comes in today so somepony will need to wait for it. And since I’ve been awake since 7 I think I need a little bit of fresh air.” He stated matter of factly as he quickly shuffled his way to the front door.
“But you’ve all ready had...*slam*” went the old oak door, as Spike had managed to make his way outside. “Ugh fine,looks like i'm stuck here to make my own breakfast, what could possibly go wrong?” And this is where we shall take a break as I’m sure you’ll not want to hear about a ponies ability to set muffin mix on fire with milk.
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We instead take this time to follow another pony that is quite adept in the Baking of muffins. In fact she baked a “muffin” for nine months, and we can clearly see how well that went. “Dinky! Breakfast is ready!”
“Coming momma!” came the reply of a young filly in the middle of putting her wellingtons on. “Oh oh oh! Which flavor did you make today?” Great enthusiasm towards the sweet treats ran in the family.
“Your favorite! Blueberry!” Which was also her favorite, but Dinky had in many ways shown how much more she loved them. “Did you remember to pack your costume? Today is the play remember.”
“Yea I did momma! Your're coming right?”
“But of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” The chance to see her filly as Juliet in Romeo and Juliet of Canterlot, she wouldn't have missed it even if discord returned.
“Yay! I’ll see you after school then! Bye!” Dinky grabbed one more muffin and ran out the door eager to get to school where they were going to spend the day doing a full dress rehearsal.
“Bye Muffin! Have fun at school!” she called as her bundle of joy ran into the snow that had piled up the night before. School, she had fond memories of it. Despite her lazy eye she had been rather popular in school. But she had a job now, a job she loved even if it wasn’t the most fulfilling of professions. She managed to make it rather interesting each day; much like her cutie mark. The seven bubbly bubble that donned her flank. She was able to make any situation enjoyable. Her love for bubbles was second only to her love of muffins. And she did love her muffin dearly.
Setting out to the post office she passed a rather interesting bunch of ponies which she knew for a fact, usually didn’t get up until much later, maybe they had decided to seize the day? No that couldn’t be it, because most of them were far too busy seizing the night. Shrugging it off, and putting it down on the list of wired occurrences which she kept on a small note pad in her saddle bags, she arrived at her destination: the post office. Clocking in perfectly on time for the hundredth time, a record she was proud to hold, she began her what seemed to be a rather uneventful winters day.
Which we all know by now would not be the case . As she sorted through the mail for her morning run she came across the second occurrence. A package; and a rather heavy one at that was bound for the local library, for the librarian whose coat was a deep purple. Not to mention her eyes, and her mane, except for that highlight which she swore was the result of a spell gone wrong. In fact she was sure that the unicorn was purple to every last inch of her body. Which turned her a color that was quite clearly not purple. What’s with me today... She thought quite flustered at where her thoughts were headed. And then she remembered her last encounter with the mare when a heavy object had involved. Because dropping and anvil and a piano on top of somepony was not in anyway a good thing. .Not knowing what to do, she set out on her daily route trying to figure out how she would get the librarian her mail, without having to lift it herself.
Half an hour went by and she found herself standing in front of the aforementioned library, which did not help her rising anxiousness. Oh wow, its hot here, did we wrap up winter yet? After Which she looked around and it became clear to her that it was still the middle of winter and she was in fact standing in the middle of a recent snow fall. Okay, remain calm, I’m sure Twilight has forgiven you for that mishap. But the it wasn't only that fateful day that was the cause of her distress. She was now frantically checking herself to see if she had a fever or signs of hypothermia. Which she had none of. She finally decided to confront the librarian, oh what beauty that word had. Librarian, the keeper of knowledge and wisdom, truly a profession worth having. She knocked on the door a few times, and then some more in nervous induced impatience. Hearing no reaction within the tree she turned quickly thinking she wasn’t in. But today was the day routine was broken, and so the door against its will opened.
*knock knock knock knock* Had she hear something? Twilight wasn’t sure she could hear anything after the recent mishap with the oven, she was going to get quite a earful when Spike got back. She could already hear him rant about not turning the knobs randomly to see what would happen. *knock knock knock* No, someone was at the door, she was sure of it. So she trotted over to the door and slowly opened it, fearing that spike would be the one behind it. But instead she saw the smooth coat of the gray mail mare, with the blond mane floating into her face as the mail mare turned around. And her nose was filled with the smell of muffins, perfectly cooked muffins ones that didn’t come out completely black. And did she smell a hint of blue berry? Oh she could keep smelling it forever if it were not for the fact that the gray mail mare was leaving with that beautifully smelling mane in tow. “Wait! Ditsy!” She called out, even though she wasn't sure why.
The mail mare stopped short and slowly turned round, "this is it sunshine" she thought to herself. “Oh hi Twilight, I thought you were sleeping so I thought I would... maybe come back this afternoon when you were awake.” Those words came out surprisingly coherent, but it was going to get harder before it got easier.
“Oh no its quite alright I was awake for a while already, what brings you here Disty?” Wait, Ditsy? Did the mare of her dreams actually call her that? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold it right there! Mare of your dreams? Are you quite alright there sunshine?
“....um, my names not... Ditsy, its Sunshine... Ditsy’s just a childhood nickname.” She tried her very best not to blush, and thought that maybe if she stuck her head in the snow that it might help. So she did.
“Oh well I thought.... umm Sunshine? Are you okay there?” Twilight was fully aware of ponyville's love of the snow but she didn't realize they liked to eat it as well. Didn't they know it was bad for their heath?
Sunshine slowly pulled her face out of the snow, still very much aware that her face had not yet cooled down. “Umm yea I’m fine, just here for a delivery.”
“Oh, are you sure? You looks like you have quite the fever, are you're sure your fit to work?” Genuine worry followed those words to Sunshine’s ears.
“yea I’m fine thank you though.”
“I’m surprised I haven’t heard you real name until now, I mean I’ve heard a lot of names for you. Ditsy, Derpy...” The mail mares ears perked up, And the heat in her face switched from being fueled by affection to anger.
“Derpy! Where in Equestria did you hear that! And here I thought a mare of your stature would know the difference between a joke and a insult! How dare you call me by that name fit for bullies! I expect apology muffins!” She wasn't sure where all this pent up anger was coming from but it was coming out anyway. Twilight visibly shrunk back into the library, keen on avoiding the wrath of the mail mare.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you feelings. I just wanted to get to know you better! I swear by Celestia’s name!” Those nine words and those nine words alone managed to enter Sunshine’s ears. Stopping her next assault right in its tracks.
“Sorry! I’ve heard that too many...wait what?” Did I hear that right? She wants to get to know me?
“I didn’t mean to hurt you feelings, I’m really sorry!” Twilight was in quite the pickle here, she was mere seconds away from losing a potential friend and making a potential enemy. She was stuttering whatever came to mind as soon as they did. Then she noticed the mare wasn’t shouting anymore. She slowly raised her head from its hiding place under her hooves.
“You... Wanted to get to know me?” Sunshine had quite clearly heard those words, they were still ringing inside her head. She felt the affection driven blush return in full force, and she turned her head in desperation to not make it obvious to the purple unicorn that those words had hit home.
“Y...Yes I do,” Twilight spoke nervously. “I’ve never talked to you much, me calling you by that horrible name is a testament to that fact. I’m really sorry I just wanted to get to know you. Honest.” Her confidence was returning, she wouldn't lose a friend that quickly even when she hardly had the chance to get to know her. Not when she was actually studying friendship, not on her watch.
“You...you really mean that?” Sunshine’s eyes were trying their hardest to focus, just this once. She slowly raised her head to meet twilights gaze, she wanted to see the honesty in those shining eyes. And they focused to see the mare of her dreams staring back, smiling with the warmest smile she had seen since Dinkies that very morning. Her eyes focused for the first time since she could remember. They actually focused For Her.
Authors note~
The name I have given to the mail mare we all love to love is not my idea I just liked it. I give full credit to the originator: Azwold. Also I feel I should mention that the lack of twiditsy shipping leaves me quite at loss for a icon for the story, I’m trying to resolve this as soon as possible.
I hope you guys like reading this as much as I liked writing it!
Don't forget to rate and comment thanks!
so awesome
"I give full credit to the originator"
uuuh if you want to give full credit to the originator how come you dont say who it was?
Hmm, I do find this quite interesting. An error or two but nothing to distracting. I shall continue to read!
Well, I know it's kind of late since I just read this and the next chapters are probably way better, but I couldn't help but to notice a lot of punctuation and capitalization errors. Then again, you might have already corrected this issue on the next chapters.
Now for the positive part, aye?
The idea is really REALLY good. Yet I don't understand if Sunshine had a crush on Twilight prior their encounter, but the idea of Twilight wanting to meet Sunshine is really good if, and only if you work it out correctly, it could have a lot of potential Taking aside the encountered problems I stated before plus a few spelling mistakes ( like "ditsy" instead of "ditzy" and at some point you wrote "disty"), the story is very well written.
Sorry if I sound like an ass or something. Many people don't take this kind of reviews very lightly.
Oh i see the hidden simpsons reference thar. Nice story and plot
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He said Azwold.
Your characterization and plotting is good, and I enjoy the story so far. You could improve the readability a good deal by finding some prereaders, to help you find grammar, punctuation, and capitalization errors.
It's grammar-checking time.
So fate had a different plan for today.
You could put a comma after “so”, but I personally think that said comma is optional.
This was measured by the amount of books that lay open around her, 12 of them to be exact. And half of them were more than 500 pages long which meant he had until 12 o’clock until she rose from her slumber. And he intended to take advantage of that time, every last second of it .
This is casual writing, so starting sentences with the word “and” is fine, although you shouldn’t normally start multiple sentences in a row with the same word. The numbers, however, are still rather jarring between normal words.
You are missing a comma between the words “long” and “which”. You also put an extra space between the last word of the sentence and the period.
You see; the life of a library assistant to a unicorn who’s idea of fun was learning the properties of light was not at all, well fun.
You used the semicolon in a place where it does not fit. The semicolon is usually used in a list-like fashion or to connect two closely related independent sentences.
The apostrophe does not belong there; the word should be “whose”. There are terms for words similar in spelling, pronunciation, or both, but I can’t remember them right now.
A comma is required between the words “well” and “fun”. Without it, there is no pause between the two words and it would sound very awkward if you spoke the sentence out loud. The word “well” was used as an interrupter. Interruptors require a comma both before and after the word.
The day was going all according to routine, well for the time being that is.
The word “well” was again used as an interruptor and as such requires a comma before and after it.
“But you've all ready had...*slam*”
“all ready” should be one word “already”. The slam should be put after the sentence and without the… star things (I guess those are called asterisks) as it is an onomatopoeia (word representing a sound) and not something that was said.
“Did you remember to pack your costume? Today is the play remember.”
You need a comma after the word “play” and the sentence should end with a question mark instead of a period.
The chance to see her filly as Juliet in Romeo and Juliet of Canterlot, she wouldn't have missed it even if discord returned.
There is an extra space after “missed”. “Discord” is a name and is therefore a proper noun. Proper nouns should be capitalized.
No that couldn’t be it, because most of them were far too busy seizing the night.
You are missing a comma after “no”. The placement of the word "because" in this sentence sounds awkward and you might want to consider removing that one.
Shrugging it off, and putting it down on the list of wired occurrences which she kept on a small note pad in her saddle bags, she arrived at her destination: the post office.
“Weird” is misspelled as “wired”.
Which we all know by now would not be the case .
There’s an extra space between the last word of the sentence and the period.
In fact she was sure that the unicorn was purple to every last inch of her body.
If you wanted to, you could a comma after “fact”.
Which turned her a color that was quite clearly not purple.
Like under most circumstances, you do not start a sentence with “which”. Normally, you’d use “which” to connect one sentence to the previous one, but I’m not quite sure how that would work in this case…
What’s with me today...
It’d be nice if there was some way to fit a question mark before the ellipses (the three period thing).
Because dropping and anvil and a piano on top of somepony was not in anyway a good thing. .Not knowing what to do, she set out on her daily route trying to figure out how she would get the librarian her mail, without having to lift it herself.
You shouldn’t start a sentence with “because”. Also, you need to separate “anyway” into two words and remove the extra period before “Not” in the second sentence as well as the comma in the third sentence.
So she trotted over to the door and slowly opened it, fearing that spike would be the one behind it.
Spike is a name and should be capitalized.
“....um, my names not... Ditsy, its Sunshine... Ditsy’s just a childhood nickname.”
Extra period in the ellipses at the start, “its” is supposed to be “it’s” as she’s contracting “it is” into one word.
“Oh well I thought.... umm Sunshine? Are you okay there?” Twilight was fully aware of ponyville's love of the snow but she didn't realize they liked to eat it as well. Didn't they know it was bad for their heath?
There should be a comma after “umm”, “Ponyville” is also a name (though this time a name of a specific place, not that it makes much difference) and should be capitalized, “heath” is indeed a word, but you meant “health”, and Twilight is so adorkably clueless!
“yea I’m fine thank you though.”
This is supposed to be like this, right? Uttered rapidly without pause? If it isn’t, then you’d need a comma after “yea” and another after “fine”. Also, capitalize the y in “yea”, as that is the start of her sentence.
“Sorry! I’ve heard that too many...wait what?”
You need a space after the ellipses. Based on how I think this conversation is being spoken, I think the lack of comma after “wait” does fit.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you feelings, I’m really sorry!”
The word “you” should be a “your”.
“Y...Yes I do,”
You need a space after that ellipsis.
“You...you really mean that?” Sunshine’s eyes were trying their hardest to focus, just this once. She slowly raised her head to meet twilights gaze, she wanted to see the honesty in those shining eyes. And they focused to see the mare of her dreams staring back, smiling with the warmest smile she had seen since Dinkies that very morning. Her eyes focused for the first time since she could remember. They actually focused For Her.
Again with the space and the ellipses. “twilights” should be capitalized and have an apostrophe before the s. “Dinkies” should be “Dinky’s” as it referred to something that was from Dinky, as “Twilight’s” referred to something that belonged to Twilight. The “For Her” capitalization can slide on through because it’s a title drop.
Also there are two places with "Yea" instead of "Yeah". Changing them is your choice.
THAT BORING MONOTONOUS STUFF OVER WITH, TWIDITSY! YAY!
This planet needs more twiditsy.
Maybe I can grammar check some more chapters later.
Already beginning your dive into the romance? That's great! More fluff opportunities!
Definitely going to track this story.
I was going to make a mention of the grammar issues throughout this chapter, but Paper Crease has already done an excellent job of that. I really like the idea for this story; it's not a common romantic pairing at all, which makes it more interesting.
The only gripe I have is that Sunshine/Ditzy (the word ditzy is spelled with a z) has some very clumsy dialogue when she's called Derpy. It's fine that she gets angry (though the actual word isn't any more of an insult than 'ditzy'), but the "How dare you!" is a bit much.
The sentence where she says something along the lines of "how dare you call me by that name fit for bullies" doesn't make a lot of sense. That's saying that only a bully should be called Derpy, which I don't think is what you meant. Perhaps something more like "Only bullies ever call me Derpy!" Sunshine having such a hair-trigger rage response doesn't bode well for a romantic story.
I love the story I really do but in my eyes derpy is not derogatory.... it simply means to be clumbsy is all. but yes I do agree sunshine is a cute name :3
824985 what are you people a couple of grammer Nazis!!!
The grammar... IT HURTS MY EYES
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Yeah, you aren't alone...
To the author:
Not everyone will be a 'grammar nazi' but it can scare away potential readers (the only reason I kept going was because I ), so I would recommend The Proof Reader Group.
They're actually really nice guys and gals, I've got a few of them currently going through my own Ditzy Doo fic. Just be sure to follow the instructions in the group faq, don't just leave a message on the boards. You have to take a little initiative and find the right proofreaders for the job, but they're definitely worth it.