Homemade Kites and Whatnot

by getmeouttahere

3 - Guests

Another strong, chilly breeze sails past you, winding its way between the trees that line the lonely trail that leads from Ponyville proper to your house on the outskirts of town. You look up to watch the still-bare tree branches sway with the wind. The countless buds that’ll eventually sprout into leaves are distinctly visible everywhere, but it doesn’t seem like the small forest surrounding your home has any intention of blossoming for another week or so.

It seems that winter will keep its hold here for just a little longer, but that’s fine. It’s even comforting in a way. ‘Everything in its own time’, after all.

You still haven’t gotten used to the whole thing with these little ponies having control over the weather and the seasons. Something about it just never felt quite right, so when the ponies built a home for you, you wondered whether the forest and land around it could be left to its own devices to let nature take its course. You barely mentioned that thought in passing during one of your conversations with AJ, but just like that your request was quickly relayed to and then granted by the rulers of the land.

To be honest, you never expected they’d say yes, because at the time what you were asking for seemed frivolous and unreasonable. When it actually happened, the change you observed in the land was remarkable. Now it feels like your forest is a little slice of Earth in this strange new world, and it’s an unbelievably reassuring feeling. To your further surprise, the Princesses even sent a very kind letter telling you that if you needed anything else to feel more at home in Equestria, you could relay the request to them through the purple unicorn living in the nearby town’s library at any time.

The small, two-story home appears before you as you make your way around the bend in the trail, prompting you to shake your head and sigh.

“Anything else… as if the free home and monthly stipend weren’t enough.”

One day you’ll find a way to give something back. Maybe the Princesses understand that as well, which might explain why they’ve been so accommodating.

You unlock the door and carry your shopping bags inside the house. The groceries are deposited in the kitchen to be put away shortly while the other things are left in your ‘work room’, as you’ve come to call it.

Despite being a small home, it’s still much too big for a single person to live in, so you ended up with one or two rooms that just don’t get all that much use. It wasn’t until long after you moved in that you realized this room actually has the best view in the house. A sturdy, level work table and chairs are positioned in front of the room’s single large bay window which frames the edge of the forest and the open field that lies just beyond. It allows the room to be bright, but not blinding at all times of day, so it’s no wonder it’s recently come into use as your preferred place to sit down and write your memoirs. Just like that, the unused room suddenly gained a purpose, even if something like writing for your own pleasure doesn’t really match your definition of ‘work’.

After setting the remaining items down, you take a moment to admire the view once again. Since the surrounding forest’s leaves haven’t come in yet, there’s not much to get in the way of your view of the field. The short grass which covers it is already regaining its vibrant green coloration now that the snow’s melted, and it won’t be long before the spring rains will cause it to really grow in. You stop and wonder whether or not it’d be worth it to mow when the time comes. It’s technically on your land, but since your neighbors are all little horses, wouldn’t it be better to leave it for them to graze if they wanted? Wait, do they even do that? And is there a good way to ask without accidentally insulting someone?

The grumbling of your stomach thankfully interrupts that train of thought and prompts you to return to the kitchen. The groceries still need to be put away, and it’s nearing lunchtime as well…

Several hours pass as you go about your daily chores. A quick lunch is prepared and eaten, the dishes done, the laundry from earlier brought in, and the offset hinge of your bedroom door fixed. It’s kind of funny… when you were a child, chores were an annoyance that you were certain you’d never have to deal with again after you had grown and there were no longer any adults who could boss you around. Oh, how wrong you were about that one!

By mid-afternoon the chores are finished, and you can finally allow yourself a reward for a job well done. You return to the work room and unpack the supplies you bought earlier in the day, spreading them neatly upon the table. Sturdy but light wooden dowel rods from the carpentry store, durable nylon fabric from the town’s seamstress (with multiple colors provided for free per her insistence), heavy duty tape, scissors, ruler, spools of guide line, pink pony…

“Hiya, Non-non!”

To your credit, you didn’t scream, nor did you freak out, nor did you even think to question how or why you just randomly pulled Pinkie Pie out from a bag of supplies that should be far too small to actually hold her. There’d be no real point to it, because there’s no real answer, nor will there ever be. Much like the other oddities of this world, it’s just something you’ve come to accept with time.

You’re honestly not too surprised to see her today, especially since you’ve been overdue for a visit from the Pink Menace. What does manage to surprise you, though, is the very freaked-out passenger you discover dangling from one of her back hooves as you lift her completely out of the bag.

“Pinkie Pie and… AJ’s little sister? What in the world…?”

“What the…?! W-Where the heck are we?” the filly asks with a trembling voice, her eyes darting all around. “How did we get here? One minute we’re walkin’ down the road and… and I had my eyes open the entire time and I still don’t know what happened!”

She slides from Pinkie’s rear hoof to fall a few inches to the floor with a thump, after which you waste no time in plopping the pink pony on the floor next to her. They’re soon both on their hooves again, Pinkie wearing that smile of hers that never fails to make you nervous and Apple Bloom still looking dazed.

Pinkie giggles and pats the smaller pony on the head. “Aw, try not to think about it too much. It’ll stop you from getting a headache later!”

“I… I think it’s already too late for that,” Apple Bloom groans, rubbing her forehead and falling back on her haunches.

Well, this afternoon’s certainly taken an odd turn, and there’s no telling what sort of insanity awaits you now that Pinkie’s here. It’s not that you dislike her; on the contrary, she’s been an amazing friend. But you’ve come to find that she’s a pony best experienced in small doses whenever possible, and best avoided whenever she’s scheming something. Apple Bloom’s presence seems to point to a scheme being the purpose of her visit, especially since your time here has taught you that often times there are indeed methods to the Pink One’s madness.

You cross your arms, stare down at the pink puffball and bite the bullet. “Well, I suppose it’s good to know I’m not the only one you have that effect on. I’m probably gonna regret asking this, but what are you doing in my house? Do I even want to know?”

“We were bored!” Pinkie cheers, as if coming to see you would be the most natural thing in the world for anyone to do in order to drive their boredom away. She sounds so sincere that you’d almost feel flattered if you didn’t know her better.

“Then you’ve come to the wrong place, because I’m not exactly the most entertaining person around. Actually, come to think of it, isn’t that sort of thing your job? And I’m kind of in the middle of something right now, so—”

“Oh, is this your house, Mr. Anon?” the now recovered Apple Bloom asks, spinning around a few times to take in the scene. “Neat! I’ve never seen it from the inside before. It’s… kinda empty, huh?”

“Well, maybe you would’ve seen more stuff if you’d come in through the front door like normal people.”

Your statement draws some odd looks from your uninvited guests, prompting you to rub your eyes and sigh upon realizing your mistake.

“Ponies. Normal ponies. You know what I mean. So, is there anything I can help you guys with? Like I was trying to say earlier, I’m working on something right now, so I really don’t have time for any visitors.”

The smaller pony’s ears fold back with guilt and she looks away, but Pinkie is quick to sidle next to her and cheer her up.

“Aw, don’t pay too much attention to what Non-non says.” She leans in, her voice dropping to an almost-whisper that’s still really easy for you to hear. “Even though he acts like a grumpy goose sometimes, I promise he’s really funny and nice and he’s secretly super-duper excited to have company~!”

You roll your eyes. That’s typical, oblivious Pinkie Pie all right. She sits in the middle of the room with a big dopey grin on her face while Apple Bloom curiously glances back and forth between you both.

“A goose? But I thought he was a hyooman or somethin’? At least that’s what Applejack keeps sayin’…”

The look of genuine confusion on the little pony’s face almost causes you to laugh, and you make a conscious effort resist the urge since it would only encourage your hyperactive pink trespasser. At once you’re reminded of another trait that the ponies of this world and humans share— that being the fact that young children tend to take things literally most of the time. It’s truly astonishing just how many things your two species have in common, which might even explain why your little slip of the tongue just a few moments earlier felt so natural. The more time you spend among them, the more your differences seem to vanish, and thanks to your time spent with a certain golden-maned farmpony, you know that you’re not the only one who holds that view.

But the little filly whose own golden irises now consider you intently certainly hasn’t had the time or opportunity to learn anything like that. To her, you’re still an oddity; a curious thing that’s suddenly appeared at the periphery of her life. Though you’ve met AJ’s immediate family, Apple Bloom included, several times during parties and other gatherings to which you were invited, you’ve never spent any significant amount of time getting to know them outside of polite conversation. It doesn’t help that her brother’s not really the talkative type, and her grandmother’s more likely to go off on a tangent and ramble about the good old days than stick to any particular topic for long.

On every occasion you’ve spoken with this particular little pony in the past, she’s been in the company of two of her peers, and the three of them understandably became more interested in playing together and having fun than chatting with you. It’s no surprise that the novelty of speaking with a weird freaky creature from another world would wear off once the secret came out that you were just another boring adult.

Pinkie opens her mouth to reply, but your hand quickly moves to clamp her muzzle shut. The last thing you need is a rumor going around town that you really are a giant goose or something…

“It’s human, actually. I’m fairly certain I’m not a goose or any other type of bird. I’m closer to a monkey or an ape than anything, despite what Pinkie says.”

Apple Bloom giggles while Pinkie pouts at the fact that you put the brakes on her attempt to keep her impromptu prank rolling at your expense.

“And speaking of AJ, you never really answered my question from earlier. Why’re the two of you here? She told me this morning that there was some sort of important family business going on… does it have something to do with that?”

Apple Bloom’s ears immediately droop again, and you start to wonder if you’ve accidentally stumbled your way into some kind of touchy subject. Yet before a somber mood can descend upon the room, Pinkie springs into action. She bounds over and sits next to the filly, puffing her chest out with a look of pride.

“Applejack and Big Mac left to help some of the Apples with a new settlement, so they put Apple Bloom here in charge of the farm!”

Apple Bloom’s mood brightens with the pink pony’s sudden enthusiasm, prompting her to adopt a similarly confident pose. “Eeyup, that’s right!”

Ah, so now the pieces are falling into place. AJ also said that Pinkie’d be busy throughout the week, so that must mean…

“So I take it you’re babysitting, then?” you ask her.

“N-Nuh uh!” Apple Bloom gasps. “Didn’t ya hear what she said? I don’t need a foalsitter ‘cause I’m a big pony!” She stomps a hoof and flashes you a challenging stare for daring to question her maturity.

You have to stop yourself from laughing, as it stirs some funny memories from your life back on Earth. As a show of goodwill, you hold your hands up and lean back to admit your mistake, forgetting to consider whether your body language would even hold the same meaning to her or not.

“Yep, yep!” Pinkie agrees, nodding her head up and down. “She’s taking care of the farm all by herself! Well, mostly all by herself, I guess. I’m helping by doing the cooking, and I was gonna help with the chores too but she took care of most of them already! Neat, huh? I stopped by Sweet Apple Acres on my lunch break to deliver some quiche and then we got to talking while we were eating and then Apple Bloom said that she didn’t really have anything fun to do while her family was away and then I thought to myself, ‘Hey Pinkie Pie, who’s the most funny, funnest, fun-tacular human around, even if he sometimes pretends to be super-duper grumpy and not fun?’, and then I thought, ‘Oh, yeah! It’s gotta be Non-non!’. But first we had to go get some ice cream, ‘cause who doesn’t love ice cream, am I right? And then we ran into—”

It never fails to amaze you how long she can talk without having to breathe. You’ve already completely lost track of what she’s saying, or even what question you asked that prompted this overly long answer in the first place, so your mind just latches on to the first coherent detail from within the sing-songy stream of words that you can potentially use to interrupt her train of thought and put an end to it.

“Wait a minute, your lunch break? Uh, Pinkie, it’s almost three in the afternoon. Just how long does your break last?”

A heavy silence descends upon the room as Pinkie instantly goes quiet. Her large sapphire eyes stare unblinkingly at the clock hanging on the far wall. Her ever-present smile is gone now, replaced by a neutral almost-frown, and several beads of sweat travel down her brow as she lightly trembles in place. This whole change in behavior is so shocking that you feel compelled to ask her if she’s alright, but the disturbing creaking sound coming from her neck as she slowly turns back toward you and Apple Bloom quickly shuts you up.

She blinks once, breathes out, breathes in again, and then leaps into the air, an explosion of streamers and confetti erupting from somewhere inside her mane and tail.

“HOLY MOLEY I’M IN SO MUCH TROUBLE RIGHT NOW I’VE GOTTA GO I’LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER BYE!”

And with that she quickly pivots, her hooves rev up into a spinning blur of pink, and she bolts out of the room. It takes several seconds before your brain is able to process what just happened, so by the time you actually move to chase after her, she’s already out the front door and bounding into the distance, a huge trail of dust left in her wake.

“Wait, Pinkie! What about Apple Bloom?!” you yell after her, even though you’ve already resigned yourself to the fact that she’s not coming back. You turn away from the hopeless scene with an exasperated sigh. “Unbelievable. Just unbelievable. I don’t know why this stuff even surprises me anymore, but it always does.”

The filly joins you at the front door and giggles. “Aw, cheer up, Mr. Anon. I mean, look at the bright side! At least she used the front door, right?”

Her comment catches you off guard, and you can’t help but laugh at the resulting mental image of what a Pinkie-shaped hole in your wall would look like. It really doesn’t seem like a far-fetched situation, so you are thankful that you won’t have to add another home repair to your to-do list.

“Yeah, I guess I’ll count my blessings.”

With a shake of your head, you move to close the door when the sudden realization sets in that you still have a guest to tend to. Normally when Pinkie zooms away after one of her visits, you’re left alone with your thoughts, but the small filly standing by your side is a stark reminder that this time’s a little different.

“Hey, Apple Bloom, I’m sorry I was so short with you before.” You give her an apologetic smile. “It was rude of me, and it was definitely no way to treat a relative of a good friend. Pinkie may have left you behind, but if you’d like, I’d be happy to walk you back to the farm.”

She takes a moment to consider your offer, the bow in her mane swaying a bit in the breeze filtering through the open door. She looks down the forest path leading from your home for a while, then seems to come to a decision, her eyes meeting yours.

“Thank ya kindly, Mr. Anon, but I can make it home just fine on my own.”

Not a surprising answer. She definitely made a big show earlier of trying to be independent, after all.

“But, if it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to stay here for a mite longer. I won’t get in the way of your work, I promise. D’ya think that would be alright?”

…But what came next was definitely a surprise. A moment’s consideration fails to produce any valid reasons to deny her, and oddly enough, you even start to warm up to the idea. Maybe Pinkie’s right… maybe it would be nice to have some company today.

“Well, as long as you promise to go home before dark, I don’t see why not. Independent as you may be, if your big sister found out I let you walk home alone at night I’d never hear the end of it.”

“Yeah, I reckon you’re right about that. You’ve got a deal!” Apple Bloom declares.

She holds out her hoof to shake, and you kneel down to return the gesture. She puts a surprising amount of strength into it, especially considering her size, leaving no doubt in your mind that she is indeed AJ’s little sister.

“But can I ask why?” you inquire after the deal is done. “I think I already mentioned this, but I’m not the most interesting person around. I’m sure you’d have much more fun playing with your friends than wasting your afternoon with me.”

The filly looks away, slightly embarrassed. “Well, maybe. But to be honest, the way my sister talks about ya sometimes, she makes you sound like you’re the cat’s pajamas! So, I figure since I’m here… I guess I kinda wanna see why.”

“Hmmm… AJ’s been talking me up, huh?” You rub your chin, feigning an exaggerated a look of contemplation. “I see. Well, I guess I’d better live up to my reputation then, whatever that happens to be.”

Your antics draw another big smile and a slight giggle from your guest. She trots off toward the living room at your insistence to make herself at home, and you close the front door to keep the chilly spring breeze at bay before following after her.

Comments

[wlam]

and… and I had my eyes open the entire time and I still don’t know what happened!”

Boy, do I know that feeling.

[AngryFrankishMan]

7234507 you're fuckin everywhere dude.

[runescythe9852]

This is getting more and more interesting.