My Fair Little Spike (A very awful fic)

by DakariKingMykan

Charming Methods

ACT ONE

Spike could hardly believe how many had gathered outside of Rarity’s place to audition to be her date. Twilight couldn’t believe it herself when he came back to the library, and she was pretty outraged “Rarity can’t do this! Doesn’t she realize how many feelings she’s going to hurt?”

“Like mine for one.” Spike groaned, but he said it quietly to himself, still feeling down that he wouldn’t have a chance to even have a chance to get a chance to ask Rarity to be his special somepony now. He gazed down at the flower he wanted to give her, and how it was slightly wilted. Some gift it was compared to all the large bouquets of flowers, big boxes of chocolates, and other things all the others had planned to give Rarity. He even saw some giving her huge, and to him, rather delicious looking gems.

“No!” he said stand up proudly.

“No… what?” asked Twilight.

“No as in I’m not just going to sit around and mope. You know I like Rarity more than every other pony, well I’m going to find some way to impress her as best I can.”

Although Twilight was proud to see Spike’s determination showing, she shrugged in dismay that he was being taken in by what she saw as Rarity being silly with this whole show. “Spike, I said it before, you just need to be yourself, and just do your best.”

Now Spike shrugged, feeling obviously that Twilight wasn’t about to give him any advice he needed. “Well, it looks like I’m going to have to find somepony else who might be able to help me with this.” and he left out the door, leaving Twilight sighing over this whole thing, and as much as she wanted to be thinking of words to put on her card to Celestia, she felt she really needed to talk some sense into Rarity.

No sooner had she stepped out the door did Pinkie Pie come bouncing by, throwing red and white heart-shaped confetti, wearing a band with two bobbling hearts on her head and shouting, HAPPY THREE DAYS BEFORE HEARTS AND HOOVES DAY!” ruffling Twilight’s mane and tail in the wind. “Uh… thanks, Pinke.”

“Just came by to check if you got my invitation to the Hearts and Hooves party I’m throwing.”

“Yeah, just like you did earlier today and I said yes.”

Pinkie was so giddy and excited. Hearts and Hooves day was her favorite holiday, but then again, they were ALL her favorite, especially when it meant hosting a party. “We’re going to have so much fun this year!” she cried “We’ll play Pin the heart on the arrow… Exchange Hearts and Hooves cards… ooh, and maybe even play, Spin the Rolling Pin, and the two ponies it points to have to exchange smooches on the cheeks or maybe even…!”

Twilight winced at that thought “Uh… that sounds… fun! I gotta go, see ya.” and she galloped off quickly to Rarity’s place.

Along the way, she noticed many of the mare’s and fillies were looking a bit gloomy, and it was pretty obvious to her why, but also because she overheard some talking that most of the stallions and colts were all trying to woo Rarity. “That does it! This has got to stop!” she said, and galloped off faster than ever.

…

Meanwhile, Spike had been walking along the trail, and was so deeply in thought of what to say or do about Rarity that he didn’t watch where he was going and ran straight into Applejack, who was pulling her cart of freshly made apple crumble pies. “Whoa! Easy there, Spike.”

“Sorry, Applejack... I guess I was miles away.”

“I’ll say you were.” replied AJ as she gave Spike one of her pies “Here, it’s good for what ails ya.” Just like her, she always could tell when someone was feeling down.

“Applejack, what do you think is the best way to show someone special how you feel?”

AJ wasn’t a fool, and she knew Spike was referring to Rarity. “Listen to me Spike. If you really want to win someone’s heart, you gotta show it not just say it. Now, I’ve never been one about all the smoochies and romantics, but I can tell you this much, if you work real hard and pull your own weight show how helpful you are, and you’ll earn respect from practically everyone there is.”

Spike wasn’t too sure about that, but thanked her and AJ went on her way with her pies. After finishing the pie she gave him Spike took what she said to heart “Right… if I work hard and pull my own weight, maybe Rarity will see.”

Sadly, he got the wrong idea…!

He saw a huge rock about the same size as him and thought maybe he could pull his own weight by lifting it up and being strong to show that he could do hard work. However, as expected, he couldn’t lift the huge rock, nor budge it, it was too heavy for a baby dragon like him to carry, but he kept on trying and trying, yanking and pulling until… SNAP went his back! “Ow… oh no… uh oh…! Ohh…!” and he flopped down flat on the ground.

Luckily Fluttershy happened to be passing by with a basket of berries she had been gathering and saw him. “Oh, my goodness, Spike!” she cried “What happened to you?”

“My back…! That’s what!” groaned Spike. Fluttershy quickly scooped him up onto her back “Don’t worry; I’ll soon have you right.”

…

Meanwhile, Twilight had finally reached Rarity’s place, and she stood with her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open in shock. The crowd of potential suitors seemed to line up way, way, beyond the yard and deep into Ponyville crowding up the streets. Some of the ponies had even come from Cloudsdale, Canterlot; all to give Rarity their gifts and hope they’d choose her to be her very special somepony.

Even Snails and Snips were there, at the front of the line, and gave her two hove-made cards, not very well. “We made these especially for you, Rarity.” said Snails “We hope you like them.” added Snips. Though profoundly underwhelmed, Rarity still took the gifts graciously “Why…. Thank you, the both of you. I’ll let you know what I decide.”

The boys smiled and left and Rarity threw their cards in the pile along with all the other gifts she had received. “Rarity!” Twilight snapped making her jump in shock. “Oh! Oh, hello Twilight…”

Twilight gave her a serious glare and sneered “What are you thinking with all this?!” she referred to the lineup of males with their many more gifts to add to her, already, very large mound of gifts. “Oh, darling I have everything under control, really I do. I’m just doing my part for the upcoming Hearts and Hooves Day.”

She went on explaining how on that special day how many of the lonely male colts and stallions would be dateless, and many of them wishing for she to be their very special somepony, even just for one day. “All I’m really doing is giving them a fair chance.”

“Yeah, and you’ll have to pick just ONE out of All of them!” said Twilight, but it was ultimately in vain that she was able to convince Rarity to put a stop to it all, as Rarity insisted “Oh, Twilight… I have everything under control, really.”

Seeing there was no getting through to her, Twilight decided to leave wondering how long it would be before things got ugly.

Comments

[OmniFox]

Careful what you wish for Rarity.